Dear Harry
by totallymindless
Summary: James loves Lily. Lily doesn't love James. Remus likes Lucy. Lucy thinks Remus is a pillow. Sirius doesn't understand Rebecca. Rebecca likes to confuse Sirius. Seventh year told from inside Sirius' head!
1. Chapter 1

I give thanks: I would like to take a moment to thank Alas Vomit, for beta'ing this. If it wasn't for her, the story would be nothing more than a bunch of bad spelling and run-on sentences. (Not to mention all the randomly placed commas.) Also, I would like to thank all my readers and reviewers. Your feedback not only makes me smile, but makes writing this worth while. Thank you so much.

Author's Note: This story does use strong language, makes references to alcohol, drug use and contains scenes of a sexual nature. I don't want you to start reading and hit chapter ten and think you have wasted a good portion of your life reading something that contains something you do not approve of or are too young to be reading. So, that's my warning. I think, if your sixteen, you should be fine. This story is probably cleaner than MTV. I don't know, I stopped watching when they stopped playing music. Anyways, rambling…

Dear Harry

Chapter One

Seventh Year Train Ride

Platform nine and three-quarters, steam billowing out of the scarlet train as it waits patiently for the Hogwarts student to fill its seats before streaming off toward another magic filled school year. I am waiting patiently for James to arrive. He is late, again; despite the fact that we left at the same time.

Remus and I are chatting lightly about Holly Smite, who is looking particularly well this year. Peter is not too far away nosing into the conversation, annoying the crap out of me, but I tolerate it for Moony and Prongs.

My attention is easily diverted when she steps onto the platform. A pleased smirk stretches across my lips and I find myself staring. Rebecca Cole, Slytherin, seventh year, hot as fucking hell. She is small and curvy, with legs like I have never seen. Her handiwork has made the school uniform barely recognizable. The usually too long skirt is cut off jaggedly mere inches below her bum. Only two buttons are done on the white button-down shirt so the light breeze picks up the edges of it giving anyone who looks a clear view of the pale skin that resides beneath it. Her tie is undone and draped casually around her neck, her robes tossed over the flap of a faded leather book bag slung over her shoulder. Then there are her boots, knee high black as night motorcycle boots with little silver clasps that shine deviously in the morning light. She takes a long slow drag on her cigarette, plump red lips gently wrapped around the cancer-stick. Tilting her head back, she exhales the smoke lazily; a little dangling moon earring brushing against the left side of her neck like her bleach blonde hair would if it hadn't been cut into short messy spikes.

I sigh, shaking the image from my head. "No, Moony I don't have a thing for Cole. She's a Slytherin."

Remus laughs, his pale eyes shinning in merriment as I glare moodily at him. "I didn't say anything."

Frowning, I mutter, "But you were going to."

With a slight nod and a chuckle, he says, "Well, you were staring at her rather intently."

"Watching me again, Moony?" I roll my eyes. "Plus, I was just admiring the new look."

"Right, the 'new' bad girl look? Sirius she is a bad girl, just because she is dressing the part now doesn't change anything." He always thinks he is so wise. I know she is a 'bad girl', that's why I am interested. I am not fucking James Potter; I do not want a little-miss-virgin-'til-my-wedding-night.

"It does too, now I can see those fine legs without working," I say, flashing him a wicked smirk. His light brownish-blond hair ruffles as he shakes his head, laughing. Peter stands beside us over-seeing the conversation, as if he really serves a purpose.

"You are so 'thinging' Cole, Mr. Black!" a bright cheery voice exclaims behind me. I turn, grinning, to find Lily Evans stunning smile and vivid green eyes, looking up at me. Wrapping her in a giant hug, I swing her around. "Sirius! Put me down. You can't treat the Head Girl like this," she giggles.

I almost drop her. _Head Girl? But James is Head Boy!_ I must have said it aloud, because her merry laughter ceases. Placing her on the ground, I stare at her. Her jaw is practically touching the ground and her eyes are flashing with rage. "Lily?" I ask.

"Damn Potter! He screws up everything!" she screams, crossing her arms, and stomping her foot. As she slips into rant-mode, I allow my attention to fade elsewhere.

Cole.

She is moving toward us, her cigarette held loosely between her fingers. At first, I am excited; she is so, obviously, interested in me. Then her eyes narrow mischievously at Lily. Damn it! She is wandering over her to stir up some shit with Lily, not beg me for a snogging session. I am not sure what happened between those two, but whatever it was, it was bad. They cannot even be in the same room with each other for five minutes without trying to kill one another. I am serious, last year I had to pull Lily off Cole's neck before she strangled her.

"Head Girl huh? Wow, I just lost the little respect I had for old Albus." Her voice is as sultry as they come; I swear she was a jazz singer in a past life. She is as cocky as Satan, too.

Lily whips around to face her, very obviously counting to ten in her mind to keep from attacking Cole.

Taking another long drag from her cigarette, Cole waits for Lily to speak. When she doesn't Cole smirks. Those fine red lips mold into a perfect 'oh' as she blows smoke into Lily's waiting face. I am torn between over-reacting and not reacting at all. Nobody does something like that to Lily, but I do not want to be accused of being 'over-protective,' again. Two months of a pissed off Lily last year was more than I could take. And yes, if I defend her I can shove all thoughts of ever getting inside Cole's pants out of my mind.

As I mentally debate with myself, Lily responds with the oh-so-clever, "Fuck off, Cole."

With a cocky little grin, Cole answers, "You know, Evans, that's not a bad idea. It has been a while since I had a good fuck." Tilting her head up at me, she runs her tongue across her teeth. "Black, you're supposed to be decent lay. How 'bout it?" Her black eyes sparkle, a little, as she teases me.

Usually, I would have jumped at that kind of offer, but with Lily, here and the minor setback that she is a Slytherin, I hesitate. As I am weighing my options, she tosses head back and laughs, a fake little laugh. Blowing smoke in Lily's face, again she takes a step back, glancing at something over my shoulder. "Never mind, Luke just appeared, and I would prefer to screw him over you any day."

Brushing passed me, she whispers, "Maybe I could arrange that…" as she leaves. The image that statement brings to mind makes me want to hurl.

"I can't believe you actually thought about it! What the hell is wrong with you? She probably has every disease imaginable. And she is a Slytherin," Lily whispers harshly to me, though Cole is out of earshot. I shrug. Honestly, a good fuck is a good fuck. And, I have no doubts, that Cole is a good fuck.

Remus smirks at Lily, after giving me an eye roll. "I thought we shouldn't judge others based on their house?" You gotta love Moony.

Lily and Moony get along rather well. They are both prefects, they both read too much, she doesn't know he is a sex-fiend; it works. Honestly, now that I think about it, Lily is good friends everyone except James. She and I have always been close because of Lucy, she helps tutor Peter, and she and Remus work together. Funny, she likes every one of the Marauders but the one who is head over heels in lust for her, but I suppose that is why.

"Y-you shouldn't." She is totally cute when she stutters. Honestly, if I didn't think of her as a sister, and James wasn't drooling over her I would think about screwing her.

Scratch that; losing my friendship with her, isn't worth it. Probably. Plus, she wouldn't anyway, little prude.

James, unwittingly, saves her from further teasing as he calls out, "Padfoot! Moony! Wormtail!" making his way out to the platform.

Lily's green eyes go wide in fear that he might see her and she ducks down behind me. "See you later," she mutters, attempting to sneak away.

She fails horribly. "Evans! Did you hear the smashing news? I'm Head Boy!" James exclaims as he spots her. Standing quickly, she pretends escape was the furthest thing from her mind and she smiles at him. "You know what that means?" James grins, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "We will be LIVING together! You and I–" he explains in a singsong voice, but it is rudely interrupted when Lily's elbow collides with his side. He winces and clutches his side before diving behind me for protection.

"We shall be doing no such thing! I am going to speak with Dumbledore as soon as we arrive, he must have made a mistake." Lily huffs loudly, jabbing her finger in his direction before turning on her heel and storming off toward the train.

After her departure, I slap him on the back. "Way to go, Prongs! A whole minute!" Without thought, I dash quickly toward the train. Damn her, now he is going to be all pout-y.

O

The countryside rolls by as the train speeds away toward its destination, and I stare blankly out the window in boredom. Remus and Peter are playing a game of wizard's chess; though, I don't really understand the point. Remus will win, obviously. Why go through the steps if you know the end result?

I can't make out the words Lily and James are screaming at each other in the Head's compartment from our location. Remus refused to kick the second years out of their compartment, so I could eavesdrop because of his 'morals'.

Something violently smashes against a wall and Lily rages as she makes her way down the hall. "Arrogant, pompous, ASS!"

James throws open the door and flops into the seat beside me. He sighs, heavily before dropping his head unto my shoulder, in defeat.

"Sorry dude, I don't sway that way." I beam at him, patting his head; he doesn't take notice.

Groaning, he lifts his head. His hazel eyes are shining in confusion and sadness. "I _tried_ to be nice!"

"I'm sure you did, but we both know that you always screw up when you're around Lily." I say, shrugging, patting his head and biting back a smirk at the bruise starting to form around his left eye.

Peter, noticing a gap in the conversation, decides to chip in. "Yeah, remember that time you tied your own shoes together?" I smile fondly at Peter. This is what Peter is for, to remind us of the stupid things James has done. That and he is the loudest cheerer in the entire crowd during Quidditch matches. The fat bastard.

Okay that was mean, I apologize, but seriously, he annoys the crap out of me. I think James only puts up with him because he likes to be worshipped. And James... well James is a good guy; Pete wouldn't have any friends if it weren't for James, Remus and me.

James frowns. "I did that on purpose."

Patting his back, I chuckle, "Sure you did mate."

Abruptly, he stands and leaves the compartment, muttering, "You guys suck," as he slams the door. He is always so touchy after a spat with Lily.

Sighing heavily, I slip back into boredom before I decide to go see if Cole is still up for that fuck.

O

Okay, that was so wrong. I was in the middle of a very heated make out session and then someone hit me with a stunner. _What the hell?_

I couldn't find Rebecca, so I settled for Holly. After I asked her, I remembered why I had never played with her before; she has the most annoying voice I have ever heard. My main focus, after getting her to myself, was to get that mouth occupied with something other than chatting. Namely, me.

Anyway, we are in one of the smaller compartments at the back of the train messing around when I am knocked to the ground by a curse. It is so unfair. I put up that annoying, awful voice for almost ten minutes and I don't even get to play with the girls.

I glare up at the ceiling, feeling entirely un-sexy. The only good thing about this situation is whoever it was shut Holly up, too.

The longer I am stuck here, the more frightened I become. This wasn't some prank pulled by the Slytherins. I can hear terrified screams of the younger students outside the door and I am not able to help them. From the sounds of things outside, Voldemort has decided to come back from his two-month vacation, striking where it will hurt the wizarding community most: the children.

The door slides open and if my body could tense it would have. I expect my life to flash before my eyes and everything to go dark. It doesn't; instead, quite laughter sounds in my ears, before the smirking face of Rebecca Cole comes into view.

"Holly Smite, fucking hell, how did you manage to stand the nails-on-blackboard voice? Silence her or something?" Thankfully, my petrified state prevents my cheeks from flushing red.

When I don't answer, she smiles rather happily. "Oh, I could have fun with this." Oh, fuck…

She drops down to her knees and leans over my head. All I can see are her two perfectly perfect breasts and I desperately want to bury my face in-between them. Then, the feel of her lips on mine distracts me. They are soft, plump, and perfectly 'mm.' Her fingers edge down my cheeks and push my jaw down, opening my mouth as she sucks on my bottom lip. Her tongue probes inside my mouth, tasting me. I scream inside my head at my inability to react. After a moment, she pulls back and smirks at me. "Not too bad, once you get past the taste of Smite."

A horrifying scream echoes through the tiny room and her smile vanishes. I am not sure what to label her expression as remorseful, frightened, or maybe disappointed? Standing quickly, she peeks out the door and mutters, "Great fucking time to play games, Cole." Turning back to me, she points her wand at me, whispers the counter curse and holds out her hand.

Confused, I stare at the chipped black fingernail polish. "Effing men," she huffs before dragging me to my feet. I am surprised she can do that. She is not very big, and I am well, six foot two and rather fit, if I do say so myself.

I continue to stare at her until her black eyes narrow. After which, I look away before mentally calling myself chicken, and fixing my eyes back on hers.

"Black, you are a fucking idiot, but we are currently under attack by about fifty Death Eaters. So, I am going to overlook that for a while, because despite your idiocy you actually have some skill with a wand." Standing there impatiently, she waits for some kind of response. Her jaw is cocked to the side and she does something odd with her tongue. This is her pissed face. As I stare at her, finally getting the taste of her on my lips, I can only think about kissing her, being near that mouth, again. "Oh, never mind, you useless piece of scum," she growls, pointing her wand at my chest.

The thought of whatever she is going to hex me with, zaps my mouth into action. "Wait, all right. What do you want me to do?" I have my hands raised up in defense. I am such a wimp.

She frowns and bites her lip. "Just watch my back." At my grin, she gives me a disgusted look. "I meant cover me, not stare at my ass." I just shrug. It is kind of crazy she can read my mind like that.

O

This is sort of weird. I have never been the 'cover' guy before. Usually, I dive in headfirst and pray Prongs or Moony are looking out for me.

Cole is effing good; she takes out these guys before they even realize we are here. I am better of course, but still she is pretty insane.

We keep passing up little kiddies, telling them to hide, locking the compartment doors shut as we make our way to the front of the train. I focus on not focusing on their lost, little faces and tear filled eyes as I lock them up inside safe areas. They are all so frightened, but Cole seems determined to get to the front on the train. I have no idea why, but I do not argue with her. I just trust her on this. After all, she is a Slytherin. She's more likely to know what is going on in the Death Eaters heads than I am. The little ones will be safe. They will have to be; I cannot stop and protect them now.

O

The Death Eaters are gone, but I'm not sure what sent them scurrying away. It was just like a huge whirlwind of curses as we neared the very front of the train, everyone was shouting and running and the whole place was lit up like a firework. I didn't even register what I was doing; I was just shooting out rapid-fire curses and hexes and shoving little ones into compartments to get them out of the way. Then without any kind of warning, it was just poof and they were gone.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before assessing the damage.

James is freaking as he cradles Lily's head in his lap, looking desperately from her pale face to me. I don't know what to do, so I just gaze back. Peter cannot be found and I haven't seen Lucy, at all. I hope that she missed the train. Remus is holding my shirt to Rebecca's head as her blood soaks through it. My hands shake as I nervously pace and glance around. There are several students laying injured about the hallway, but most of them are locked away in the compartments.

Where are the professors? The Aurors?

Rebecca slurs as she tries to pull away from Remus. He carefully places a hand on her shoulder applying just enough pressure to keep her down. "Shush, hey, you need to stay down," he tells her calmly and slowly.

Shaking her head frantically, she jerks away from him. Amazingly, she manages to get to her feet. Blood is pouring from the gash on the side of her head and she wobbles, trying to find her balance. Remus stands and moves toward her, speaking slowly, gently grasping her elbows to steady her. "Hey, come on, relax, you need to sit down." She falls back a step drunkenly as he touches her and she starts yelling. Her language is like something I have never heard, which is truly saying something. I did live with my mother for fifteen years.

"Get off me, you cock-sucking prick! You fucking sick bastard! Don't touch me!" Tears stream down her cheeks and she wraps her arms protectively around herself, when she can't find her wand. "Don't you fucking come near me. I swear I will fucking kill you!" Remus is staring at her as if she is a lunatic. His eyes focused solely on her, trying to figure out a way to make her calm down.

She stumbles sideways toward me and I grab her arm to keep her from colliding with the ground. Her eyes snap into focus on me, as if she is seeing me but no really seeing _me_. It is not a good thing. Twisting her arm in my grasp, she grabs a hold of my arm, and digs her nails into my skin. She tugs me close to her and lifts her chin defiantly, glaring coldly at me. We are so close we are almost touching. She starts to speak, in a low, deadly tone, "You want another piece of me, you bastard." Her chin quivers and her chest is heaves with every breath. "I will kill myself before I let you fucking touch me, again."

Honestly, I am a little scared as I look down at her trying to find something other than the hate and fear that is radiating off her. James screams for me to just let her go, but when I attempt to my hand won't release her.

Her skin starts to glow with rage, but it is more than just that, it is as if everything inside of her is building for some kind of explosion. It scares me shitless. Her words echo inside my head, 'I will fucking kill myself before I let you touch me, again.' That is what she is going to do. She is going to kill herself and she is taking me with her.

Suddenly, she goes limp. Her eyes flutter closed and her breathing evens out. She falls away from me, falling almost gracefully to the floor. I am stuck staring at her until I hear someone clear his or her throat behind me.

Glancing back, I find Albus Dumbledore. His eyes have lost their twinkle and he does not appear to be the loving Headmaster of Hogwarts, for a moment. He stares into my soul with cold eyes and speaks, "Mr. Black, if you would be so kind as to take Ms. Cole to Poppy please." His voice is friendlier than I expected it to be. I nod and take a Portkey from his outstretched hand.

O

I pull the crisp, white blanket Madam Pomfrey gave me when I arrived at the Hospital Wing, shirtless, tighter around my shoulders before attempting to get comfortable in the hard chair beside Cole's bed. She is sleeping; at least, that is what Poppy said. I didn't know you could sleep through so much commotion. There have been dozens of crying and screaming kids in here over the past three hours. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Dumbledore put her to sleep.

I glance at her pale face, again as Poppy passes by. "Mr. Black, staring at her will do you no good. Stop fretting, the more she sleeps the better." She continues on her way muttering under her breath. "Blood-loss on top of a damned _rage_, what the bloody hell was Albus thinking?"

Forcing my thoughts elsewhere, I listen in on the bits and pieces I can catch of Lily and James conversation. Evidently, she tolerates him quite well now that he has 'saved' her life and thinks that it was very responsible of him to take notes on the things Dumbledore will have them attending to this year as Head Boy and Girl. I smile contentedly to myself. I guess everyone's dreams can come true if you just keep trying.

O

_thank you for reading_


	2. Chapter 2

Pissed Off

I feel like I have just drifted off into the peaceful land of sleep when I hear her voice. It is very obvious that she is pissed. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she hisses quietly. Prying my eyes open, I look in her direction. She is clicking the clasps closed on her left boot.

"Uh…sleeping?" I wonder aloud.

She throws a pillow at me. It whacks me in the face with such force my head is thrown back. "Maybe you should try a bed," she spits out, turning to click the locks on her other boot shut.

This girl really has some nerve. Honestly, man, she laughed at me, bled all over my favorite shirt, scared the shit out of me, and well, kissed me, but that was totally an evil kiss. Now, to top it all off, she is throwing stuff at me. What the hell? I just spent the night in a horribly uncomfortable chair to make sure she was all right, and _this_ is the thanks I get.

I glare at her until she stands. After which, my mind goes blank and I can't remember why I was so angry with her. The early morning sunlight is pouring through the windows of the Hospital Wing and her white nightgown. It hangs just a few inches above her knees, not that it makes any difference, since the lighting in here makes it complete see-through. I smirk, taking in the sight before her amused voice cracks into my thoughts. "Take a picture."

My witty comeback is rudely interrupted by Poppy. "Ms. Cole, what are you doing out of bed?"

Cole gives her a sickeningly, sweet smile. "Leaving," she answers quirking an eyebrow with her one word response.

"You will do no such thing," Poppy's shrill voice echoes in my mind, making my ears ring.

Smiling again, before her tongue slips back into whatever position it falls in, to successfully flash Poppy her pissed face, Cole says, "I would really like to see you stop me."

Narrowing her eyes coldly, Poppy glares at her. Suddenly, though, she steps to the side. What? She is going to let her go. What the hell? She doesn't even do that for Moony.

Slowly, Cole walks past, boots clicking on the tile, to the door. I am left staring at the empty space in front of the nurse.

Poppy looks at me before speaking, "Well, Mr. Black you have class in about twenty minutes. I suggest you head out."

I stare at her and scratch my head before following orders.

O

"An hour! A whole bloody hour!" Prongs is going on about Lily, again. His arms wave frantically as he speaks, before he dramatically, drops backwards onto his old bed. "An hour, Pads. We talked for an hour, and no bruises! I am so," he pauses, unsure of what he is. "Shocked!" he decides. "This is a first, maybe she is starting to fall for my charms."

I work hard not to laugh, but he is so stupid sometimes. "You don't think she felt it would be wrong to deck the guy who just 'saved her life.' And what charms are you speaking of exactly?"

"No! Well, maybe. Still Padfoot, we haven't had that long of a conversation in," he stops, closing his eyes and thinking back. "Well, we never had a conversation that long. That didn't involve screaming at least."

Remus walks in, tossing himself down on his bed and glancing over to me, he yawns. "Prongs still going on about Lily?"

"Of course, like he ever talks about anything else." I roll my eyes; ignoring James offended expression. "How's Pete?"

"Why don't you go see him for yourself?" Remus asks, evidently he does not understand the dangers of Poppy Pomfrey. She loves Ole Moony but me, well if I had not left when I did yesterday, I would have been thrown out on my ass. I just give him that 'do you really have to ask' look. He sighs, and answers, "He's fine."

"Good, that's all I needed to know." I grin. "Now I am going to go, because I have a meeting with dear Ms… Ms…" Shit, I forgot her name. It started with a D… she has like the greatest ass.

"Calloway?" James offers. Yes, Diane Calloway.

"Yes, dear Ms. Calloway, before Potions." I grab my 'oh so sexy' hat off my bedpost and head out the door.

O

Potions. I hate this class. It's boring as hell and Slughorn is always trying to play nice-y nice with me. It's as if he doesn't get it, I do not want to be associated with any other Blacks. He is worse with Lily though, always gushing over how wonderful, this is or how glorious that was, and the most dreaded 'would you like to come discuss this with me after class?' I could not stand being a sexy, little redhead like Lily and having that fat, horny, old man follow me around.

We are about halfway through the class when Lucy comes in, her shirts not buttoned correctly and she is still wearing pajama bottoms. She is totally giving Lily the evil eye.

"Ah, Ms. Morgan, how nice of you to join us." I can tell by the way her fingers are twitching she really wants to flip him off, but Lucy has self-control, well more than I do. Nodding, she throws her bag on my desk and slumps into the seat beside me.

"That will be detention tonight, Ms. Morgan," Slughorn chuckles. "And maybe tomorrow you will remember to get up early enough to put on some clothes." This time she does flip him off, but after his back is turned.

"What did you do this time?" I whisper to her as she pulls out some parchment to take notes. Obviously, Lily turned off her alarm clock, again.

She rolls her eyes. "I simply asked her how her time with James was in the hospital. Evidently, it wasn't bad, because she got all 'I so do not like Potter' on me. And you know me; I _had _to push the issue."

I chuckle and pat her on the back. "We all have our faults, 'cept me of course, I'm perfect."

"That'll be another detention, Ms. Morgan," Slughorn calls over his shoulder.

Lucy glares at me and I shrug. "I'll blow something up."

Smiling, she shakes her head. "Thanks."

This way, I will be one up on James with detentions. Plus, I could never leave Lucy to face Slughorn alone. He hates her almost as much as he loves Lily. And while he doesn't understand that using me to get to my family won't work, that came across loud and clear with dear Lucy Morgan, and it totally pisses him off.

O

Lily and James are at it again. I am not sure what started it, but I think it has something to do with the quill Lily is using to hold her bun together.

"You conceited, smug, cocky, self-important–"

"Yes Lily, we all know you think I am an ass," James interrupts her rant. Bad move, he is now covered in bogeys. Lily vacates the premises before he thinks of a retaliation.

Remus nudges Lucy awake; I swear that girl can sleep anywhere, anytime. Right now, she is on the couch, her legs draped over the armrest and using my leg as a pillow. The amazing part is she managed to stay sleeping while James and Lily screeched like howler monkeys at each other.

"Fuck off, Remus, I am sleeping." That is so much like me. Honestly, I just told him that this morning.

"Lucy, Lily is upset; you need to go talk to her."

"You do it," she groans, at the same time James flops onto the couch beside me.

"What about me. I am upset," he moans.

"Nobody gives a shit, James." Lucy stands up and glares at the three of us, in her sleep haze, for waking her before heading up to the girls' dorm.

"She's not in there!" James yells at her back.

Turning she gives him the 'huh' look. Lucy has more faces than anyone I have ever met, I swear. The 'huh' look consists of a drawing her eyebrows together in a frown and lifting the left side of her upper lip, her nose wrinkles a little. No wonder, Moony is head over for her; she is adorable when she is like this.

"Head Dorms, remember?" James smiles at the thought of living with Lily.

"Right." Lucy sighs and whacks the side of his grinning head as she passes by.

Oh yes, I love Lucy.

O

All right, Remus is tutoring Lucy and Pete in Potions. James and Lily are… I was going to say getting busy, but we all know that is a lie; so right, they have a meeting with McGonagall. I am left to my own devises. I know scary thought.

I am wandering the halls, going nowhere really, when she appears. I thought she looked good in the uniform; this look is, whoa, that is all I can say. She is wearing those boots again, this time with a gray tank top and black suspenders, and little plaid shorts. I mean, _little_, like she would only have to lean forward and I could see her ass.

Rubbing her neck, she backs out of the room she was in, quietly. I wonder if I should ruin her escape and say something, really loud, when she notices me. I see the 'oh fuck' look cross her face; she is reading my thoughts, again. Her hand drops from her neck to between her shoulder blades. She pulls her wand out from under her shirt. Damn girl; that is a nifty space to keep your wand. I want to do that. Not that I want the… oh, never mind. I shall stick to keeping my wand in my pocket.

Pointing her wand at me, she mouths, 'Do it and I will hex yo–' a loud crash in the room halts her threat. "Shit," she curses quietly, and runs full force toward me, her boots pounding on the floor. Slamming me into a nearby alcove, she whispers harshly, "Quiet." I think about disobeying, after all that would be in my nature, but I am totally enjoying the close contact. She is pressed so tightly to me; I think I can feel her heartbeat.

We hear the door close, cursing, and footsteps. She stops breathing as whoever it was passes by. I forget to look and see who it is; I am too busy staring into her charcoal eyes. You would think they were black from a distance but this close, you can tell they are just a shade lighter than the black of her pupil and the black ring at the edge of the iris.

When the sound of the footsteps fade into the distance she takes a step back, and I feel cold at the loss of contact. Her hands rest on my arms for a second before her fingers trail away. Taking a short sigh of relief, she turns and peers around the corner. I see a little of the tension in her shoulders leave as she realizes whoever it was, is really gone. She stands straight, again and squares her shoulders; she gives me a quick nod of thanks, maybe, before leaving.

It takes me about ten seconds to realize she is going to leave without telling me what the hell just happened. So, she is about three steps away, when I grab her wrist. She jerks her head around so, quickly the little dangling moon earring whips against her cheek. Her eyes flash with fear then relief as she finds understanding.

"What–" She does not give me time to finish my question, she pushes me back into the alcove and her lips are on mine. I am a little shocked, normally I am the one to surprise the girl, but when has anything-involving Cole ever been normal? She is begging, no demanding entrance, so I give it to her. As our tongues, battle I feel her hands travel to my hair, but the only thing I am thinking about is how great of a kisser she is. Honestly, she just blew ten out of the water.

She is dominating, and I cannot let that happen, so I move my hands from her neck to her waist and slowly turn her so she is against the wall. She gasps a little and wraps her arms around my neck, her hands never leaving my hair as I place my knee between her legs and lift her off the floor, so I do not have to stand so awkwardly. She is tiny, not Lucy tiny, but still, pretty short. I have one hand on her thigh, caressing the creamy skin it finds there; the other hand is behind her head, preventing it from crashing against the hard stone.

Just when I think this is going to turn out to be the best day ever, her hands leave my hair and rest on my shoulders. She gives me a little push and turns her swollen red lips away from me. "Enough," she whispers, with a slightly shaking voice. I look confusedly into her charcoal eyes and I cannot read the emotion there. She drops her gaze from my eyes to the leg she is sitting on and shrugs her shoulders. I lower my leg and she slides down. Letting her hands linger on my shoulders, for a moment, before sliding them down and across my chest, she steps around me and leaves. Stopping at the edge of the alcove, she gives me one of those nods, again.

I step out in the hall and watch her as she leaves. It is not until she turns the corner that I realize it was a distraction. The effing, little girl kissed me, to keep me from asking about the person in the room. That was low. That was really, really low. I think about chasing after her, but even with all the Marauder short cuts, I will never catch up. I will have to ask her next time. But damn it! This totally pisses me off!

O

_thank you for reading_


	3. Chapter 3

A Weak Week

I think this is the first time I have ever arrived to Defense Against the Dark Arts on time on the first day of class. Usually, James and I take full advantage of the new Professor, but today, he insisted we be on time to impress Lily. Like it's going to work, but whatever. I take my regular seat at the back of the class, and then I notice James is not with me. That prat, he is sitting up front with Moony. Great, now, I am going to be stuck with Pete.

As I am sitting here, pouting the new Professor comes in. This is the first time I have seen him, because I spent the Welcoming Feast watching over an ungrateful little bitch. A sexy bitch, but still…

He is young, maybe early twenties. He is attractive, not that I am into guys, just you know, a friendly guy noticing the competition. I think we will get along all right.

The new guy is writing his name on the board, when Cole walks in. As she sees the Professor, her stance changes, her walk changes, even her usual 'I don't give a flying fuck' expression changes. She looks a little… off balance. She glances around the room, looking at the vacant seats. I see her close her eyes and lick her lips before passing up her usual table between the Slytherin man-whores. What the hell?

She continues to walk until she reaches the back of the class, her eyes shoot to the empty chair beside me and I can see she is thinking this was a bad idea. Her eyes are frantic and she glances back up at the Professor. I am not sure why, but suddenly, I do not think I like him anymore. She is staring at his back now, eyes wide, like a deer trapped in the headlights.

I grab the chair next to me and pull it out, scraping the legs on the floor to make a noise loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes shoot back to me, and I give her a smile. "Have a seat?"

She takes a sharp intake of breath and then it is gone. Whatever I had just seen disappeared so fast, I thought for a second, I imagined it. She gives me a devil's grin, crooning, "thanks" as she drops gracefully into the chair, and places a worn bag on the table.

I watch her throughout the period as she tries to take notes, without once meeting the Professor's eye. I am a little thrown. I frown and write James a note, '_Did you see the racer?'_ I send it to him and await a response. Racer is the name we fashioned for her when she and Lily started fighting. RC racer… like the little remote control cars. Rebecca Cole… RC… whatever, it works for me.

At first, he is excited to see the note, I can tell because of the way his shoulders straighten. Then, he thinks about it and realizes his mistake; it is not Head Boy behavior, and his shoulders droop. Nevertheless, he writes back. _'What about her?'_

Never mind, James is useless; onto Moony, _'Did you see the racer?'_ I know he is frowning, even though, I cannot see his face. _'Yes, we will talk later,'_ is his only response and I pout, silently.

Well, at least I am not going crazy.

As we are preparing to leave the class, I hear the Professor say, "Ms. Cole, a word before lunch?"

Her hand freezes as she stores her notes in her bag, and she glances up at him. "Of course, sir." I have never heard Cole call any Professor sir, except McGonagall, once, just to piss her off.

As I start to leave, she grabs my hand, stands on her toes, and kisses me briefly. "Wait outside for me huh, babe?"

This girl confuses the hell out of me. I grin, wrap my arm around her, and pull her close, whispering low against her neck, "Of course, darling. Like I could go anywhere with out you." I nip at the spot just below her ear and she shivers. God, I love that.

"Not in front of the Professor, babe. You already have detention twice this week." She fakes a little laugh and nudges me toward the door. She pats my ass on my way out, and I find myself fighting down a blush and scratching my head in confusion.

I could not hear anything that went on in the room, but when she came out, she was more closed off than ever. She takes my hand and waves bye to the Professor, smirking, before we start down the hall. When we reach the corner, she stops and peers back down the hall. She releases a short sigh of relief, releases my hand and gives me that nod again. She starts to leave so I grab her around the waist. "What the hell was that?"

She frowns at me, obviously done with me, now that I have served whatever purpose she needed me to serve. "None of your damned business. Let me go." As she struggles to pull away, I tighten my grip. "You don't really give a flying fuck, so just let me go," she hisses.

"What do you mean I don't give a fuck? Obviously, I do or I wouldn't have asked." I practically growl at her. Then she does it again, she kisses me. I almost fall for it. Honestly, it is hard not to. She is definitely an amazing kisser.

I laugh at the irritated look on her face, after I pull away. "Not this time. What is going on?" She kicks me, in a not too fun place to be kicked. I release her as I grab my bruised nuts and she falls on her ass. Serves her right.

She stands quickly and squares her shoulders before leaving. Muttering coldly, "Don't fuck with me, Black. I am not one to toy with."

I hate her.

O

Screw lunch, it is time to talk now. I grab Moony by the collar and drag him out of the Great Hall and toward the dorms. "Sirius! What the effing hell? Let me go."

"You said we would talk later it is later." I tell him, as I continue to drag him up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. He is struggling against me, but honestly, even with his 'wolf' powers, he is no match for the Great and Mighty Sirius Black.

Okay, so I am wrong about that, but he cheated he used his wand. Now, I am holding my hand in pain. He used that damn stinging hex _I_ invented in third year. What a jackass.

"I think I can manage to make it up the stairs myself, Sirius. Anyway, what is the hurry?" He straightens out his shirt and stows his wand in his pocket.

"You already know! The note I sent in Defense." I rub my stinging hand and try not to whimper like a beaten dog.

"The one about Cole?"

"No Sherlock, the one about how fucking sexy you looked, taking notes. Of course, the one about Cole." God, he can be so thick, sometimes.

"Sirius, honestly I don't think it is any of your business. You are not even friends with her. She is a _Slytherin_ or did you forget?" He stops at the top of the stairs and stares down at me. Moony is supposed to be the one who does not judge.

"Moony, you dated that Slytherin girl last year," I whine. Since when do I whine?

"Yeah, and if you would bother to remember that ended horribly. Honestly, Sirius she can't be that good of a kisser," he says, exasperated.

"It's not just that…" I moan. "I mean, yes, she is that good of a kisser. But, damn it, she is screwing with me. I _need_ to know what is going on."

He sighs, rolling his eyes. "All right, let's continue this in the kitchens. I am hungry." I nod, and follow him. Moony is a great guy.

O

Okay, James is going on about Lily again, evidently Lucy talked her out of her state and she is back to being tolerant. Part of me is glad, the other part just wishes he would shut up. As James rambles about the way Lily chews on a sugar quill, I start to zone out. Suddenly, Lucy walks into the room, thank God, a distraction.

She is wearing her muggle work out suit and I think Moony is going to die right here and now. "Hey, Sirius?" I grin up at her and she rolls her eyes. "Can I borrow your bat? My parents confiscated mine; and Davy hasn't sent it yet." She cocks her head to the side to wait for an answer.

"'Course, babe. What mine is yours, as long as what yours is mine?" I smirk and I throw her my bat.

She catches it and spins in one hand. "You need to re-sand this buddy. Maybe repair the gripping, too. You cannot play with faulty equipment, you know. If you don't take care, it could shatter and then you will have one pissed of Bludger after you." That is Lucy for you. Quidditch, Quidditch, Quidditch. She knows every team, every broom model, and can play any position with her eyes closed. Of course, Beater is her favorite that is where the action is. James is captain because she turned the position down. Her Potions scores were rather low and her parents flipped out. They are dead set on her becoming a Healer; she wants to become a professional Quidditch player.

I just smile and shake my head. "You can patch it up for me, if you want."

"You know it doesn't work that way. The griping has to mold to your hands not mine." She snorts at my stupidity. "Later guys," she mumbles, turning to leave.

I nudge Remus; he should go with her. I mean, he has been ogling her all week. He glares at me and then jumps of the bed. "Hey, Luce, wait up and I'll go with you. It's not safe to fly alone." That was stupid, he was calling her a bad flyer and he didn't even know it. He should definitely pay more attention when we talk about Quidditch.

She turns her mellow eyes to him; she is going to let it slide. "All right, but I doubt you will be any help if I fall. I remember our first flying lesson, and your wonderful example on how to faint properly."

I chuckle and Moony glares at me. Grabbing his wand off the bedside table, and shoving it in his pocket, he moves toward the door. "Well, maybe I just need a better teacher. What do you say Luce? You want to cure me of my fear of flying?"

Laughing, she grins. "You're a dork, Remus." She rolls her eyes, but her smile is that enchanted smile that she only gets when she is falling for someone. Damn he is good. She doesn't smile like that very often. I have only seen it twice and once was when the Falmouth Falcons' coach patted her head like a three year old and told her she was a sweet kid. We were thirteen at the time; she was convinced he was in love with her. Now, she knows better, but still thinks he is the greatest thing that ever walked the earth.

O

It is the first Saturday night of the school year. We are all scattered around the Heads Dorm. James grinning stupidly as Lily tells us about her summer vacation, Peter sitting oblivious to everything going on around him. His only focus is on the tower of cookies in front of him and how best to devour them. Lucy and Remus are sleeping in the floor. They started out leaning against the couch, but about an hour ago Lucy slumped sideways fell face down in Remus' lap; to fix the situation he woke her up and got the usual, 'fuck off, I'm sleeping.' Now, they are curled up together on the floor, and she is using his arm for a pillow. He is sleeping, a lot like he did when we were little and he still slept with a teddy bear. He keeps sniffing her hair in his sleep. Lily cooed over it for about ten minutes. Something so happened on the pitch today.

There is a pause in Lily's constant chatter and I think maybe I should say something, so I do. "Did you notice how weird Cole has been acting in Defense?"

Lily glares for a moment at the mention of Cole then her gaze softens, because it's me. "Yeah, I have. You think she has got the hots for the Professor?"

Okay, I thought Lily was smart. "No, I think she is scared shitless of him."

James looks at me oddly. "What makes you say that?"

"I don't know; she never makes eye-contact with him. She asked me to wait for her outside the class when he asked her to stay after. She made it a point for him to know I was waiting, as well. She is just acting really, odd about everything. And she doesn't sit with the man-whores anymore." I shrug.

Lily blinks and frowns. "Well, maybe you finally going to get your wish and get to shag her. She seems to have shown some interest in you."

"I doubt it. If she wanted to shag Padfoot, she'd just do it. She isn't the kind of girl to play games." James rolls his eyes.

Glaring at him, Lily says sarcastically, "Yes, because you know so much about the female mind."

Damn it, I should have known better. You cannot even bring up ice cream flavors with these two; they always end up fighting.

"Of course, Lily, you are right, I am sure you know more about Cole than I do just because you are a girl. You haven't ever even had a conversation with her." Right zoning out now.

O

God, this has been the longest Monday ever. I am so looking forward to a nice nap before dinner. It seems that is not going to happen, because Lucy is frantically, pacing the boys' dorms, when I enter. She has the long sleeves of her sweater clinched tightly, in her hands, and if I do not stop her soon, she is going to chew a hole in her lip. "What's up, Luce?"

She nearly jumps out of her skin. "Fuck, Sirius." She stops pacing and faces me, she looks like she is about to cry. Lucy doesn't cry though, ever. She takes a deep breath and smiles. "I'm sorry, you just scared me." Pulling a crumpled letter out of her pocket, she hands it to me. "Bonham accepted me," she says softly.

Oh, hell. That was our last ditch attempt at getting her of out following "daddy's orders" and choosing the career, he picked out for her. That was her last hope of getting to play professional Quidditch. "Luce, I'm so sorry."

She wraps her arms around herself and rubs her arms as if she is cold. "It's fine." She swallows, hard. "I mean, we figured it probably wouldn't work, anyway. My dad probably paid them off. I just… I–" Squeezing her eyes tightly closed, she bites her lip. "Fuck."

I wrap her in a hug and she sniffs, a little. "I guess I am going to be a Healer, then. My parents will be ecstatic," she tries to sound happy about it, but she fails rather horribly.

"We'll figure something out, babe. It's not over yet. We have a whole year to screw up royally. We'll get arrested, again or something."

She shakes her head. "No. No, Sirius, honestly, it is okay. It's what they want. I'll just do it."

"Lucy…" I whisper and the door falls open.

"What's up?" Moony asks, tossing his bag on the floor.

Lucy steps out of my arms and smiles weakly at him. "I, um, got accepted to Bonham University, to their Healer Training program."

"Oh, well," he struggles for words and settles for hugging her instead. Tears well in her eyes and he holds her closely. "Hey, shush, Luce. It's alright." I hear her choke down a sob, and I can actually feel my heart break.

It's not fair that she can't do what she wants. It's not fair that she is always being forced into a mold she just doesn't fit. Her dreams shouldn't be smashed just because Quidditch isn't a "fitting" career in her parents' eyes.

O

Author's note: Are you interested in what happened on the pitch? It's called On the Pitch and is located in my profile.

O

_thank you for reading_


	4. Chapter 4

Pleasuring Mr. Black

It's been a week and Lucy hasn't been on to the pitch once, she hasn't even pulled out her playbook. I am a little worried. Remus said she is fine, just adjusting. I don't know; I don't like it. He, obviously, doesn't either, because he hasn't left her alone all week.

I, still, haven't figured out what's up with Cole. I had taken to stalking her, but then I reminded myself too much of James and I stopped. It didn't do any good, anyway. Every time, I thought I was going to find out something good, she would catch me. I think she knew I was following her the whole time, but only said anything when she was doing something she didn't want me to know about. But, honestly, I don't know what she wouldn't want me to know, if she is fine with me following her into the abandon classroom on the third floor, to bang some random Slytherin. I hot-tailed it out of there, when I realized what was going to happen. The last thing, I need is to see her, completely, devoid of clothing. I am having a hard enough time, not throwing her on our desk in Defense and taking her then and there, as it is.

I am sitting in the middle of the Head Dorm's common room floor, waiting for James to wake up, when Lily comes in. "Hey, Sirius, what's up?" She is looking at me, with those eyes that say 'I know something is wrong so just spill.'

And I think about spilling, really I do. "Just waiting for James." I sigh and pick at the carpet.

She sits down beside me and rests her head on her knees. Her thick, fiery, red hair is pulled to one side and it trails down her legs and pools the floor. I would hate to have that much hair. "I've know you for what? Six years? Do you really think I am going to fall for that?" Lily smiles and shoves my shoulder a bit. "Spill."

I sigh, again. "Luce hasn't been on the Pitch since the acceptance letter, it's not like her. She practices in the snow. Hell, I've known her my entire life and I have never seen her, this blank. She looks like she is just on auto-pilot or something." Hopefully, she will think this is all that is bothering me. I really don't want to talk to Lily about Cole.

"Lucy will be fine, she always pops back up. The world doesn't get her down," she says, simply.

"Yeah, your right." I give her a pathetic smile.

"What else?" she asks. Damn.

I decide to make up an excuse. "I haven't been laid in a while; it's making me a little moody."

She doesn't fall for it. "Sirius, that's a lie." Her vivid green eyes roll and she almost chuckles at me. She is extremely pretty when she does that. She gets this little half smile that shows the dimple on her left cheek and her eyes sparkle. Lily has stunning eyes.

James saves me, from further questioning, when he comes into the room and drops to the couch in his boxers. Lily is totally upset about this. I am just glad he has on his boxers. There have been times, in my life, when he forgot that he didn't and wandered out of his room. "James! How dare you, come in here in just your underwear!" I bite back a chuckle at the blush spreading across her cheeks, as her green eyes scan his chest. James will be super pleased to find out she is checking him out, though, I will have to tell him about it later as he has drifted back off to sleep.

As Lily rants at the snoring James, I make my escape. "Well, I guess I will just leave you two alone to sort this out." I smile a little to myself, glad to have an escape from Lily's questioning.

O

It's just after midnight and Darla, one of the other seventh year Gryffindor girls, just came into our room to tell us Lucy never came to bed tonight. Usually, we would just look at the map and find her out on the Pitch because she couldn't sleep, but tonight, she has taken the map. Damn James, for getting caught with it. She has known about it for two years now, she has never taken it without permission. Honestly, I am wondering how she got in here without waking any of us.

We have decided to spilt up and scour the castle. I have the fifth, fourth, and third floors. Remus has taken the grounds, mainly, because we think that's were she is. James has the floors above me, Lily the ones below, and Pete has the Astronomy tower. Damn it, this is so unlike Lucy, but then again, I have never dealt with a Quidditch-less Lucy. Shit, I hate this.

I have just arrived, on the fourth floor, when I see her. No, not Lucy, but how I wish it was. Then she slumps against the wall, and I am so glad it's not Lucy, I'm not sure I have been more glad about anything in my life. Then, I feel guilty and just decide not to think about it anymore.

She is clutching her stomach, even in the distance and dark, I can see her grimace. Her face is twisted in so much pain, if I didn't _know_ it was Cole, I wouldn't think it was. She hears my footsteps and shoves herself off the wall, the painful expression, vanishing from her face. "Black, your latest whore didn't show?"

I blink; it's amazing. How the hell is she standing there and using that cold mocking tone when five seconds ago she had to use the wall just to stay standing? "No. I mean, I wasn't waiting for anyone. Luce is missing. What about you, even the Slytherins get sick of you?"

She smirks, I see relief flash through her dark eyes; she thinks I didn't see her before. "Nah, fancied a stroll tonight, I'm growing a little tried of the same old same old, you know what it is like; I am sure."

"You alright?" I ask, still puzzled by her amazing ability to be falling apart one second and completely, fine the next.

I see the mask break for half a second. God, she's not all right, she's just pretending. "Of course, I'm fine. What just because I didn't feel like sex tonight means something is wrong?" her voice has lost the 'playful banter' tone it had earlier, if you could have called it that. Now, it's just pure ice.

"No, it's just, I saw you," I shrug, and lean against the wall.

She just stares for a moment. "Saw me what? Walk?" she says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"I saw you slump against the wall. You looked like you were hurt or something," I answer, simply.

"You are leaning against the wall, is there something wrong with you?" she scowls at me. She hasn't moved an inch since I arrived here. Her stance could be considered haughty, but I'm guessing the way her arms are crossed at her front is for protection.

"No, but–"

"Then why the fuck would it mean there was something wrong with me?"

"I don–"

"I believe I have told you to stay out of my fucking business, Black." Her voice doesn't waver, but I can tell she is about to fall apart, because she keeps re-straightening her shoulders. Her cocky stance isn't coming naturally anymore; she is forcing it to stay.

"I believe you were the one who started the conversation, but if you don't want to talk anymore feel free to leave." I wave my hand down the hall toward the stairs. She glares at me; we both know she isn't able to walk; she is barely standing.

"Why the hell should I have to leave? I was here first." That's not up to her standard; she knows it. I see her inwardly cringe at her own words. I just smirk.

Cole's scowl deepens and she forces herself to take a step. It takes everything I have, not to stop her. As she puts weight onto the foot, she closes her eyes, and if I thought Rebecca was a spiritual person, I would say she said a silent prayer. When she doesn't go crashing to the ground, she is as surprised as I am. She continues down the hall after her first successful step forward. I am amazed, not only is she walking, but also she is managing the saucy, little strut. As I am watching in shock it happens; she stumbles and hits the floor.

I force myself not to rush to her side; instead, I walk calmly and slowly. She is struggling to get to her feet so, I offer her my hand. She just glares at me so; I pick her up. I am a lot nicer than she was, I don't grab her by the shirt collar and jerk her upwards, but by the hiss of pain and the low, deadly way she growls, "Don't fucking touch me, I am fine," at me, afterwards you would think, I had.

After, I am sure she is steady enough to stand on her own I drop my hands. As my hands fall to my sides, I notice a sticky, wet substance on my fingers. Blood. "You're bleeding?" I ask, stunned.

"It's none of your fucking business," she snarls.

"You're bleeding." I don't seem to be able to give over that little fact.

"I believe we have already established that." She doesn't have her arms cross anymore and I can see that the majority of her shirt is blood soaked. Hell, she needs to go to the Hospital Wing.

Frowning, I reach out for her. "You need to see Poppy."

"I need nothing," she murmurs, taking a step back. "I am fine."

"You are _bleeding_," I say, desperately.

She is about to make a nasty retort, when we hear footsteps. She stops mid-word and dives into the open classroom beside us. I follow and hear her gasp and choke back screams of pain.

Quietly, I pull the door shut and gaze down at her. She is on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest, the pain marring her face is frightening, but she is fighting to force the mask back on. "That was dumb," is all I can say.

She sniffs and glares at me, "Just shut the fuck up."

"No, can do. I am really, fond of the sound of my voice. I don't, actually, know how to shut up, usually, people just silence me." I grin cheekily, shrugging, and stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"Oh, go fuck yourself." Cole sighs in irritation.

"I don't need to, sweetie. The majority of the school is begging to fuck me."

"Arrogant prick," she mumbles, trying to pick herself up. Involuntarily, she gasps out in pain and I, automatically, feel like a complete jackass.

"Let me take you to Poppy," I say softly.

Her eyes fill with tears and she whispers, "Don't be nice to me. I don't need you to be nice to me."

"Cole, please, let me take you to Poppy," I ask again. A tear slips down her cheek, and she rubs it, fiercely, away. "Please," I murmur, kneeling down beside her.

She swallows hard. "You'll leave as soon as we get there." I am not sure if it a request or a demand, and honestly, I don't care as long as she gets help.

"If that is what you want." I hope she will say no, but I know it's not going to happen. She inclines her head just a bit and I silently thank God.

As I move to pick her up, she tries to stand. I sigh. "Just let me carry you."

"I can walk," is her only response.

"Look, I gave in, I'll leave once you are there, give me something back, let me carry you." I left out the part about her giving in and _going to _the Hospital Wing in the first place.

She looks at me, her dark eyes flashing in hatred. Obviously, she isn't stupid and realizes that I left that bit out. "Fine," the word is practically spit out at me.

I pick her up and I'm more than amazed that she doesn't so much as flinch. She sits stiffly in my arms at first, but by the time we reach the stairs, her head is resting against my shoulder. I know it is just from fatigue, but I can't help but smile, a little, as I start the long trudge up to the Hospital Wing.

O

When I get back to Gryffindor Tower, I can hear someone screaming in the Heads Dorm. I smile, a little, thinking it is Lily and James at it again, then I notice that there wasn't a snappy come back during the pause. The male voice starts to scream again, and I realize that it isn't James voice; it is Moony's. Shocked, I change my direction to the Head Dorms, instead of upstairs to change my shirt.

I walk into the room to find Remus yelling, full force, at a stone silent Lucy, who sitting in the middle of the floor. It's just them there, so I am assuming no one else knows she has been found, yet. She has a long gash down the side of her face and scratches covering the majority of her arms and legs. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Lucy? My God, running at this hour, in the fucking forest, and you took the damned map, so we couldn't find you. Do you have a fucking death wish?" I have only seen Moony this pissed once, and that was after I told Snape to push the knot on the Whopping Willow to find out where Remus went every month.

I know, he can keep this up for hours, having been on the receiving in before, and I have no idea how long he has been at it. Afraid for my dear Lucy, I intervene. "Remus, relax, I am sure she has a suitable reason."

He turns to me; ah, shit he is glaring, I hate it when he glares. "You would think, 'I needed some alone time' is a suitable excuse, wouldn't you Padfoot?" He practically shakes with pent-up rage and fear.

I work really, hard not to cringe away from that look. "She doesn't need you yelling at her, Moony. Maybe she just wanted some space. If you had given her the fucking space the forty odd times she has asked you this week, maybe she wouldn't have found it necessary to hide."

Before Remus has time to backtrack, Lucy speaks up. "Blood. Are you bleeding?" She is looking at me with her eyebrows slightly furrowed and her plump lips pressed together in a little frown; this would be her confused/concerned face. It's a lot better than the expressionless one she was wearing earlier.

"No worries, babe. It's not mine." She nods and goes back to staring at Remus, waiting for him to begin screaming, again. Does she want him to yell at her?

Remus gives me an odd look before turning his angry glare back on Lucy. He stares at her for a moment, gazing blankly up at him, and his expression softens. "Shit, Luce, I'm sorry."

Shrugging one shoulder, she says simply, "It's not like I wouldn't have done the same thing, had I been you." She steals a licorice wand out of the package on the table next to her and starts to suck on it.

Remus frowns for a moment and then drops to the floor beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You scared us, Lucy."

She turns those big, serene eyes to him and gives him a half smile the wand still in her mouth. "I know." Smiling, a little, I head of to steal a clean shirt from James. As I leave, I hear him offer to take care of her scrapes and bruises.

O

My neck is killing me; I fell asleep on the couch in the Heads Dorm while waiting for James, Lily and Pete to return. Evidently, so did Lucy and Remus because they are still wrapped up in each other's arms on the floor. Grunting, I push myself off the sofa.

Moony wakes up at the noise. "Time?" he asks, his eyes still blurry with sleep.

I glance at the clock on the wall and answer, "Just after eight." He nods and nudges Lucy's arm.

"Fuck off, I'm sleeping," she mumbles, burying her head in his chest. I release a bark-like laugh. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing to wake up to every morning?

Remus pushes her sandy locks out of her face. "Luce, you'll be late for Potions, again."

She groans and rolls to her back. "Fucking Slughorn."

"Please, don't put that image in my head, Luce," I mutter, heading for the door.

"Eww! Sirius, that's nasty." Lily exclaims, stepping out of the bathroom and throwing a damp towel at me.

I shrug, grinning. "Lucy is the one who said it."

Lily rolls her eyes, but gives me a smile, nonetheless. Grinning widely, I leave the Head Dorms intent on using all the hot water before Moony gets up the stairs.

O

We're all on our way to Defense and Lucy is trying not to be upset about the three detentions she just received from Slughorn. Moony is going with her this time. I should have hooked them up forever ago. It would have meant a lot less time spent in Slughorn's classroom gutting salamanders.

I am shocked to see Cole sitting in what has become her new 'usual' seat, next to mine, as I walk through the door. I thought she would still be in the Hospital Wing, but she did just walk out last time, it's possible she did it, again.

Sitting down next to her, I prop my legs up on the desk. She is refusing to make eye contact; that's cute. I roll my eyes, smirking. "Better?"

I think for a second she won't answer then she turns to me and gives me a sickeningly, sweet smile. "I'm fine."

Well, then, good for her. I shrug, pretending not to give a damn, but she totally damaged the ego. "Right."

Professor Obeli walks in and she turns from me to dig in her bag. I frown a little, but try not to think about it. We start to go over curses and hexes James, Remus, and I have known since third year, and from the bored look on Cole's face, she has known them longer.

As I start to drift off, I feel her hand on my thigh. My eyes snap to alertness and I look at her. She gazes at me for a second then down at my notes and removes her hand. Written on the left upper corner, in very elegant handwriting that I discovered last week belongs to her, are the words, _thank you._

I am about to say something when Obeli's voice cut's me off. "Ms. Cole if you would please focus on the lesson." She turns away from me and nods to him, before going back to taking notes.

Whispering a charm Prongs and I invented ages ago, I make our papers mimic each other. Her elegant writing scrawls neatly across the page in front of me. _The withering curse causes the victim's hands to lose both joint movement and muscle mass, if not removed quickly the curse will continue up the victims arms and eventually destroy all muscle cells in the body._ I watch the words form for a moment before dropping a bit of ink on the corner of my parchment.

Cole blinks and stares at the ink spot on her paper for a bit and then goes back to writing. I smirk before writing, _**you are most welcome. **_She blinks slowly and glances up at me, a slight scowl on her face.

_You are ruining my notes._

_**Like you really need them.**_

_Black, look, I can't do this, he figure out something is up. I know you are into the whole trouble thing, but honestly, I can't afford anymore, right now._

_**He isn't going to find out James and I do this all the time.**_

_Yes, and I have seen you kicked out of McGonagall's class… what six times now?_

_**He won't notice he thinks you are taking notes.**_

She sighs, quietly._ Fine, what do you want?_

_**What happened last night?**_

_I believe I have already told you that was none of your business._

_**Yeah, but I thought what the hell, might as well try again.**_

The corner of her mouth twitches. Hell yes! I almost got a smile. _Ah, ever determined, huh?_

_**Always.**_

_I'm glad you didn't turn out like the rest of them._

I'm not sure what she is talking about, but before I get the chance to ask Professor Obeli slams his hand down in front of her and she visibly jumps. "Ms. Cole, I believe you have just earned yourself detention tonight," he growls.

Her eyes slowly move from her notes to meet his. "Of course, sir. I apologize; I should have been paying better attention." Her voice comes as close to quavering as I have ever heard.

Obeli frowns at her and moves back to the front of the room, with a quick swish of his robes, and the cruel clicking on his shoes on the tile.

_**Sorry. **_I write, guiltily. **_I really didn't think he would find out. _**Why didn't I get in trouble, too?

_It's not your fault. He is a bastard. It was bound to happen, anyway. He just… bad blood is all._

I am a little taken aback by that. I didn't think she was one of the blood purity idiots. _**I think I had you pegged wrong, Cole. I didn't know you were high on the blood purity stupidity.**_

She frowns and closes her eyes. _I'm not, I meant… there is bad blood between us, we don't get along… bad past experiences together._

_**Oh **_is all I write back.

"Another detention, Cole."

I am about to complain, but she pinches me and I gasp out in pain.

"I believe a third detention is in order, Ms. Cole. Honestly, if you are going to waste class time by _pleasuring_ Mr. Black, you should at least do a decent job." He smirks, cruelly and half the class breaks out into gasps while the other half snicker, loudly.

Rebecca stands from her seat, the legs scraping, loudly, against the floor. She stuffs her notes into her worn leather bag and throws it over her shoulder. Her jaw is cocked to the side as she marches up to the front of the class. She stops extremely close to him and I have to strain my ears to hear what she says. She places her hand on his chest, standing up on her toes. He inhales sharply, as she whispers, "Has it been that long, Darren? Honestly, now, you should know I give the best hand jobs, you are the one who taught me," into his ear, her lips gently grazing across his skin. She raises her eyebrows and smirks as she steps back.

Adjusting her bag, she slowly strides out of the room, her hips swaying with every step. I know she just left every male in the room panting. That was one hell of an exit.

O

_thank you for reading_


	5. Chapter 5

Lucy's New Favorite Pillow

Lucy and I are chilling on the couch in the Common Room. Everyone else has class, but we have a free period, because neither of us was stupid enough to take Arthimacy or Care of Magical Creatures after fifth year. She has her feet in my lap and I am fiddling with her shoelaces while she designs another play. Things are finally back to normal in Lucy's world.

I feel her eyes on me, so I look at her. One strange thing about Lucy, her eyes are never anything but tranquil. I swear, she can be pissed as hell, and her eyes would still reflect nothing but a calm copper sea. "What?" I ask.

"What yourself, babe. You haven't said anything all period. Usually, by now you are in my hair about how boring I am being. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just quiet today." I don't know why, but I feel like I need to hide this. Lucy doesn't give a shit about my "women issues," or Cole for that matter.

"It has something to so with Cole, right?" I should be shocked, but I'm not. Lucy always knows. I nod, rather put out. She gives me a half smile. "I'm glad you are looking out for her. She needs someone, not that she will take it well, but you know; the whole effing school is against her. She needs someone on her side."

Since when does Lucy pay attention to anyone outside of the Lily, Remus and the Quidditch team? "What?"

Her eyebrow quirks up and she presses her lips together in a tight smile; her 'I should not be telling you this' face. "Cole and I were partners a while back. Six year, Transfiguration. She isn't put together as well as everyone thinks."

I stare blankly at her for a moment and then laugh. "You had her psychoanalyzed didn't you?"

"She confused the hell out of me, I had to do something." Her smile widens a little and I can see the tips of her white teeth. "It's not like you weren't going to ask me to do it, anyway," she adds in that little all-knowing manner of hers.

Shaking my head, I say, "Lucy you can't do that kind of stuff without the person's permission."

"What she doesn't know, won't hurt her. _And_ you are dying to know what I found out even if it was wrong." Her tiny shoulders bounce up into a shrug and she snaps her book closed, tossing it on the coffee table.

"Well, you already did the wrong doing; I might as well put the information to use." I smirk, then frown as a thought hits me. "How you do it anyway?"

"Just recorded our conversations, her reactions to things I said, sent them to Davy, and he sent back a report." She shrugs as if it is nothing. "It's not completely accurate because he never meet her himself, but I've got a basic outline." Has she done this to me?

She must have seen my expression. "No worries, babe. I don't need to get a professional opinion to understand you."

"Ignoring the fact that you brother has no morals, what did you learn?" I smile widely. God, I love her.

"Enough to know, that she is your type, but you should be careful because saying she's troubled is putting it lightly. Honestly, though, you might be good for her. Of course, she is not going to have sex with you anytime soon, because for some odd reason, she formed some sort of bond with you and sex would kill it. Dead. So, that might dampen your interest."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Sex makes relationships grow not die. _And_ I am not all about sex, just mostly." Lucy is so confusing.

She raises her eyebrow skeptically. "Name one relationship you had that lasted three days after you banged the girl. Then, one relationship that you have had that was more than about getting laid."

"Ours?" I ask, remembering the time we woke up on the grounds naked the morning after the winning the Quidditch Cup two years ago.

She rolls her eyes. "Babe, we don't know if we even did anything, we were too wasted to remember. Plus, we don't have relationship we have a friendship. Two very different things."

"Cole and I don't have a relationship either."

"Would you call it a friendship?" she asks.

"No, but–"

"Sirius, listen to me. You do not want a friendship with Cole. Honestly, I don't even want you to have a 'relationship' with Cole, but you are going to anyway. So listen, don't hurt her, okay? She is screwed up enough as it is without you making her feel important just so, you can toss her away for someone new. If you go into something with her, make it just sex, if you make it something more you are both going to get hurt." She tucks a stand of my shaggy hair behind ear, making me look at her. "I don't want to see you get hurt because you give your heart to the wrong girl, babe. I couldn't handle seeing you broken."

Lucy is seriously the greatest girl I have ever met, sure, she is as confusing as hell, but she is like the big sister I never had. Well, maybe sister is not the right word; after all, we have had our share of drunken kisses. I smile weakly at her. "So, I should just drop the whole pursuing Cole thing, then?"

"No, if she is what you want go for it. But be careful, she has been screwed over. I don't know the specifics of everything because the last thing she is going to do is open up to some Quidditch obsessed bitch, but she is the way she is for a reason; not because she wants to be, because she has to be." She gives me the 'are you getting it' face; her eyebrows raised and together and the left side of her mouth pulled into a half smile. I shake my head because honestly, I don't understand. "She's not like you babe, she doesn't go around screwing every member of the opposite sex because she can, she does it so they don't do it to her."

Lucy is making me even more confused. "I'm sorry Luce, I'm not getting it."

She sighs and chews on her bottom lip. "It a form of protection, they can't hurt her if she is the one in control."

I frown at her. "Are you saying she was raped so now she is a slut to keep it from happening, again?"

"No," she sighs and shakes her head.

"Then, she got attached to someone and he hurt her so now she only has emotionless sex?" I am squinting as I try to find understanding.

She pulls her feet out of my lap and draws them under her. "I don't think it's that cut and dry. I think she was hurt by someone she trusted… more than once." Her copper eyes look to the ground and back to me. "For some reason, babe, she has found some sort of… safety in you, don't screw it up." I hold her gaze for a moment and then look at my hands and frown. I think I am more confused than ever.

I watch as Lucy slips her small hand into mine "Come on, I am out of licorice and you are taking me to get some." She pulls me of the couch and up toward the boys' dorms to get the map. She is wearing her 'it's going to be okay' smile, and I know it will be because even if it isn't Lucy will come up with something to make it better.

O

Lucy and Remus are serving Lucy's detention. Well, I guess it is Remus' detention as well, but he never would have gotten detention if Lucy hadn't so… whatever. I'm in the Common Room with Pete and James, pretending to help James tutor Peter in Transfiguration. In reality, I am just staring off into space. How is it that someone can be an Animagus but is failing Transfiguration four weeks in to the semester?

Lily just walked in. It'd be obvious even if I couldn't hear her laugh, as James' jaw just hit the floor. I glance over to the group of seventh year Gryffindor girls that just walked in. I cannot help but think Lily fits in better with them than she does Lucy and us. They all have the latest haircuts, and are wearing the newest fashions; they are giggly and pretty and just not… like us.

James and I are always getting into trouble. Lucy could care less about what she looks like and is obsessed with sports. Remus is… well, Remus could fit into that mold I guess, he is handsome, a gentleman, smart, charming and all that good stuff, but of course, he does not think that. Peter, well, Peter doesn't even really fit in with us, but we are all outcasts so it works. Lily has it though, the confidence, the looks, the brains, everything, but still she prefers to hang out with Lucy and the guys, even if she has to deal with James for our company. She is an odd one.

From the looks of things, they are trying to talk her in to makeovers in the Girls' Dorm but she keeps shaking her head and giving excuses. I am wondering if I should go over and ask her to help us in our attempt to save Peter's Transfiguration grade to help her out when she turns and waves good-bye to the group before coming to take the seat next to me. "Damn, makeovers," she sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. When Lily first started doing that stuff I got evil death glares from James constantly, but now he just shakes his head with a confused look in his eyes.

I drape my arm around her shoulders and she snuggles in before asking, "What are you working on?"

James grins at her goofily. She thinks he is being cocky, but that is honestly the only face he can manage around her. "Transfiguration. Pete can't seem to get the theory behind human transformations." I seriously do not understand how he became an Animagus; honestly, he should be stuck as a half man half rat.

Lily nods and bites her lip, in thought. "Have you tried using Thornton's book? He explains it a bit differently; it helped me understand it better." James looks at her and shakes his head. Lily grins. "It's in my room, on the desk by the door. _Transfiguration Theories Redefined_"

James' jaw drops, again. "Y-you want me to go get it?" He is as shock as hell he has permission to enter Lily's room.

Nodding again, Lily says, "I think you can manage to find it, and I am not going to get up. I am too cozy right here."

James blinks and the goofy grin reemerges. "Right!" he jumps to his feet and runs off to the Heads Dorm.

"I think you just made his month," I chuckle to Lily.

She looks up at me and smiles. "Maybe."

O

It is obvious Lucy has gone back to practicing again because she is sleeping between Remus and me during McGonagall's lesson. She sitting up and her eyes are open, the only reason I know she is asleep is she stopped responding to Remus' and my notes about five minutes ago.

An amazing thing happened today, that would be why Lucy and Remus are sitting with me instead of with Lily. Lily sat down next to James. Lily willing chose to sit beside James during this class. It could have something to do with the fact that Peter was also sitting beside James and she wants to help keep him on track after helping him grasp last lessons stuff. James is not going to take it that way. He'll be grinning like an idiot for weeks.

I was going to send him a note to see what he was thinking but Moony said not to because it might upset Lily, and then I would ruin his chances. So now, I am sitting here twiddling my thumbs while Remus takes real notes.

_You didn't add to the rumor mill, I am a little surprised._ I stare blankly at the words on my page for a moment before I look behind me. Cole is smirking. Damn her.

_**I don't brag about what I don't have.**_ I write back. I wish I could see her face.

_Wouldn't be a very gentlemanly thing to do?_

I smile. _**Nope. Lily says it is not gentlemanly to brag at all, but a guy has to have something to talk about.**_

_Your girl asleep?_

_**My girl? **_I am totally confused by that.

_Morgan._

_**Lucy? No Luce is Remus' girl. We're just friends.**_ Me and Lucy? Together? Weird.

_You guys pass her around or something? She seems to belong to a different one of you all the time._

_**Don't talk about Lucy like that. We're all just close… like siblings, except her and Moony of course.**_

_If you say so._

_**Did you really fuck the Professor?**_

_Yes._

_**But, he is like… old.**_

_He is only 21... I am 18 it is only three years. Plus, it was a while back._

_**Like how far back?**_

_Three years ago. During the summer, our parents are friends, and we used to be. _I flip through my mind for images of Cole three years ago. I am not finding any.

_**Did he go to school here?**_ I really want to ask what happened, but I know I will not get an answer.

_No, Dumbledore would not have hired him if… he had a prior relationship with someone who was still a student._

_**So, he didn't tell Dumbledore about it?**_

_Why would he? It would have stopped him from getting the job._

_**Why hasn't he been fired? Honestly, that comment the other day, and then you… **_I don't know exactly how to say it, but honestly a man who has slept with an underage girl shouldn't be teaching.

_I told Dumbledore I made it up because I was pissed._

_**You what?**_ Why would she do that? She scared of him that is obvious, why wouldn't she use this chance to get rid of him?

_Go back and reread it._

_**Why?**_

_It was a stupid mistake. I should have kept that tidbit to myself._

_**But, you m**_y paper catches fire and turns into nothing but ashes on my desk.

"Detention, Mr. Black." That was mean; she could have just said she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

O

"Come on Lily please?" Lucy is begging Lily for something. I am not sure what because I came in late. So far, I have deduced, it is big, loud and Lucy wants to store it in the Heads Dorm.

"Lucy! I am not letting put those huge ass things in here." Lily stomps her foot, crossing her arms. She is going to give in soon. That's the first sign.

"Please, Lily?" Here come the puppy dog eyes. Lucy juts out her bottom lip and whines a little.

"Lucy! Don't do that!" Lily shouts, stomping her foot, again.

"Lilee…" Lucy begs. "Davy already said he would send them, and my parents even agreed because they don't think I am playing Quidditch anymore."

"Ask James!" Lily huffs, falling onto the couch.

"What does she want to bring in here?" I ask taking a seat next to Lily.

"Her damned drum set." She rolls her eyes and exhales loudly. "As if it isn't loud enough as it is."

I chuckle and lean back on the couch. "But, she's good."

Lily smiles. "Yeah, but she will never study again."

"As long as she's happy right?" I ask.

She gives me a playful glare. "What about my happiness?"

"You are happy Lils. Not as happy as you could be, but you are happy." I smile at her mock glare before spreading out on the couch and laying my head in her lap.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she looks down her nose at me, her arms crossed.

"You know what it means." I grin and close my eyes.

She sighs heavily, running her fingers through my hair thoughtfully. "Sirius, I wouldn't be happy with him."

"You seem to be getting along quite well since you moved in with him." I say simply, using everything in me to keep myself from smirking.

"Shut up," she says coolly. I touched a nerve. I would continue, but I know what happens to Lucy when she doesn't shut up. So, I just nod and close my eyes.

O

It has been a week since the notes in Transfiguration and my little chat with Lily. They are both studiously ignoring me. It is funny how two women can be so different and yet be so much alike, and hate each other passionately. I am laughing in my head.

It is breakfast time and I am buttering my toast when Lucy's head falls on my shoulder, obviously adding the drums into the studying and Quidditch mix has left her without enough energy to eat. I turn and whisper in her ear, "Wrong shoulder, deary." She opens her eyes sleepily, before looking at me and nodding. Her head drops the other way causing Remus' spoonful of jam to sling across the room. He follows the flying jam with his eyes and watches it splat on Severus Snape's nose. "Good aim, though, it was a rather large target."

He frowns at me and whispers a spell to vanish the strawberry jam sitting on Snape's nose. "How come you don't get the 'fuck off, I am sleeping' bit?"

I shrug and smile. "'Cause she loves me more, of course."

I think for a moment I might have said the wrong thing because he starts to glare, but Lucy snuggles closer to him and mumbles something in her sleep. He stops and smiles before putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her legs into his lap, so her head is rests on his chest just under his chin. They will probably never say they are dating because it would scare them both shitless to be in a real relationship, for two very different reasons. But in all the ways that matter, they are, so I guess that's okay.

Lily just came in and sat down in front of me, she didn't even glare at James. "Sirius, we need to talk."

Whoa, she is ready to admit she has a thing for James? Right on Padfoot, who knew if you just waited around she would figure it out for herself. I think about doing a victory dance, but I don't. I just swallow the toast in my mouth and say, "Really?"

"Yes, really." Lily sighs, "My sister is getting married next week, and I need a date."

I am so glad I swallowed already; I would have just spit my toast out in her face if I hadn't. "What?"

This is making her as uncomfortable as it is making me. She runs her hand through her red hair. "I wasn't planning on going… and then my parents decided that I had too… and just, damn it, Sirius, I need a good-looking guy that I can hang all over to piss her off. Please, just do this for me?"

I laugh, I can't help it. "So, go get one Lily. Jeeze, half the male population here would kill to have you hang on them for a day."

She looks down at her hands. "I need someone safe, Sirius. Please?"

James is going to kill me, but I can't say no to Lily. I have never been able to say no to her. "Alright, but you'll have to help me pick out what to wear. I have never been to a muggle wedding before."

Nodding happily, she says a quick "thank you" before leaving the table. James is glaring at me, so hard I think I am going to burst into flames any moment. I turn my gaze to Remus. He gives me a weak smile and shrugs. Then Lucy starts mumbling in her sleep again and he bursts out in laughter. It's because her messy hair is tickling his chin. Or that is what I am going to believe. It has nothing to do with the fact that my friend's obsession has just kinda sorta asked me out and I said yes.

O

"So anything new on the Cole front?" Lucy asks as I enter the Head Dorms during our free period.

"Nope." I say simply and flop down on the couch. She gets up from her stool and places her drumsticks on it.

I have my head resting on the armrest and she comes to stand above me. Smiling brightly down at me, she raises an eyebrow. "I saw you writing notes the other day."

"You were sleeping," I frown.

"So, you were talking to her, then?" She is smirking now, damn her.

"Yes," I mutter, scowling.

"Don't be mad at me because you are stupid," she tells me, grinning.

She laughs as I grab her hand and make her come sit beside me. "Talk to me, love." She sits at the other in of the couch leaning against the armrest with her elbows on her knees facing me. I mimic her. "What's up with you and my Moony?" I ask.

Her eyes jet to the left before coming to rest on my grey ones. Her lips quirk upwards a bit and then she presses them together to keep a full grin from breaking out across her face. "Nothing is up with me and _your_ Moony."

I lean forward, grab her legs and pull her to me. "Yeah right."

She laughs at me and brushes the strands of hair that have fallen out of her ponytail out of her face. "He is _my_ Moony, and he is the best pillow I ever had." She grins before climbing off the couch.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, following her.

"What ever you want it to, babe." Picking up her drumsticks, she sits back down on the stool.

"If you start dating him, does that mean we can't call each other pet names anymore?" This little thing as been bothering me, we have called each other pet names since… well, since forever.

"I don't think Remus will give a damn either way, and long as you keep your drunken hands off me." She smiles sweetly and starts to drum a steady beat.

"Hey! How do you know I started it? You could have cornered me." I shout and she stops.

Looking up at me, she says teasingly, "Because I am a sleepy drunk. There is no way I could have managed to make it all the way outside if _you_ hadn't dragged me."

I laugh, "What ever you say, my dear." Shrugging off the conversation, I ask, "So, you gunna teach how to play these babies?"

She stands and hands me the sticks. "But of course, my love."

O

Okay, the wedding is in two days, Lily is freaking, and James has not stopped glaring at me. I told him I was just doing her a favor and nothing would happen, but evidently, my reputation disagrees with that statement. I am wondering why in the hell she did not just ask Remus to do this as I walk down the hall. Then Lucy tumbles out of a broom closet and Remus falls out on top of her. Her hysterical laughter and his laughing attempts to apologize make me realize why Remus was not an option.

God, why couldn't she just ask James? He would be more than happy to do it, and I will not feel like I am kissing my sister and betraying my friend. Damn redheads.

Who gets married in October, anyway? I thought people were supposed to be all about spring weddings.

Whatever, I am not getting out of this. I turn the corner so I don't have to pass Lucy and Remus though it would be an opportune moment to embarrass them. I think maybe this time I shall let them slide because of my inter turmoil over this whole wedding thing.

As I turn the corner, I see Cole's bleach blonde spikes disappear into a classroom. It is a Friday afternoon what's she doing going to a class? Curious, I follow her.

She is sitting on the back desk in the Muggle Studies classroom flicking a lighter. Hers must have broken. "Why don't you use a wand?" I ask leaning against the desk in front of her. I expected her to at least be I little surprised by my arrival but she is not. I thought I was being super sneaking too.

Glancing up at me, she flicks the lighter again; it is still not working. "It ruins the ciggy." The little white cigarette bobs between her lips as she speaks. She flicks the lighter again. "Damn thing," she mutters.

I take it from her and flick it once and the little flame pops up. I smirk and raise my eyebrows. She leans in and lights the cigarette and I can almost see down her shirt. She takes a long drag and exhales slowly, before speaking. "Don't expect a thank you."

I shrug. "I don't." I did.

She pulls her legs up onto the desk and wraps her thin arms around them before taking another drag. "You did."

I notice faint bruising on her upper arms but I do not mention it "So, why'd you toast my notes?"

With a faint-hearted smile, she sighs, "I was becoming to… open."

"You didn't say anything that I hadn't already known." I shrug.

She raises her eyebrows. "You know our dear Professor Obeli is a Death Eater?"

Okay, so I didn't know that. "Well… uh, no, but… I would have eventually." That was so not a good save.

She takes another puff of her cigarette. "I thought not."

I look down at my worn boots, and scratch the back of my head. "Are you going to obliviate me, now?" I know that is probably a stupid question, but honestly it is what I am thinking and I cannot stop my mouth from forming the words.

She puts out the cigarette on the scarred wood. Smirking, she drops her legs off the desk and locks her feet around my hips. She pulls me toward her wrapping her legs around me and placing her elbows on my shoulders and her hands in my hair. "Now why would I do that?"

I look at her blankly because I really don't know; she tilts her head a little and pulls mine down for a kiss. This time she does not ask for anything, so I am just standing there with my lips pressed against hers for a long while and then I realize she is letting me take the lead this time. I splay one hand across the small of her back and the other at the back on her neck, my fingers running up into her hair while my thumb caresses her cheek. I gently coax her lips apart with my tongue, and I softly start to trace and memorize every millimeter of her mouth. She tastes like smoke and something else I cannot seem to place. Spicy. As our tongue dance, slowly my hand travels under her shirt to find the smooth cool skin there. When my finger grazes across a faint scar on her back, she whimpers against my mouth and takes my hand in hers. I wonder to myself if she has ever been kissed softly.

I trail kisses down her jaw line and she shivers when I reach her neck, and then she whispers the word I have been dreading but knew was coming. "Enough." She says it so faintly, I almost don't hear. I pull back and look into her dark eyes, I can't read the emotion there but I think this is scaring her. She lets her legs slide down from around me, but our bodies are still so close that her chest brushes against mine when she breathes in. I kiss her lips softly and then let my hands trail down her neck to her shoulders and then down her arms feeling the delicate skin there. She is not looking at me anymore so I take her hand in mine and press my lips to her palm. "Because you don't trust me." She does not say anything or even take her eyes away from the window she is staring out. So, I place her hand back on the table and kiss her temple before whispering "goodbye." I do not look back as I leave the room, but I know she did not watch me leave.

O

_thank you for reading_


	6. Chapter 6

Lights, Camera, Action!

I am standing outside, leaning against the castle wall, facing the lake in an uncomfortable suit, waiting for Lily, because I could not handle any more death glares from James. We are supposed to leave in thirty minutes and I am dreading it more than ever. I sigh and want to sit on the ground, but I know how much trouble that will get me in. I settle for slumping a little more against the wall. It's late Saturday afternoon and the sun is resting just above the treetops, a gentle fall breeze causes them to sway a little, and I am thinking this would be a good time to take a girl out for a long walk around the lake. They think crap like this is romantic, I guess maybe, I can see why.

The castle doors slam open and I think Lily is here to rage at me for disappearing, but it is not her. Cole stumbles down the steps and glares at whoever is at the top, after she quickly puts herself back together. I disillusion myself, because this is the first time I know she doesn't know, I am watching. Maybe I will find something out. "That was a great move Severus, I am sure half the school is looking out their windows, right now; you are seriously the worst villain ever." I step away from the wall and see Snape glance up and the windows of the castle.

He shrugs and looks down at her; he seems totally unaffected by her statement. "They'll just think we are out for a fuck in the forest."

She snorts, "Even I have my standards. I doubt anyone would really believe that." Smirking, she stuffs her hands into the pockets of her baggy denim knee length shorts. My eyes travel down her legs, because this is the first time I have seen the lower half of her legs. They are usually, covered with the boots. It is then, that I notice she does not have any shoes on.

Snape comes down the steps and I see her think about making a run for it, but she doesn't. I am guessing, but I don't think she has her wand on her. He is standing directly in front of her now, he towers over her. She holds her ground and the only change in her appearance is the look of disgust that crosses her face as he leans to whisper in her ear, "No one will come for you, Becky, because no one gives a shit."

Her shoulders square a bit at that. "Severus, do you really think _you_ can make me join him if my father and my– what would you call him? Lover maybe? – failed?"

Snape places his hand just below her collarbone, almost tenderly, before shoving her backward. "I do, mainly because you know I won't think twice before killing you." She catches herself before she falls and a scowl distorts her face. "I would suggest moving, Becky, before I use force." He has his wand pointed at her now. Her nostrils flare and she is doing that damned thing with her tongue again, but she turns as walks toward the forest. I want to follow, but I know Snape will hear me. I cast a locating spell and a spell to allow me to hear their conversation, instead. As the make their way toward the forest, I will get James to alert Dumbledore.

James is not responding, and now they are out of range. They have already reached the other side of the lake. Trying to hex him now would just be stupid. I should have stunned him when I had the chance. "Stop poking me with that damned thing." I hear her voice in my head; she doesn't sound scared, just pissed.

"Then walk faster," he snaps at her and I can tell, by the way she jerks to the left in the distance and the gasp of pain in my ear, he jabbed her with his wand.

"Maybe I would move faster if I had my fucking shoes," she shouts, throwing her hands in the air. She stops abruptly and turns to face him.

"Fine," I hear him spit. Snape shoves a pair of combat boots at her and she is takes a step back, because of the force. She must have just been getting dressed or something, because she is only wearing a white tank top and the shorts. She does not even have the ever-present moon earring in.

She drops them and bends over to pull them on. Her voice drops low and it is almost begging, as she pleads with him. "Severus, you don't want to do this." I didn't think she would beg.

He bends over her and whispers in her ear, "Oh, but, Becky I do." I think for a moment he has stunned her, because her body slumps low, but she jerks upward quickly smashing her elbow into his nose. The boots forgotten on the ground, she takes off for the lake. Before he realizes she is gone and he can turn to stun her, she has already dove head first into the lake.

Once she hits the water, my charm no longer works and I cannot hear them anymore. I wonder, for a moment, if she hit the lake bottom, because she hasn't surfaced. As he is cursing her and smearing the blood from his nose across his face, she surfaces. She is hidden from him behind a rock, but I can see her blue lips, trembling from here. I start to make my way toward the lake, but I am not sure what I can do to help. As of right now if she moves he can stun her, but she cannot stay in the freezing lake either. I can't get to her and I can't make myself known or we will all end up in the Headmaster's office.

Snape walks back the way he came, intending to head her off if she makes a run to the castle. I wonder what she is planning. She dips back down into the water and I can tell by the way the water ripples, she is headed toward the Quidditch Pitch; I have no idea why she would go there, but I head toward that end of the lake. When I reach the edge of the water, I notice that Snape is close enough to hit her with a curse when she does get out of the water. I put up a few protection charms and pray he just thinks he is too far away. As soon as I set up the last one, she reaches the shore. She is panting and gasping for air. There is mud and lake weeds clinging to her and her shorts have to weigh a ton. She doesn't even take the time to catch her breath before taking off toward the Pitch.

Snape sees her as she runs passed me, after the first few curses fail to reach her he starts to chase her. I send out a trip-jinx, hoping he will think he just fell over his own feet, and run after her. I see her duck into the Gryffindor locker room, as I reach the Pitch and I follow her in. When I arrive, she is shimming out of her soaked jeans, while digging through Lucy's locker. I cannot help, but watch the wet shorts slide from her hips, revealing little lacy, black panties.

"Come on; come on, where is it?" She whispers hurriedly, under her breath, while she shuffles through Lucy's stuff. She stops suddenly and moves to mine. "Probably sleeps with the effing thing." She pulls out my beaters bat and a sweater, murmuring, "Thank the deities." She rips off her shirt. I don't have near the time I would like to admire her body, as the bulky sweater is hastily pulled on. She glances toward the door again and bites her lip. Taking one last look in my locker, she pulls out the wet start fireworks in there. I try to edge up closer to her and I trip over a stool, damn it. She drops to the ground and I lose sight of her as I blink back the tears of pain.

I decide, I should tell her it is me. "Cole? It's Black, relax." She does not say anything so I take of the disillusionment charm. "See?"

I hear her curse. "Fuck, you scared the shit out of me. Come on, he'll be here soon." I stare at her blankly, for a moment. All this for Snape? She disappears behind the lockers and I decide to follow. She is fiddling around with a combination lock on a locker in the back corner of the room I never noticed before.

"What are you doing?"

"Escape route." She doesn't look at me, but she must realize I am confused, because she explains. "Wood showed me… last year ago when he was Captain." What? James never told me about this. The door pops open and she smirks before squeezing through the opening. I am not sure I will fit, but I follow her, anyway.

Inside is a narrow tunnel, which expands into a large cavern after a few meters. Once she reaches the cavern, she slumps against the wall before sliding to a sitting position. She drops her head to her knees and takes a deep breath. Placing her hands to her wet hair, she exhales slowly. Finally, she is taking the time to catch her breath.

I notice that she is starting to shiver. "You alright?"

She looks up at me. "Fine." This time, I do not think she is lying. "What's with the getup?" she asks after a moment.

"I am Lily's date to her sisters wedding." I shrug.

Nodding, she pulls my sweater over her legs. "Just give me a minute and I'll show you the way out."

I stay standing, because if I get this suit dirty, Lily will kill me. "You want a warming charm or something?"

She shakes her head. "Going between extremes will only make it worse." I nod and bite my lip. She only sits for a few moments longer before getting up. "Alright, it'd be nice if you'd light your wand."

As she walks across the room and I light my wand and follow her. "What were you going to do with the fireworks?" I ask, trying not to look at her bare legs.

"Light. If you break off the top it'll provide a little light for about six minutes." She says, without looking back at me. "I'll probably be best if you keep the wand pointed at the ground, there are some holes about, that way we can see them before I fall in," she says before stepping into another tunnel.

I nod, again. "So, Wood?"

"Yeah, I bet the fight between him and Morgan makes more sense know, huh?"

I think back and I remember something about Lucy jumping all over Wood for being a trader and giving out information. "Yeah, yeah it does."

We walk in silence for a way before she speaks, again. "You are not going to ask?"

I sigh. "I didn't think you would tell me."

She bobs her head in agreement. "I'm a bit of a threat to the 'cause'."

I pause before responding. "Voldemort's cause?"

She stops and faces me. "Yep." She smiles and it is not her usual smirk, fake sweet smile, or devil's grin, it is just a small sad smile.

"And Snape?" I ask eager to get as much information as I can, while she is willing to give it.

"He is just another pawn in this game. Honestly though, he was a mistake for them, he is sloppy, he would have killed me, and now Dumbledore will know something's up."

"They don't want you dead?"

"Of course not, if they wanted me dead, I would be."

"Then, what do they want you for?"

The tunnel starts to light up and she turns to me. "Maybe next time." She gives me a quick grin and I know she is not lying. She runs her hands through her hair to get the damp locks to stand before crawling out of a hole in front of us. She waits for me to follow her out before handing me my bat. "Now, I have some bargaining to do for a wand, you have fun at that wedding." She winks and flashes the devil's grin, again before walking down the hall. We are somewhere on the first floor just passed the entrance to the dungeons. She is wearing nothing but my red hoodie sweater; it hits just below her bum and has a Gryffindor lion emblazoned on the back. It really, isn't a wonder that the majority of the schools female population hates her, I am sure all of their significant others jaws are hanging open, mine is.

O

"What the hell is wrong with you, Sirius?" Lily yells at me as I enter the common room. "We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago and you are just now showing up and you are filthy!" She is angry as hell, but how good she looks in that pale green dress almost makes up for it. Almost.

I shrug. "I'm sorry, Lily. Something came up."

"Something came up?" she fumes. "Something came up! Sirius, screwing some girl in some filthy room, is not something just coming up! That's you being an immature asshole, who doesn't give a shit about his friends."

"Like you give a shit about me, Lily. Get real with yourself! You ask me to take you to this damned thing, knowing that my best friend is beyond crushing on you and that he is going to be pissed at me for months. You know I cannot tell you no! What about the position you put me in, Lily? Maybe you should think about what you are doing, before you start accusing me of not giving a shit." Damn it, I tried to stay clean and someone's life was in danger. If she had not caused James to be pissed at me, I would not have had to go crawling around in dirty tunnels anyway, so really this is her fault.

She glares at me. "Well, now, what I'm a supposed to do, Sirius? You can't go like that!"

I could just use a cleaning charm and all will be well, but at that moment, James comes down the stairs. He is wearing his suit for is Muggle Studies presentation next Monday; he must be going to practice his speech. I smirk, glancing at James. "Take Prongs."

"What?" I really, think she is going to explode. I gesture to James, behind her and she turns to see him. She sighs, muttering, "You are evil."

Suddenly, she morphs from pissed to cool and collected. Smiling sweetly, she walks over to James, tapping him on the shoulder. "James will you do me a huge favor because your best friend is an idiot and can't stay out of the mud for ten minutes?" James is staring at her stupidly and he nods. "Will you be my date to my sisters wedding?"

"Of course!" He practically jumps with excitement. I roll my eyes and head upstairs to shower and change.

O

About twenty minutes later Lucy is banging on the bathroom door. "You're not going to want to miss this, Sirius. Hurry up." I sigh and shut off the water, this has been such a long day.

I grab a towel. "I'll be there in a minute, babe." I shake my head a bit like a dog would before wrapping my towel around my waist. I look in the mirror and smirk; I am still effing sexy even when I am dog-tired.

I come down stairs in my plaid pajama pants; these are Lucy's favorites. Do not ask why Lucy has labeled a pair of my pants as her favorite, as if I know. There is a big white sheet draped in front of the fireplace and the majority of the house is sitting staring at it. I am a little confused.

Pete shouts, "Finally!" as he sees me.

Lucy's head pops up from Moony's shoulder and she smiles brightly at me. "Come on, sweets, I saved you a seat for the show."

I seat in my 'saved' seat next to her and Remus. She waves wand at the sheet and Lily and James come into focus. "Holy shit, how'd you do that?"

"Easy, babe, it's the spell Davy uses to record sessions." Lucy whispers to me, passing the popcorn as Lily's voice enters the room.

"James, it's not a big deal. It's not like you don't want to." She has her hands on her hips and she is glaring at him.

"In front of _your_ family, jeeze Lily. Are you insane?" James is nervously running his hand through his hair, making it an unbelievable mess.

"Sirius would have done it."

A look of anger crosses James' face and I wonder what I would have done that James will not.

"Do you know how awkward that would have made your friendship?"

"It didn't change his and Lucy's." Lily frowns. Oh, shit she wants him to make out with her. Wait, is he refusing?

"That's because Lucy is just weird!" Lily shouts.

"I am not!" Lucy yells and throws popcorn at the screen. Remus chuckles and wraps an arm around her waist to keep her on the couch. "I am not weird," she tells him quietly.

He kisses her neck. "Yes you are; that's why we love you."

Back to James and Lily. "James, come on, we don't have a friendship to ruin." I think James' heart just withered and died. Damn it, Lily, think before you speak. At James' expression, you can see Lily cringe; now she realizes it was a bad thing to say. "I'm sorry, James, I didn't–"

"No, no it's fine." He puts his hand up to stop her. "You are right. It's just a kiss between… whatever the hell we are right. It's fine." I can see the pain in his eyes; he is not going to recover from this one.

"Alright, everyone that's it." Lucy ends the show. "Find something else to do." We share guilty and saddened looks as the room clears.

"Guess we will be back in the middle of the war, again?" Lucy asks as Remus moves to stand behind her and wraps his arms around her shoulders. She leans back and looks up at him at my nod. "I suppose the show was a bad idea?"

He smiles down at her. "Well, if it would have worked out like we had hoped it would have been a great idea."

"Why does she have to be such a bitch?" Lucy asks frowning.

"She would kill you for that comment you know." I smile at her.

Remus chuckles, "That exactly why that statement never leaves this conversation."

O

Okay, I have no idea what happened after we turned off the screen, but seriously, it was something major. James, who I expected to be a complete wreck, is a smiling sunbeam; Lily, who I thought would be dragging her feet with guilt, cannot handle being in the same room with James for more than five minutes without blushing like crazy. Usually, James would have jumping around by now telling me what happened, but he is being super quiet about it all. I so need to talk to Moony and Lucy, but damn them they have gone missing. AGAIN!

I should pull a prank on the Slytherins to get my mind off Lily and James.

And Cole. I can't seem to get the taste of her out of my mouth, not that I want to really. It's just well how are you supposed to enjoy kissing someone when you are thinking about the way some else tastes?

O

_thank you for reading_


	7. Chapter 7

In James' Head

Alright, I am putting an end to this bullshit right now! I have been running around for a week trying to get James to spill and still NOTHING! Lucy has been on Lily's case, but her lips are sealed as well. I am ending this; I am going to pull out the puppets!

James is lounging on the couch watching the fire crackle when I enter the common room. Perfect, he will not even notice me while he daydreams about Lily. Even though I know I am safe, I sneak over to him. Quietly, I take a deep breath and grab his shirt collar. He jumps as I yell "Boy's Dorm NOW!" in his ear and pull him off the couch.

His eyes go wide and he is struggling against me as I pull him out of the Head Dorms. "Padfoot, let me go! Damn it, Sirius! Let me go! I don't want to talk about this! You can't make me!" He kicks and screams all the way up the stairs, but I manage to shove him in the room without too many odd looks from the other Gryffindors. Of course, that might have been because Lucy and Remus are distracting them with free candy. They are so smart!

"Sit, James!" I point to his old bed and glare at him.

He crosses his arms and stomps his foot. "No!"

I just smirk and repeat myself. "Sit, James."

He frowns and straightens his glasses. "You are the dog, Sirius. I don't want to talk about this. It's my business; I do not have to share." He is going to crack soon.

I give him a faint grin. "Yeah, but I'm not house trained. You are going to tell me."

"B-But I don't– she said– she said not to– damn it, Padfoot!" He bangs the back of his head against the door before moving to sit on his bed. I win! Why didn't I do this earlier?

Sitting on the bed opposite him, I toss him the puppets. One has messy black hair and wire framed glasses; the other has sparkling green eyes and long curly red hair. "Now that that is over, start from where she told you that you weren't friends."

James blinks and stares at the puppets. A sad look crosses his face as he stokes the Lily doll's red hair. "How did you know that?"

I smile guiltily. "I have my ways."

"Lucy spied on us."

"Yeah, but we stopped after that. We shouldn't have been spying, but we thought… well, you know." I'm fiddling with the frayed stings that surround the hole in the knee of my jeans. I still feel bad for making James' private life public.

Looking up at me, James grins widely. "We were going to do the same thing, no worries. I assumed you guys were watching… which made it horrible. I'm glad you stopped, though." His cheeks flame up. I am glad we can never be mad at each other for long. What on earth happened to make him blush so?

I smile and sigh, "What happened?"

He looks down at the puppets. "Do I have to use these?" he whines.

"Of course! It's tradition. You can't stop tradition just because it didn't end with a black eye this time." We made the James and Lily puppets in fifth year, so who ever missed the latest James bashing could get an animated recap. Moony has the best Lily impersonation, but I totally have James down.

James rolls his eyes and picks up the puppets. "We are insane."

I grin. "That we are."

James' voice gets really deep as he picks up the James doll. "You are right, it's just a kiss between… whatever the hell we are, right?" The James puppet stares at the Lily puppet as the Lily puppet sighs and turns away. James' voice goes high. "James, I didn't– I didn't mean that. I mean, we are friends… just not– oh, hell! It's just a kiss between friends! It's not like our fighting can get any worse." Then the James doll kisses the Lily doll gently.

The next thing I know, James is doing a poor impression of Lily screaming in ecstasy while the James doll humps the Lilly doll.

"James! James!" I yell. "There is a reason why Moony made sure we couldn't charm the clothes off the puppets. This is it!"

Grinning goofily, he shrugs. "Yeah, yeah. I know. That didn't really happen, but we did kiss." He looks up at me and smiles. "Padfoot, it was the greatest kiss ever, and not just for me, either, but for her, too. I know it. Mainly, because she can't look at me without blushing. I think, maybe, she might reconsider now."

He is so leaving something out. "Yeah, maybe," I agree. "I'm happy for you, James."

"Thanks, man." He gives me a cheesy grin. "And thanks for being such a screw up, too, or it never would have happened."

O

"Oh, fuck it," I hear Lucy sigh.

I look up from my pranking plans to see her drop her head into her hands. "What's up, duck?"

She smiles sadly at me. "I just… I wish I had paid more attention before now. It's hard catching up." Her fingers are stained with green ink, and she has little green fingerprints on her forehead. She is studying for potions, again.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Why did you even pass your Potions O.W.L?"

"Don't you mean how?" she laughs. "I would have had to quit the team and retake the test over the summer." She is wearing Moony's favorite sweater. It swallows her up, but it is a really pale yellow that makes her tanned skin glow.

"Why don't you just tell them to shove it?" I ask, not letting her change the subject.

"Sirius, they are my parents." I get a half smile and a shrug. "I can't just disappoint them like that." I bite my lip and nod, but I don't really understand. I told my parents to go fuck themselves and left. She is obviously reading my thoughts. "It's different, Sirius. They aren't asking me to support a crazy mass murderer. They just want me to have a good career."

"What about your happiness?" I ask. "Shouldn't that be more important? You are a good enough beater to make a good career out of Quidditch."

She shrugs her shoulders. "You can find happiness anywhere if you just look for it, and I guess I'm willing to look a little harder if this will make them happy."

Nodding, I turn back to my plan and she goes back to studying. I never know what to say when her parents are the topic of our discussions. She always defends them to the end, even when they are horribly wrong. After a few minutes, I feel her sit on the arm of my chair.

"Have you found anything out from James?" She fits perfectly with her knees drawn up under her chin. I turn to her and see her smiling brightly at me, eager for gossip.

I grin. "Yeah, I did. Not everything, but they kissed." My hair falls into my eyes. It annoys the crap out of me, but I let it stay there because I know it annoys her, too. If it didn't make the girls go crazy, I would get it cut.

"Any more details?" she laughs, as she tucks the stray hairs behind my ear.

"No, but I am raiding his head tonight." I shrug and make an adjustment on my plans; pretending to run around inside someone's head is no big deal.

"Sirius! You can't–" Lucy exclaims, then cuts off with a shake of her head. "Never mind. Go for it, but you better not leave anything thing out when you tell me later." She is smiling guiltily but trying to hide it.

I laugh. "I'm glad you changed your mind. I would have hated to remind you of all your illegal mind escapades."

"I did nothing illegal! I simply danced along the line between right and wrong for a while." I raise my eyebrows at her grin as she shoves me a little with her shoulder.

"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that."

O

I thought my head was scary, but holy hell! James' head is insane. There is some crazy ass stuff in here, so I am being extremely careful and only looking for wedding memories. If I were Moony this would be a lot easier; he can do the whole "mind-reading" thing better than I can.

James was asleep when I came in, which was good. I mean, it would have been pretty hard to explain why I was breaking into his bedroom in the middle of the night. I really hope that he doesn't remember me waking him up and petrifying him. Anyway, Legilimency is a difficult thing to master and more of a Lucy and Moony thing than a Sirius thing, but I can manage it if the person is not fighting. Since James doesn't have that option right now, I'm set.

Skipping through memory after memory I search for the wedding. When I find it, I know it isn't just a dream of the wedding because Lily's eyes are a natural color. Not that Lily's eyes aren't beautiful because they are. Honestly, they are the prettiest eyes I have ever seen, but in James' fantasies, they shine a little more than humanly possible. Anyway, time to sit back and watch the show. Figuratively speaking of course, I am not sitting in James' head watching the telly. I am just… oh, hell! you get what I mean.

"…it's fine," James says. His voice shakes more than I remember it shaking when I saw this in the common room.

Lily blinks, and I can see the guilt wash over her; she knows she hurt him this time, and she won't be able to fix it. "James, I shouldn't have–"

"Lily, it's alright." James shrugs, and puts his hands together; it makes a clapping noise that startles both of them. "So, where is the most visible place in this building?" He is forcing down every emotion he ever had just to sound relaxed and calm about what she is asking him to do, what he is asking himself to do.

Biting her lip Lily mumbles, "Well, I didn't want to… I wanted to make it look like we were at least _trying_ to be discreet." Her eyes are shining with regret over this whole thing, red curls falling out on her lose twist to frame her face and blowing in the wind that is coming through the window.

James gives her an encouraging smile. "Lead the way, then." Lily hesitates before taking his hand and pulling him out of the room they were in and into the hallway. There is a small niche in the wall; Lily guides James there, drops his hand, and looks up at him. She is nervous about the whole thing and is going to back out when James brushes a curl out of her face. "Don't worry, Lily. I am safe remember? It is not as if we can fight anymore than we already do. There is nothing to destroy."

Lily nods and swallows. James smiles softly before gently kissing her. After a few moments Lily's hands move from there locked position at her sides to James hair. When things turn more passionate and Lily is against the wall, I begin to think maybe James hadn't been leaving stuff out. Then, a shrill high-pitched scream causes my eardrums to pound.

"Lil-EE! What in the _hell_ are you doing? This is _my_ wedding! I _knew_ you were going to mess everything up! You and your _freak_ of a friend! Practically _shagging_ in the church!" I think it is a woman, but I am not sure. She looks kind of like a horse, and there is so much lace and white and puffiness that I can't tell for sure. "I can _not_ believe you! You call yourself my _sister_! I wish you were _never_ born. Then I wouldn't have had to deal with such a _freak_ in my family. You ruin _everything_! Why can't I just have–" her voice disappears. I assume Lily has silenced her, but when I look at them Lily has silent tears falling down her cheeks and James has his wand pointed at the ball of pouf. Lily doesn't cry; Lily gets even. What the hell?

"How dare you! How dare you speak to her that way?" James growls as he places himself between the snowball and Lily. "You horrid, ball of…" His voices fade, and then he grins. "What the hell would you call that? Puff?" He is laughing now, "My God! How can you call us freaks for kissing in a church when you call that, that," he waves his hands in a wide circle gesturing to her wedding gown, "_thing_ a wedding dress? Someone needs to do you a favor and set the puppy afire." James has that look in his eyes that he always gets when Remus gets down for being a werewolf as he grabs Lily's hand and leads her toward the exit. I swear he is going to say "furry little problem", but he doesn't. He holds back laughter and kisses Lily, again, before pulling her out of the building. She is laughing with him, though the tears are still falling.

Lily's sister is left standing in the middle of the hall with her dress touching both walls and an outraged look on her face. A short redheaded man is standing behind her chuckling as he waves good-bye to Lily and James. I think that must be Mr. Evans.

The memory fades, and I enter another one. They are at the park; Lily is sitting in a swing while James stands in front of her holding onto the chains. They both have their shoes off, and James' jacket is draped across the swing next to them. Lily's tears have stopped. She holds James' gaze as he wipes away the last one trailing down her cheek.

"Thank you," Lily whispers. She looks down at her bare feet with their red toenail polish standing out brightly against the green grass. "I don't usually… Petunia… hell," she sighs. "I usually just take her shit. It was nice to, well, to see her upset for a change."

James stares at her for a moment, but she doesn't look back up. He places a hand under her chin and asks her to look at him. She hesitates, but she gives in. "Why?" is all he says.

She gazes at him for a moment, watching his messy, black hair ruffle in the wind. "What do you mean?"

"You don't take anyone else's 'shit' so why take hers?" James asks as his eyes crinkle around the edges with concern.

Lily turns her gaze out to the street, where the glowing red tail light of speeding cars stream past almost hypnotically. "She's my sister."

"And? Lucy's your best friend and you give her detention for sneaking out at night," James chuckles.

She gives him a faint smile. "You would have given her detention if I hadn't."

"Maybe."

Lily shrugs her pale freckled shoulders, which are shining a little in the moonlight. "She hates me when I don't do anything to deserve it. What will it be like if I give her a reason?" Her green eyes fill with tears again so she shifts her gaze to her hands.

"I doubt anyone could truly hate you even if you are a complete and utter bitch to them. I mean if anyone should hate you, it would be me, and I–" he stops and sighs. He almost said too much.

"And you?" Lily looks back up at him, her tears under control once again. I am surprised she is ignoring the "bitch" comment.

"And I… I couldn't imagine life without you." He smiles and pulls her up from the swing. "We need to get back to Hogwarts."

"Yeah," Lily answers, but she does not seem like she is ready to leave. They stand staring at each other for a long while, and then Lily stands on her toes and kisses him. I decide whatever else happened can be their business.

O

_thank you for reading_


	8. Chapter 8

The Furry Litte Problem

Peter, Remus, Lucy, and I are all scattered about the Head Common Room, waiting for James and Lily to get back from patrol. Lucy is curled up in Remus' lap, sleeping peacefully, while he and I play a game of chess. Peter is watching with rapt attention; why can't he just get a life?

"Check," Remus says, his voice is still hoarse and tired from the full moon.

I glance at him before moving my piece. "Are you ever going to tell her?"

The mood of the room instantly changes from sleepy and relaxed to tense and on edge. "Not now, Padfoot," Remus says curtly.

I frown and think about throwing my king at him but change my mind; it might wake Lucy, and we can't continue this if she is awake. "Then when? She deserves to know. It's not going to change anything."

He frowns at me and moves so Lucy wakes up. Damn him. "I was comfy…" Lucy says sleepily. She snuggles her head back into his chest and closes her eyes, again, drifting back off to sleep.

Remus whispers into her ear, "No, come on. Let's get you up to bed." Lucy nods, but doesn't move. He picks her up and carries her to Lily's room. He is gone for about five minutes before he drops back into his chair and sighs. "It will change things, and _you_ know it."

I look at him and his brown eyes filled with such sadness that it almost kills me. "It won't change her opinion of you."

Remus looks down at his hands, mumbling "We're not even dating."

"Bullshit!" Oops, there went the chess game. Little pieces scatter across the floor screaming as I stand knocking over the table.

"Sirius, we are just… just–"

"Just what Moony? Friends? That's bullshit and you know it." I am in is face now, and he is just staring at me. If he does not tell her, this whole thing is going to blow up in his face. They have been 'dating' for almost two months now, and they've been friends forever, he needs to tell her before she finds out on her own.

"You can't seriously think that telling her I am a werewolf is a good idea!" Remus yells to get me to back off. There is a gasp by the door followed by utter silence. Lily is standing next to James staring past Remus and me. Confused I look behind me and see Lucy barefoot in the doorway to Lily's room. Her chin is quivering and I can tell she is going to run because that is what Lucy does. Lucy runs.

I expect Remus to catch her as she runs past us, but he doesn't. James is too busy staring at Lily to think about stopping her so she makes it out the door. I am standing still in shock at the whole situation as Remus' knees give way and he hits the floor. He is pale and I don't know what to do. I am just standing here and Peter is looking frantically between James and me.

Suddenly, Lily is beside me. "Go get Lucy, I have Remus." I look down to her. She is taking this whole thing awfully well; she just found out her friend is a werewolf and she seems unaffected. Maybe she is just keeping it together because no one else is. "Go." She gives me a little shove toward the door and as I leave, I see her sit on the floor beside Remus and pull him into a hug.

Lucy is exactly where I knew she would be, the Gryffindor Locker Rooms. There is evidence of her presence throughout the whole place. Her clothes lying in various places where she threw them after ripping them off on her way to the showers. The benches are toppled over and there are a few dents in the locker doors. I can hear the water pounding against the tile floor and the steam seeping through the cracks of the door tells me she is trying to replace emotional pain with physical.

When I push the door open, she is sitting on the floor with the hot water pouring over her. I am grateful that the walk from the door to the showers is a short one because she is still wearing her underwear. Her skin is red from the scalding water and she is fighting with everything she has to keep the tears from falling. Splinters of wood cover the floor and there are a few dents in the walls. Blood mixes with the water and the pink liquid swirls down the drain.

I shut off the water and she pulls her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Her left hand grasping her right wrist knuckles of both hands dripping blood. "Lucy?" I whisper and her head drops to her knees. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I know she is not.

"Lucy?" I say again and her shoulders tremble.

"Why?" it is whispered and I barely hear her.

"Why what, love?"

She sniffs, "Why him? What did he do?"

"I don't know, babe. Sometimes life just isn't fair." I sit in front of her and my butt is getting wet but I do not care. I take her hands in mine and pull out my wand. "You killed your bat." I say before I set to work on healing her knuckles.

"Stupid thing should have been stronger." She doesn't even flinch and I know healing cuts like this hurts like hell. I have been in a lot of fistfights, and well, I punched a couple of walls after I found out about Moony too.

"You shouldn't hurt yourself like this."

"I didn't 'hurt' myself, I punched a wall. It's not like I was trying…" A sob breaks through her well put up barriers and for the first time I look at her face. Her eyes scare me more than anything. Lucy's eyes are not normal, they do not reflect emotion, or I did not think they did. Right now, though, there is so much emotion shining in them right now, I am amazed she can feel all of it at once. "I shouldn't have left."

"No." I agree and turn my gaze back down to her hands.

"Does he hate me?" her voice breaks as another sob breaks through.

"Of course not, love. He probably thinks you hate him. After all you are the one who ran." She looks at me, and her hair has gone dark with the water and is sticking to her face. The raging copper sea that is her eyes is starting to calm once again.

"I didn't want him to see…" She doesn't know what to call it, and I guess I don't know either. "He is so… he doesn't deserve this," she closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Neither do you."

She looks at me confused. "What do you mean?"

"It can be easy to learn someone you love has a furry little problem."

"You would know," she sighs.

"No, Luce. You love him differently than I do. He's my brother not my–"

"We're not." She cuts me off; she is scared of what I am going to say.

"Lucy, you are."

"No," she shakes her head, "Sirius, I can't and you know it. I can't be serious about… relationships. He knows that. We outlined what this alliance would be before we started. No more than friends with benefits."

"That's bullshit, Lucy." I frown at her, damn her outlining.

"It's not! That's the only way to keep… to keep from–"

"Lucy! Damn it, to keep from what? Getting hurt? What the hell do you call this?" I am yelling at her and I do not like it, but she is being so… stupid about this.

"He is my friend! I would do the same thing if it was you!"

"No! You would be in there holding me, like Lily is holding Remus right now! You would be upset but you would hold it together for me. You would tell me everything is going to be okay even though its not. But you can't do that for him, Luce, because you can't lie to him. You can't tell him that everything will be better because you know it won't be. Things will only stay the same, the only difference being that you know." I run a hand through my hair, and she is staring at me with the same blank expression she used when Remus yelled at her for running in the forest. That means I am right. Damn it, I am right. "Lucy, I'm sorry."

Her head drops back to her knees as she whispers, "I didn't mean too."

"It's not a bad thing Lucy. He is a great guy; I wouldn't have let it happen if he wasn't."

"Everything gets complicated now."

"Like it wasn't complicated before." She has started to shiver so I stand up and pull her up with me, "Come on, let's get you dressed and go fix Moony." She just nods and the tears finally start to fall. I pull her to me and hold her as she cries. It's killing her to cry in front of me, I know it, because Lucy doesn't cry. Lucy doesn't let the world get her down.

O

"Lily?" I call as I enter the Head Dorms.

"Yeah, Sirius. I'm in the bathroom give me a sec." Lily's voice calls back to me so I flop down on the couch and wait for her.

"Hey." I smile as she comes around the back of the couch and sits in the chair facing me. Her hair is wet and pulled back in a sloppy bun. She is in her pajamas and she smells like strawberries. "How was Moony?"

She gives me a sad smile. "He's fine, Sirius. Just… he's too hard on himself."

I nod, because I know. "How are you?"

She laughs a little and pulls her long legs up into the chair with her. "I'm fine."

"Do you know how many times I have heard that lie today?" I grin and raise my eyebrow.

"A lot, I suppose. But honestly, I am fine. It doesn't change anything." Her green eyes hold my gaze for a moment and then fall to the ground. "Or maybe it does." She sighs and smiles. She sees me frowning. "I mean, know I can only think about what I can do to help… and so far nothing has come to me." She bites her bottom lip.

"Don't worry about that Lily; James already managed to help until a cure is found." I smile at her and she stops chewing on her lip to look at me.

"What?"

"James came up with a way to help… a long time ago. Now that, you have convinced him that he can date, and I have convinced Lucy that is okay to be more than friends, he can be happy. Just as happy as anyone else, anyway."

"What are you guys doing? You not endangering yourself are you?" Her eyes flash with fear; she knows we are stupid.

"Not anymore. The life-threatening part ended in fifth year."

She sighs relieved, "Oh, good." She will not ask anything else; because she knows, she does not want to know. It took her a while to realize if I do not spill right off, she does not want to know, but she did learn.

"Well, I'll see you later then?" I ask standing up.

She nods before biting her lip again. There is something on her mind so I wait for her to speak. "Sirius… do you really think that… do you really think that we would be good for each other?"

It takes me a moment to realize what she is talking about, "Of course, I do. He is a great guy, Lily. But you know that don't you?" I smile and leave her to her thoughts. Way to go, James!

O

"Hey."

It's the first time Cole has said hello first so my smile widens a little. She is sitting at our desk in Defense, her head resting on her worn bag and her sweater clad arms lying lazily on either side of it. She lifts her head at little as I sit in the chair next to her and return the greeting. If the "hey" hadn't alerted me to the fact that something was wrong, her lack of make-up would have sent the sirens screaming. I wonder if the freckles that dapple across her nose have always been there or if I just haven't notice before now.

"Poppy won't give me a Pepper-Up," she sniffs and gives me a weak smile before dropping her head back to her bag. She's sick; that would explain the lack of thought put into her outfit. For once, her uniform actually resembles the uniform.

"Why?" I ask as I pull out my book and some parchment for notes, even though I probably won't use either.

"Evidently if you are dumb enough to go skinny dipping in October, you deserve a cold." Her eyes crinkle a little around the edges as she laughs. I can't remember seeing her laugh before today. She closes her eyes and I think she has fallen asleep. I stare at her for a moment before her eyes open slowly. "I don't look _that _bad, do I?"

I shake my head. "No, not at all." Damn it, I could have come up with something better than that. I get another weak smile though, and I'm thinking maybe today is my lucky day: two smiles and a laugh.

The doors bang open, and Obeli storms in. Cole winces a little out the loud noise; I'm guessing that means a headache. Glaring at the students, he begins the class. I wonder what has his knickers in a twist.

I label the top of my paper "Unforgivables" and start to doodle on the corner. After a few minutes, my dragon starts to look more like a dog. I'm going to scratch it out when her handing writing appears below it.

_Cute puppy._

_**It's not a puppy... It's a dragon!**_

_Right…_

_**He can't help it if he looks more like a cute puppy than a fierce dragon. Don't make fun of him.**_

She starts to laugh again, but it quickly turns to a cough. Obeli glares at her, but for once, he doesn't say anything.

_I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. _

_**You are forgiven, but don't let it happen again.**_

_Okay, I promise to never tell him he looks like a puppy, again. So, what are you doing tonight?_

_**Aren't you a little too sick to be thinking about shagging me?**_

_I wasn't thinking about that. I was wondering if you were going into Hogsmeade? I need some ciggys mine were 'confiscated'._

_**By who?**_

_Our dear Headmaster when I went to speak with him after my swim in the lake. _

_**So, you've gone a week without a smoke and your sick?**_

_Yeah, well, I probably wouldn't have gotten this sick if I hadn't tried to sneak out last night to get some cigarettes. Going out for a romp in the cold forest when you already have the sniffles isn't exactly a bright idea. _

_**No, it's probably not. So, you spoke with Dumbledore?**_

_Yes._

_**Do I get anymore than that?**_

_Um… I called him a nitwit._

_**Nitwit? That's not up to your usual standard is it?**_

_You have to use words that are on his level. If I called Dumbledore a cocksucker, he wouldn't get it. : )_

_**Ah, I see. **_

_So, are you going tonight?_

_**Yeah, I'll pick you up some.**_

_Thanks._

_**No problem.**_

"Ms. Cole, care to share with us?" Professor Obeli's voice rings through my head.

"Share what, sir?" she enquires politely. Her eyes are dropping and you would think she is about to fall asleep. Her tense shoulders and deathlike grip she has on her quill disagrees with that thought though.

"Whatever has Mr. Black so enthralled with taking notes today," he answers, coming down the aisle. I try to think of a way to destroy the note without him noticing, but nothing is coming to me.

"Maybe your lecture was actually interesting today?" she asks smiling.

"I doubt anything I have to say would be interesting to Mr. Black." Why doesn't he ever talk to me?

"Maybe you could ask _Mr. Black_ what was keeping his interest?" I frown and his eyes flash angrily at me.

I hear Cole whisper something as Obeli attention leaves her. "Detention, Black. My office at seven."

O

I'm waiting around the Common Room until it's time for my detention. Lucy is lying on the couch sleeping with her head in Remus' lap. He is reading some book and stroking her hair. Peter is reading Muggle comic books. Lily and James are sitting awfully close as they go over plans for the Halloween Feast in the corner of the room away from prying eyes.

An alarm goes off somewhere and Lily yells, "Sirius, you need to leave!"

I roll my eyes and get up. "I'm going, mother."

Standing outside of the portrait hole when I step out is Professor McGonagall. She is frantic and wringing her hands as she paces back and forth. "Professor? Are you okay?"

She stops in her tracks and stares at me. "Fine, Mr. Black. I am fine, but would you accompany me to the Headmasters office? I am afraid I have some bad news."

My heart drops out of my chest as I stare back at her and nod.

O

_thank you for reading_


	9. Chapter 9

Hunter

The pounding of my heart drowns out any sound the rotating steps that lead to the Headmaster's office make as they slowly take me closer and closer toward the inevitable bad news. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion. Professor McGonagall's lips seem to take ages to form words I cannot hear. Her frail hand reaches for the brass griffin-shaped knocker, and in the time it takes her to click the metal against metal three times, my mind has shown me images of everyone I have ever loved broken and dead.

I swallow and tell myself it's going to be okay. _James, Peter, Remus, Lily, and Lucy are fine. I just left them all in the common room. They are safe. _I continuously repeat it in my head like some sort of mantra, praying if I think it enough it will put an end to the horrid images flashing before me. It's not working.

As Professor McGonagall pushes the door to Dumbledore's office open, a picture of Regulus flashes through my mind. He is young and small, and his hair falls into his face exactly the way I remember it did. He does not resemble the person he has become since I left at all. He is still boyishly handsome, and his grey eyes are mirror images of mine. Then he changes. His eyes grow harsh, scowl lines form around his lips, and he grows to look more and more like them and less like me. He glares coldly before a surprised look adorns his features, and his eyes go blank. I watch him fall gracefully toward the ground before Professor McGonagall's voice floods through my nightmare. "Mr. Black?"

I glance up at her concerned face and try to muster a small smile. "I'm fine, just… fine."

She steps to the side and allows me to enter the office. For once, the noises of the swirling, clinking gadgets that fill the room do not calm me. I flinch at the almost silent click of the door as Professor McGonagall leaves as if it was deafening.

The Headmaster's clear blue eyes stare into my soul, and I know he knows exactly what I am thinking. _Please, just don't let it be him. I never told him I was sorry. _"Sirius, please, have a seat." His wrinkled hand waves me to the empty wooden chair in front of his desk. He used my first name; now, I know that someone died.

"Please, Professor, just tell me. I can't handle the…" My imagination is running wild. My world spins, and I have to grab a hold of the hard chair in front of me so I don't fall. Everyone is gone. I'm the only one left. _They're safe. They're safe. You just saw them. They're safe,_ I scream at myself but the nasty images keep toying with me, making me believe what I know is not real.

"Of course. I just received a letter from the Ministry. Your Uncle Alphard has passed away." I am ashamed of my sigh of relief as I fall unceremoniously into the chair. Uncle Al was old. I knew he would be dying soon. We weren't even that close. I know I should feel bad for the loss, I do to some extent, but the relief of it not being someone else is drowning it out.

Dumbledore is staring at me oddly. I blink and force my eyes to focus on him. "I know it sounds… heartless, but it is a relief. I thought… I thought it was someone else." _Thank you, God. Thank you for sparing him. Thank you, for giving me a chance to make it right. _

A tea tray appears on Dumbledore's desk, and he smiles. "Always trust a nervous woman to make tea." I raise my left eyebrow questioningly. "Minerva," he answers simply.

I nod and lean back in my chair. My heart is still pounding, and I can only think of Regulus. I just want to see him again, even if he doesn't want to see me. I just want— no, _need_ to apologize and make things right between us.

"Sugar?" Dumbledore's old, comforting voice enters my thoughts.

"Yes, please." I close my eyes and try not to think anymore. When I open them, Dumbledore is holding a teacup out to me. I take the cup and stare into the amber liquid, wondering what to say. "I thought it was my brother." The Headmaster never has to say anything. If he waits long enough I always just lay my heart out on the table for him.

"You still haven't spoken with him then?" he asks. I had promised him I would before the last school year ended.

I shake my head, frowning. "Why isn't he here? I mean, Uncle Al was his uncle, too."

"Ah, I assumed you knew. Your uncle left you everything in his will," Dumbledore answers nonchalantly over his teacup.

"B—But we weren't even close. I mean, I only…" _Everything?_ is the only thought floating through my brain.

"I believe your uncle made a wise decision." I gaze into his knowing eyes and force myself to breathe. My eyes well up with tears as I think of all the times I took the only sane member of my family for granted. I am using every last ounce of my willpower to keep them from falling.

With the details worked out, there is nothing left to say. I sip at my tea, not really tasting it and glancing around the room. Little, silver objects wink at me. Dumbledore has finished his cup and now sits stroking Fawkes' crimson and gold feathers absently. I am about to stand and leave for my detention when the office door is flung open and bangs against the wall. My teacup almost goes crashing to the floor as I jerk toward the direction of the sound.

Standing in the doorway is Cole in only her boots and a towel. "Ms. Cole!" My head whips back to Dumbledore at the sound of his embarrassed voice. His red cheeks stand out against the white of his beard. "Y—you're not dressed." His voice shakes as he tries to recover.

I look back at Cole. Her chin is quivering; her eyes keep flashing with fear followed by anger. "You said they wouldn't find him! I trusted you!" she spits at him.

Dumbledore sobers immediately. "What do you mean, Ms. Cole?"

"You know damn well what I mean, Albus! They fucking found him!" She throws a tiny silver object on his desk. "It's a pretty damn good thing I can't seem to follow the rules isn't it?" She blinks back tears as Dumbledore picks up the object; it's her earring. "I am going to get him. I won't be back. I just thought I'd let you know."

She tightens the towel around her as starts to leave the room. "Wait! Ms. Cole, you can't go. Not now. Not alone. Please, let me…" She doesn't turn around; she doesn't even stop. Then, almost elegantly, she falls to the floor. I turn to find Dumbledore with his wand pointed at her. A strange feeling of déjà vu washes over me.

He swallows and says, "Mr. Black, would please wake her when I am gone? Make her stay here."

I nod because I do not know what to say. How the hell am I going to make her stay if he has to knock her out to leave? He quickly moves to his desk, grabs something out of the top drawer, and tosses it to me. He is gone in a flash of flames as I catch the small carton. It's her cigarettes.

"Cole?" I gently shake her arm. "Cole?" I say again when she does not wake.

Her eyes flutter open. "Hunter?" She sits up quickly and looks around the room. "Fucking bastard." I expect her to make an attempt at leaving, but she doesn't. She just pulls her knees to her chest and drops her head. Her body quakes as she sobs into her hands. I have no idea what to do; I just stand there and stare for a long moment. Finally, I drop to my knees, wrap an arm around her shoulders, and pull her close to me.

After what seems like an eternity, she stops crying and raises her head.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

She turns and glares at me. Amazingly, her glower is just as powerful when her eyes are red from crying. "Right, stupid question."

I stand and offer her my hand. As I pull her to her feet, her towel slips a little. She quickly adjusts it, and a weak smile plays on my face.

I pull off my robes and transfigure it into a simple, black nightgown; it was the only thing I could think of at the moment. I pass it to her, and she gives me a small smile as I move to face the wall. A few moments later, I feel her small hand on my arm. I turn to face her.

"Thank you."

I have never heard two words that are more beautiful in my life, but before I can reply, Dumbledore steps out of the fireplace in a flash of green light. He has a little boy dressed in superman pajamas clasped in his arms. There is dirt and grime covering his beard and hair; his deep purple robes are torn in several places. The little boy is crying into Dumbledore's white beard. I glance from him to Cole in confusion. _She has a son?_

Silent tears stream down Cole's cheeks as she takes the boy from our aging headmaster. "B-B-Becca?" he stutters as she clutches him to her chest. "Oh, Hunter, I am so sorry. I should—" More sobs cut out her words, and she wraps her arms tighter around him.

A long bout of quietness fills the room. Only the sound of Dumbledore's clicking objects and Hunter's quiet crying can be heard. When the tears finally die away, she kneels on the floor and places him on his feet in front of her. Cole wipes some of the dirt and tears from his face.

"Hunter, are you hurt?" She asks softly. He shakes his head as more big tears roll down his plump cheeks. "Okay." A relieved sigh escapes her lips.

One hand rests on his cheek as she looks up at Dumbledore. "Can you get a light Calming Draught from Madam Pomfrey?" Her other hand runs up into her hair. "He's allergic to the Dreamless Sleep." Dumbledore nods and moves to the fireplace. "He's four," she calls over her shoulder to him. I am assuming age makes a difference in the dosage.

My eyes never leave her as she speaks with him gently, allowing him to answer her questions without feeling interrogated. He stutters, "Be-Becca, it was tuh bad men, again."

She nods slowly. "I know, kiddo. It's gonna be okay now. I promise. We're going to stay together this time."

His big, chocolate eyes fill with tears. "Tay… tay took my teddy. I c-can't sleep wit-tout my teddy."

She smiles; if all he is worried about is his stuffed bear, he must be fine. "We'll get you a new teddy."

"Rebecca?" Dumbledore's voice brings us both back to reality. She glances up at him. A remorseful smile graces her lips as she takes the potion from him.

"Alight, kiddo, this is going to taste bad, but it will make you feel better, okay?" She removes the stopper and sniffs it. Satisfied, she hands the bottle to the boy. He mimics her before drinking the potion. His nose wrinkles at the taste, but the effect is immediate. His eyes become heavy, and he yawns.

Cole pulls her wand out of her boot and mutters a cleaning charm before picking him up. He looks up at her once she is standing again. "Will you sing me a song?"

"Whatever you want, kid."

He smiles sleepily at me as she carries him to a couch in the corner of the room. Dumbledore must have put it there while I was watching her. With his head resting against her chest, he mutters, "The one Mommy use to sing?"

She nods and whispers, "Of course, Hunter, of course." Her voice shakes a little, but he doesn't seem to notice. Her face and her smile say that it doesn't bother her, but her eyes are begging him to change his mind.

Charcoal eyes glance around the room and find both Dumbledore and me. She gives us an apologetic smile before beginning the song.

"When I was just a little girl  
I asked my mother, what will I be  
Will I be pretty, will I be rich  
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,  
Whatever will be, will be  
The future's not ours, to see  
Que Sera, Sera  
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love  
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead  
Will we have rainbows, day after day  
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,  
Whatever will be, will be  
The future's not ours, to see  
Que Sera, Sera  
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own  
They ask their mother, what will I be  
Will I be handsome, will I be rich  
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,  
Whatever will be, will be  
The future's not ours, to see  
Que Sera, Sera  
What will be, will be."

He is asleep by the third verse, but she continues to sing. I always knew she was a singer in a past life. She stokes his dark hair and tears slide down her cheeks as she whispers the last words. She closes her eyes and takes a shuttering breath before scanning the room for Dumbledore.

"Two days. That's all I need, and we will be gone."

Dumbledore stares at her calmly. "We have spoken of this before, Ms. Cole. You are not going anywhere."

"We can't stay here!" she whispers harshly. "He will recognize him in a heartbeat."

"I will find a way around it."

"A way around it? A way around it! The bloody way around it was not to bring him here in the first place or fire him when I gave you the opportunity!" She is angry, but her voice is hushed to keep from waking the child in her arms.

"He—"

"He could unwittingly provide us with information. Oh, right, I forgot."

"Ms. Cole, please, it will not hurt him to live with another family. Just until—"

"If you aren't willing to help us then don't. It's fine. I have made it on my own before, and I can do it again." She stands holding the little boy close to her chest and storms toward the door.

"For how long, Rebecca? Two weeks? They will find you. You know that as well as I. They will find you and kill you. Then who will protect him?" he informs her calmly. When she doesn't stop and slings the door open, his voice turns forceful. "Rebecca, sit."

Jaw cocked to the side, she turns and faces him with the door left wide open. "Do you really think that is going to work?"

He looks at her calmly. "You stopped."

Her arms tighten protectively around the child. "I promised her. I promised her I would keep him safe. He will not be safe here. We tried your way. It didn't work. They found him, Professor. He could have been killed." Her voice is soft but deadly.

"You think I don't realize that?" he asks. "Rebecca, we need to talk about this. We need to choose the best plan, not dive in head first and hope it works out."

"I am not leaving him, again." She continues to glare at him. If he doesn't agree to this, it's obvious that she will be leaving and he will not be able to stop her.

Dumbledore inclines his head a little. He looks like he would give the world to deny her, but he doesn't. "Agreed."

Rebecca presses her lips to the child's dark hair before walking back into the room. Careful not to wake him, she places him on the sofa. She pulls a red knitted blanket off the back of a nearby chair and drapes it across his tiny body, tucking in the corners to keep him warm. She straightens and turns to face the Headmaster. "He's lost weight."

"I noticed." he says before moving toward his desk. She follows behind him as he conjures a chair identical to the one already in front of the desk. He motions for Cole and me to take a seat.

Dumbledore steeples his long fingers and raises an eyebrow. "Anymore terms?"

Rebecca's lips twist into a small smile. "Not yet."

"Good, I am assuming you have no issues with Mr. Black being here."

"I would have kicked him out on his ass if I did." I don't doubt it.

Dumbledore smiles faintly before continuing. "I suggest that we find him another family and you continue with your schooling. There is only a few more months..."

Rebecca eyes, which had been fixed on Hunter, flick quickly to meet the Headmaster's gaze. "He has lost too many families, Professor. I cannot put him through that loss, again." Her eyes shoot back to the boy. "It didn't even affect him this time. He has stopped forming bonds with them."

By the way he hesitates, I can tell Dumbledore wants to disagree, but there is too much evidence to support her claim. "They will not hesitate to kill you once they locate him. It is not safe for you—"

"I don't give a shit about me as long as he is safe!" she interrupts him with a scream, but as she catches the little boy stir, her voice drops to almost a whisper.

She glares at him, and he stares calmly back at her. I begin to wonder where she got the pluck to talk back to Dumbledore; not even James does that, and he has known him since birth.

Neither of them says anything for quite a while, so I speak up. "Maybe just placing him out in the open is the best idea. I mean, let him live here with Rebecca. The Death Eaters will know they are under your protection. Hogwarts is the safest place there is, right? Why not just dangle him in front of their noses." I really have no idea what is going on, but from the sounds of things, Dumbledore doesn't want Cole to leave and Cole doesn't want Hunter to be without her, again.

Cole turns her glare to me. "Use him for bait? Are you fucking insane?"

"That's not what I mean! I mean, they can't get to him here, so why hide him?" I whisper and shrug my shoulders. Rebecca drops her jaw and stares at me before turning to Dumbledore. His eyebrows are raised, asking her to find a fault; he likes my idea.

Cole frowns. "Have you forgotten my birthday present?" She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. "If they can get to me on school grounds, what makes you think they can't get to him?" Birthday present?

Dumbledore's eyes harden. "If you hadn't been run—"

"It's your fault I was 'running around', keeping up my end of the bargain, Dumbledore, getting you the information you want however I can." She stands and narrows her eyes at him. I should be watching his reaction, but I am too distracted by the way the silky black material brushes against her smooth pale thighs.

"What you have turned this into is not what I asked of you." Dumbledore comes as close to shouting as I have ever heard him.

With a deep sigh, Rebecca falls back into her chair. "I don't regret it, so don't apologize."

I wonder why she would think he is going to apologize; it seems to me like whatever happened is her fault. "I should ha—"

"Don't, okay? It's fine. I dug up things that should have been left buried." She looks up at him from her chair, and her eyes ask for forgiveness. "It's not your fault. I should have been more careful. This is a good idea. We should do it."

Stroking his beard, Dumbledore inclines his head. "There is a room on the fifth floor. I will have the house elves set it up for you and Hunter. He can stay with Poppy during your classes and with you the rest of the time. I am sure Minerva would be pleased to baby-sit, should you ever need time to study alone." Dumbledore smiles softly at her, and I look to her as she closes her eyes and sighs a 'thank you, sir'.

With a quick bob of his head, Dumbledore stands. "I think now would be a good time to explain everything to Mr. Black." He takes long strides toward the door. "I will be arranging things. You are welcome to the Pensieve, if you wish to use it." With that said, he leaves the room.

I sit staring at the worn wood of Dumbledore's desk until I hear her move. I glance up to see that she is now standing above me. "I'm not watching it, again, so we can talk when you get back." She strolls over to the cabinet that I know houses the Pensieve. She opens the doors and presses the tip of her holly wand to her head. After pulling out several wispy strands of memory, she looks back to me. "All yours."

O

"Hey! Get back here you little monster," a young girl with long black hair laughs as she chases after a small child crawling across the floor. She scoops him up around the middle and twirls around as she stands again. He screams with giggles. "Where did you think you were going, my little man?" As she places him on her hip with a smile, I recognize her. No wonder I couldn't find any pictures of Cole from before fifth year. If it weren't for her eyes, nobody would be able to recognize her.

White teeth shine in the sunlight streaming in through the open window of the airy house as she smiles and tickles the child. Hidden behind long black hair, she kisses his cheek. "Let's go find your mummy." He pouts at her. "What, you don't like your mummy?" She bites back a smile. He jabbers something I can't understand, and she laughs. Her face lights up with joy, and her eyes show the same emotion. "Well, that's good, but, you still love me more, right?" He bobs his head up and down while smiling cheerfully.

"Becca! Hunter! Come on they are going to be here soon!" a light, crisp voice drifts down from upstairs.

"Alright, Case! We're coming!" Rebecca yells up to the person at the top of the stairs then whispers to the little boy, "Looks like we are going to be forced to wear something itchy, my little man." Hunter laughs at her wrinkled nose and tries to imitate it.

The memory fades, and another one takes its place.

The long, black hair is pulled up into a loose knot with small curls escaping to frame her face. She is wearing a backless, black dress with simple heels and pearls. Standing a little nervously behind a group of people, shaking hands and hugging like old friends, she twists a ring on her index finger. A woman, who I am assuming is Hunter's mother because of her eyes, takes a step back and places a hand on Rebecca's. She stops fidgeting, immediately. The woman whispers, "Chill, Becca. You'll be fine." Rebecca gives her a weak smile before the woman gives her a small shove to the front of the group.

"My God! Is that little Becky? Look at how much you have grown!" A tall man exclaims and pulls her into a hug. She nervously pats him on the back. "The last time I saw you, you were still in pigtails. Look how lovely she is, Martha." He turns to his wife smiling brightly before turning to the young man to his left. It's Professor Obeli. "I bet you regret calling her a spoiled little brat now don't you, Dare?"

Obeli glares at him then flashes Rebecca a charming smile. "Yes, yes, I do."

She blushes, and her hands shoot back to their nervous fidgeting.

A booming voice interrupts any more conversation. "Why don't we go have some dinner while the elves set you up in the guest house?" The group follows the tubby balding man out of the entrance.

Obeli falls into step with Rebecca. "Don't you just hate it when they do that." He flashes her that smile again, and she giggles and nods.

Again, the memory fades.

Rebecca is laying on of her back in the grass as sunlight pours over her. The light reflecting off her dark hair winks at me as she sits up. She stands and walks a distance toward the large pond.

He comes from nowhere as she bends to pick up a pebble at the edge of the water. She tosses it toward the water, and it skips across the surface three times before sinking. Obeli wraps an arm around her small waist as she moves to toss another one. "How do you do that?" He asks, his lips against her hair.

Grinning up at him, she starts to explain, "Oh, it's easy enough. It's all in the wri—" Her body tenses as he crashes his lips down on hers. Soon, though, she relaxes and wraps her arms around his neck. He is leading her to the ground as her dress slips from her shoulders.

I close my eyes. I don't want to see this. When I reopen them, the memory is over, and now she is sitting on a large bed that looks more like a cloud than a bed. Resting her head on the white pillow clasped to her chest, she sighs. "Case, it was… he… it was perfect."

Large, deep brown eyes shine at her. "I'm happy for you, Beck, but be careful. You're only fifteen."

She rolls her eyes. "I'll be sixteen in less than two months."

A chuckle escapes the woman's throat. "I know that silly. Even sixteen isn't old enough to be 'in love', sis." Her eyes crinkle as she smiles and throws a pillow at Cole.

"Not fair, Casey! I wasn't ready." Rebecca laughs, falling back onto the bed.

Again, the silvery fog causes the memory to drift away and another takes its place.

Fingers dance across her stomach as he tickles her. "Stop! Please… oh gods… you're killing me. Stop," she gasps out between laughs. Rebecca squirms on the couch, and Obeli stands above her tickling her almost to tears.

"When you answer, I'll stop." He attempts to kiss her, but she is wiggling too much for him to capture her lips.

She stops laughing and stares up at him with round eyes. "You're serious?" It's almost a whisper.

One hand moves from her stomach to cup her cheek. "Of course," he murmurs before kissing her.

Small hands push him back. She sits up, and he stares at her smiling faintly. "Darren, I'm sixteen. I can't—" A muffled scream comes from above them. "What was that?" she asks staring at the ceiling.

A worried look crosses his face. "Nothing. Just the house creaking." He moves to kiss her, again.

With a shake of her head, she stops him. "No, it wasn't. It sounded like Casey."

"She is probably just fighting with Trevor." He brushes her hair from her face to get her to look at him. Her eyes stay fixed on the ceiling.

"No. Case and Trev don't fight." She glares at him before standing.

He grabs her hand. "Becky, come on. I am sure it's nothing, and you didn't answer me." He tugs a little to get her to come back.

She turns and glares at him. "It might be something. There is no harm in checking and no."

"What!" He stands and almost knocks her over.

"No. I'm sixteen, Darren. How can you even ask that?" She jerks her hand out of his and heads for the door.

"Because I love you!" he yells at her back.

"Then you would support my decision and wait." He grabs her hand again just before she reaches the door. He jerks on her arm causing her to turn and stumble into him. She tries to pull away, but he grips her to him. "Let me go."

He backs her against the wall. "Come on, Becky." Her head whips to the right as he attempts to kiss her.

"Stop it. Just let me go." She seems to be trying to make herself smaller.

"But, Becky." He nuzzles up against her pressing her further into the wall.

"No! Get off of me!" she screams trying to push him away from her. "Get off! Just get the fuck away from me."

"Such language." He murmurs against her neck.

Choking and whimpering, she begs, "Please, please, just let me go." When he doesn't, I pull out of the Pensieve.

O

I stare at her with her arms wrapped around herself, refusing to look at me. She is so different now. Her hair is bleached blonde and cut short. Her smiles never reach her eyes. At a glance, you would wonder if she ever eats. She's fierce, emotionless, and always just half a step from breaking down.

"You can skip ahead." She sniffs. I nod, though she doesn't see it before dipping back into the Pensieve.

O

The silver mist swirls around me until I see Cole sobbing and hugging her knees to her chest as she sits on the hardwood floor. He is standing above her, his nose wrinkled in disgust. She refuses to look at him and tries to melt into the wall as she bites down screams or sobs; I am not sure which.

He snorts, "Stupid, worthless bitch," and spits on her before striding from the room.

A whimper escapes her bruised lips, and she begins to cry in earnest. I am left to watch her cry as her world falls apart, again, and this time I can't even offer comfort, because I'm not really here; it's already happened.

After an eternity, she stands, swaying slightly. She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. A shiver crawls up her spine as she whispers something under her breath. The bright green dress, torn and battered on the floor, winks up at her. Narrowing her eyes at it, she yanks it off the floor and roughly wrenches it over her head. As she walks from the room, I notice her walk is a sedated version of the one she uses today.

I reach out to touch her as she passes by me. I can't help myself; she is so broken. I just want to help. She drifts right through my hand like a gentle summer breeze.

As we climb closer to the top floor of the house, I begin to hear the cries of a small child. She hears it too and runs up the last few steps. It appears as if she is just going to dive in headfirst and screw the consequences, but she stops just as she reaches the door. Taking a deep breath, she softly pushes the door open. A look of horror crosses her face as she glances inside the room. She hesitates at the door. I move so I stand directly behind her and stare into the room.

It's a disaster. Scorch marks cover the walls; clothes and blankets are scattered across the room. The armoire doors are thrown open, and a large suitcase is setting on the floor beneath it. Clothes strewn inside so hastily things are hanging out of the closed case. Cole, however, doesn't seem to be staring at the state of the room; she is gazing intently at the center of the room.

Her sister is lying on the floor, her deep brown eyes wide with fear, blood and spit trailing from her lips to the floor. The little boy is standing beside her, his teddy bear hanging limply in his hand as he gently shakes her shoulder. "Mummy? Mummy, get up!" is all I can understand of his gibbered words mixed with tears.

Rebecca's hands clench at her side before she enters the room. The little boy's head jerks toward her. "B-B-Becca, she won't get up." His lip quivers as big tears roll down his cheeks.

Swallowing hard, she tells him to go stand by the bed. He follows orders dutifully and watches her curiously from the corner, his teddy bear clasped tightly to his chest with one hand and the other fisted in the sheets to help him keep his balance. Knowing he will be safe, and even if he is not that I can't do anything to stop it, I kneel beside her as she tries to revive her sister.

She starts out calmly, gently shaking the woman's arm. When she doesn't respond, her words turn frantic. "Casey? Casey, please. Don't be dead. Please, Casey, I don't know what to do. Please, Case, you gotta tell me what to do. I can't— I can't—" Her head drops to rest on the chest of the woman in front of her. Softly, Rebecca cries into her chest. Her messy, long dark hair covers her face. After a few moments, she stops and slowly raises her head; her charcoal eyes are disbelieving as she stares at her hand.

Long, slender fingers are wrapped around her wrist. She tears her eyes away from her hand and turns them to the face of her sister. "Casey?" she whispers as if it's too much to ask.

Dark brown eyes close and then open slowly. She parts her lips to speak, but only a cough escapes.

"Shush… Shush… It's going to be all right. I'm going to get Daddy. He'll get help." Rebecca smoothes Casey's sweat stained locks out of her face before moving to stand.

Casey's fingers tighten around Rebecca's wrist, and she whispers, "No, Bee, no. He's one of them." Rebecca's eyes go wide, and she shakes her head. "Becca, take Hunter and go. Just go. They will be back for him. Please, Becca, don't let them hurt my baby."

Rebecca's lips start to tremble, and she holds them together between her teeth to stop the shaking. Her eyes fill with more tears, but she tries to blink them back. She nods her head slowly. "What about you? Case, I can't leave you here." Casey's eyes flutter closed, and I know she's dead. A sob breaks through her tightly pressed together lips; she knows, too.

The scene fades; I am left staring at nothing but silvery smoke, so I leave the Pensieve. When my feet are placed firmly back on the ground, I glance around the room to find Cole lying on the couch. She is tucked under the blanket beside the little boy. Her head propped up on one hand while the other stokes his hair. She is whispering the words to another song as I take a seat in the chair across from her. "Why?" is all I can say. She will know what I mean.

She smiles sadly and sits up, making sure to tuck him in after she leaves his side. She curls her legs underneath her at the other end of the couch. "They thought I'd be easy to manipulate. I guess they were right. I was putty in his hands." She glances up at the portraits of the sleeping Headmasters and Headmistresses of Hogwarts before continuing.

"Hunter is special. He threatened the cause just by living, and my father was willing to murder his own grandson and daughter if it would raise his standing in the eyes of the Dark Lord. Darren was there to distract me. His father was there to give my father an alibi. They had it all planned out. They were going to blame Dumbledore and the Ministry.

"I was supposed to follow behind my new fiancé like a little, lost puppy, but things didn't work out the way they planned. Case found out; her and Trevor were going to take Hunter and I and run. My dad found Casey packing. Things started happening sooner than planned. Trevor tried to lead them away, but by the time he pulled their attention away from Case. It was too late. She shouldn't have held on as long as she did. The time he created gave me the chance to get Hunter and get out, though."

I nod hesitantly before asking another question. "What do you mean by 'special?'"

Bleach blonde eyebrows wrinkle into a frown before she answers. "He's a halfie. Half vampire, half wizard."

Now my eyebrows shoot up. "But that… Holy shit, I didn't know that… but there hasn't…" I can't seem to find the right words to describe what I am thinking.

She nods her head up and down. "There hasn't been one in hundreds of years, I know. You see the threat though? If he were to grow up and fight against the Dark Lord, half of his followers would desert him. It wasn't worth it to the Dark Lord to risk trying to convert Case and Trev. The only reason they didn't kill me is it would have been too odd for everyone but my father to die in the attack."

"Why is Obeli here? After what he did, why in the name of all that's holy would Dumbledore allow him to teach here?"

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Her smile has faint traces of the devil's grin, but its not complete.

"Holy fuck, this is insane," I say watching her pull her knees up to her chest and rest her cheek against them.

"Please, watch your language."

"What?"

"Just because I'm screwed up doesn't mean I want him to be. I don't want him running around screaming foul words," she whispers faintly before closing her eyes.

I watch her for a long while. I stand and gently brush the slightly damp hair out of her eyes, when I am sure she has fallen asleep. As my fingers graze across her skin, I can feel the heat radiating off her. Worried, I place my hand on her cheek to check her temperature; she is fevering. I completely forgot she had been sick this morning.

She opens her eyes and looks up at me. "What's up?"

"You have a fever. I am going to go get something from Poppy." The corner of her mouth twitches as she nods her head, her cheek still pressed against her knees.

When I return she is asleep again. I wake her, and she sleepily drinks the potion before fading back into sleep. I sit and watch over them until Dumbledore comes back and sends us both to our rooms.

O

It's past midnight when I get back to the common room. I expect everyone to be in bed, but they're not. Lucy and Remus are cuddled up on the couch. Her short legs tangled up with his long ones, and her head resting on his arm. He toys with her hair absently as he reads her a story from his collection of scary tales. She squeals and buries her head in his chest when he reaches the end. Chuckling, he closes the book. "Is little Lucy scared?" he asks playfully.

Lucy peeks her head out and nods vigorously. "You were right. That one is definitely the best one to tell the kiddies."

He grins roguishly. "When will you learn, Luce? I am always right."

I drop down in my favorite chair by the fireplace. "Don't listen to him, babe. He burnt off my eyebrows once because he was 'right.'"

Lucy turns around to face me, and Remus tightens his grip around her waist to keep her from falling of the couch. "Sweets! You're back! How was detention?"

I grin at her. "I didn't go."

"What do you mean you didn't go, Padfoot?" Remus asks over Lucy's head.

I shrug. "Professor McGonagall was outside the Common Room when I left. She took me to Dumbledore's office. My uncle died." I lean back farther in the chair and cross my arms behind my head. Lucy's face pales, and Remus stares at me in shock. I shrug again. "It's not a big deal. He was old. It was bound to happen."

Lucy frowns. "So, then what took you so long to get back?"

"Cole stuff." I say before standing and heading toward the Head Dorms. I hear Lucy fall off the couch as she tries to catch me.

"Cole stuff? What the hell did you find out? Sirius, you can't leave me hanging like this! That's so not fair! I tell you everything!" she yells from the floor.

Remus raises an eyebrow and leans off the edge of the couch to whisper against her neck. "Everything?"

He winks up at me as she grins at the floor blushing. "Well, maybe not _everything_."

O

"Lily! James! I'm home!" I yell as I enter the Heads Dorms. I hear a loud crash and a 'damn it, Lily.' I peak around the corner and find James picking himself up off the floor while Lily tries to re-button her shirt.

When she spots me, Lily jumps and starts explaining. "It's not what it looked like! I swear… we were just…just…" She looks to James.

James looks at her and then to me. "Just… my hair got caught in her button."

"Uh huh. " I grin wickedly. "Well, I'll let you two get back to whatever it was you were doing." I back out of the room slowly.

"We _weren't_ doing _anything_! Just going over Halloween Feast preparations!" Lily yells as I leave the room.

O

"She has a _son_!" Lily yells at me upon entering the common room after breakfast the next morning. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

I chuckle nervously. "She doesn't have a son. He is her nephew, and if you think back, I did try to tell you, but you were to busy, umm… what was it again? Going over Halloween Feast preparations with James?" I bat my eyelashes at her, and she throws her satchel at me. Luckily, for me Lily has really bad aim.

James howls in pain. "What the hell Lily? I didn't do it!"

Lily blushes to match her hair. "Oh, James, I am so sorry. I wasn't aiming at you."

"Well, that's a first." James mutters under his breath before dropping down in the empty seat beside me. Lily huffs and storms off to her room. "Aw, damn it! I just made it to where she would talk to me without glaring! Why the hell can't I keep my trap shut?"

Laughing, I pat him on the back. "Man, last night you were doing way more than talking."

He moans and bangs his head against the arm of the sofa. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

O

_thank you for reading_


	10. Chapter 10

Halloween

"Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!" The sound of my voice melds with a dozen others as we pound on the table and chant Lucy's name over and over again, trying to convince her to have just one more shot. With expert precession despite having more than enough alcohol long before this, she licks the salt off her hand, downs the shot, and quickly sucks the juice from the wedge of lime. Pulling the fruit from her teeth, she smiles drunkenly at me. "I do love the Mexican drink."

She tilts sideways a little in her chair and is about to topple over when Remus makes his arrival. "So, my lovely Lucy, do you think it is time to thank Sirius for the smashing party and get to bed?"

Lucy's bright smile turns to him and then back to me. "Doesn't he have the cutest nose you have ever seen?"

She is pointing at his left eye, but I nod. "It is the most adorable nose in the entire universe."

Lucy's head bobs up and down. I think she is in time with the music, before she frowns and points at me. "You aren't drunk enough. Your words had more than two syl-syl-"

"Syllables, honey." Moony's head shakes, and his sandy blonde hair mixes in with hers.

"Yeah, those things."

"Why do I need to be drunk, you are the birthday girl?" I ask, afraid of her answer. It is the reason why I brought out the tequila; I wanted her to forget.

"Becaaauuse you are going to sing for me." She waves her arm across the air, and Remus has to catch her before she falls out of her chair.

I take a long drink for the half-empty bottle on the table. "And, what my dear am I going to be singing?"

With a tired drunken laugh, she smiles at me. "You know the one, the 'Luuucy in the skyyy wit diaaamonds' one. Yeah, that one."

I take another swing. "Please, God, don't let me remember this in the morning. Or anyone else for that matter." Lucy giggles, and I lose all sense of sanity.

O

My head is pounding, and all I can see is a red and gold blur. I think I am sick. Okay, so I know it's just a hangover. Yawning, I stretch my arms above my head, and I hear an annoyed squeak beside me. Blinking my eyes into focus, I stare down at a sandy blonde head. Oh, shit. How much did I drink last night? Carefully, I sniff the girl's hair praying it isn't who I think it is. Oh, God. Licorice. Shit. I slept with Lucy again. Oh fucking hell, she is dating Remus. Dear God, I swear never to drink again.

Pressing the heel of my hands against my eyes, I fall back onto my pillow. How the hell do I get out of this one? As I am thinking of all the horrible outcomes of this, Lucy mumbles something in her sleep, turns, and snuggles into me. Fuck.

Okay, my plan of action is: sneak out of bed, go down stairs, and pray that everyone thinks I passed out on the couch. Easy enough, right? Slowly, I inch away from Lucy, attempting to crawl over her and climb out of the bed. Lucy obviously has other plans, because she latches onto my arm.

I feel like I am playing a game of Twister; only the consequences of losing are much worse than giving into one of James' twisted dares. The consequences of losing this match are breaking up my friends' relationship, crushing Lucy, and ruining any thoughts of them ever being with anyone, ever again. Oh, holy fuck. God, I despise you. This is a cruel, cruel prank.

While I am contemplating the best way out of this mess, the curtains to my bed are carefully pulled open. The light blinds me, but not quickly enough to prevent me from seeing the face of Remus Lupin. His voice is cheery as he whispers, "Oh, good. She is still asleep." Huh?

I squint to make out his features; he is smiling brightly as he pries Lucy's death like grip from my arm. "Thanks, so much for this Sirius. I never would have finished if you hadn't agreed."

Wait! He wanted me to screw his girlfriend? Oh, I am so confused. Why does this stuff always happen in the morning after a long night of alcohol?

I frown at him as I finally crawl out of the bed. "What?"

He looks at me curiously. "You don't remember?" He is forcing down chuckles and his eyes shine brightly. I hate people who are so f'ing happy in the morning.

"No, I bloody well don't remember! I was wasted as hell last night. Would you care to explain to me why you wanted me to sleep with your girlfriend?" I shout out in a whisper. The last thing on earth I need is for Lucy to wake up.

Remus begins to chuckle silently. After a moment or two, he pulls himself together. "You idiot. Today is Lucy birthday; I had to finish my shopping this morning because _you_ decided to throw a surprise party last night. Lucy crashed in my bed, and I was afraid she would wake up if she found me missing. So I asked you to pretend to be me for a bit."

"Oh." Well, that makes perfect sense.

He rolls his eyes. "Man, it's not like you haven't slept with her before." His nose wrinkles at his choice of words. "I mean, beside her. I just didn't want her to know I was out shopping for her. You know how weird she gets."

"How weird who gets?" Lucy mutters sleepily, her head peeking out between the bed curtains.

Moony grins charmingly at her and kisses her forehead. "Lily, my dear. We were talking about how weird she gets after a night of booze."

Lucy smiles with her eyes still closed. "Yeah, I love Lily," she murmurs before her head droops to the side. A sure sign that she has fallen back asleep.

"You won't be thinking that after she discovers she has over slept on Halloween." Remus pulls the curtain open a little wider and guides her back down to the bed. She mutters some random Quidditch facts and tries to grab a hold of Remus' hand. He is smarter than I am, though, and quickly slips a pillow in front of her, which she happily snuggles into.

"So, do you have any hangover cure left? Or did you drink it all to make yourself a happy camper this morning?"

Remus chuckles, handing over the bottle of lime green potion. "Save some for Luce. The last thing she needs is to be all hungover on her birthday."

After downing about half of the vile liquid, I replace the cork and leave it on Moony's bedside table. With a wave of my wand, a little tag appears with the words "drink me, babe" on it. Now, I will get the credit for Remus' potion. Yay me! "Okay, so what did you get her?" I ask smiling rather cheerfully myself.

"You shall see."

Damn him and his secrets. He smirks wickedly before telling me to get dressed, because he needs help setting up some stuff for Lucy before Lily catches us and forces us to help with turning the Common Room into a haunted house.

O

"Babe, no, come on. I already told you I don't want anything for my birthday. The party was enough." Lucy whines as I pull her out of the closet, her hiding place from that slave driver Lily.

"I _already_ bought it, so you _have_ to open it. Now, up!"

Sighing heavily, she stands and pouts. I love the way that her eyebrows scrunch together and her bottom just barely sticks out when she is pouting. "But, Sirius… What if Lily catches us?"

I smile widely. "Not gonna happen, love. I have devised a super sneaky way around the lovely future Mrs. Potter."

She almost chuckles. "When did Lily become the future Mrs. Potter?"

I glance at her messy state. Jeez, she is worst than Peter. Okay, so nobody is worse than Peter, but still, she is wearing a pair of tattered old jeans, a faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt, no shoes, and a lime green ball cap with her hair sloppily thrown underneath it. My God, it is her birthday; she knows people will be looking at her today. Well, I guess she _was_ hiding in a closet. Maybe she hadn't planned on anyone seeing her. "When James proposed last night, and she said yes," I mutter, frowning at her before I start adjusting her outfit to make her at least presentable. She doesn't even notice.

"When did that happen! Damn it, I knew I should have stayed away from the tequila…" She shakes her head and looks at the ground. I ignore her question, pull off her hat, and throw it on a nearby bed. "Hey! I _need_ that; I didn't brush my hair." She tries to walk around me, but I step in front of her. She changes direction only to be blocked by me, again. "Stop it! And you didn't answer my question."

"I am not taking you out like this. You are a complete disaster." Remus and I went through too much trouble to set this whole thing up for her to show up without her hair brushed. She looks up at me as I transfigure her Quidditch book into a brush. Her eyes are calm and cool telling me to answer her. "Alright, she was drunk and so was he, but everyone had a good laugh about it. They aren't engaged… Yet." I sigh, placing my hands on her shoulders and turning her around so that I can do something about the dreadlocks that are forming in her hair.

"I _can_ brush my own hair, you know," she mutters but makes no move to take the brush from me.

"Yes, I know you _can_ brush it yourself, but if I give the brush to you, you will turn it back into a book. Or, hit me with it and then turn back into a book." Her small shoulders bounce up in a shrug as she makes a noise of agreement.

Once a have her groomed to a socially acceptable state, I pull her pea coat, hat, and gloves out of my pocket and enlarge them. As I rid them of wrinkles, her exasperated voice sounds in my ear. "Dude, you made me get all cleaned up so you could cover me up?"

I grin and place her hat on her head. "Yes, and you really didn't do anything. I did it all. " I have decided Lucy needs to wear red lipstick more often. I hear her harrumph as I help her into her coat.

"Well, this better be worth it."

"It is, love. Now, come on hurry up," I say as I push her toward the window.

"What about your jacket, and why are we leaving through the window?"

"I won't need it, and for question two, Lily will catch us if we go down stairs." I roll my eyes and grab my broom. Lucy simply watches me fly out of the room. I float beside the window for a bit waiting for her to hop on, but she doesn't. I turn around and look at her. She is staring at her gloved fingers and chewing on her bottom lip. She's nervous. "What's up, duck?"

Her head pops up, and she smiles brightly. "Oh, nothing! I just got lost in thought, I guess." Her smile falters at 'I guess.'

"I swear it's not bad, Luce."

"I know." A fake grin is pasted on her face as she starts to climb out the window.

"Lucy?" I ask.

"It's just…"

I frown as her voice trails away, and then I remember. "Presents. It's fine, Lucy." Damn it, I forgot. Last Christmas, someone cursed half of the presents in Gryffindor; seven students were severally injured. Keith Bailey is still in St. Mongo's. Lucy was the only one of us here. She woke up late to find all of the other students in varying states of pain. Presents have put her on edge ever since. "It's from me. It has been under my protection for weeks, and I checked it for curses thirty minutes ago."

"I'm sorry," she whispers with a half-smile.

"I should have remembered. Next time nothing with bows, I swear." I wink at her and turn the broom so she can climb on behind me. Thank God, I was too drunk to force her to open gifts last night.

With her arms wrapped tightly around my waist, I circle the castle, slowly gaining more and more height. "So where are we going?" she asks, her cheek pressed against my back.

"You shall see." Her grip tightens around me, and I smirk. "Are you afraid of my flying skills?"

"No, you can't be any worse than Remus. I just hate not being in control."

I chuckle slightly before landing on the roof of the Great Hall. Lucy glances down at her feet as she climbs off my broom. "Hey! That's cool. I didn't know that the roof was enchanted, too." She has not even noticed Remus standing next to a checkered picnic blanket.

"Yeah," I comment, "you should see it at night."

Grinning wickedly up at me, she says, "Maybe I will bring Moony up here tonight then. You'd better stay clear with whatever girl you are trying to impress this week."

I laugh at the surprised look on her face when Remus grabs her around the middle and twirls her around. "You won't have to wait 'til tonight." He kisses her quickly and looks up at me. "Dude, hurry up with the gifting, so I can get to mine," he practically whines before placing her back on her feet.

Lucy giggles and pecks his cheek. "I'll be there in less than two minutes, I swear."

"You'd better be." With another quick kiss, he is gone.

"So, now are you happy I made you pretty?" I grin.

Her brown eyes roll to the left as she pretends to think about it. "Maybe."

"You mean, 'Yes, Sirius, I am so thankful to you for making me pretty that I am going to take over whatever duties Lily has assigned you tonight.'"

"Hell, no, but you do deserve a thank you." She gives me a quick hug. "So, thank you."

"Alright, your present." I hand her a small yellow box with a purple bow.

She holds it in the palm of her hand and stares at it. "What is it?"

I roll my eyes. "Open it and find out."

It's a necklace that she saw a while back when we were on a licorice run. I caught her looking at it, and she told me, "Nobody ever thinks to get me girl stuff, you know? Not even Lily. I don't think I have received anything remotely girly from anyone. 'Cept, maybe my parents, but who in their right mind would wear all that…puffy stuff?"

She gently unties the box and peeks inside. Snapping the lid closed, she looks at me with wide eyes. "Sirius, you didn't." I grin mischievously and watch her open the box again. "Aw, shit, Sirius, I can't believe you."

She jumps and wraps me in a giant hug, well as giant as Lucy can give anyway. I laugh. "So, I did good?"

"Yes, you little fucker."

Smiling, I ask her, "Should you be using that kind of language?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. You're too cute to say that word. Now, go." I raise my eyebrows in Remus' direction. He is sitting cross-legged on the blanket, bouncing his head from side to side in boredom.

"Right." She rolls her eyes and then grins at Remus. "I promise not to do anything you wouldn't." Smiling happily, she starts to skip off toward Remus. Suddenly, she stops and faces me. "Wait, you gotta put it on me."

"Of course." I smile. I did okay this with Moony, but still it feel weird to put a necklace on someone else's girl. I guess it's just Lucy, though.

Once the necklace is clasped, she looks at me with an expression that reminds me a lot of a little kid. "Thanks." She smiles and bites her lip.

"Now, you can never say people don't think to get you girly gifts anymore."

"Nope." Chipped fingernail-polished hands twirl the small silver pendent before she looks up at me again. "Okay, I have gone way over my two minutes."

I bend down and whisper in her ear, "He already knew you would."

Playfully, she slaps my shoulder. "I'll see you later."

"Maybe…" I say before grabbing my broom and diving off the roof. I hear her laugh, and Remus say in mock exasperation "Finally!" before I return to the common room where Lily will give me the worse job for being late. I will probably end up scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush or something.

O

I am on my way down to ask Cole if she and Hunter would like to join the Gryffindors for Remus' annual scary story. Every year after the Halloween Feast, he gathers up the younger students and scares them shitless. Okay, so his stories are not that scary, but the kids like it and so does he. Anyway, Lily, damn her, thought it would be a good idea if I invited Cole and Hunter to join us. I said yes, of course. After all, she is Lily, and I cannot say no to Lily. In addition, I am rather fond of the idea of Cole curling up next to me on the sofa. Okay, so that probably won't happen, but I can dream, right?

And please, do not ask why Lily has decided that Cole isn't the scum of the earth anymore. To Hell if I know. Lily does whatever she pleases and expects the rest of us to accept her decisions.

After swiftly knocking on the door, I wait patiently for an answer. It never comes. She is ignoring me. Me! Sirius Black! You cannot ignore Sirius Black! Does she think she is going to get away with it? I knock on the door a little louder this time. Still, no answer, so I turn the knob. It's _open_!

I silently push the door ajar and slip inside to find Cole sitting on the ottoman near the fireplace. Two shimmering wings hang from her shoulders, and she is fiddling with the knot holding her green halter-top dress up. I stealthy walk up behind her. She knows I am here, after my first step her wings jumped to alertness and her fingers stopped moving. _Damn_. "Need some help?" I ask cheerfully.

A relieved sigh escapes her lips, and her wings relax at the sound of my voice. "It's not a good idea to sneak up on me, you know," she says, and her fingers go back to work at undoing the knot.

"You're right, but it's probably not a good idea to leave your door unlocked, either," I say as I kneel on the ottoman behind her and nudge her hands away so I can untie the knot. I am totally amazed when her hands fall away.

My amazement turns to disappointment as she quickly stands and runs to the door. "Holy fuck!" she exclaims before warding the door. Sighing heavily, she mutters to herself, "What kind of fucking idiot forgets to lock the doors?"

I am about to tell her that it's okay when a little voice interrupts me. "You owe me a Knut."

Hunter is standing in the doorway of what appears to be his room in a pair of green pants and a bright blue t-shirt, his hair messy with a few leaves scattered in it.

"That I do. I'm sorry, I know better." Rebecca smiles at him. "Aren't you supposed to be putting on your pajamas?"

With a grin that lights up his eyes, he answers, "Yeah, but I couldn't untie my strings."

"Ah, I see. Well, come here then." She sits back down in front of me, and he comes to stand in front of her.

As she unties the string that is holding his pants up, he grins at me. "Miss Poppy said you are a prat."

Rebecca snorts as she tries to hold back laughter. "Hunter, it's not nice to call people prats."

He looks up at her with confusion written all over his face. "_I _didn't call him a prat; _Miss_ _Poppy_ did, and _you_ called him a prat, too."

"Okay, I owe you two Knuts. Now, from now on, you don't call people names–" Hunter starts to say something, but she cuts him off. "Even if you are just repeating what someone else said."

"Otay. You make lots of rules, Becca." He shrugs.

"I know, but we will both be better people for it or you will be rich and I will be mute."

"That sounds good." He smiles widely before heading back to his room.

"Was that a hint that I talk too much?" she laughs at his retreating form.

"I think he just liked the him being rich bit. So, what's up with the wings and the leaves?" I move to untie her top again. She does not say anything so I continue to work it out.

"Oh, I took him trick-or-treating during the feast. He wanted to be Peter Pan so, naturally, I _had_ to be Tinkerbelle."

"Did he score a lot of candy?

"Yeah, I still have to check it tonight." Her wings droop tiredly.

I finally get the knot undone and am tempted to kiss her bare neck, but I don't. I am not sure how she will react to it, and for the first time, she is being moderately friendly. "All done."

She holds up the dress as she stands. "Thanks, I'm just going to change. I'll be right back."

I nod and watch her walk from the room. Moving to the couch, I sit and take in the room. It is much cozier than I expected. Everything is done in deep, earthy tones; there are already pictures of the two of them on the mantle over the fireplace. Toys and books in bright colors are spilling out of a wooden box in the corner. Her bag and books are lying haphazardly across the coffee table. A small piano sits in the far corner of the living room; it does not seem like it has been used, yet. It reminds me of a smaller version of the Potter home. It is the kind of place you feel at ease in.

As I stand to continue my observations, Cole comes back in. She kicks the door to her room closed pulling a grey sweater over her head. "So what are you here for? Did our loving Headmaster think I needed a babysitter tonight?"

I give her my most charming smile and sit back down. "No, not at all. Moony reads scary stories to all the younger students on Halloween. I thought you and Hunter might like to join us."

She stares at me oddly for a moment before answering. "No, we can't. We–"

"Why not, Becca? I want to go!" My head turns to the sound of the little voice. Hunter is standing with his hands on his hips in a very Lily-like fashion. His eyebrows are furrowed causing little wrinkles to appear on his forehead.

Rebecca sighs and runs a hand through her short hair. "You want to go?"

"Yes." He smiles and nods.

"What about your candy?"

"It will be here when we get back," he answers in a 'duh' tone.

"We won't get back until late, which means no candy until tomorrow."

He rolls his eyes. "Like you were gonna let me have any tonight anyway."

She looks down at him. Everything about her screams that they will not be going, but she just sighs and says, "Go get your coat, then." Hunter grins widely before trotting off to his room.

Cole watches before turning her gaze to me. Her eyes are narrowed slightly but not enough to make me cringe. "I am only going for him." I chuckle slightly but do not say anything.

Hunter comes tottering out of his room a few moments later in a dark blue hooded sweatshirt, plaid pajama bottoms, and slippers. "All ready."

Her eyes soften at the sight of him. "Lead on, Mr. Black."

I smile and offer her my arm. "Of course, Ms. Cole. Right this way." She looks at me as if she would rather hurl but with a quick glance at the child, she smiles and loops her arm through mine.

O

Hunter is in Rebecca's arms the moment that we enter the common room. The majority of the students are already gathering near the fireplace, whispering in calm anticipation, and waiting for Moony to appear. As soon as Cole is noticed, the whispering turns frantic. She quirks an eyebrow and grins coolly. Hunter smiles cheerfully and waves at the group. Rebecca's grip on him tightens slightly. "Stay close, okay?"

He rolls his eyes. "I know, Becca."

Before I can find us a seat or even tell everyone to mind their own business, I am attacked head on. "Sirius, babe, oh my God! Guess what!" Lucy has her arms and legs wrapped around me as she grins ear to ear.

"Lucy, my dear, what on earth could have you so excited?" I ask knowing perfectly well, what she is going on about.

"I am going to jump off of this!" she exclaims, waving a picture of a giant cliff in my face. "Remus and I are going to climb up this thing the muggle way, and then we will dive off and depend on little blankets to catch us! How fucking cool is that?"

"It's pretty freaking awesome if you want to die." I smile at her as I place her back on the ground.

"What a way to go, huh? Just… whoosh and splat." A smile lights up her face before she notices Cole. It falters a little; but she catches herself quickly, and her smile is back in place. "Cole, I'm glad you came. Oh my goodness, you must be Hunter. Gods, you are adorable."

Cole nods, but before she can speak, Hunter interrupts, "You owe me a Knut."

Lucy's smile is replaced by a look of confusion. "What? Why?"

"You said a bad word. You owe me a Knut."

"Oh, that's cool. Dude, you are going to be one rich little kid." As she digs in her pocket, I notice her hair. It is in a ponytail. I spent a lot of time on her hair, and she puts it in a ponytail. She comes up empty handed. "Hey, Sirius, give the kid a Knut. I left my damned money in my jacket."

"You owe me another Knut."

"Right, two Knuts, Sirius." Lucy smiles. A loud thump sounds in the direction of the Heads Dorm. "Aw, shit. Lily is trying to kill James again. I'll be back." She gives a little wave before sprinting away.

Frowning, I dig into my pocket and pull out a handful on coins. I place a large Galleon in his hand. He grins widely before dropping the coin into his pocket. "That should cover her for the rest of the night if I am lucky."

"She's funny," he laughs.

"Yeah, she is," I agree before leading Cole to the couch in the back center of the room. It is James' and my usual spot for the show.

It is two nights before full moon, and Remus looks like hell. Everyone who looks at him thinks Lily did one hell of a job with the make-up. The truth is, however, that his pallid skin and the dark rings around his eyes are a common occurrence; he simply just didn't bother with covering it up today.

He is sitting tensely in a chair near the fireplace, the flames making his skin glow eerily. He voice is jumpy and high as he begins his tale. "TRUE! Nervous– very, very, dreadfully nervous I had been and am, but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed or dulled them. Above all, my sense of hearing was implausible. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in Hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly I can tell you the whole story." With that, he has the entire room's undivided attention, except for mine.

My eyes travel around the room to find Lucy sitting front and center nervously chewing on her thumbnail. Lily is sitting beside her listening intently. James is leaning against the wall near the portrait hole pouting slightly but still hanging onto Moony's every word. Peter is sitting on the floor to my right, his eyes wide as saucers. Cole is sitting calmly beside me, her arms loosely wrapped around Hunter's middle, keeping him in place. Hunter is leaning forward in her lap trying to get a better view.

After a few moments hear him whisper, "Becca, can I go sit by Lucy?"

Cole's fingers unconsciously tighten around him. "Oh, honey, I don't think that's a good idea."

I glance up at her. "Come on, Cole. Let him go. It's twenty feet in front of you. Lucy will keep an eye on him."

She glares at me. "No, I don't–"

"Bee, please," he whines, and she flinches slightly. He notices and drops his gaze, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Becca. I didn't–"

"No, honey, it's fine. You go ahead. Ask her if it's okay; if it's not, you come straight back, okay?" He nods happily before sliding down from the couch and wading through the crowd to Lucy. Lucy's face beams when she sees him, and she pats the floor beside her, telling him to have a seat. She smiles back at Cole, and I watch as Rebecca gives her a smile laced with anger.

As soon has Lucy's eyes are back on Remus, Cole drops her head to her hands and releases a shuddering sigh. She sniffs and looks up at me. "It would be much appreciated if you would keep your nose out of my business, especially where Hunter is concerned. Do not– do _not_ undermine my authority, again." Her eyes are so cold that I have an insane urge to hide. I simply nod before turning my gaze back to Remus.

O

I did not think she would allow me to walk her back, but she did. I thought she was the kind of person who risked everything for her pride, but obviously, I was wrong. Before Moony even finished, Hunter fell asleep along with Lucy. Now, his head is resting against Cole's shoulder, and she has him clutched tightly to her as we descend the steps. I glance over at her and cannot help but think that he is too big for her to be carrying. Slightly afraid, I ask, "Do you want me to carry him?" They are the first words either of us has said since she snapped at me.

Her eyes flick to meet mine. Her voice is hard, and I know she is going to tell me to go fuck myself. "I–" She stops and sighs before closing her eyes. "I would really appreciate it. Thank you." As I lift him from her arms, I notice he is lighter than I would have expected him to be, still too heavy for her to be carrying around the castle, but he is definitely underweight. She catches the look on my face. "We are working on that." A hint of anger flashes through her eyes, but she gives me a half smile.

We walk in silence for a few moments before I stop and face her. She halts along side me and looks up at me anxiously. "Rebecca, I am sorry. I should not have intervened earlier. He isn't mine; I really shouldn't have said anything."

She smiles weakly. "I… Thank you. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just…" Her dark eyes close, and she takes a deep breath. "I'm not any good at playing nice. I stopped being nice too long ago. It's hard to go back."

Her eyes look for understanding in my own. I know what it is like to be one thing, be forced to be something else, and then try to change back. I did grow up in the House of Black after all. "It's okay. I know what you mean." She nods and wraps her arms around herself before continuing down the hall.

The rest of our journey is traveled in silence; only the sounds of our footsteps on the cold floor fill the void. When we reach the door, I expect her to take him from me and send me back to Gryffindor Tower, but she does not. With a few whispered words and a complicated little wave of her wand, the door clicks open. "Wait here, please." It is not a request. She disappears behind the door and shuts it firmly, leaving me in the hallway with Hunter still cradled in my arms. After about five minutes of me tapping my toes in the darkness, she returns and waves me in. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure it was all clear."

She leads me to Hunter's room, and I place him down gently on his bed. Cole softly edges around me and slips off his shoes and sweater before tucking him into his superman sheets. I back away and watch as she presses her lips to his forehead and whispers, "Sweet dreams."

I feel her small hand on my arm as we exit his room. I turn to face her as the door clicks closed. Her fingers trail down my arm before coming to rest near my wrist. She is studying the door as if there is some hidden meaning in the grain of the wood, refusing to look at me. "Stay. Stay here, tonight," she whispers faintly.

Her eyes continue to decipher the meaningless words written on the door. I place my hand under her chin and tilt her head up at me. Her eyes close for an infinite moment before the smoky grey orbs stare into me. I run my thumb across her cheek, and her eyelids flutter closed as she refuses to lean into my caress. "Are you sure?" Her eyes open at the sound of my voice, and she holds my gaze as her head inclines a fraction of an inch. My hand moves to the back of her neck, my fingers lightly running up into her hair as I drop my lips down to hers. She sighs against my lips, her body moving ever closer to mine.

Our tongues swirl around each other. My left hand at the base of her neck, my fingers extending into her soft hair, the other on the small of her back pressing her to me. She has one hand rested on my shoulder to keep her balance, and her other arm hooked around my neck pulling me down to her. She pulls away slightly and rests her head on my shoulder. Her hands slide down to my chest as she breathes heavily against my neck. My head spins each time she breathes. I bend my head to kiss the creamy white skin of her neck. Just before I reach her, she lifts her head and whispers. "He is having a bad dream. I'll be right back."

I am left standing alone as the door to his room clicks shut. I have my doubts about whether she will come back. She does, though. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and her face is pale. Her chin quivers slightly before she pulls me down to her for a kiss. She is trying to distract me from her tears, but I can feel them on my face. I shake my head slightly and step back from her. She tries to take a step forward, but I place my hands on her shoulders. Before I can say anything she speaks, her voice cracked with tears. "Please, don't go just because I'm upset. I will be fine in a minute. I just– I just don't want to be alone."

I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her waist in a tight hug. "It's okay. You don't– we don't– I will just stay. I can just stay." She fiercely shakes her head, so I gently stoke her hair and press her cheek against my chest. "It's okay." She is so tiny that I feel like I am only holding a doll.

Carefully, I take her hands and wrap them around my neck before gently scooping her up. She buries her head into my neck and starts to hiccup. "Shush, it's alright." I do not even know what is wrong, but I will be damned if I cannot fix it.

I enter her bedroom and bless the house elves when I find the bed turned down. I have to pry her hands from around me before I can lay her down. I slip off her shoes and then my own. Crawling in beside her, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close. She entwines our fingers as I pull the blanket up and around us. As her body shakes with unreleased tears, I continue to hold her tightly to me, my lips pressed against her hair whispering words even I do not understand. It takes a while, but she eventually fades off into sleep.

O

_thank you for reading_


	11. Chapter 11

Cold November

White, wispy clouds drift across the clear blue sky on this cold November morning as James and I stare out into its vastness, contemplating our hopeless love lives. James sighs and leans against the cold brick wall of the balcony running his fingers through that messy, black hair that has come to define him. Hazel eyes hidden behind wire-framed glass stare down at his scuffed boots before turning to me. "At least you are making progress. I mean, damn, you spent the night on Halloween. Lily doesn't even give me the time of day."

I release a deep breath and sit on the railing. "James, just because I spent the night doesn't mean she likes me. She hates me just as much as she did before. The only difference is now she feels guilty about it or at least I hope she feels guilty about it. The kid likes me, though." I shrug my shoulders and frown slightly before turning the conversation back to him and Lily. "I thought things were going better between you two. I did catch you… what was it, again? Oh, yes, planning for the Halloween Feast." I grin roguishly as his cheeks stain red.

He tilts his head back toward the sun as if soaking up its warmth on a summer's day, but the harsh fall breeze begs to differ. "Yeah, well, that's been happening. I just, damn it, Sirius, that's all she wants. It's like… Lucy and her damn 'friends with benefits', only we're not even friends, _and_ it must stay a secret from the rest of the world."

Involuntarily, I let out a bark of laughter. "Lily? You are shitting me. Lily? Lily Evans wants a fuck buddy. _And_, God help us all, she chose you."

James chuckles slightly, and his blush deepens. "We are not doing… it. We are just, I don't know, messing around."

I raise my eyebrows and shake my head. "James, you are letting her play with your head. You can't let her play with your emotions if she isn't even going to sleep with you."

"Oh, that's coming from the guy who spent the night with his obsession and still wasn't laid! Hell, man, Cole has fucked half the school, and she still won't come near you. I thought you were supposed to be the ladies' man."

Well, _that_ was a major blow to the ego. Not just, the 'won't come near you' because, hell, she has. I think _I_ have gotten closer to her than anyone has, close enough to be attached, before being thrown out on my ass. Damn it, I held her while she cried, then she had the nerve to tell me to get out, to pack up my shit and just leave. James' voice interrupts my thoughts. "Hey, man. Sirius! Man, shit, I'm sorry. Don't space out on me like that." His right hand is moving in and out of view as he waves it in front of my face.

"James, stop. I'm fine." My brows furrow, and my lip curls upward as I stand. "Look, I am through with Cole. You should be done with Lily." I raise my hands up in defense as he opens his mouth to complain. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Lily is the one, but James, man, don't let her screw with you. I love Lily, I do, but the game she is playing isn't fair." I am not sure why I am suddenly so angry about the whole situation.

James places his hand on my shoulder, silently telling me to calm down before I hit something, something that will most likely be him. "I know, man. I just… If this is all I can have of Lily, I am willing to take it. Hopefully, things will change, but if they don't, it was fun while it lasted."

Sighing, I nod and sit on the cold stone of the balcony leaning against the railing. James follows my lead and sits beside me. "So, what happened on Halloween?"

O

_The graying light shines through the small window to the left of the bed. It is early, too early. The dark green sheets I am wrapped up in are obviously not mine. This isn't the first time I have woken up in someone else's bed, but it is the first time that I have been alone. I hear water running in the room next to me and assume Cole is in the bathroom. I lay my head back down on the deep green pillow and wait for her to emerge. _

_It's not long until she leaves the bathroom and goes about collecting various things from around the room before she notices I am awake. Her breath catches in her throat when her eyes find mine open. A flash of fear crosses her face before it flees away leaving nothing in its place_

"_I don't want you to think this changes anything. I don't need anyone. I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own. I have been for years. I don't need you, nor do I want you."_

_I stare at her blankly, not comprehending anything she has said. She raises her eyebrows as if she is daring me to say something. I don't, I just lie there and continue to stare. _

_She doesn't bother to go back into the bathroom to dress. Her hair is still damp from her shower, and her robe slips from her shoulders. Though I tell my eyes to close and my feet to carry me from the room, they do not listen, and I am left staring as the black material that shines like water falls to the floor. She takes no notice of me as I stare, as I soak in every inch of her. Her back is facing me as she steps into a little piece of black lace she claims to be underwear. Gods, she is killing me, or maybe I am killing myself. Didn't she tell me to leave?_

_She continues to dress, and it is a while before a see a deep scar that runs across her back. It's not very thick, but it starts just below the top of her skirt and trails all the way up to her hairline. For the most part it follows her spine, only curving away here and there, almost as if someone took a blade and tried to draw a straight line up her back and failed. The scar itself is not horrific, but whatever caused it must have been. Most injuries in the magical world don't leave behind a scar. Healers and potions have found numerous ways to prevent it except for extreme cases and usually those only leave behind a thin trail of a scar, not something half a centimeter wide. _

_I open my mouth to ask about it when she turns around. Her fingers work quickly, buttoning her skirt as she speaks. "Look, I'll make some tea before you leave, but I want you gone before Hunter wakes." Okay, so she wants me to go._

_I follow her out into the kitchen, the strings of my untied boots clicking on the tile with each step. It's chilly in the room; the elves haven't started the fire. Rebecca pads across the floor in bare feet, her path obviously often followed because it's almost as if the room anticipates her every move. With the tea kettle on the stove she goes about mixing together an array of ingredients pulled from various cupboards. _

_As I watch her, my thoughts drift back to last night, to her crying so desperately into me. I lean against the table and wonder how to pose my question. Fluidly, she moves about the kitchen, measuring, stirring, pouring, never hesitating. Mrs. Potter cooks like that. "Rebecca," her shoulders automatically tense at the sound, "what happened last night? What caused you to be so… upset?" _

_She whirls around so quickly the bowl in her hand flings across the floor skidding to a halt with a clatter as it hits the wall. Her eyes shine with fear and hatred as she glares at me. "It is _none_ of your fucking business. You don't give a flying _fuck_ about me or that little boy in there." Her hand jerks toward Hunter's room. "And, I, sure as hell, am not going to waste my time on you. So, get the fuck out and stay out. I don't need a fucking knight in shining armor, and if I did, I wouldn't pick _you._" Her chin quivers in rage or heartbreak; I am not sure which. _

_I nod; there is nothing else for me to do. Slowly, I make my way to the door, but before I go I take one last look at her. She is glaring at the empty spot that I had just vacated. In my last glance, I try to find some resemblance of the girl I saw smiling in the Pensieve, I can't. Years of hiding, pretending, and hating have changed her, carved away at her skin, molding her into something new, something broken. The walls she is building around herself will come crashing down, and when they do, who will be there to help her from the rubble? _

o

"And that's it?" James asks, his voice low and concerned.

"That's it." I nod in agreement. "Prongs, man, she is so screwed up, and before, she didn't realize it, but now, with Hunter she is forced to look at herself. She sees how fucked up she is, and she is trying to hide from it, but, James, it's going to tear her apart."

My head is hanging forward, and my hair is in my eyes so I can't see his expression. I don't want to, anyways. "Padfoot, man, you can't help her if she doesn't want you to. You just can't."

"I know." My voice is cracked, and I hate myself for it.

"Maybe, we should go find Lucy?" James says hesitantly.

My eyes blink into focus as I watch my own silky black hair sway from side to side while I shake my head. "No, let her be happy with Moony. I'm fine." Though he doesn't want to let the subject drop, he does with a sigh and leans back against the wall once more.

We sit in silence for a few moments before James brings up Lily again. "Why am I so different from you? To Lily, I mean."

I look up at him. His face is contorted in confusion, and his eyes are filled with a child-like wonder that only James could achieve at eighteen. My lips quirk up into a half smile. "Honestly, James, I think it's that she expects better of you. She knows I am a bad egg, but she has hope for you, and you disappoint her." His confusion morphs into a frown, and the light in his eyes dies down a little. "Prongs, that is a good thing. It means there is hope for you."

"H-What?" The look of confusion is back as he stutters about, trying to make sense of my statement.

Taking a deep breath, I stand and smile at him. "James, Lily does like you. Maybe not love just yet, but she does like you. She just doesn't want to admit it to herself. By letting her to screw with your emotions, you're letting her deny herself that reality. So, buck up, tell her 'no', and she'll be yours by the end of the month. I swear."

He scurries up the wall to stare at me. "Seriously?"

"Seriously, tell her 'no' and ignore her charms."

"Well, I guess, I haven't tried that approach, yet. It is worth a shot." He grins cheekily, before we head downstairs to meet Wormtail and Moony for our latest prank.

O

Quiet chatter fills the Great Hall between the scrapes and clanks of silverware as the students of Hogwarts entertain each other over another delicious meal. The professors are all sitting primly in their seats as they enjoy their meal. Dumbledore's crystal blue eyes scan the room; his lips quirk into a knowing smile as they cross my path. I can't help but grin. The crazy old man knows what is going to happen and thinks it is hilarious. I want to be like him when I grow up. Ha! I'll never grow up.

A few moments later, Minerva McGonagall's spoon drops to the floor with a clatter. The entire Great Hall is silent as they stare up at her. She clears her throat to tell everyone to go about his or her own business as she bends over to pick up her spoon. As soon as her hand comes into contact with it, it jumps away. Looking a lot like a chicken with its feathers ruffled, Professor McGonagall frowns and reaches out for the spoon once more. Again, the spoon speeds away the moment her fingers make contact. After the third time, McGonagall is quite peeved at the utensil and dives after it in a most undignified manner. She catches the little bugger and raises it in the air with a great whoop of "Ah, ha!"

The students in the Great Hall burst out into laughter, and she stands, straightens out her skirt, and scowls down at them. Dumbledore chuckles slightly and pats her shoulder as she takes her seat. She glares daggers at him before bursting into a fit of chuckles when his spoon dashes from the tabletop. He stands and walks around the table, lifting the bottom of his robes with one hand, revealing thin, wrinkled legs and running after the spoon as it cartwheels away from him. The spoon has almost reached the doors when Dumbledore leaps forward and lands with one foot on the spoon, successfully stopping the runaway silverware and bending it. He bends and picks up the newly shaped spoon and holds it up proudly for all to see.

As he trots happily back to his chair at the Head Table, each student's silverware jumps, slides, and flings away from its user and makes a mad dash for the open hall doors. Students dive and scatter trying to catch their fleeing utensils.

I feel Lucy nudge my shoulder with hers. When I look down at her, she shakes her head with only a hint of a smile. "I think you have lost your touch, babe. Runaway spoons? Honestly, this is so not your best work."

"Well, I wanted to have them attack people, but James said we have to cool things down because is he Head Boy and all."

She shrugs. "Ah, well, the little ones seem to like it."

At the mention of little ones, my eyes scan the room for Cole and Hunter. Hunter is grinning proudly while holding up his spoon. Rebecca smiles softly down at him, her arms crossed. She feels my eyes on her, and her eyes grow cold. I watch as her red-stained lips form the words "Come on, let's go. It's getting late." to the little boy before taking his hand and leading him from the room.

Lily gives me a knowing smile from across the table. I give her half a smile back and go back to my sandwich. I was smart; I can still eat my food, even if my silverware ran away.

O

It's late, way passed midnight. Someone is pacing the common room, and they are none to light on their feet. Whoever it is has woken me up from the sweetest dream. I should strangle them.

I stub my toe on something as I walk across the dark room. Lucy's head pops up from Remus' bed, and she half screams, "Ducks! Ducks! They are pecking me! Make them stop. Ow!"

Moony rises up and glares at me before guiding her back down to her pillow. "Luce, it's just a dream. Relax, sleep, and be normal for once," he mutters in his sleep-haze.

I stumble-hop from the room and walk down the stairs to find Lily pacing frantically. Her long, red hair is pulled up in a messy ponytail, and the knotted curls bounce with each step. Her pale hands clench and unclench as she moves from the fireplace to the couch and back, her eyes never leaving her hot pink toenails.

"Lily?" My voice is groggy and cracked.

Her eyes shoot to meet mine, and she stops mid-step. With one foot still in the air, she swallows and looks at me oddly. "Sirius, what are you doing awake?"

"Uh, your ceaseless pacing probably has half the house awake. Why aren't you doing that in your _own_ common room?" I ask running a hand through my hair.

"Oh, right, sorry," she says before sitting carefully on the edge of the couch, poised to start pacing again at any moment. I sit down beside her and wait for her to begin speaking.

"James hasn't said a word to me in weeks," she says with a sigh, throwing herself back against the couch and dropping her head to my shoulder.

I wrap my arm around her and kiss her hair. "And, this is a bad thing because?"

She crosses her arms with a huff. "As if I know."

I chuckle slightly. "So, you miss him?"

"Well, no. I mean, I see more than enough of him. I just, well, he... Sirius, I don't know what to do without the constant nagging." She sighs again, and bangs her head against my chest.

"Lily, first, ow," I say and stop her abuse. "Second, is it the nagging you miss, or is it just him? Come on, Lils, you can't say he is still the arrogant prick you thought him to be. Why don't you just give him a chance?"

"Sirius, I–" she stops and shakes her head. "What if I am just another fling?"

"You aren't. Lily, the only reason why he ever had flings is because you always said 'No.' He knows it is wrong to string someone along if you are in love with someone else."

"You make him sound so fucking perfect, and he's not!" Lily frowns and stands up to begin pacing again.

"Yes, because you have already found all of his faults and are to blinded by that to even bother looking his good qualities." I stand and place my hands on her shoulders so she will look at me. "You _know_ what a loyal friend he is. Now, imagine what he would do for someone he loved more than Moony, Wormtail, or me. That, Lily, is the kind of boyfriend he will be to you."

She turns away from me and wraps her arms around herself. Frustrated, I sigh. "Fuck, Lily, what the hell do you have to be worried about? If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. I mean, shit, Lils, if you had some sort of baggage, I would understand, but it is just you. Just you and him, and what could turn out the be the best thing to ever happen to either of you."

I narrowly miss being slapped in the face by her ponytail as she whips around to face me. "What the fuck do you know about relationships, Sirius? You have never had a _real_ girlfriend. You bang everything in sight. You can't even keep someone who desperately needs someone around. Who are you to give advice?"

"Your friend, Lily. Someone who gives a flying fuck about you. Sure, I may be confused as hell when it comes to my own love life, but yours is easy. James loves you, and you love him. Don't you dare lie to me and say that you don't." I cross my arms and stare down my nose at her. She huffs loudly and turns on her heel heading for the Heads' dorms. "You're welcome," I say right before the door slams.

O

I bend down to tie my shoe before heading out to Potions. As I pull the bunny through the burrow, I hear yelling, Lucy yelling. What?! I turn my head up toward the dorm room stairs.

"Maybe, if you would just give me some fucking space," Lucy shouts, "I wouldn't have to be mean!" Tears are streaming down her face as she glares up at Remus.

"Lucy! You've been sick three mornings in a row! You need to go see Madam Pomfrey. And I wouldn't be in your space if you would take care of yourself," he yells at her.

"I was fine on my own long before you came around. I don't need you to baby me, I am fine," she bites out before turning away from him and storming toward the portrait hole.

I grab her arm as she passes by me. "Don't fucking touch me," she yells before pulling her bottom lip between her teeth in a vain attempt to stop crying. Pulling away, she continues outside.

I have known Lucy for years, and I have seen her cry more times in the past three months than I have in my entire life. Remus comes to stand beside me; he is still fuming but obviously very hurt. "What happened?" I ask simply.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I think she's pregnant."

"What!" I am completely flabbergasted. Lucy pregnant? No way.

Remus runs a hand through his shaggy hair, his face pale with worry. "I don't know, man. Remember when Peter's mum was pregnant with his little sister and she was sick like every morning? Well, Lucy has been sick for almost a week. She keeps saying it's nothing, but I don't know. What if it is?"

I slap him on the back of the head. I just can't seem to help myself. "There is a fucking charm to prevent that, you idiot."

"I am not completely incompetent, Sirius. We used the fucking charm. If you had bothered do to the proper research before you went around screwing anything that moves, you would know that it can become ineffective after prolong periods of use."

I frown at him. "If you knew that, why didn't you switch it up? Damn it, Moony, you are too young to have a kid."

"Like I don't know that, but there is nothing we can do now. If she is pregnant, then I am having a kid."

"Have you asked her?"

"No! God, I don't want to die. She will tell me when she is ready."

"So, why are you trying to force her to go the Madam Pomfrey?"

"Because, if she is… she doesn't need to be playing." His words are almost a whisper.

"Well, haven't you just fucked up royally this time?"

"Gee, Padfoot, thanks for the help," he mutters sarcastically before heading toward the portrait hole.

Just before he leaves, I yell, "I'll talk to her."

With a sigh of relieved thanks and a nod, he is gone. It looks like I will be skipping Potions.

O

A cold wind blows across the Quidditch Pitch, ruffling my hair as I make me way out to Lucy. She is flying low, slow circles in the middle of the field. I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign. The toes of her boots drag the ground as she brings the broom to a stop in front of me. "I'm sorry," she says bashfully, looking at the ground.

"I don't think it is me you should be apologizing to," I say. Her hair whips around her face in the wind, and I notice her shiver slightly as she nods. "Lucy, you didn't even bring a jumper. If you weren't sick you are going to be now." She is floating with her toes just barely over the grass, her eyes big and innocent as she awaits my next move.

I start to take off my coat to give to her when she rolls her eyes at me. "Babe, stop. It's not that cold, and I already have a gallant boyfriend. Relax, I'll go back up to the castle and see Poppy; she'll give me some dreamless sleep and everything will be fine."

She has slid off the broom and thrown it over her shoulder before I grasp what she has said. "Dreamless sleep? Why would _you_ need a sleeping potion?"

She pecks my cheek as she passes me. "It's the not sleep I need, hon."

I trot up beside her and lightly grab her arm. She stops and stares at me blankly until I speak the obvious. "Dreams? You are having dreams that make you sick?"

Lucy tilts her head to the side and smiles softly. "You don't believe in Divination, babe. It is nothing to worry about. I would just wait for them to past, but I guess it has your dear Moony in quite a fit, so I'll take something for it."

"Well, yeah, he thinks you're pregnant." I shrug. "But, Luce, I don't understand."

Her eyes close as if she is hiding from something before the copper orbs blink up at me, glittering slightly with unshed tears. "They are not exactly pretty images, sweets." She chuckles a little and pulls my arm around her shoulders before heading off toward the castle. "So, Remus thinks I am pregnant. Doesn't he know I would kill him if that happened?" Lucy says, not-so-smoothly changing the topic, but that's Lucy's way of saying she is done with the conversation.

O

After dropping Lucy off at the Hospital Wing, I wonder whether I should go to class or just go catch a quick nap. Finally, I decide to head for Hogsmeade.

My hands are shoved into my pockets, and my shoes squeak a little with each step. A quiet humming has been following me for about five minutes now, but so far I have just ignored it. As I approach the one-eye witch I glance around; the sound is beginning to make me nervous. What if I get caught sneaking out? With another quick glance, I decide to take my chances and pull out my wand.

"Mr. Black?" I nearly reach the ceiling I jump so high as Professor Dumbledore appears out of thin air.

"Pro-professor, what are you doing here?" I stutter quickly stowing my wand in my pocket.

He smiles calmly and his eyes twinkle at me. "I believe it is I, who should be asking you that question. Are you not supposed to be in Potions?"

I try to lie smoothly, but I know he sees through it. "I am on my way. Lucy was sick this morning, so I took her to the Hospital Wing."

"Ah, this is not the quickest route down to the dungeons, is it?" His eyes sparkle knowingly. I hate him for that.

"No, it is not," I sigh and decide to just give up. "I wasn't planning on attending class today. I was going to take a nap."

He chuckles slightly. "Now, I don't think as Headmaster that I can allow that. However, I have been meaning to speak with you, would you mind taking a walk with me?"

Well, this is odd, but hey, as long as I don't have to go to Potions. "Sure." I smile slightly and follow him down the hall.

With long slow strides, he makes way through the castle, humming contently to himself. I trod along beside him, waiting for his question. We reach the entrance hall before he says, "Have you spoken with your brother, yet?"

I stop mid-step and stare up at him. He looks like an innocent, old man, but I know better. He waited to catch me off guard. I shove my hands back into my pockets and try to maintain eye contact. I fail; I am staring directly into his white beard. "No, sir, I haven't." Dumbledore sighs heavily before opening the front doors. I can't help but feel like I have disappointed him. "I meant too, sir. Honestly, I did. I just…"

"I understand, Mr. Black." His voice is oddly cheerful, and it makes me feel guilty. I follow him out onto the front steps. A grey-blue sky stares down at us, the golden hues of the trees standing out brightly against it, the lake water oddly still despite the gentle autumn breeze. Dumbledore's wise, old voice enters my thoughts as I stare out into the trees. "You know, sometimes the only thing we need to face what we fear, is the right set of circumstances."

Glancing up at him, I see him gazing at a young boy sitting under a tree near the shore of the lake. I have no trouble figuring out who it is. I can't refrain from releasing a nervous chuckle. Albus Dumbledore has always been and will always be the greatest wizard of all time. "Thank you, sir."

He gives me a brief smile before sending me off into what I can only hope is not the end of my relationship with my brother.

I stop and turn around several times; it probably has taken me more than five minutes to reach my destination. He has failed to notice me yet, though I have been standing behind him for quite awhile as he writes. He has my mother's hands. They're elegant, nothing like mine. They move smoothly across the page, each freshly written word neat and crisp, perfectly legible. His head drops into his hands, and he sighs deeply, an action very reminiscent of Lucy while studying for Potions, minus the "fuck it", of course.

"Regulus," I say before sitting down beside him, bending my knees and gazing out across the lake because I am unable to look at him.

He nods in return, barely muttering my name in greeting. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, sighing because I don't know where to begin. We sit in silence for a long while before I feel his eyes on me. When I look to him, his eyes are cold, and his voice is harsh as he speaks. "Was there a purpose to this visit, or are you just here to annoy me?"

Frowning at the grass, I mumble, "I fucked up."

"Oh, and I am supposed to clap you on the back and welcome you back into the family? Is that what this is about?" he asks as if this is some absurd joke.

"No, no. That's not what I fucked up, Reg. Leaving the family was the best decision I ever made. It's the way I left that was wrong. I shouldn't have… said the things that I said in front of you. I wasn't talking about you, Reg, I wasn't. You are my brother, kiddo. I never wanted things to end up like…this. I shouldn't have waited so long to come to you. I wanted to apologize for that, for _this._ I didn't want my choice to end our relationship. I don't want you to follow their path without understanding where it leads." His eyes are glossed over with tears as he glares at the trees.

"Fuck that! And fuck _you_. I am not 'following' anyone's path. I am making my own choices. You are just upset, because they aren't the same as yours. You can take your fucking apology and shove it up your ass, _big brother._"

It takes everything I have to stay calm. "You are spouting out her words." He is only repeating what she has said; he doesn't realize what he is saying.

He stands quickly. It is odd to see your own eyes narrow at you. "No! No, Sirius, I am not. These are my words. Mine! There is no more relationship between us." His dark hair ruffles as the wind picks up. He jabs his finger at me then himself. "This is it, we are done. You are not my brother, and I am not yours. Stay out of my life, and I will do you the same favor." Black robes whip behind him as he marches off toward the castle.

After a moment of shock I rise and follow him. "What if that's not what I want?" I choke out to his retreating form.

"I don't give a fuck about what you want, Sirius. This is about me and what I want, for once."

"This isn't your choice! You are only repeating things she has said!" Those words keep flashing in my mind as some desperate attempt to convince myself that this is not happening. "Talk to me! Think for yourself." I am running out of things to say to make him stay. He continues toward the castle refusing to look back. I can barely breath as if a truck has hit me, but I refuse to stop chasing after him. "If you just stop and think about what you are doing, what you are planning, you will realize it is a mistake!"

He stops abruptly and whirls around. I thank God that there is still hope. It vanishes as soon as he opens his mouth. "Why is it a mistake? Because it is different from yours?" In that moment he is a mirror image of her. I am thrown back into memories I thought were buried long ago.

I shake my head, blurring the image of him. "No, because it is wrong. Reg, can't you see that? Can't you see that what they are doing is wrong?"

"We are only eliminating the unworthy." He spits savagely before calmly walking away.

He said we. Why did he say we? Realization hits me hard. He is one of them. My little brother is one of them. I can't follow him now. He is right in that we aren't brothers anymore. I could never care for someone who is willing, no, more than willing to murder someone. My head pounds as I shake it from side to side. If I don't care, why does it hurt so much?

My knees collide with the unforgiving ground. I should feel pain, but I don't.

O

The sound of hurried footsteps brings me back to reality. I don't know how long it has been. My cheeks sting as the cold wind blows across their tear-stained surface. The footsteps stop, and I raise my head to find Lucy staring down at me.

"I will fucking..." she stops and shakes her head. Anger, pain, and worry contort her face. She starts to speak several times but only says one word in the end. "Up."

I stare at her blankly. Clenching her teeth, she swallows, and says it again, "Up, now."

I shake my head. I want to die here. She kneels down beside me and brushes my hair from my face. "Get up, babe."

Simply, I look up at her my eyes begging her to let me be. She shoves my shoulder and exclaims "Up!" with such force that it reminds me of Lily during our first flying lesson.

"Lucy, I­­­­­­–"

"Fuck that. I said '_up_!'" She tugs on my arm, and I allow her to pull me off the ground.

"Lucy…"

"No, come on, inside."

We are upstairs and tucked away in the boys' dorm before I realize we are moving. Lucy is pacing in front of me as I stare out the rain-splattered window. Was it raining while I was out there? One glance and my soaked pants tell me the answer.

Lucy stops her pacing and kneels down in front of me. She places her hands in mine as I continue to look out the window. "Babe, look at me." I feel a slight pressure on my hand as she asks again. I glance at her to find a look of devastation written across her face. She gives me a weak smile before speaking. "First, are you okay?"

That is all it takes and I am crying once more. Time ticks by slowly as Lucy holds me to her, running her fingers through my hair as she rocks us back and forth, whispering, "It's okay, love, it's okay."

After an eternity I hear James, Remus, and Peter trudging up the staircase. Lucy gently pulls away. "Do you want me to let them in?" The room moves; I must have nodded. She rises slowly from my side and crosses the room to the door.

Tucking a stray stand of hair behind her ear she gazes at me, her hand resting gently on the doorknob. The guys are drawing ever nearer. I stare blankly at her as she contemplates whether or not to speak her mind. At the last possible moment, she flicks the lock and leans against the door. I here James rattle the knob. "Just a minute, guys," she whispers before coming to sit beside me once more.

She closes her eyes and makes an odd little noise, like a mix between a laugh and a sigh. "I know, you don't want to hear my fucked up views on God, but I really think… I really think I need to say this." I give her a weak smile, and she continues, "Sometimes, God makes mistakes. Sometimes, we aren't born into the right family, and we have to search for our own. I think God fucked up with you, babe. I think he placed you in the wrong home, but you found your family, here, with us. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less." She stops and pulls me into a hug. Holding me tightly she whispers, "Babe, you mean so much to me, to all of us. I truly love you. You are not only my best friend but my brother, and I… I couldn't imagine life without. You are the one that keeps everyone together. Please, please, don't let whatever he told you change who you are."

Her form is blurry as she steps away from me to let the guys in. I choke back the tears and smile at her. "Luce, thanks."

She grins widely and unlocks the door. "I am just being honest, babe. No need to thank me for that."

James, Remus, and Peter tumble in as the door swings open. Remus' eyes flick between Lucy and I as James exclaims, "What the bloody hell happened?"

I sigh, and my voice shakes. "I talked to Regulus." I don't have to say anything else, the "Fuck man, I'm sorry"s and manly hugs start. Lucy is right. This is my family.

O

I am moping, or that is what Lily said I am doing. It's been almost a week, and I continually find myself lacking interest in anything. I haven't even bothered to try to see Cole. James said pulling a prank is what I needed. It didn't work. Lily made me read a book, well, tried to make me read a book. I just read the back cover and pretended I enjoyed it. Remus says the cure for everything is chocolate. I ate the entirety of Peter's hidden stash. It only gave me a stomachache.

So, here I am, standing out on the balcony, staring out into nothing, watching the clouds listlessly float past, thinking maybe I should take Lucy's advice and go flying. A burst of tiny laughter catches my attention, and I glance down at the ground below me. Hunter is laughing wildly as Cole swings him around by his waist. She is wearing a flowing bright blue dress that flares out as she spins. After a few more rounds she slowly falls onto her back. The little boy screams and giggles as he lands on top of her. He moves to lie beside her, his arms behind his head, and his little legs cross loosely, giving a cocky air of not giving a damn. Cole points to something in the sky, the yellow sleeve of her sweater slipping down her arm. Hunter tilts his head to the side and smiles widely before speaking, but I can't hear his words. They look happy, and I desperately want to share that feeling.

Before I realize what I am doing, my feet have carried me down the front steps and out onto the grounds. The damn traitors. Cole is sitting with her elbows on her knees, a cigarette lightly resting between her middle and index fingers. Hunter is chasing after a black and white checkered ball. I shove my hands in my pockets and force myself to turn around at up to the castle. My feet have gone only a few steps before I hear my name.

Stopping and looking back, I find Hunter waving as he yells, "Hey! Look Becca, it's Sirius."

Cole raises her head and takes a long drag off her cigarette before nodding to me. As the smoke lazily floats to the sky, I notice she has lost weight. From where, I don't know, but she is extremely thin.

I am brought out of my thoughts by Hunter calling, "Come sit with us!" He sits cross-legged not too far from Rebecca and pats the grass beside him. Cole doesn't give me a sign on whether I should stay or go, so I smile a little and sit beside him.

"What kind of ball is that?" I ask, pointing to the black and white ball Hunter is holding.

His face lights up as his smiles. "It's a football. You kick it."

I give a confused smile and say, "Interesting."

Cole chuckles and puts out her cigarette. "It's a muggle sport, Black. They can't risk their lives by flying hundreds of feet above the ground on a stick, so they make the game more challenging by saying 'no hands'."

"Oh."

"You've _never_ seen a football game?" Hunter exclaims.

"Uh, no," I say nervously.

"Becca, we have to take him with us!" he practically yells.

She shakes her head, and bleach-blonde locks fall into her eyes. "No, sweetheart, we don't."

He looks at her, confused. "But, Professor D. said we needed someone else to go with us, and Sirius has never been. It just… works."

She hesitates, so I answer, "It would be great kiddo, but there is the minor detail that Rebecca here, doesn't like me all that much."

Hunter stares at me as Rebecca stands. "Come on, kid, let's go."

"What? Why?" he asks.

She brushes her hair out of her eyes to stall before sighing loudly. "Because, it is getting cold," she says, wrapping her arms around herself to prove her point.

"Why don't you like Sirius? I thought you said he wasn't a prat?" He frowns, but he doesn't disobey her. He stand and picks up his ball. "I don't understand why you are so mean all the time to everyone."

"I am not mean," she informs him, holding out her hands to take the ball from him.

"Yes, you are. You never say anything nice to anyone, except me and Miss Poppy."

She runs her hand through her hair again, clenching a handful in her fist. "Have you ever thought, that maybe they were the ones who were being mean to me?"

"Well, Sirius has never been mean to you. He has always been nice." Oh hell, I am stuck sitting between the two of them as they argue about whether Cole is a nice person.

"Look, I am the adult here. I don't have to explain myself to you," she says, frustrated.

His eyes fill with tears at her slightly angered voice, and he turns away from her trying to hide his crying. Cole looks down at me; her face is a mix between hopeless and infuriated. Of course, this is _my_ fault.

She kneels down behind him and places her hand on his shoulder. "Kiddo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell, especially at you."

He sniffs, "I know. I just…" He turns around and buries his head in her chest. She wraps her arms around him and whispers another apology.

"Come on, kid." She stands picking him up with her, swaying slightly on her feet for a moment before smiling weakly at me. "Can you hand me the ball please?" Her dark eyes flick to the ball then back to me. I really want to tell her that he can walk, that she doesn't need to be carrying him, that she needs to eat.

I don't. I simply pick up the ball and hold it just out of her reach. "Trade?"

She frowns at me. "Please, just give me the ball."

Pasting on what Lily calls James' "cocky bastard" grin, I take a step back. "Come on, let me carry him."

Narrowing her eyes, she turns on her heel, leaving me to feel like an ass. I jog after her. "Oh, honestly, Cole, I was just playing. Relax a little."

She stops and whispers "ears" to Hunter who firmly places his hands over his ears. "I would like to see you try to relax when you are constantly worried that the only person who matters most to you is in constant danger. When you have to not only check but also triple check every move you make just to keep them safe. When the one who will do him harm lives under the very same roof. You try to be a parent at eighteen. You give up your life to protect someone you love. I can't put my guard down, because the moment I do it is the end for both of us. I don't have the time or the strength to deal with your stupid games. So, please, just _stop._"

"What's the point of living if you aren't going to live?" I ask, standing comfortably under her stare. She didn't say fuck once.

"We can live once we are safe. Until then, it's about survival."

"How long until then? This war has been going on for a long time, and I don't see the end anytime soon. What if it's not over 'til after you're dead? Then what? What was the point in living?"

Pressing her red lips together and closing her dark eyes, she tilts her head away from me. "Please, don't say that." Her dark eyelashes grow darker as she attempts to hide tears. "Don't take away the only thing that keeps us going," she murmurs softly before slowly backing away.

I follow her. She ignores the sounds of my footsteps and continues onward. "Rebecca, stop… please."

She does, but she refuses to turn around. "I am trying so hard to be nice here. Don't make me be cruel in front of him," she says slowly, desperately.

"What is wrong with me? Why can't you just talk to me?" I ask the toes of my boots.

Her voice is strangled. "Because, I desperately want to trust you, and the moment I do, I know everything will go wrong. I can't afford for everything to fall apart, again." Squaring her shoulders, she walks away once more.

The bright blue skirt of her dress sways from side to side as she crosses the grounds to the castle doors. I only watch her leave, not knowing what to say.

O

"Ms. Morgan! Can you do nothing right?" Professor Slughorn screams as slams his hand down on Lucy's desk. She jumps and glares at him.

"You fat bastard! How do you expect me to get it right when you can't teach worth a shit and are constantly breathing down my neck? Stay the fuck away from me, and I might have a chance at passing this class!" She yells at him and shoves her spoiled potion off the desk and onto the floor. The gooey bright yellow substance covers his boots and splashes up his trousers. Oh God, she has done it now.

Slughorn turns deep red, his cheeks blow up, and it looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his head. Luckily, that is just what he looks like when he is angry, and it's not a result of the blotched potion. The only thing Lucy's screwed up potion does is smoke a little and stain the classroom floor. "Morgan! The Headmaster's office immediately!" He jabs a fat finger toward the door.

Lucy rolls her eyes and throws her bag over her shoulder. "Gladly."

I am torn between chasing after her and punching Slughorn. Lucy is really trying this year; he doesn't have to insult her at every turn.

While Slughorn is still fuming, Remus throws a ball of paper at the back of my head. He is so discreet. I pretend to be tying my boot and read the note.

'_**Pads, distraction so we can leave.'**_

I mentally sigh. I am always the one to take the fall.

While searching around for something to make my potion explode I notice Cole dropping a kava flower into her potion. Well, that makes a boom. Thirty seconds later, the room is filled with lime green smoke, and I can hear Cole's faint laughter even though Slughorn is screaming like a police siren.

The class scatters from the room, green smoke billowing out behind us. As I step out of the room, Cole brushes up against me and gives me a small smile. "You need to think faster. Your girl would've have been all the way upstairs before you got the room to clear out." She is so cocky.

O

"James can I talk to you for a moment." Lily Evans says nervously.

The guys and I have been relaxing in the common room for over an hour. Remus is flipping through a magazine lazily adding to the conversation when he feels the need. Peter is commenting on how great the last thing James said was. I'm lying sprawled out across the couch, my head hanging off so the room appears to be upside down. James is informing the gang of his Christmas party plans. I haven't told him I will be staying at my uncle's old place during the holidays yet. I don't know how. Anyway, back to Lily who just entered the room.

James stops in the middle of his sentence and smiles up at her. "Just a moment, Lily. I am almost done."

Lily stares at him in shock as he goes back to explaining his plan to get us all together during the break. He has gotten pretty good at making it look like she isn't the center of his world.

"I can't go. Luce and I are going surfing," Remus says.

"What?" James exclaims. "It's tradition for us to spend Christmas morning together. You can't not come because you are going surfing."

"I'm sorry, mate. I am going surfing. I can meet up with you the day after Christmas if you want. But, I'm not going to leave Lucy alone on Christmas."

"Bring her with you. Where the hell are you surfing anyway? It's freezing," James whines.

"Lucy's got a friend in Hawaii that needs a house sitter. She volunteered. I'm going with." Remus shrugs. Great, now I get to tell James I am not staying with him after Remus breaks tradition.

"Well, next you are going to tell me Sirius is moving out!"

Crap. "I am. I am moving into my uncle's place," I mutter, sitting up.

"What?"

"James, I can't continue to bum off your parents."

"Yes! Yes, you can."

"I'll be there for Christmas, don't worry," I add, trying to make it seem like Moony is the real traitor here.

"What about you, Pete? Are you dying or something?"

"Of course not, James. I would never miss Christmas at the Potter house." Damn suck-up.

Lily is still standing patiently beside James waiting for him to end the conversation, so she can speak to him. I clear my throat and glance up at her, trying to make James realize she is still here. "Oh, shoot. I'm sorry, Lily, you wanted to talk." He smiles weakly at her.

"Oh, it's okay, we can talk later. It's not a big deal," she mumbles.

"No, this isn't. I'll be seeing you three later." James glares at us before leading Lily from the room.

O

Three hours later Lucy, Remus and I are playing catch on the dorm floor when James comes in with the world's largest grin across his face.

"She asked _me_ out! My God! Lily Evans and I are going on a date!" he says in shock before collapsing on his bed.

_Way to go James._

O

_thank you for reading_


	12. Chapter 12

Time With Lucy

The Fat Lady slams shut with such force that the pictures gracing the walls in the common room shake.

"Three weeks! Three fucking weeks!" Lucy rages before throwing herself onto the sofa beside me. "All because Slughorn is an incompetent, arrogant prick!"

"Three weeks? What the hell? The most I have ever received from him was two," I say, stunned.

"Yes, well, he has always liked you, hasn't he?" she sighs before dropping her head into her hands.

"Babe, this is totally unfair. Go talk to Dumbledore."

"I have been to Dumbledore. You escorted me there, remember? He is the only reason why I get to play Saturday."

"Do you want me and Remus to join you?" I ask, praying she'll say "no." Three fucking weeks?

"No, no, I can deal with the fat bastard on my own. Oh, he is going to pay for this." She stares angrily at the empty fireplace for a moment before smiling up at me. "So, I am going to assume you have spoken with Cole as you seem rather happy lately." I wish I got over things that fast.

"Rather happy? Since when?" I ask.

"Yes, rather happy, since… right after you blew up the potions lab." She pulls her legs up on to the sofa and faces me, leaning against the armrest, immediately morphing from pissed to innocent. God, you have to love her.

"I didn't blow up the lab… she did." I grin at my toes.

"Oh, well, I shall have to thank her, then."

"Oh, yes, she is definitely the one who deserves the thanks," I mutter sarcastically.

With a look of shock, she replies, "What? I already thanked you."

"My thanks wasn't nearly as good as Moony's," I pout, staring down at the red couch, reminding myself of a little kid.

"You're right. It wasn't. I apologize, but I am no longer a free bird, dear." Glancing quickly at her, I notice she's moved, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, her long hair dangling in front of her face.

I frown. "I hate that."

"No, you don't. You are very happy for your Moony and me." She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Yeah, but still, I liked it better when I got the best 'thank you'."

She laughs, "I am sure you did."

O

James and Lily's footsteps are synchronized as we make are way down the corridor toward the Great Hall. It makes me sick. They haven't even gone on their first date yet, and they act like they have been married for a thousand years.

Lucy and Remus are playing some sort of deranged two-player game of tag. Basically, she pokes him and runs. He chases her. She screams as he grabs her around the waist and carries her a distance before placing her back on her feet once she declares she will be a 'good girl.' Then they'll walk beside each other for a while before it happens all over again.

I feel like a loner. I swear, James and Lily, Remus and Lucy, and then there is Pete and me. When the hell did I get thrown into a group with Peter bloody Pettigrew?

"Sirius!" Lucy exclaims in a singsong voice.

"Yes, Lucy, dear?"

"You are moping, again,." she continues her chatter in song.

"No, I am not," I sing back.

"Yes, you are. Stop it. Dinner is going to be _very _entertaining tonight." She smiles coyly before turning away from me. Dear God, I do _not_ like the way she said that.

Quiet chatter fills the Great Hall as I sit and stare at the empty plate before me. _Very entertaining._ The words keep sounding in my head. _Very entertaining._ What on earth does that mean? Lucy is a great prankster, but she is vindictive. She only brings out her evil side when pushed. I guess someone has pushed her too far. Oh fuck, Slughorn.

This has only happened once before. It was Snape, the great greasy bastard. He had called Lily a _Mudblood. _Lucy got to him before the Marauders could. He sang this cute little children's song, with puppets, on the Head Table, in light pink boxers. What was the song? Oh yes, "The L Song". It went something like: la la la la lemon, la la la la light bulb, and on and on. God, that was great. I suppose that is one of the many reasons that I love Lucy.

"Babe, you're not eating?" I look up at Lucy. She has a spoon full of mashed potatoes ready to fling at me.

"Just daydreaming, Luce. Relax, I'll eat," I say with my hands raised in surrender.

"Lucy, he is still upset. Don't pick on him." Remus takes her spoon from her and smiles at me. At least he is on my side.

"He has been fine for the past two days. Now, he is trying to slip back into mopiness, and I am _forbidding_ it," Lucy says, punctuating the sentence by dropping a glob of potatoes in Moony's hair.

"You are evil." He grins, dotting her nose with gravy.

Lucy raises her hand to prevent a food fight from breaking out. "We will finish this double f tomorrow at lunch. I already planned something for tonight, and we both need to be clean."

Remus stares at her blankly. "But, food fights are fun…" For the one who always gets the title of "nice guy", Moony sure does like causing trouble.

"Well, what I am planning is better." With an all-knowing smile, Lucy magics away the mess and goes back to her dinner. Remus and I share confused shrugs.

About twenty minutes later, Lucy stands and smiles down at Remus. "Hey, I um.. Well, I have detention tonight, so do you want to head up a little early?" Moony almost chokes on his carrot. Did she really just proposition him right here at the dinner table?

"Uh, sure." He clears his throat. "I mean, yes. Yes, that sounds… lovely." _'Cause L is such a lovely letter._ Oops, sorry, the Snape song just popped into my thoughts for a moment there.

As Moony and Lucy leave the table, the Hall releases a unified sound of wonder. My eyes follow the many heads of the room to the Head Table. Professor Slughorn is shrinking. Ah, _very interesting,_ indeed.

He continues to lose height as he wobbles and stumbles around the table and down the hall toward Lucy. "Morgan!" he yells, his voice high pitched and screeching.

Lucy stops and turns around to face him, her hand on her chest and her eyes round with innocence as she smiles. "Me, sir?"

"Yes! You! You did this! I know you did!" he bellows in his tiny voice, his form rapidly losing mass. He looks like a deflating ball.

Lucy chuckles. "Honestly, sir, you can't really think it was me. I am 'the worst potions student you ever had', 'completely incompetent'; I '_can't_ do anything correctly'. You are not seriously suggesting that I made such an efficient potion. After all, if I had brewed it, you would probably being _growing_, not _shrinking_." He draws ever nearer while she stands there, mocking him as she pleads her case.

"You horrible, wretched…"

Remus moves to stand in front of Lucy, but Lucy smiles slightly and places her hand softly on his arm. "Relax, love, Professor Slughorn has simply lost his temper. It is quite alright." She turns back to Slughorn and smiles coyly. "Now, sir, I don't exactly have time for your ranting as I have detention tonight, and well, every night for the next week, and then for two more weeks once I return from break. So you see, I am going to have very little time for dear Mr. Lupin, here. And, well, we wouldn't want him to feel left out, now would we?" She pats Slughorn's balding head and wraps her arm around Moony's waist. Remus stares at her oddly for a few moments, but once she smiles brightly up at him, he is shaken from his trance and allows her to guide him from the room.

The Great Hall sits in shocked silence before someone starts clapping, and then the room is filled with applause. As I watch Lucy and Remus walk from the room, I notice her try to turn around and wave, but Moony whispers something in her ear, causing her to bury her head in his chest as she holds back laughter. Her hand firmly shoved into her pocket.

Oh, dear God, she is bloody brilliant.

O

"Sirius?" a small voice whispers into my ear, drawing me away from sleep. "Sirius? Sirius, babe, come on, wake up."

I roll over and slowly open my eyes to find the brightly smiling face of Lucy Morgan. "What?" I mumble.

"It's the _first_ match of the _year!_" She is practically dancing with excitement. "Come on! We have lots to do."

"Go wake up James," I mutter before burying my head under my pillow. Fucking numbskull, nobody in their right mind would wake up this early for anything, not even Quidditch.

"James is _already_ awake. You're the last one. Get up!" she complains giddily while tugging on my arm. How can someone complain and be giddy at the same time?

"Fine," I moan, flinging back my covers and sitting up in bed. "What now?"

Lucy laughs and chews on her bottom lip before speaking. "Well, I would suggest putting on some pants because 'Little Padfoot' is probably a teeny bit cold." She pecks my cheek and grins widely before skipping out of the room, leaving me to blush in solitude.

O

"Okay, gang, the weather is pretty good. I would like a bit more cloud cover, but the conditions are never going to be perfect," Lucy informs the team calmly, standing on top of a stool to be sure everyone can see her.

"Hey! Lucy, I am the captain. I get to give the pep talk." James frowns and rolls his eyes. Lucy does this before every game.

Chuckling nervously, she hops down and grins bashfully at James. "Oops, I didn't see you there, Captain."

"Sure you didn't, Goose," James mutters before standing beside Lucy's perch. "Okay, gang, the weather is pretty good. Lucy would like a bit more cloud cover, but she isn't going to get it. Playing with the weather is illegal. Otherwise, I am sure dear Mr. Lupin would have arranged it for her."

Lucy blushes crimson and buries her head in my chest. I guess she didn't think the whole thing through.

"Alright, alright, that's enough teasing." James grins after the laughter dies down. "Okay, just go out there and kick some Slytherin ass. Let's rub some salt in Slughorn's open wound." Whoa, who knew James was violent.

The muscles in my arms flex and stretch as I swing my bat with what Lucy says is too much force at a rogue Bludger, sending it zooming toward Luke Howards. He doesn't move, and it misses him by mere centimeters.

He has the Quaffle and is riding fast and hard toward the goal posts. There is no way Nick will be able to save this. He is still too new at the game. James hadn't wanted him to play, but Lucy said he needed game time and his reaction time was way faster than Carmen's anyway. I am not sure how she could tell the difference; they both seemed pretty fast to me.

I feel Lucy's glare through the ice-cold wind. I know if you use too much force the ball will go off course, and it pisses her off that I ignored that knowledge. I turn to offer her a shrug of apology, but she is no longer there. A streak of red and gold flies by me, and I cringe inwardly. She isn't flying toward a Bludger or the snitch. She is after Howards, the poor soul.

I think for a moment that she is going to fly directly into him, and evidently, he does too, because he jerks right, his grip on the ball slipping. She soars underneath him so closely the edges of her robes whip at his broom. She shoots upward moments of she clears him, the tip of her ponytail grazing his side. Howards flips to his side to avoid disaster, losing the Quaffle in the process. James quickly steals the ball and zooms to the opposite end of the Pitch.

The game continues on at a gruelingly slow pace. Every score made by either team is fought for. I believe we are tied, but I can't be sure. Either way, the game will come down to the Seekers. It's not exactly ideal. Our Seeker just joined the team last year. James and Lucy both agree that he isn't the greatest, but he was the best of the lot.

Lucy and I keep the Bludgers attacking Slytherins as often as possible, but the players are packed together, continuously fighting for the Quaffle, so it is hard to not hit your own team mates.

Two hours later, the Snitch still hasn't been found, and rain has started to fall. I guess Lucy got her cloud cover. A time out is called so everyone can put on their rain gear. James is panting when we reach the ground. "Everyone! In the locker room now!"

James falls behind the rest of the team with Lucy and me. "Luce, I don't know what to do. The rain is getting worse, everyone is tired, and we need the damn Snitch."

Lucy wipes some of the rain out of her eyes. "I know. Eric can't even see in this. We need some sort of… rain block or something." She turns to me. "Sirius, that charm– the one you use to spy on people, to over hear their conversations– place it on everyone. I want us to be able to communicate even though there is wind."

I nod, quickly placing the spell on both her and James before I leave to charm the others.

Lucy's voice continues in my head as I move about the locker room placing my charm on everyone with explanation. "This is Nick's first time playing in rain. Maybe we should put Carmen in?"

"No…" James voice trails off before he speaks again. "Carmen isn't any good in weather. You and I both know that. We'll all just watch Nick and keep him updated on the Slytherins' locations. He'll be fine."

Lucy must have nodded, because a quarrel doesn't follow. "Lucy, put on a warming charm or something. Your lips are blue." I turn to see James clap her on the shoulder before heading out to tell everyone the game plan.

"Alright, everyone. Can you hear me?" James asks as soon as we are in the air once more. Six different forms of "yes" echo in my head. This must be what it's like for a crazy person. "Good, good. Great even. Okay, if any of you see the Snitch make sure to let Eric know, and please, keep Nick informed on the location of the Slytherin with the Quaffle. We need everyone's eyes open to win this.

The game continues on, and we are definitely starting to pull ahead. It is about twenty minutes after the time-out when Tara spots the Snitch. "Eric. Slytherin, middle goal post, east side, thirty meters above the ground."

Eric shoots off like a rocket, the Slytherin Seeker right behind him. I am not sure if either of them has actually seen it yet, but at the speed they are going, they are willing to die in pursuit.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a Slytherin beater send a Bludger straight at Eric. He doesn't see it and telling him could cost us the game. Everyone seems to be stuck in the same train of thought I am. Let him go, he catches the Snitch winning the game, possibly seeing the Bludger before it hits him, or tell him and lose. Lucy comes to a decision before the rest of us.

"Sirius, babe," she says, "watch and learn." I have no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean.

She speeds off in the direct of the Bludger, quickly gaining ground. The ball is only a few meters away from smashing into Eric's back when Lucy swoops down in front of it, holding her bat across her chest. The Bludger collides with her and is knocked backward. Lucy tips back on her broom as if winded before leaning forward and speeding away with the Bludger storming after her. Eric snatches the Snitch seconds later.

As soon as our toes hit the ground, Remus has Lucy pulled tightly against his chest. "You are fucking insane. Brilliant, of course, but fucking insane just the same."

"So party tonight?" I ask, grinning madly.

O

Transfiguration is boring. I mean, maybe if I didn't already know this stuff it would be more entertaining, but honestly, it is just dull for me. Lucy is sleeping peaceful between Remus and I. James is attempting not to stare at Lily and is actually doing a fair job. Lily is not doing quite as well. She can't seem to keep her eyes off of James. Peter is, well, I don't know, probably trying to follow the lesson.

Then, like so many weeks before, Cole's handwriting scrolls across my page.

_Good game, Saturday. _

_**You're supporting Gryffindors now?**_

_Well, I have the sweater._

_**Ah, yes, you look quite stunning in it as well.**_

_Why, thank you, Mr. Black._

_**I only speak the truth.**_

_Yes, and I truly believe that._

_**Are you calling me a liar?**_

_Never._

_**Okay, good.**_

_So, your girl's got three weeks in detention, huh? That brilliant skill on the Pitch and in the Great Hall didn't lighten her sentence any, I suppose._

_**Why do you always call her my girl? We have been over this. She is dating Remus. And, yes, still three weeks. Slughorn is a prick.**_

_Because, soon enough, she'll leave him for you. Yes, I agree, Slughorn is a prick._

_**No, Lucy and I are friends. She loves Moony, and he loves her. **_

_Whatever you say._

_**So, are we… talking now?**_

_I was bored. No one else to communicate with. Don't get used to it._

_**What if I don't like being used?**_

_Then don't respond._

_**Why can't we just talk?**_

_We have been over that, I think._

_**You don't have to trust me to chat. We can just… talk.**_

_Oh, yes, I am sure that is all you want._

_**If that is all I can have. **_

_Fuck off._

_**So, you do remember how to use that word. I was beginning to wonder after the other day. **_

_Look, Black, I don't like having _this _conversation on paper. _

_**Okay. So what did Hunter think of the game? Oh, and you can call me Sirius. We have slept together, after all.**_

_You are so charming. He loved it. He is convinced Morgan is the greatest thing since sliced bread._

_**What?**_

_Uh, it means he thinks she is wicked awesome. He has been spending too much time with 'Professor D'._

_**Why? I thought Poppy watched him during class. **_

_She does. Dumbledore likes kids. When he isn't off doing Dumbledore duties, he is in the Hospital Wing, spoiling the kid._

_**Well, if I got to pick my grandfather, I would have chose Dumbledore.**_

_Oh hell, why don't you just kill me now?_

_**Well, honestly, because there are some other things I'd like to do first.**_

_You are lucky you are halfway across the room._

_**Yes, I know. That's why I risked it.**_

_Hmm._

_**So, how about we study together tonight?**_

_Can't. You have detention._

_**What?**_

"Mr. Black, that will be detention tonight. My office, directly after dinner." The words sound sharply in my ear. Professor McGonagall purses her lips together at my confused look. "I don't know what has you so entertained, Mr. Black, but it is certainly not my class, considering you couldn't even answer my question."

"What was the question?" I ask faintly.

"No need for that now. You will be researching the topic tonight in my office."

Well, this sucks.

I take my time packing my bag before leaving the classroom, because Rebecca has stayed behind.

"Professor, I was just wondering. With Black in detention, will you still be able to watch Hunter tonight? If you can't, that's fine. I can just… put it off until you are available."

"No, no. Of course I will still keep the child. I have been looking forward to it all week. No, we will just have to entertain ourselves by watching Mr. Black scrape gum off the bottom of the desks." I cringe. I hate gum duty. She gently pats Cole's shoulder, smiling widely.

Rebecca smiles politely. "Thank you, Professor."

O

I walk slowly toward McGonagall's office with my hands shoved into my pockets. This is the second time I have served detention for Cole. And what exactly have I received in return? Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

As I ponder my absurd attraction to the only girl who has ever managed to land me in detention before we fucked, I hear a tiny voice behind me. "Is she nice?"

"Of course, she is nice. I wouldn't leave you with her if she wasn't." That was definitely Cole.

"But why can't I just stay with you?" I stop and lean against the wall waiting for them to turn the corner.

"It's only for a few hours. I need to get some stuff done tonight, and it's best if you aren't there. It's going to be totally boring, anyway. Plus, you'll get to see Black."

"Sirius?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

"Mmhmm," Cole mutters when she sees me.

"Hey there, you doing time tonight too, little buddy?" I smile brightly down at Hunter.

"I guess. I have been kicked out of my own home." He frowns up at Rebecca.

"That happens to me all the time."

"Yes, well, let's get a move on. I have things to do tonight." Cole forces a smile and tugs on Hunter's hand to get him moving again.

"Well, if they are so important and you are in such a hurry, why don't you let me take Hunter here up to Professor McGonagall's office?" I offer, smiling.

"No, I have some things to discuss with her."

"Oh." My smile falters. "Well, how about I walk you there? I am going that way, anyway."

"Well, since both of you are staying, I think I would be the one walking you there." Rebecca smiles.

I chuckle a little. "Yeah, I guess that is true."

Rebecca continues to walk down the hall, Hunter slowly trudging alongside her. He looks back after a moment. "You coming?"

I nod cheerfully and jog up beside them. It's only a few seconds before Hunter slips his small hand into mine. He is such a cute kid.

"So, your friend, Lucy, do you think she would teach me to fly?" Hunter asks. I glance briefly up at Rebecca, catching a flash of a smile.

"Um… you don't want me to teach you? Or Rebecca?"

"Becca doesn't fly. She says it's for the birds, and Lucy is better than you. Maybe she'll give you lessons at the same time!" he says excitedly. Cole does chuckle at that.

"I'm sure she'd love to teach you to fly. She had a blast with you on Halloween." I smile down at him, trying not to be offended.

"Yeah, she is fun. She is a really great Quidditch player, too."

"Yes, she is probably the best on the team," I mutter.

"Definitely," he agrees. Hunter continues to rave about Lucy's brilliantness until we reach McGonagall's office.

Rebecca knocks quickly on the door before it magically opens to show a brightly painted room, filled with toy of all shapes and sizes. This is obviously not Professor McGonagall's office. Five seconds later, however, the professor's graying head pops up from behind a giant stack of multicolored blocks to grin widely at the three of us. "I suppose I got a little carried away with the toys." She shrugs happily.

Hunter adores the entire colorful disaster, and he smiles widely at the splendor before looking up at Rebecca hopefully. Cole grins down at him before introducing him to McGonagall. "Professor, this is my nephew, Hunter. Hunter, this is Professor McGonagall."

Hunter smiles brightly at her. "I really like your office."

"Why, thank you." She smiles at him before turning to glare at me. "Mr. Black, through the door on the left, you will find some very sticky desks."

"Aye, aye, Captain." I grin cheekily and head out for the back room.

O

Four hours later, I am on my way to Cole's quarters with Hunter walking beside me, his little feet dragging. "Wanna lift?" I ask him.

He looks up at me, his eyes drooping, and nods. I bent down and scoop up his tiny body. His head falls onto my shoulder as he drifts off to sleep.

I stare at the door for about ten minutes, trying to figure out how to remove my wand from my pocket with the kid in my arms. Finally, I decide to wake him up and sit him on the ground. "Hey, kid, wake up for a sec."

He slowly stirs awake and grins sleepily up at me. "We here?"

"Yeah, I just need to get my wand." He bobs his head in understanding as I place him on his feet. After unlocking the door, I push it open gently, pick Hunter up, and step inside.

Cole is sleeping peacefully on the sofa in a giant, bright green sweater. Several books and crumpled scrolls strewn across the floor. A steaming cup of tea is sitting ignored on the coffee table.

Hunter whispers softly, "Just let her sleep. You can tuck me in." I smile slightly and follow him to his room.

I stand awkwardly in the corner of the room while he gathers his pajamas. He smiles encouragingly at me before stepping into his bathroom. After a few minutes, he comes back out in a set of dark green sleep pants and a black t-shirt. "Aren't you gonna ask me if I brushed my teeth?"

"Uh, yeah. Did you?" I stutter.

"Yep." He grins.

"You're not lying, are you?" I ask.

"Nope. Lying is bad."

"Okay, then. To bed?"

"Uh huh."

I help him climb into bed and then tuck the covers around him. "Okay, now what?"

"Now, you say goodnight and kiss my forehead, and then you're done. I would make you sing, but I am kind of afraid of what you will sound like." He sticks his tongue out at me. I laugh a little before saying "goodnight" and quietly leaving the room.

Before I realize what I am doing, I start to clean up the room: marking pages before closing the books covering the floor and stacking them on the table; collecting the crumpled bits of parchment of tossing them into the trash; repairing broken quills and filling the empty ink bottles; picking up Hunter's toys and stowing them in the wooden toy box near the fireplace.

There is a half-empty wine glass sitting on the piano, a few loose leaves of paper spread out beside it. I don't touch them. I have a feeling she wouldn't like that.

Wandering back over to the couch, I watch her sleep for a while. Her hair is growing out; the short blonde strands now fall across her face. Dark eyelashes fan out against her cheeks, meeting up with the few freckles that dot them. Her red lips are slightly parted, and with each breath, her blonde hair takes flight.

Gently, I brush her hair back from her face, letting my hand rest on her cheek. "Hey, Rebecca," I whisper, "wake up."

Her eyes flutter open, and she stares confusedly at me. "Professor McGonagall asked me to bring Hunter back. I tucked him in. I didn't want you to worry." After a moment, she nods and sits up. I let my hand fall away from her.

Running her fingers through her hair, she mutters, "I guess I fell asleep."

"It happens to the best of us." I smile slightly.

She nods again and stands. "You want some tea?"

I shake my head. "No. Thank you, though."

She drops back down to the couch and pulls her knees to her chest. "Have a seat."

I follow orders dutifully. We sit in silence, watching the flames dance in the fireplace for a long time before she speaks. "Why do you always seem to be around? We rarely spoke before, and now it seems like I am running into you everywhere."

"I don't know. I was always around, probably just hidden in the broom cupboard next to yours." I smile.

"Ah, yes, I suppose that is true."

Again, we lapse into silence. I glance at her as she stares thoughtfully forward. I can't help thinking she is entirely too thin.

I break the silence this time. "So, Mrs. Potter taught me how to cook these marvelous blueberry muffins last summer. How about I come down before breakfast and bake some for you and the kid tomorrow?"

She smiles and lays her head back against the cushions. "How about you stay the night and then cook breakfast in the morning?" I hesitate. "I promise not to kick you out this time," she continues, "or turn into a sobbing mass of flesh. I just… I haven't slept in a while, and I think that knowing someone else is here will help."

I smile. "But, I smell like old, chewed gum."

"Use the Floo to get some clothes. You can borrow my shower." She gives a nervous laugh. "God, what you must think of me, an anal bitch one moment and begging you to stay the next." Dropping her graze, she sighs. "Look, don't stay." Her head shakes gently from side to side. "We both know that I am not… able to… handle this situation. I have so many things to fix before I start adding more to the mess. I keep trying. I keep… failing."

"Maybe, you need someone to help you fix the mess," I offer.

She laughs coldly. "Last time, I let someone help, we both ended up in a dank, dirty basement for three days before Dumbledore found us. He can't go through that again."

I stand and move toward the fireplace. "I'll be back." She stares at me blankly as I whirl away in green flames.

When I arrive back in the room, she is sitting on the stool in front of the piano playing some old, bluesy tune. She's changed into a black chemise; her hair is damp and uncombed. She continues to play, pretending as if she didn't notice me come in, but I know she did. She knows what is happening in these rooms all the time.

I don't go over to her instead I turn for her room and to the bathroom. She continues to ignore my presence.

The bathroom is awesome. That's the only way I can describe it. The walls are painted a deep purple; everything else is black. Small, square mirrors checker the back wall where an oversized tub sets. The shower is off to one side, with clear, glass walls. I can just imagine them white with steam as sudsy soap bubbles trail down Cole's wet and slippery body. _Earth to Sirius! She doesn't take a shower like a porn star. Get a grip._ I smack my head in order to stop the image from forming in my mind.

The shower is huge, and honestly the only thing I can really think about while I am in here is shower sex, but I attempt to stay focused and get rid of the gum smell.

When I step back into the living room, Cole is playing chopsticks. It makes me smile a little. That is the only thing James can play. He took lessons for three years. Evidently, his teacher wasn't very good, or James just knew how to get out of actually practicing.

I walk up behind her and rest my hands on her shoulders. She doesn't change; she simply keeps playing. It's a new song now, something smooth, something lonely. She is perched on the edge of the stool, so I slide in behind her and wrap an arm around her waist. She continues to play as if I am not there, her fingers dancing perfectly across the keys. Dropping my mouth to her neck, softly kissing and nibbling the creamy smooth skin there, I feel her breath hitch in her chest, but she continues to play. I exhale deeply against her skin, and she falters swallowing hard. Tilting her head to the side to give me more access, her left hand moving to my hair. Her fingers graze my scalp telling me to stay. Her right hand moves down to my thigh, and I regret putting on my sleep pants. She whimpers slightly, her nails digging into my leg. The sound stirred something inside her and I sense rather than see her eyes open. Her hand slides to my cheek, and she murmurs breathlessly, "We are too close to Hunter. We need to…" I stand picking her up with me, my mouth never leaving her.

The lights in the room dim automatically as we enter. Her lips are on mine as I lower her to the bed. I want her now, but I keep telling myself to move slowly. She needs to know she can stop this. She needs to know she is really the one in control.

Her hands find their way under my shirt, her fingers lightly caressing my skin as she pulls my shirt forward. Dipping my head down, I allow her to remove the offending garment. After tossing my shirt onto the floor, I go back to making a path of wet kisses down her neck and across her shoulder. Slowly, I slip the thin straps of material holding her dress up from her shoulders. I pull back and look into her dark eyes, asking her for permission. Her lips quirk upwards in a small smile, her hand sliding down from my back, her red-painted fingernails lightly grazing my skin. She wraps her fingers around the edge of the soft black material and smiles again before tugging downward, freeing her breasts.

I smirk at her, lying there waiting for me. Carefully, I take her rose-petal nipple into my mouth, and she sighs breathlessly. As I continue sucking, nibbling, kissing, tasting every bit of her I can, her nails dig into my back telling me to go on. Her hand worms its way into my pants and gently grasps my dick. I groan deeply and she uses her free hand to pull my head level with hers.

Her voice is soft and sultry as she whispers into my ear, "Will you just fuck me already, Black?"

I chuckle softly, "If you call me Sirius."

Her hands move to the edge of my pants slipping them down over my hips. "Fine. Fuck me already, Sirius," she coos.

I kick my pants the rest of the way off before ridding her of her dress and tossing it on the floor. She smiles coyly up at me as I spread her legs apart and slide within her. Our bodies move in time with one another, each of us effortlessly meeting the other's needs. She is the best fuck I will ever have.

O

The clouds outside the window are lit up with a pinkish-red glow as the sun rises the next morning. I unconsciously pull Rebecca's warm body closer to mine and breathe in the scent of her hair. It is spicy, and I can't quite place the smell.

Rebecca stirs slightly and tilts her head upward to look at me. Her eyes are sleepily opened and shine with an innocence I wasn't sure she still possessed. "What time is it?" she asks, her voice soft with sleep.

"It's still early. Go back to sleep," I whisper, kissing her forehead. She sighs softly, snuggling into my chest, my arms still tightly wrapped around her, before drifting back into sleep.

I love this, waking up with someone in the morning, the feeling of completeness. Rebecca shivers slightly in the morning air coming in through the window, so I pull the deep green covers over us. As my finger graze over the scar trail down her spine, I idly wonder what caused it. There are so many tragedies in her life, and I know I have only seen the tip of the iceberg. Do I really want to know so badly that I will ask her to relive it again?

A few hours later, I wake to her pulling away from me. I blink my sleep-filled eyes until she comes into focus. "Hunter will be up soon. I need to shower, so I can start breakfast."

"I'm gonna do that." I smile and wrap my arm around her waist pulling her back down into the bed. "You sleep more. You should sleep more."

She looks up at my softly. "Don't play my mother, please."

I kiss her lips briefly. "I'm sorry. I just meant I want to cook, and you can sleep if you want."

Nodding, she gently caresses my cheek. "You go cook then."

O

_thank you for reading_


	13. Chapter 13

Spying in Hogsmeade

Little droplets of water fall from Hunter's hair and slide down his freckled cheeks as he totters into the kitchen. He yawns, stretching his tiny arms above his head before smiling up at me. "Becca let you stay?"

Nodding with a chipper smile on my face, I pull the teakettle off the stove moments before it starts squealing. I turn to him and inwardly awe at his outfit. I have never met some one with such color-coordinated clothing, with the exception of Moony, of course, who is colorblind, and therefore everything is labeled to go together. He has on little, black boots with khaki trousers; a dark grey, button-down shirt; and a black wool coat which he throws over the back of a chair at the table.

"Good, she has been lonely lately," he states with knowledge way beyond his four years.

I watch him climb up into a wooden chair at the table and tilt his head to the side as he gazes at me. "I like your apron," he says after a moment.

Chuckling slightly, I smile. "Thanks, Lucy brought it for me last Christmas." I turn from him and open the oven, peeking in to see how my muffins are coming along. About five more minutes, I think. I pull off my red floral oven mitt and lean against the counter, facing him. "So, what do you think about going to find Lucy after breakfast and asking her about a flying lesson?"

Grinning widely, he exclaims, "That sounds fun!" He pauses for a moment and then asks, "Did you ask Becca, yet?"

"No, not yet, but I will."

An uneasy silence falls between us, but he continues to smile, and my lips involuntarily twitch upwards. A loud banging at the front door jolts us from our silence, and I jump to my feet to answer it, glancing quickly at Hunter to tell him to stay put.

Before I can reach the living room, Rebecca stumbles out of her room, wrapped in nothing but a deep green sheet. She holds up a hand silently telling me to stop before brushing the sleep from her eyes and reaching for the doorknob. Pointing her wand at where someone's heart would lie with a curse of a most painful death on her tongue, she yanks the door open. Unconsciously, I hold my breath, until I hear Lucy stutter, "I– is, uh, S-Sirius here?"

Cole takes a step back, swinging the door open so harshly it bangs against the wall. "Morgan," she calls to me, her voice devoid of emotion. Lucy titters nervously before climbing through the doorway. Cole turns to me and mutters, "Not your girl, huh?" with a listless laugh. Before I have time to blink she disappears into her room.

"Luce, you're up early," I say by way of greeting, smiling at her. I am a little confused as to why she is here, as well as a little… not angry, just disappointed maybe at her appearance. I could have worked this whole morning to my advantage, but with Lucy here as a constant reminder of the stark differences between Cole and I, well, I don't think it is going to end up quite the way I had planned.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Lucy answers, smiling confusedly at Rebecca's door. She blinks a couple of time trying to find understanding before shrugging it off and looking up at me. "Muffins?" she sniffs the air.

I laugh, unable to stay mad at her for more than a few seconds. "Yes, muffins. I was trying to be the thoughtful…" I pause not knowing exactly what to call myself in this situation. "Person," I finally decide. "What are you doing up at the ass-crack of dawn?" I finish up, hoping I have made some kind of point clear to her.

I see comprehension dawn on her face. "Oh," she whispers under her breath. "I, um, well, today is Lily's and James' big date and I wanted to spy… But Moony wouldn't go with me. Anyways, um, I just wanted to remind you. So, I'll be going now. Maybe, I'll see you in Hogsmeade." She smiles awkwardly, waving hello and goodbye to Hunter.

As she turns to leave, I call out, "Hey, Luce, Hunter here wants to know if you would be interested in giving him some flying lessons. Maybe after Hogsmeade today?" God forbid, I ever let Lucy feel awkward for even mere moments.

She smiles brightly and whole-heartedly this time. "Of course! That sounds great." She quirks an eyebrow at Hunter as she continues to speak. "I am a superb teacher, you know? I even taught Remus to fly. No worries, kid, we'll have you in the air in no time."

Hunter grins at her enthusiasm. "I'll ask Becca when she comes out."

"Catch you later, then." Lucy waves goodbye before skipping merrily out of the room.

I find myself releasing a sigh of relief when her dark blonde ponytail is out of sight. Who would have thought my relationship with Lucy could have ever complicated things?

Cole reemerges as I am popping the muffins out of their happy muffin pan homes. "Where's Morgan?" she asks scaring me out of the little world in my head.

I jump, causing the hot pan to fly out of my mitten-clad fingers. Using my other hand, I catch the slippery little bastard, successfully saving the three muffins still held within and burning the hell out of my hand.

I bite my tongue in an attempt to keep from cursing as I place the pan on the counter top, whimpering like a beaten puppy. "She, um, ow, she went to Hogsmeade. Mm… She just wanted to," I whimper before continuing, "remind me that today was James' date with, Lily, so I would be ready for the fallout tonight," I reply, holding my hand to my chest protectively.

Smiling piteously, Rebecca holds out her own small hand. I stare at it hesitantly before letting her see my injured fingers. She rolls her eyes at the marginally reddened skin. "It's not that bad." Her voice is light and teasing. "Come on, I have a salve in the bathroom."

On our way toward her bathroom, she looks curiously over at Hunter. "Did you brush your teeth this morning?" He nods his head but a sly smile crosses his lips. "I am not above using a truth serum, you know. If I find out you didn't, there will be some major consequences." She lifts her eyebrows in warning, and he bites his lip nervously. I hear his chair slide across the tile as we leave the kitchen. A clear sign that he didn't brush his pearly whites.

"Alright, have a seat." Rebecca pats the counter top before digging in one of the cabinets across the room. I perch atop the black counter and crane my neck to get a good look at her ass as she bends and shuffles through the baskets of first aid supplies stored in the cabinets.

I barely have time to reorient myself to avoid being caught in the act of checking out her perfectly wonderful bum before she stands and turns around. "Staring at my ass, Mr. Black, and I thought you were a gentleman." She smirks playfully while returning to my side.

"Well, it is a nice bum." My shoulders fall in a half-shrug as I smile apologetically.

She gives an "hmm" of acknowledgement, turning her attention to the blisters forming on my hand. Squeezing out an ample supply of the ointment onto her fingers, she carefully spreads it across the burnt surface of my skin. The pain is numbed immediately. Gently, she begins to rub the ointment in. I watch her hands intently as her fingers move slowly up and down my hand in little circles, working in the cream. My heart rate increases, and I work to keep my breathing under control. God, she is doing all _this_ to me, and she is only touching my hand. Much too soon, the little red spots fade away, and she looks up at me.

"All better." She curls my fingers up to my palm, briefly brushing her plump lips across my knuckles. Wringing her hands nervously, she moves away from me and toward the door.

"Thanks," I murmur, feeling completely alone at the lost of contact.

Running her fingers through her hair to get the locks out of her eyes, she smiles. "Nursing skills- they come with the territory." She tilts her head to the side, gesturing toward the four year-old waiting in the kitchen. Parenting. Fuck, I couldn't do it.

O

I am not sure how I did it exactly, but I did. I totally rock. Cole is letting me take her and the kid to lunch at the Three Broomsticks. How fucking awesome! It could have something to do with the fact that I totally killed breakfast. Obviously, there _is_ a difference between baking soda and baking powder. Who knew?

The wind ruffles my hair as we make our way down the cobblestone path toward the small village. There are dozens of younger students chattering away merrily, pockets full of money just waiting to be spent on Christmas gifts for friends and family. I can see Lucy's dark blonde head bobbing up and down in the distance trying to get a peek at Lily and James. Remus is not too far behind her, smiling amusedly.

Rebecca and I walk side-by-side; she has one hand shoved firmly in her coat pocket, the other protectively resting on Hunter's shoulder. (He decided that he was too old to hold hands with her today.) She is on edge more than she usually is. I guess, it is to be expected; we are surrounded by people.

Once we enter the town, Hunter stops and peers through the ice-covered windows at each of the shops forming a list in his head of the order in which he wants to visit them. As we pass Galdrags Hunter looks up at Rebecca. "We definitely need to stop by here and get you some new clothes."

Rebecca gazes down at him in shock and confusion. "What is wrong with the clothes that I have?"

His face is similar to Lucy's "duh" look. "Half the time, I can see your bum in your clothes. I think that's a sign something's wrong."

She stares down at him her mouth slightly open for a moment as I try not to snort in laughter. Then, he continues his slow amble up the path toward The Three Broomsticks. After a few moments she follows after him and I let a wide grin creep across my face.

He is still a few steps ahead of us when I whisper to her. "That kid," I point to Hunter's head bobbing up and down as he weaves his way through the crowd. "Is trying to ruin the only thing worth looking at in Hogwarts," I finish with a charming grin.

She chuckles a little and gives me a half smile. "Flattery will get you no where with me, Mr. Black." She pecks my cheek quickly before turning away. I think I saw a flash of happiness in her dark eyes.

I am still smiling at her as her body tenses with fear. "Hunter?" she murmurs, swallowing hard and looking around frantically. I glance around quickly. Oh, shit, he was just here. "Hunter?" she calls again louder this time. Her eyes flash with panic as she scans the crowd, and her hand delves deeper into her pocket, and it hits me: she been gripping her wand the entire time. What it must be like to be that afraid all the time, I can never imagine.

Searching the crowd a second time, it only takes a moment for me to find him. He is laughing as some strange man twirls him in a circle, smiling happily in hello. I place a calming hand on her shoulder. "He's fine." I point him out to her, expecting relief to spread across her features. Instead, barely contained rage replaces her fear. I glance from her to him trying to make some connection, but I can't find one.

Breaking away from me, she stalks toward the man. As I watch, she forces down anger, and an icy cold smile takes its place.

"Becca! Look, it's Uncle Alex!" Hunter exclaims, still giggling as the man places him on his feet.

"I can see that, love." She gives him a terse grin and carefully places herself between him and the man.

"Bumblebee, how wonderful to see you!" His honey brown eyes shine with delight, and a bright smile spreads across his face. I can almost hear her mentally count to ten. I step up behind her and place my hand on Hunter's shoulder as the man pulls her into a hug.

"It has been a long time, hasn't it?" she says, her voice toneless. I assume that is the only thing she could manage besides pure hatred by the way her eyes are flashing in rage.

He pulls away from her. "Bee, love, you've lost entirely too much weight. When was the last time you ate?" Well, there goes any thoughts of me mentioning that to her.

She glares at him. "I wasn't aware my well-being was any of your concern."

He gives me a slight nod but continues to smile at her. "Come on, Bee. Casey would have wanted me to look out for you. That's all I am doing."

Uncontrollably, her hands shake at her sides as if it is all she can do to keep herself from strangling him. "Excuse me," the words are spit out at him. Her lips edge up into a hateful smile.

Her chin quivers a little as she kneels down beside Hunter. "Hey, do you see Lucy over there?" she asks, tilting her head in Lucy's direction. He grins and nods. "Would you mind going over there for a moment and saying hello while I speak with Uncle Alex?" He shakes his head, telling her he doesn't mind at all. She watches him leave, never removing her eyes from him until Remus waves at us.

She takes out her wand, whispering a charm to prevent those around us from noticing the conversation. "What the fuck are you doing here, Alex?" she bites out. I place my hand on her lower back telling her to relax.

"I heard that Hunter was here. I came to see him. I care about you. I wanted to make sure everything was okay," he answers, his hands held up in surrender.

"You care about me? About us? You fucking _liar_! After what you, did you _care _about us? My God, do you think I am completely stupid. I mean, yes, of course part of you must… after I came to you for help the first time. That was stupid of me, but do you honestly think that I am so… _dense_ that I would believe that and fall into your welcome arms? Fuck, Alex, you were my brother, you _are_ his uncle, and you just turned us over.

"You have no fucking right to be here. No _right_ to show up anywhere _near_ us. You stay the fuck away." She is trembling underneath my hand. Fuck, she is losing it.

So much gel weighs down his hair that it doesn't even move in the wind. "I have just as much right to see him as you do, Bee. He is just as much mine as he is yours."

"No, Alex, no, I think you handed over all of those rights. I think you removed yourself from his life quite nicely, so stay the fuck out."

Brown eyes glaring in anger, he steps toward her; she doesn't back down. He towers over her, and she doesn't move an inch. "He is _my_ nephew. Trevor would have wanted me to be in his life." When her eyes don't soften, he continues, "Casey would have, too." The last words are whispered.

"I gave you that option!" she screams, inching toward him. "I gave you that option. You threw it away, and any semblance of a relationship with him as well, when you…" Her chest heaves, and all of a sudden, her entire body almost collapses with grief. Every wall and well-placed barrier she as build crumbles down around her, a pile of rubble so huge that she is drowning in it. She is left standing vulnerable, and I am at a lost of what to do. But she doesn't need me, it's blatantly obvious as she squares her shoulders allowing her anger to kill the pain for a moment. Glaring, she finishes with such deadly truth he falls back a step. "When you sold us out."

"Bee, I didn't," he starts before she cuts him off.

"Don't you dare! Don't you _fucking_ dare say you didn't, Alex. You were the only one, _the only one, _who knew. The only one who could have… who could have," she falters again.

He takes his opening, cutting into in her deeply with his words while he has the chance. "Fuck you, Rebecca! Fuck you, okay. You would have done the same fucking thing, and you know _it! _So don't go playing this high and mighty shit with me. I _know_ you! You wouldn't have been capable of withstanding their threats nearly as long as I was." I can see spittle flying from his lips as he yells, but she refuses to look away.

Rebecca closes her eyes and smiles icily at him. "Alex, what _did_ they threaten you with? Did they threaten to kill you? Maybe throw you in a hole full of werewolves on a full moon? Lock you up with a bloodthirsty vampire for three days? Take turns raping you until you couldn't fucking breathe? Or maybe they just took a blade and carved up and down your spine, ceaselessly waiting for you to _crack_?" She pauses, and when he doesn't answer she continues, "Oh, great Alexander," she laughs mockingly, "what did they say they were going to do to you?" Then, her voice drops deadly low, deathly serious. "Because let me tell you something, _sweetheart,_" the term is spit in such a fashion he flinches away from her. "Some of those weren't _threats_ for me, _some_ were very successfully," she pauses making him lean in for the last whispered words, "carried out." She takes a step back almost drunkenly, "And surprise, surprise, they still have not come anywhere as near as close to him as they did that night you handed us over." She moves up close to him, her fingers gripping the collar of his shirt, her face merely millimeters away from his. "So, fuck you, Alex. Fuck you," she whispers coolly then releases him.

He stumbles backward trying to place so distance between them. Though he can't see it, she is trembling from head to toe in a mixture of hate, betrayal, and fear. "Bee, I," he starts weakly.

She shakes her head in disgust. "You're nothing, Alex. I don't give a shit about whatever scraped up apology you have. I don't care to see you beg for forgiveness. It is not me you should be graveling to, you should be down on your knees in front of a little boy who thinks you hung the fucking moon, who would never think you able to hurt him, much less _murder_ him. And if I can manage it, it will stay that way, Alex. He will never know of what you have done. He will never loose faith in you, because, fuck, Alex, he has no one else left to believe in. The thought will never cross his mind, because that will hurt too much. And I can't see that happening again. But you, you will live the rest of you fucking worthless life in misery over what you have done, thinking about the only person who ever gave a shit about you and how you betrayed him and his family for all eternity."

"Do you understand that? You will tell him you are leaving. You will tell him you don't know when you are coming back. You will never come near either one of us again after today. Do you understand that, Alex?" Her voice is quivering now. "You will say goodbye." She closes her eyes and bites her lip, refusing to look at his blank disbelieving face. "Forever, Alex." The last words are whispered as if she truly wishes she didn't mean them.

He nods solemnly. She fumbles to take a step back. I wrap my arm around her carefully holding her up, so he will not notice she is about to collapse. She leans into me, willingly. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect her to let me help when the walls fell.

"Let's go say goodbye, then." Her voice is still heartless, but I have come to realize that is when she hurts most, when she is forced to be heartless.

Lucy and Remus, bless them, took Hunter inside Zonko's before things turned too heated outside. Rebecca is still trembling as we head toward the stop, her skin is pale, nowhere near as pale as the man a few steps behind us, but she has definitely lost color. All this extra stress added on to what she was already going through, plus not sleeping, not eating. God, I am amazed she is still standing. I am slightly afraid she will not regain her composure before we make it inside, but when we are a few steps from the door, she pulls away from me, an unbelievably believable smile on her face. Her eyes flash in warning as the man stops beside her. "We only spoke of your travels. Nothing more, nothing less."

She enters the store leaving us both out in the snow; the door shuts with a little jingle of the bell before it hits either of us that we should follow.

As I enter behind him I hear Hunter cheerfully explain one of the gags to Rebecca. "Isn't it great, Becca?" he finishes, flashing me a grin over her shoulder.

She smiles, her earlier weakness slowly ebbing away at his secured safety. "It is. Why don't you go say goodbye to Uncle Alex, and I'll buy us some. We will feed some to dear, dear Mr. Pringle's cat." He grins wildly and fills her hands with Hiccup Sweets.

Lucy follows Cole to check out, subtly taking her by the elbow when she stumbles. Tearing my eyes away from her and resting them on Hunter, I lean against the wall nearby the door. Remus slowly makes his way to join me, assessing the situation as he travels.

"Everything okay?" he asks, casually leaning up against the wall and turning ever so slightly so he has a view of Lucy and Cole.

"It's fine. Thank you for getting him out of there," I answer, my eyes still on Hunter, his still on Cole.

"Hey, no problem. That's what friends are for, right?" He never fails to understand. No questions, no thoughts, just simply understanding.

"So, we saw James and Lily go into the Three Broomsticks about twenty minutes ago. Suppose they are still there?" he asks moving us to a lighter subject as he notices Lucy and Cole finishing up.

"Probably, I am surprised Lucy didn't drag you in there. She came down this morning to get me to spy with her, you know?" I fake a cheesy grin.

He laughs a little. "Yes, I bet that was about ten minutes after I told her to go back to bed. She woke me up before the sun. I swear you would have thought it was the Quidditch World Cup."

"Ever entertaining our dear Lucy. Whatever would we do without her?" I laugh and nod carefully to Hunter as he approaches.

"Die a most painful death of boredom, I suppose." He shrugs

Alex attempts to sneak out the front door, but everyone knows he is going, and everyone is beyond pleased.

The little tyke's eyes are full of sadness, but he attempts a cheerful smile. He is barely four, and he is already trying to hide his emotions. "Hey, kiddo, everything go okay?" I prompt, hoping he will allow himself to come to terms with it now.

"Yeah… Yeah, everything is," I think for a moment that he is going to deal with it, but he pushes his emotions down, "going to be fine," he murmurs then changes the subject quickly. "I'm hungry. Are we going to eat soon?"

"Of course, dude, Sirius and Lucy have to eat like every twenty minutes, otherwise they turn into complete monsters," Remus jokes lightly as Lucy and Rebecca appear.

"I do not! I simply get a little cranky, like when I haven't had enough sleep." Lucy mock frowns at Remus. They are both amazingly brilliant at pretending everything is alright when you just need it to be for a moment. "Hunter, don't listen to a word he says. He is completely bonkers."

Hunter grins up at Lucy and deliberately slips his hand into hers. Rebecca looks at him brokenly for a moment but quickly pulls herself together. I don't know what her comforting thought was, but it wasn't nearly enough.

O

The Three Broomsticks is overflowing with people when we enter. I swoop down and place Hunter on my shoulders before Rebecca has a chance to pick him up. She narrows her eyes at me, but her lips quirk up into a small smile as Hunter giggles. I realize that they probably needed that moment to reestablish their bond, but she is barely standing as it is, though no one would ever notice.

"Rosy? Rosy, dear?" Remus yells over the noise of the crowd, attempting to get our favorite barmaid's attention.

She spots him and flashes him a rueful grin. "Why, if it isn't Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black here, during an actual Hogsmeade trip. I never thought I'd see the day."

Lucy sticks her head underneath Remus' arm and looks up playfully at Rosemerta. "It's what happens when they start spending too much time with only one female apiece."

Rosemerta laughs, her dainty dark brown curls falling across her face. "Oh really, Ms. Morgan? And what exactly brings _you_ here during a school approved time?"

Tittering nervously, Lucy looks up at Remus and then over to me, a guilty expression on her face. "Eh, heh, Rosy, are you suggesting I have been here without one of the boys? Honestly, now, you know that's not true."

"Oh, but my dear, I think it is." She taps Lucy's nose with a finger before gesturing for us to follow her to follow her to a table. Lucy smiles pleadingly up at me as Rebecca, Hunter, and I leave her behind, her head still trapped under Moony's arm.

"So, you have been sneaking down to Hogsmeade without me, huh, Lucy?" Moony says jokingly before he is drowned out by the sound of the crowd.

When they finally join us a few minutes later, Lucy's hair is mussed, and Remus is grinning like a mad man. Lucy is pretending to be quite miffed at me, but I see her lips quirk up into a smile whenever I pretend to not be looking.

Hunter peeks over Rebecca's arm to look at the menu. "Do they have fish and chips here?"

"Even if they did, you wouldn't be getting any. What in the name of all that's holy did those people feed you?" Rebecca mutters, her tone annoyed, but light.

"Stuff that actually tasted good." He rolls his eyes.

"More like stuff that was saturated in fat and clogged half of your arteries," she snorts.

"I am four, Becca. I am allowed to eat fattening food."

"When you are no longer under my care, you can eat that unhealthy shit. Until then, you will eat food that is good for you." Rebecca answers, barely glancing at him. Something tells me they have had this conversation before.

Lucy and Remus shared amused grins over their menus, and I bite my lip to keep from laughing.

Madam Rosemerta returns, beaming at the five of us. "So, what can I getcha?"

Before I can get out half a word, Lucy barges in. "Rosy! Are James and Lily still here?"

Rosemerta giggles. "Of course, couldn't get those two off each other long enough to order until about five minutes ago." She shakes her head and then nods it to the left. "Two booths up from the end, dear-y."

Lucy grins evilly. "Siiirius!"

"Lucy, food first, then we will play Agent 007." I smile at her before turning to Rosemerta. "Rosy, love, a chicken sandwich with the entire vegetable patch and, uh, a butterbeer, I guess."

"Right-o," she says cheerfully, tucking a runaway curl behind her ear. "And for you and the little one, love?"

"Two grilled vegetable sandwiches, light on the sauce. Water for me and," she stops and looks at Hunter. "Butterbeer?" he nods, still pouting slightly. "Butterbeer for the kid and a side of chips." Hunter grins a little, and Rebecca teasingly rolls her eyes.

I don't hear Lucy and Remus order as Hunter says something that leaves me in shock. "Maybe next time we can have some effing meat."

"Hunter!" Rebecca exclaims as I involuntarily let out a bark of laughter. She glares at me. "It's not funny." Turning back to him, she lets out an agitated sigh. "Hunter, don't say that."

"You said it to Uncle Alex," he says accusingly.

She flinches and raises her chin. "Yes. Yes, I did," she answers refusing to lie.

"_You_ made him _leave_."

"Yes," she says simply. They have gained Lucy and Remus' attention now. Moony laces his fingers through Lucy's to keep her quiet. She smiles sadly at him, and his knowing brown eyes tell her it's okay.

"Why do you always do that? You always make everyone leave!" Hunter shouts, his eyes filling with tears.

"I am going to do what is best for you Hunter. I am not going to let someone place you in harm's way. I," her voice cracks momentarily, "I cannot trust him, Hunter. You are just going to have to take my word for it this time. I will not explain it to you. Not this time."

He looks down at his shoes embarrassed and saddened by what she has said.

After a moment, Cole sighs, dropping her head to her hand and running her fingers softly through his hair. "Look, kiddo, I wish things could be like they used to be back when we were best friends and I could teach you all the naughty things your mum didn't want you to know. The thing is, kid, it can't be like that now. So we've got to make the best of it. We have to trust each other, okay?"

He nods and looks up at her, his eyes welling with tears. "I do trust you, Becca. I just…" A tear slips down his cheek, and she gently brushes it away.

"Listen, it has nothing to do with you or Uncle Alex, okay? He loves you very much, and if he could, he would come and see you."

Biting his lip for a moment, he thinks about what he is going to say before speaking. "It's not your fault either, Becca. I know that's what you both wanted me to think, but it's not."

She kisses his head and ruffles his hair. "Sometimes, I have a hard time believing you are only four, babe."

O

Lucy impatiently taps her fingers on the table waiting for our food to come. "All the good stuff is going to be over."

"Luce, relax. It's not even your life," Remus chuckles, taking her hand in his.

"But…" she whines.

"Spying is fun?" Hunter offers.

"Yes! Spying is fun, and I am curious as hell." Lucy exclaims, pounding her free hand on the table.

"Food, Lucy. I need food," I say simply.

"But…" she complains

"No buts," Remus murmurs to her. She lapses into silent pouting until our food arrives.

Lucy and Hunter play some sort of muggle game that involves flicking a folded sheet of paper back and forth across the table until it lands in Moony's soup, splashing it all over the table. Lucy and Hunter laugh loudly at the peeved expression on his face, and Cole barely stifles her own. She is slowly starting to relax. She chats easily with Remus and I, while Lucy and Hunter discuss the ins and out of Quidditch. He is totally enraptured by her knowledge of the sport, and she is thrilled to share.

Cole only picks at her food, and I glance at her, concernedly; Moony kicks me under the table, telling me to leave it be. "Cole, you are going into healing, right?" he asks, diverting her attention from my glare.

"Yeah, well, that has been the plan. Of course, things could change. I don't like to make anything to permanent," she answers before sipping her water.

Remus nudges Lucy with her shoulder as he grins. "Lucy here is _supposed_ to be going into the medical field, but she is just not interested."

Lucy smiles. "I am not meant to be anywhere but in the air." She points up at the ceiling.

"And, Becca's–" Rebecca places a hand over his mouth muffling the sound of his voice. He pulls it down exclaiming hurriedly, "Scared to death of flying!"

"I am not!" He raises an eyebrow questioning. "I-I just prefer to keep my feet firmly on the ground," she says defiantly.

"You're joking!" Lucy laughs, excitedly.

"I am not scared of flying," she says as Lucy, Hunter, and I chuckle.

Remus pats Cole hand, comfortingly. "Don't make fun of her. Flying is frightening."

"You don't fly?" she mutters to Remus, her eyes downcast.

"Only when Lucy makes me."

"Oh, well, I don't… period."

"It's not a crime, I assure you."

"Never thought it was."

We continue to talk lightly about different things until Lucy jumps up. "Lunch is over! They are on the move!"

O

"Big Dog? Little Duck?" Lucy's voice drifts through the tip of my wand as Hunter and I stand hidden between two buildings, peering around corners for Lily and James.

Hunter giggles before speaking. "Mother Goose, is that you Mother Goose? Over." We decide the best way to spy was to split up and stand at various points in the town. Whoever happened to get the "subjects" in sight would inform the others of the progress.

"Yay! Little Duck, it is you. I was hoping I'd get you. Big Dog is so conceited. Over," Lucy chuckles.

"Hey! I am not conceited," I whisper-shout.

"Say 'over'. Over," Lucy responds.

"Lucy…" Honestly, how old is she?

"Say it! Over," she yells

"Fine. Over." Hunter grins up at me as I give in.

"Little Duck, they are on the move. Headed north, they should be insight within uh… now. Over."

"Subjects in sight. Over," Hunter responds.

"Damn, you are good, kid," I chuckle, ruffling his hair.

"I used to watch a lot of spy movies." He shrugs.

"Awesome," I say, picking him up and placing him on my shoulders.

We spy Lily and James walking down the street toward Dervish and Banges, hands clasped, Lily resting her head on James shoulder, as he tells her something or another. "Why are we spying on them?" Hunter asks.

"Mainly because it is fun." I grin. "But because, Lucy and I are curious as hell, and James and Lily never spill."

"Oh," he answers simply.

Lily nudges James with her shoulder, laughing slightly at something he said. James pretends to tumble down into the snow, pulling Lily down with him. "James!" we hear her shout, but the rest of her statement is muffled when James kisses her suddenly.

"Oh! Inform Mother Goose," I excitedly whisper to Hunter.

"Mother Goose? Over," Hunter says into my wand.

"Little Duck! Mother Goose here. Over."

"Male subject is kissing female subject in snow. Over."

"Fuck yes! Over."

"Mother Goose, if you don't watch your language around Little Duck, Yellow Badger is going to inflict harm upon your person. Over."

"Cole! You are not _Yellow Badger_ you are _Sexy Badger_. Over," I shout into the wand.

"Big Dog, you can take that name and shove it where the sun don't shine. Over."

Hunter grabs my wand out of my hand and smiles cheekily down at me. "Sexy Badger, is implying the word 'ass' allowed? I need to be clear on these rules. Over." I quirk an eyebrow, "implying"? At four?

"Little Duck! Do you want a time-out? Over," Rebecca threatens, jokingly.

"Big Bad Wolf here. Do you think we could get back to the subjects, please?" Moony sighs, slightly annoyed at our behavior.

"Say 'over', Big Bad Wolf. Over," Lucy says.

"What are you? The Over Police? Over."

"Don't be mean to me, Big Dick. Over." Lucy sniffs before bursting out in laughter at her mistake.

Laughter spouts out of my wand from everyone, and my cheeks flame up, but I know they are nothing compared to Lucy's.

"Right, back to the subjects. Over," Hunter chuckles, patting my head. "Subjects are continuing, umm… Sirius? What way is that?" Hunter mumbles into my ear.

"North."

Hunter nods and continues. "North. They should be in sight within a few moments, Sexy Badger. Over."

"It's Yellow Badger! Over," Cole yells.

Hunter and I lean against the building wall before sliding to our bums in the snow. I hold my wand out carelessly between us so we can hear the report.

"Female subject is stopping to tie her shoe. Male subject stops and waits in bemused silence. Female subject… oh, why the hell can't we just call them Potter and Evans? Over."

"Because, Sexy Badger, we don't call them Evans and Potter. Over," Moony responds.

"I thought you were supposed to be the nice one, Big Bad Wolf. Over."

"Yeah, I have no idea why people think that. Over."

Cole huffs into her wand before continuing, "Female subject has a cunning grin patched on her face. Female subject makes a snowball. Over."

"Way to go, Lily! Over," Lucy exclaims.

"Stop interrupting," Cole mutters. "Female subject throws snowball at male subject. Male subject receives a nice amount of snow in his face. I do hope that wasn't yellow snow. Over."

"Eww… Me, too. Over." Hunter wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Subjects now running east. Big Bad Wolf, they will be in sight… now. Over."

"Thank you, Sexy Badger. Subjects in sight. Over."

"Yellow! Yellow Badger! Over."

"Cole, get over it, you are the Sexy Badger. Over."

"Oh sure, Mr. Big Dick! That's one hell of a lie. Over."

"It is not! Little Padfoot is very big!"

"Say 'over'. Over."

"Lucy! Stop that! Over."

"His name really suggests his size, doesn't it? _Little _Padfoot. Over."

"Hello! It is my turn! _And_ have you two forgotten we have a four-year-old listening in? Over."

Nervous laughter follows.

"Okay, male subject tackles female subject. Female subject screams bloody murder. Male subject cringes and runs in fear. Female subject attacks male subject and… kisses him? Over."

"Male subject is getting _lucky_ tonight. Over."

"Big Dog, stop it with the innuendo. Over."

"Whatever you say, Sexy Badger. Over."

"Lucy! Wake up! They are heading your way. Over."

"Mother Goose has subjects in sight. Over."

Silence ensues.

"Why the hell did you guys get all the interesting stuff? I am just getting them making out. This is so unfair. Over," Lucy pouts. "This isn't fun anymore. I am interrupting the date!"

Everyone yells for her to stop, but there is no stopping Lucy.

O

_thank you for reading_


	14. Chapter 14

Date, Interrupted

"I curse you, Sirius." Lily grins before placing her elbows on my knees, clasping her hands together to form an odd sort of triangle, and sitting on the bleacher in front of me. She sticks one of Lucy's licorice wands in her mouth resting her head on her hands.

"Might I ask why, Lily doll?"

Removing the wand from her mouth and pointing it at me, she fakes narrowing her eyes. "Because you, my friend, did not prevent– Mother Goose, was it? – from killing my date."

Rebecca leans across me and pulls a blood-flavored lollipop from between her lips. "Well, we did try to stop her, but you know, it's hard to catch someone who runs that fast."

Lily laughs and shakes her head. "You actually chased her?"

Dropping in the empty space beside Lily and directly in front of Cole, Remus sighs, "Of course, _you_ wouldn't notice our valiant efforts to save your precious date with the only man you ever hated." He uses a very melodramatic tone and wraps an arm around her waist.

"I don't think I ever _hated_ him." she rests her head against Moony's shoulder. "Just, maybe strongly disliked."

I snort with laughter. "Come on, Lily. Don't delude yourself."

Her cheeks flame red to match her hair as James makes his way up the steps, carrying a blue box. "It's a good thing I am not the jealous type, Moony." Lily smiles up at him blushing.

"Don't worry, Prongs. We were just teasing," Remus answers.

"Oh, good." James smiles while digging into the box, pulling a cup of steaming liquid, and handing it to Cole. "Hot chocolate. I am an addict." He shrugs before passing out the rest. Rebecca smiles softly at him in thanks, sipping the toasty drink. I place my hand on her thigh, and she smirks ever so slightly.

James straddles the bench, sitting sideways beside Lily; Lily turns and leans back against his chest, pulling her feet under her. Her flyaway red hairs tickle his chin, and he chuckles slightly before smoothing them down. James wraps his arms around her, and she idly plays with his hands as we chat and watch as Lucy teaches Hunter the basics of flying.

After about ten minutes, Remus yawns and stretches his arms above his head. He looks sleepily up at Cole and mutters, "Do you mind?" gesturing to her lap. She looks at him oddly and shakes her head. He smiles before laying his head in her lap.

Toying with his hair, she chuckles. "Just don't drool, okay." He mumbles something and nods. I shake my head and lace my fingers through hers.

It's not to long before Lucy has Hunter in the air. Rebecca's grip tightens on my hand. I murmur reassurances in her ear and she bites her lip, nodding.

Peter waddles up the stairs as Hunter makes his first lap around the pitch. "Hey, guys." He waves. I roll my eyes, and Lily pinches my leg.

"Ow," I mutter and move to push her with the toe of my boot, but James catches me and glares. I shrug innocently, dropping my foot. That's not fair. Why didn't she get in trouble for pinching me?

"Hi, Peter. How was your date?" Lily asks, smiling at him. Pete had a date?

"Eh, it was a date," he answers sitting down a row in front of her. It's odd. He used to be extremely nervous around Lily, blushing madly at everything she said, driving me completely bonkers. I suppose I should pay more attention to him so these things do not jump up on me. He blinks his watery eyes at Cole but doesn't say anything. He gestures out toward the pitch with his head. "So, what's going on?"

"Lucy is teaching Hunter to fly," James answers.

"Mm" is all he says before lapsing into silence.

Lily continues to play with James hands as we sit there, observing Lucy's teaching skills. "How did you get this scar?" she asks, tracing a thin line across his index finger.

He chuckles, embarrassed of the story. "Um… Sirius and I…" He pauses, looking to me for help, but I only smirk and shake my head. "We, uh, decided to 'rescue' a bunch of chickens on their way to the butcher last summer. One of the ungrateful little beasts bit me."

I laugh, "James, it was the biggest chicken of the bunch, and it attacked you. It ended up flying up onto his head and trying to peck his eyes out. I will never forget the sight of him running around flapping his arms and trying to get the beast off when the farmer showed up. God, it was hilarious."

James' cheeks blush crimson, and Lily awes, kissing the old injury, after which he smirks smugly up at me. I grin back; oh, Lily is going to love it when they get married and the damn chicken perches on the bed evey night.

O

"Prongs!" I call, jogging to catch up to him as he wanders down toward the Great Hall. He stops and turns to wait for me a wide smile spread across his features. "So? The first date? It went well?" I ask.

"Yes, it went well until _someone_ interrupted it," he mutters teasingly.

"Hey! I tried."

Our heavy boots pound dimly throughout the corridor as we walk. "So? What happened?" When he doesn't answer, I whine, "Gods, I am _dying_ here."

Rolling his hazel eyes, he grins. "Not much. It was just like any other first date. We kissed. We laughed. We talked. You were there for half of it."

I sigh. "Come on, James. Are you going to go out again?"

He hesitates before answering. "Yeah, yeah, we are."

"Good." I smile cheerfully and pat his back. "Good."

"Yes," he says slowly. "You are a genius, you know that, right?"

"Of course! I am like the master of the universe," I joke.

He shoves me and grins. "That is the last time I ever give you a compliment. Everything goes straight to that huge ass head of yours."

O

Lily yawns before falling to the sofa beside me, dropping her head onto my shoulder. "So, what did you do to keep yourself busy today?"

I shake my head, laughing slightly at her forgetful, sleepy state. "Spied on you and then hung out with you."

She nods, closing her eyes. "Sirius, why do you always have to be right?"

I chuckle. "I am not _always, _just most of the time."

She playfully slaps my arm. "Don't be so cocky."

"I can only be who I am, Lils." I shrug. Lily places her hand on my chest and snuggles in, trying to drift off to sleep. "Lily?"

"Hmm?" she answers.

"Do you want me to get my ass kicked by my best friend?"

She chuckles and pulls back. "No, I suppose not." Lying back against the arm of the sofa, she locks me in what would be an intense stare if her eyes were not trying to flutter closed every other second. "Sirius?" she asks.

"Yeah, Lils."

"I am sorry I was so wrong," she sighs before continuing, "about James." She looks like she has more to say so I wait. "And about Cole." She pauses again. "I shouldn't have judged them so quickly. It was wrong of me."

I tilt my head to the side and smile simply at her. "Lils, you weren't completely wrong. They both have their faults. Sometimes you just have to look past them to find the real good stuff."

Her green eyes rolled in exasperation. "Stop being the smart one. That's Remus' job."

"Why does _he always_ get the good traits?"

"Because he deserves them." She refuses to meet my eyes, choosing to pick at the lint clinging to her plaid pajamas instead.

I take a deep breath and climb of the couch. "I suppose you are right." Kissing her forehead briefly and whispering "goodnight", I head upstairs.

O

I am in a deep sleep when I hear someone whispering my code name beside me. "Big Dog? Are you there? Over."

I roll over and pick up my wand, my legs entangled in my sheets. "Hmm?"

"You were sleeping," she says softly.

"Only just," I sniff.

If I close my eyes, I can see her chewing on her lower lip as she mauls over what she is going to say. "Thank you, for today."

"Nothing to thank me for, love." I respond dropping my head back down onto my pillow. She stays silent for a long while, mentally disagreeing with me.

"Black?" she whispers.

"Hmm?" I close my eyes and picture her face, smiling that smile that reaches her eyes. She hesitates. "Rebecca?" I urge her on.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" I am taken off-guard; that was not what I was expecting.

"You did what it takes to keep Hunter safe. Whether it was right or wrong doesn't really matter if it keeps him alive in the end." I hope it is the right answer. Only silence greets me for a long time. I begin to think she has gone to sleep and start having thoughts of returning to it myself.

"Black?" Why the hell can't she call me Sirius? I'll be damned if I am forced to carry that name for all eternity.

"Yeah?" I answer, forcing myself to keep my thoughts in my head.

"Would you…" she stalls, sighing heavily. "Could you come stay with us tonight?"

"Of course." I climb out of bed and stumble around for my slippers and a cloak. "I'll be there in about five minutes."

"Black?"

"Yes?"

"Little Padfoot isn't really little." I stare dumbfounded at my wand and ask her to say that again, but she broke the charm leaving me with only the sound of Peter's snores.

O

When I arrive in her room, I realize why she said "us." Hunter is curled up at the edge of her bed. She smiles weakly at me. "He didn't want to be alone." I nod in understanding. She was not only talking about him. I open my arms, and she steps inside, allowing me to hold her. Her shoulders tremble slightly as she starts to cry. I just hold her, stroking her hair, rubbing slow, steady circles across her back as she tries to press herself farther into me.

After what seems like hours, she tilts her head back, looking up at me. I cannot hear her words, but I can read them on her lips. She is apologizing for being upset once again. I shake my head and press my lips to her forehead. "Don't be. Please, don't be."

She does not nod, and she does not let me see the answer in her eyes. Instead, she buries her head against my chest, again. "Shush," I whisper. "Let's get you to bed. Sleep will help. Sleep always helps." I help her into bed. She wraps one arm around Hunter, the other hand idly playing with his hair, silent tears still trailing down her cheeks.

Climbing in the bed behind her, I try to come up with something, _anything_ that will make it stop hurting for her, if only for a minute. After a long while, the tears have not stopped falling, and her shoulders are still quivering. I do the only thing I can think of; I kiss her. Slowly, working my way up and down her neck. Her breathing stops for a moment, and she rolls her head to the side giving me access to more skin. I work my mouth across every inch of available flesh, and she moans, weakly muffling the sound by burying her face in those deep green pillows. Slipping the strap of her top down her arm, I find a new treasure trove of skin and claim it as my own.

Somehow she manages to reach behind her lightly running her fingers through my hair, her nails gently grazing my scalp, guiding me upwards, back up the creamy skin of her neck, across her jaw line, and allowing me to do as I please once I find her lips. God, she is simply beautiful, even covered in tears. I move so I am above her, one hand gently cradling her head, the other kneading her breast. She gasps into me as tweak a nipple, and it hardens under my touch. She arches up against me, her nails digging into my skin, and fuck, I need to be in her now.

Then it hits me. We can't do this, not here.

She senses my hesitation and pulls away from me. Our eyes shoot to the little boy sleeping peacefully beside us. _Oh, fuck. _She whispers the words as I think them.

I slowly slide off the bed taking her with me. I stare at her blankly not knowing which way to go. She is breathing heavily and seems to be barely coherent. After what seems an eternity but is probably no more than three seconds, she takes my hand and pulls me toward the bath. "It already has silencing charms, but I can hear whatever is going on out there."

I do not take the time to nod. Once the door is closed, I am on her again. She is shoved up against the wall, and I am making quick work of her clothes. But, God, they are not coming off fast enough.

Frustrated with my failed efforts, she places her hand on my shoulders and shoves me toward the corner. Her lips are on mine as her fingers fumble across button after button on my shirt. I feel myself digging into her stomach as she stands on her toes to grab hold of the edges of my shirt. Her lips never leave mine as she yanks it from my shoulders. I vaguely hear it ripping in the background.

She takes a step back. Her eyes dark with desire, her bare chest rising and falling at too fast a pace. Her red lips are swollen and just barely parted, keeping one hand on my chest all the while, not letting me free. I have never been told "no" before, and I am slightly thrilled at the thought.

She does that thing with her tongue that drives me insane before smiling at whatever she has decided. Slamming me hard against the wall again, though I did not make any threat to move, she kisses me hard, nibbling slightly on my bottom lip but denying me what I want. I groan in the frustration and love of it all. She pulls my head down so she can breathe in my ear. And, God, what she says. "Mine." It's not a question, nor a demand, not even a statement of fact. It is merely the word that she chose in a moment's thought, and I am completely floored by it.

With a breathy sigh, she moves down my neck claiming every inch she can find. Never marking me, simply naming me hers. She works her way down my torso until she is on her knees and so close to where I want her to be. Her fingers curl around the waistband of my pants. My breath hitches in my throat and I stare down at her for an infinite moment. Then I close my hand around her wrist and pull her up to me. She looks at me confusedly, and I like it. I like being the one with all the answers this time.

I spin her around quickly and slide my hand behind her head before pushing her up against the wall. She gives a muffled cry at the sudden change, and I release a low groan at the sound. I tease her a little. Dragging my lips, my fingers, everywhere but where she wants them, and she whimpers against me, begging. She is weakening against the wall, her hands only moving slowly across my back, not fighting me anymore. She just wants it to end. She just wants that one moment, and then we can do it all again. I rest my head against the wall beside hers and breathe deeply against her neck. "You know the word," I whisper against her, and I feel her chest move erratically with laughter.

"You fucker. All this because you think I don't know your name." She continues to chuckle before she says it. "Sirius," she whispers into my ear, and I grin. "Do you want me to say it louder?" she moans. I nod.

"Then fucking fuck me already." She bucks her hips against me, throwing us both off the wall.

I stumble backward until I hit the floor still clutching her to me. I flip us over pinning her beneath me. She struggles for a moment and then freezes. I stare at her, eyes wide and she smiles. "Sirius." It's spoken so lowly I can barely hear her. I smirk at her before sliding deep within her. She arches upward, and her nails dig into me, biting her lip to keep herself from screaming. Once she gains some control over herself again, she whispers "Sirius" barely louder than before. I ride her hard, not giving her the chance to do that again, to deny me want I want again. The next time, she does scream, only to spite me. "Oh…d-dear God."

I force down a chuckle. "That's not quite it, love," I whisper hoarsely in her ear.

I thrust into her again, and her entire body tenses around me. She shouts out my name as if it is some kind of saving prayer, and I follow after her.

She breathes heavily, too tired to move, her head resting lightly on my arm, her fingers making small designs on my chest, one leg draped over me. "I," she murmurs weakly before her voice fades away. I gently kiss her forehead, asking her to start again. I feel a damp, salty tear land on my arm, and I hate that I could not stop them. "Today should have been much worse. You…" She falters before starting once more, "You and your friends changed it somehow. It stopped for a moment as if all that really mattered was watching Evans finally get some sense knocked into her. It felt so," she sighs, "so good, for a moment. I thank you for that. Tomorrow will come, and his nightmares will return, but for a few hours, he didn't have to think about it. It was only an inkling in the back of my mind." Her hand stops suddenly and she whispers, "It means more than you know." She kisses me briefly and starts to pull away.

"Stay," I whisper. She nervously glances at the door and gently I pull her back to me. "Please?"

She nods her head just a fraction of an inch. I kiss her softly, asking her to let me love her. She shivers, afraid of it, but closes her eyes, silently telling me she trusts me. Slowly, I make love to her, and it is not fucking or getting laid or any of that bullshit that I have been so wrapped up in for so long. It means _something_. I may not ever know what, but it means something.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of her voice. "Fuck… We shouldn't have stayed on the floor." I laugh as she tries to stand and stumbles forward. "Oh, yes, this is so funny. You try to get up." She chuckles and stretches her arms above her head. I lay back, smirking and enjoying the show.

I stand up and roll my head, attempting to remove the kinks in my neck before coming to stand in front of her. I rest my hands on her hips and smile at her. She shakes her and laughs lightly at whatever thought crossed her mind. Stepping up onto her toes, she kisses me briefly, whispering, "shower" against my lips. She moves away from me, walking slowly toward the shower. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I tug her to me before she can get too far away. I hug her back to me, my arms across her front and her arms trapped at her sides, until there is no more room between us. I like the way she just fits there, perfectly. I dip my head and whine against her neck, nipping lightly at the soft spot behind her ear. She breathes out a tiny laugh. "You can come, too." I smile and let her go.

Bubbles!

O

I stumble out of Cole's rooms a few hours later planning on throwing some stuff into my trunk and making a run down to the kitchens for some breakfast before hoping on the train home. As I turn from closing the door, Lucy appears out of nowhere. "Sirius! Babe, I didn't think I'd get to say goodbye." She wraps me in a giant hug and kisses my cheek.

"Luce, we will see each other on the train," I chuckle, helping her regain her footing.

She shakes her head. "Nope, Moony and I are Portkeying out of Dumbledore's Office."

"Oh, but your Christmas present is upstairs," I say, saddened.

"No worries, love. Moony stole them out of your trunk." She grins.

"Ah, I see."

"Anyways, you better get a move on if you are going to get some breakfast." She cocks her head to the side and looks down the hall. "Where is that dolt?" Rolling her eyes, she turns her attention back to me. "So, did you have a good night?"

I chuckle, "Yes, Lucy, dear, I had a good night."

Grinning widely, she pulls me into another hug. "Good."

As I pull away, I look at her oddly. "What's up with all the hugging?"

"Oh, I don't know." She shrugs her shoulders. "I just…" Biting her lip, she gives me a weak smile. "I'm going to miss you that's all."

"Are you being emotional?"

"No! I…" Evidently, she does not know what she is, because she never finishes the statement.

"Aw, doll, I'm going to miss you, too." I kiss her forehead, and she hugs me again. Leaving is always like this.

Remus toddles around the corner, carrying a dozen brightly wrapped boxes. Lucy would never settle for reds and greens. Her Christmas gifts always wrapped in some bold stated color of the rainbow. "Finally, Remus! I thought you would never get here," Lucy says, exasperated. He stops not too far away from us, and Lucy automatically begins shuffling through the many boxes in his hands.

She picks out a lime green box and holds in behind her back searching for another. Holding up a bright orange one, she exclaims, "Here it is!"

She bounces back to me and places both gifts in my open hands. "Don't you dare open these before Christmas morning." Her eyes flash warningly. "I have charmed them to toast off your eyebrows if you do."

"Okay," I laugh.

"Remus! The letter?" Her blonde hair whips around as she turns to him. He mutters something under his breath and places the packages on the floor before digging in his front pocket.

He hands a bright yellow envelope to me. "It's all the information you will ever need about where we are staying."

"Thanks," I whisper, taking the envelope from him. "Happy Christmas, mate."

Staring at me oddly, he chuckles. "Do you really think you are going to get away with that?" I shrug, and he wraps me in a fierce hug. "Dude, take care, happy Christmas, and all that good stuff." He drops his voice down to a whisper to say, "Oh, and while you are freezing your ass off, singing carols with James and Peter, think about me, sitting on the beach, sipping tequila sunrises with Lucy, _surrounded_ by women in bikinis."

"Fucker," I mutter back.

"That's enough you two. Gods, do you want everyone to think you are gay?" Lucy says laughingly. She looks at me once Remus and I separate. "Is Cole awake?"

"'Course," I answer.

"Good." She turns and taps lightly on the door.

The door creaks open, and Lucy grins widely at the wand in her face. "Happy Christmas to you, too!"

Rebecca laughs lightly. "Good morning, Morgan."

"Lucy," she corrects her cheerfully. "Remus and I are going to be out of country for the hols, so I thought I'd drop of yours and Hunter's Christmas presents before we left."

Cole stares at her in stunned silence. "Thank you," she murmurs as Lucy hands her three brightly colored packages.

"They are from Moony, too. Not that he was much help, but he did tie the bows." Lucy grins again. "Well, happy Christmas. We really have to run. We're already late." She grabs Remus' hand and charms the packages to follow, dragging him down the hall.

"Happy Christmas," Cole calls after them. I smile softly when she glances at me before I turn down the hall. I do not hear the door shut until I turn the corner.

O

_thank you for reading_


	15. Chapter 15

Christmas Tragedy

"The Pad," as my uncle called it for countless years, is more of a cottage than a house. You would think a self-proclaimed professional bachelor would have owned a nice apartment in the city rather than a cozy cottage in the country, but Uncle Alphard had a liking for the country girls. Or so I have been told.

I blink up at it from the road, snow falling into my hair as I stare. Well, it's not really a road, more like a dirt path, but the makeshift street sign on the corner labels it Maple Road. "The Pad" is number 114. It is not particularly large, but there is more than enough room for three. With its large wrap-around porch and the whitewash paint, it reminds me of the old farmhouses in western movies. I guess for a man of a hundred fifty-nine years it is a fitting bachelor pad. For me, I guess, it's home sweet home.

Kicking the slushy, snowy mud off my boots– a habit I picked up while staying with the Potters– I slip the key in the lock and push the door open. I step inside, sighing deeply, and find a family sitting in my living room.

"Andy?" I ask in disbelief.

"Sirius! You're finally here. We've been waiting for hours." Andromeda Tonks jumps up from my faded, burnt orange sofa, her short sea foam green curls bouncing madly as she runs to wrap me in a hug. "Kiddo, I was beginning to wonder if you had decided to return to the Potters after all."

She is squeezing me so tightly I can barely breathe; yet, I manage to hug her back just as tightly. "Dear God, Andy it is so good to see you. I was expecting to find a lonely house."

When we finally end our embrace, Ted Tonks, the bravest Muggle-born ever in my opinion, is standing to my right, proudly holding a bright-eyed, pink-haired girl. Offering out his hand, big blue eyes twinkling in happiness, he greets me. "It's great to see you again, Sirius."

"You, too, Ted. You, too," I answer still smiling cheerfully. "And who is this stunning young lady? My goodness, love, you have grown!"

Little Nymphadora Tonks blushes until her entire body is pink. "Hi," she says bashfully with an awkward smile, revealing two missing front teeth.

I drop my trunk near the doorway, and we make our way to the poorly decorated living room. "So what are you all doing here? Not that I'm not pleased or anything."

"Well, kid, I thought you might like some help going through all Uncle Alp's old stuff. I mean, neither of us knew him all that well, but I figured together we might be able to manage it, all right. 'Course, you were probably just going to burn the lot of it, but you know, I have still have attachments to the family, whether they are heartless monsters or not. Not that Uncle Alp was a monster… Just, you know, the Blacks in general. Glad to shed that god awful name, I was." She winks at Ted before picking up her chatter again. "Plus, kid, to be completely honest, I didn't feel too good leaving you alone on your first night here. I mean, you are pretty much an infamous blood-traitor now and all. And well, your mum does know where Uncle Alp lived, you know?"

Slowly, I blink my eyes. _Damn, I didn't even think of that. _She must have read my thoughts.

"No worries, kiddo, I didn't really think of it either. Dumbledore did, bloody old coot. He has the whole fort all locked up so don't go worrying that pretty little head of yours." She stands on her toes to ruffle my hair. "Damn, kid, when did you get so tall?"

I shrug. "Probably at the same little Nymph grew up to be such a babe."

Nymphadora blushes pink again, and Andy shoves my shoulder. "Sirius, stop it you are making her blush," she laughs.

"But it's so darn cute," I say with a smile, winking at the little girl. She blushes again, and I laugh. "See?"

"Alright, so it is adorable, but still, stop it," Andromeda says, dropping to my sofa and pulling me down beside her. "So, tell me all about Hogwarts. I want to know every last detail before getting started on this house." She smiles, throwing a booted foot into my lap and lounging across the sofa. Ted flops into a chair near the fireplace, and he and Nymphadora listen intently as I tell Andy everything I can think of, right down to the way Dumbledore's office smells. We just keep talking about anything and everything in our lives until the early hours of the morning.

It's extremely, amazingly odd that it feels this good to share my life with _my family_.

O

It's day three of our joint assault on "The Pad." I feel absolutely ridiculous calling it that, but I haven't come up with something better yet. So, I suppose it shall continue to bare that name. (Andromeda said that "Sirius' Love Shack" was even more ridiculous. I guess I must agree with her, but at least that was _my_ ridiculousness.)

Ted and little Nymph are downstairs trying to scrounge up some sort of dinner while Andy and I wage war on the upstairs bedrooms. We are not doing a particularly good job of it as we spend more time laughing than cleaning.

Andromeda's laughter bounces off the walls as she falls to the floor, clutching her sides out of nowhere. "Do you remember that summer you put gum in Cissy's hair?" she sputters out between fits of giggles.

My own bark-like laughter mixes in with hers. "Oh, dear God, your mum was so pissed." I toss a tattered, old date book in the rubbish bin. "All that golden blonde hair that everyone just _awed_ over turned bubblegum pink. Ah, the brilliant mind of a five-year-old prankster. Didn't she have to get it cut short after that?"

Nodding her head vigorously, she replies, "Yeah, oh damn, it was so hilarious. She stayed locked up in her room for months. The most glorious days of my youth."

"Yeah," I whisper. Sadness flashes through my eyes as I think back on the happiest days of my pre-Hogwarts childhood. I spent them here. It was the summer after I spat gum in the narcissist's hair. Aunt Druella absolutely refused to keep me during my parents' twenty-year anniversary trip. She welcomed Regulus with open arms, of course. Uncle Alphard was my mother's only choice. It was the greatest two weeks ever. _Why didn't I remember that before now?_

"What?" she asks me, her left brow quirked up in concern.

Sighing, I pick up another piece of junk. It's another one of his treasures, and I hold it over the bin before placing the faded leather book in my lap, flipping through the pages. "I was thinking about that next summer. The summer my parents went to the Canary Islands for their like fifth honeymoon or whatever?"

"Of course! Regulus stayed with us. I don't know how you lived with that prat as long as you did."

"Sometimes, I wonder myself," I lie with a cheery laugh. "Anyway, your mum wouldn't have me, so Mum sent me here. It was… wonderful," I say, drifting back to that summer. "We spent every evening smoking cigars down at the local pub, lunches with various women, and the rest of our days playing poker or hide-n-seek."

She smiles brightly at me rummaging through the pile of things collected in the middle of the room. "That must have been great. He came to my wedding, you know?"

I shake my head, smiling slightly at the reminiscent expression on her face. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Andy. I was just so…"

Placing her hand on my arm, she smiles softly. "Hey, don't even, kid. You had escaped for a bit. I wouldn't have showed up either."

"I still feel like I should have been there. I mean, the majority of the family didn't even go. I would have been fine. Plus, I was captured and drug back two days afterwards."

"Eh, still, two days of freedom is worth it."

"Yeah."

"Anyways, Uncle Alp made the toast. It was absolutely smashing. Then he followed around all of Ted's single aunts," she laughs, honey brown eyes sparkling in memory.

We continue to reminisce about our childhood, making a small dent in the work to be done until Ted calls from downstairs. "Hey! Dinner's ready! Take a break!"

O

"Mum! I'm home!" I yell as I step through the front door of the Potter home. Brushing the snow out of my hair, I place a bunch of Christmas gifts on a table by the door. I hear a loud shriek and look up just in time to see Mrs. Potter's red heels slide across the wooden floor. Grinning madly, flour smudged across her cheeks, her long salt and pepper hair tied up in a knot on the top of her head, her knee-length black skirt whips around her legs as she skids to a stop before running in a mad dash to wrap me up in a hug.

"Sirius, love! I was beginning to think you had abandoned us!" she exclaims as I twirl her around.

"Never, Mrs. P. Just been busy with the unpacking, that's all," I say, placing her back on her feet.

Linking our arms, she drags me off toward the kitchen. "The boys are out back preparing for a snowball fight, I believe."

I grin down at her. "I was thinking maybe I'd let them do all the hard work while I keep you company in the kitchen."

"Oh, yes, splendid idea. You eat everything in my kitchen, spoil your supper, and leave poor James, Peter, and Harold to slave away for your fun and games," she laughs as we enter the kitchen.

"Well, it sounded like a good idea to me." I pick up an apple off the table and take a large bite out of it.

"Sirius!" Mrs. Potter mock scolds, shooing me out the back door. "I'll be lucky if I have enough apples for the pie now."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out, Mrs. P." I kiss her cheek, and she rolls her hazel eyes laughingly before pushing me out the door to find the guys.

The back yard is covered in snow, bright, twinkling lights wrap around the Quidditch goal posts and scattered trees. There are several huge snowmen and women, two forts built completely out of snow, and hidden somewhere amongst it all is James, Mr. Potter, and Peter.

"Sirius, my boy!" Mr. Potter yells, his graying head popping up from behind one of the huge snow barricades they have built.

"Pops!" I holler back before a snowball collides with the side of my head.

"Oh, Peter! This is so war!" I scream before releasing a war cry and diving behind Mr. Potter's barricade.

The battle rages for hours until Mrs. Potter steps outside the backdoor. "Come on, let's eat before it gets cold," she yells over our battle cries and fake bombing sound effects.

"Aw, but June, we're not done yet," Mr. Potter whines.

Placing one hand on her hip and shaking a wooden spoon at him, Mrs. Potter replies, "Harold, I expect more out of you. You _are_ the adult."

James throws a snowball at her, and it narrowly misses her head. "Oh, James Potter, you are dead," she screams, glaring at him. I can see him gulping from across the yard before taking cover behind a snowman. Mrs. Potter bends down and scoops up a handful of snow before joining us in our fight.

When we do call the battle to an end, our dinner has gone extremely cold, but we don't really care. This happens every year, and I love it. Hallmark couldn't make a better Christmas Eve.

O

An overly large Christmas tree stands in the corner of the living room, brightly decorated with little lights twinkling and presents spilling out from under it. Mr. and Mrs. Potter are sitting curled up on the sofa, her red jumper-clad arms wrapped around his waist as he idly plays with her hair. James is sipping hot chocolate and scribbling away on a piece of parchment, a letter to Lily, I assume. A rather large black and white speckled chicken is perched up on his shoulder. Peter left about twenty minutes ago. His grandmother was supposed to arrive tonight to spend Christmas day with his family. He'll be back tomorrow morning after opening presents with his family to open his gifts from us.

I sigh contentedly, popping another piece of popcorn into my mouth before rising from my seat by the fireplace to leave. "Thanks for the lovely day, Mr. and Mrs. P, but I should head home."

James lifts his head from his letter and stares at me. "Pads, you aren't going to stay the night?"

I smile. "No, I promised little Nymph I'd visit in the morning before coming over here."

"Oh, okay," he says sadly. "Goodnight, then."

"Night, James." He is such a child at times. I am sure I am, too, but I see it in him more often than not, and it always makes me smile.

Mrs. Potter stands and hugs me tightly. "Happy Christmas, Sirius. Have wonderful dreams. We will see you in the morning." Mrs. P is great; she is like the perfect mum. She wasn't even a replacement mum for me. She was just mum, and that was it.

"You, too, Mrs. P." I kiss the top of her head before waving goodbye to Mr. Potter and setting out for home.

O

_Shaking with nervous anticipation, I push the cupboard door open just a crack and peer out. I hold my breath and glance around the empty kitchen, a sly smile on my lips. He'll never find me here. Moments later, I let the door fall silently shut. I can hear footsteps. It's Uncle Alphard. His limp has a distinguished sound. I could recognize it anywhere._

_Pressing my back against the wall, I smile, pleased with my superb hiding place. "Sirius?" his low gruff voice calls into the empty kitchen, and I squash my lips together to keep my giggle from being heard. I fail horribly. "Sirius?" he calls again, and I try to scoot further back into the cupboard. _

_Suddenly, my dark hiding place is filled with sunlight, and his grinning old face is peering in at me. "Ah, ha!" he shouts as I laugh and crawl forward. Climbing out of the cupboard, I hear him praising me on my choice of hideout. "Brilliant, my boy, brilliant. Would have taken me hours to find you if you hadn't giggled." _

_His grey eyes shine bright, and his grizzled hair falls gracefully into his eyes as he ruffles my hair and hugs me to him. "Come on, then. Let's go pay the dear Ms. Elderberry down the street a visit. She promised us a home-cooked meal today. Wouldn't want to keep a pretty lady waiting, would we?" Flashing a charming grin, he takes my hand._

An alarm goes of somewhere to my right, and I fumble around with my sheets to free my hands. Clicking off the alarm and rubbing my eyes, I sit up and shake the sleep from my head. _That's where I got the lady killer smile, then_.

Climbing out of bed, I grab a shirt and pull it over my head before making my way downstairs. As I am stumbling down the last step, a very wet, very underdressed, very upset Lucy appears out of nowhere. "Lucy?"

She whirls around and swallows hard. "Sirius," she mumbles, staring at her hands as she wrings them nervously.

"Luce, what is it?" I ask carefully.

"Lil–" Her voice cracks, and she roughly rubs at her cheeks though no tears are falling. "Lily's house was attacked."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "What?" I gasp out.

"I-I don't know. I just… She's at St. Mungo's. Remus told me to stay… But I–" A sob cracks her voice again, and I pull her to me. "I didn't want to be alone."

"It's okay. Come on." I grab a cloak from the coat rack by the door and drape it around her shoulders, pulling another around my own before Apparating us both to the Wizarding hospital.

"Fuck, Lucy, I told you to stay here," Remus exclaims, pulling her from my side and to his chest, as we appear. He is as wet as she is and wearing only a pair of swimming trunks and one of James jackets. "I couldn't find you, Luce. Damn it, why do you always insist on…" His voice fades from my mind as I see James.

He is standing lost behind them. I can't tear my eyes away from his distraught face. Mr. Potter has his hand on his shoulder, providing what little strength he can. Mrs. Potter is clinging to her husband, sadness clearly written on her face.

"Everyone have a seat. I'll see what I can find out," Mr. Potter tells us all, briskly gesturing to the chairs in the waiting room.

Lucy curls up in Remus' lap, and Mrs. Potter gives her a disapproving look. Though June Potter is a wonderful person, she is very old-fashioned, but she would never say anything to make Lucy feel uncomfortable.

I take a seat beside James. "Are you okay, mate?"

He nods solemnly. "Fine."

About ten minutes later, Mr. Potter walks into the room. "The damn witch won't tell me anything."

"Harold!" Mrs. Potter scolds.

"I apologize, June," he says to her, referring to his language, before addressing the rest of the group again. "We will just have to wait until the Healer comes out."

Lucy's head slowly rises up from Moony's chest, her eyes red, but still no tears fall from them. "Luce? Where are you going?" Remus murmurs as she climbs off him. She brushes his hands away as he tries to get her to stay.

Dropping my cloak into his lap, she whispers, "I'll be back."

Mrs. Potter clucks at her black bikini and shorts. As I watch her walk from the room, a forbidding feeling crashes over me. Nobody is going to like what she is about to do.

A few moments later, I rush from the room at the sound of her screaming voice, the others on my heels.

As I round the corner, I see her. She is leaning over the welcome witch's desk, yelling at the plump little witch sitting behind it.

"Lucy! Calm down!" Remus yells over her screams, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back.

"No! No! Let go of me," she squeals, struggling against him. "You little bitch. You tell him I am here. You tell him, now!"

"Miss, if you do not have an appointment, you cannot see him. Now, please calm down before I am forced to ask you to leave," the welcome witch says tersely.

Lucy growls and lunges forward. Moony barely keeps his hold on her. "You bitch! Tell him Lucy Morgan is here to see him, and then we'll see if you still have a fucking job in the morning."

"M-Morgan," the witch stutters.

"Does he know any other Lucys?" Lucy spits back.

The welcome witch fumbles around to follow Lucy's orders. "I-I apologize, Ms. Morgan. I had no idea…"

"Bullshit," Lucy mutters, calming down enough for Remus to relax his hold on her.

When David Morgan walks around the corner in his slow, lengthy gate, Lucy is still breathing heavily, anger radiating off her. "Lucy, what on earth is going on?" his voice is deep and filled with worry.

Lucy rushes to him, the top of her head barely reaching his rib cage as he hugs her to him. He is at least six and a half feet tall, dark haired and dark eyed. "Lily is in here somewhere, and they won't tell us what is going on."

He hugs her for a moment before speaking. "Okay, I'll take care of it." His eyes move from the top of her head to the welcome witch. "Emily would please take Lucy and her friends to my office, please." The plump little witch nods nervously. David glances down at Lucy's ensemble then to Remus' before adding, "Lucy, there are some dry clothes in the closet; I don't want you getting sick."

The welcome witch starts down the hall, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter follow behind her, James walking slowly after them. Remus takes Lucy's hand and mutters thanks to her brother before leading her to his office.

As I move to follow them, David places his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him, waiting for him to speak. "Sirius, there is a calming draught in the top drawer of my desk. Force it down her throat if you have to."

"Thanks, David." I smile, stuffing my hands in my pockets and shuffling down the hall.

O

I slipped some of the calming draught into Lucy's tea, and she is now sitting with her head on Moony's chest half asleep, tears silently trailing down her cheeks. They are both dressed in David's clothes, even with the Shrinking Charms Lucy is swallowed alive in them. James is sitting in the corner, his eyes wide with fear while Mrs. Potter whispers comforting words to him. Mr. Potter and I are taking turns pacing from one end of the room to the other.

Suddenly, the door clicks open, and David strides in holding the door for a horse-faced woman and a large man in Muggle attire. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, Lily's sister and brother-in-law." Both Lucy and James glare at them as David gestures for them to take a seat.

"I don't know anything yet. The healers are still with her, which is a good sign. It means she is still alive." I hear James choke back a sob at the word alive. "I'll be back in a bit. Just sit tight."

Remus strokes Lucy's hair, whispering "shush" over and over again, rocking her back and forth. Mr. Potter is now holding Mrs. Potter, while she grips James hand. James has lost all color, and in his anxiety, he forgot to continue glaring at Lily's sister. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley are sitting off to the side of the room, appearing to be frightened stiff.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" I ask them with a half smile.

The horse-faced woman looks at me as if I stuck a piece of poo under her nose. "No," she says so coldly it makes me wish I hadn't asked.

Annoyed with my ceaseless pacing, I sit down beside Lucy and Remus. Lucy has finally fallen asleep, and Moony looks at me over her head. "Go ask James to go for a walk."

I nod and stand back up. James' sad hazel eyes flick up to meet mine as stand in front of him. "Wanna go get some air?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good," he murmurs, standing and walking out the door. Giving the Potters a sad smile, I follow him out.

"James?" I ask as I close the door behind me.

With a heart-wrenching sob, he slams his fist into the wall. "What did she do to deserve this? They tried to kill her. Maybe they did kill her. Because she has Muggle parents, is that why? What difference does it make? She is twice as smart as half the pure-bloods at Hogwarts. She is Head Girl. Why would someone want to hurt her? What did she do?!" He continues to pound his fist into the wall, screaming out his frustration, until his knuckles are bruised and bloody. I just stand behind him, waiting.

Finally, tears run down his cheeks, and he slides down to the floor. "She is going to be okay, Prongs. Everything is going to be just fine," I say, placing my hand on his shoulder as he cries with his forehead pressed against the wall.

O

When we return about twenty minutes later with a box of donuts and some coffee, all evidence of James' breakdown has vanished. I pull open the door and wait for him to enter. He just stands there in shock. "James?" I ask before Moony's low growl reaches my ears. I swallow hard. It's not full moon, is it?

James takes a step forward. "Moony? What's going on?" he asks.

I enter the room just in time to see Remus' brown eyes flick to James as he mutters lowly, "Nothing I can't handle." He has Petunia Dursley pushed up against the wall, his forearm under her chin, pressing against her throat.

Vernon Dursley is standing petrified in the other corner of the room. Mr. Potter is standing about two feet behind Remus, glaring hatefully at the woman, while Mrs. Potter tries to console a hysterically sobbing Lucy.

Before I can say anything, Remus' eyes turn cold and shift back to Mrs. Dursley. He shoves her against the wall again, her toes barely touching the ground as she struggles for breath. Leaning in close to her, he whispers, "I don't give a flying fuck about what you are going through right now, _Mrs. Dursley_. What you just did was completely uncalled for. Minor offences can be forgiven in a time of grief, but I swear on all that is holy if you ever, _ever_ say something like that in my presence again, I will kill you myself."

Whatever that bitch has done she will pay. Lucy doesn't cry. I know it doesn't seem that way, but Lucy doesn't cry. The world has to fall apart before Lucy cries, but I suppose it has, hasn't it? We keep patching it back together, but it is stilling falling to pieces.

Mr. Potter places his hand on Moony's shoulder. "Okay, Remus, you've made your point. Come on," he says slowly. Taking a few steps back, Remus continues to glare at Petunia before whipping around quickly on his heel and striding back to Lucy. She curls up in his arms and continues to sob horribly for the next five minutes.

David arrives back at his office shortly afterward with Mad-Eye Moody at his side. Mad-Eye is not hard to recognize, considering he has an electric blue eye spinning around in his head, but he is abnormally familiar to me as he spent several weekends a month rummaging through Grimmauld Place. He never found anything, of course. My mother was too sly for that.

"Harold, June, I didn't know you were here." Moody's gruff voice brings me from my thoughts. His blue eye whirls and lands on Lucy for a moment before resting steadily on me. Surprise, surprise!

"Yes, Lily is one of the _boys'_ friends from school," Mrs. Potter replies stressing the word boys. Moody growls and turns away from her. He was never fond of James befriending me, and he definitely didn't like it when the Potters adopted me, unofficially, of course.

"I need to speak with the Dursleys for a moment. Morgan here will fill you in on the status of Ms. Evans," Moody grounds out between clenched teeth.

Suddenly, a loud shriek sounds from Petunia Dursley. "_That man!" _She points a boney finger at Moony. "He threatened to _kill me._ He tried to kill me!"

Mad-Eye snorts. "Mrs. Dursley, I assure you, you are mistaken. Remus Lupin wouldn't hurt a fly. If you had told me it was Black, I might have believed you, but if you are going to go around making false accusations, at least _try_ and read the person's character first," he says as he waves her and Vernon toward the door.

Mrs. Dursley stands in shock, anger radiating off her, before she follows Mad-Eye out the door. I don't doubt for a minute that she will complain about Moony for the first ten minutes of conversation. I really doubt she gives a shit about Lily. Heinous bitch.

David holds his hands up in defense as the door clicks closed. "I don't want to know." I smile, obviously Lucy talks about us as much as we talk about her when she's not around.

Lucy crawls out from Remus' arms and stares up at her brother. "Lily?" she asks weakly. Her eyes are bloodshot, and her entire body is trembling.

Staring at her confusedly for a moment, David tries to make sense of it. Even he knows Lucy doesn't cry. He shakes his head slightly, deciding to talk to her about it later, and answers, "She is going to be fine. Pretty banged up, but she will be fine." A collective sigh of relief is heard throughout the room. "But," David continues, a sad expression on his face, "her parents weren't so lucky." Dizziness washes over me, and I am forced to sit down. "They died before we could do anything for them."

Silence presses down on everyone. No one dares to move in fear that that will end it. It's almost as if I say something, it will make this whole thing real, and there is no way that tomorrow, when I wake up, this will have just been a horrible nightmare. Boldly, Lucy does what everyone else is so afraid to do.

"How?" she asks, shattering the silence into a billion little pieces.

"Luce, kiddo, you don't need­­–"

Lucy sniffs before cutting him off. "She is going to want to know so I think that means I need to know."

Remus wraps his arm around her waist, but she refuses to back down.

David sighs, running a hand through his dark hair. "The Dementor's Kiss."

I hear Mrs. Potter's teacup breaking over the static in my mind. That's the last thing I remember before standing at the foot of Lily's bed staring at her pale face and hearing only her little breaths.

Lily's bright red hair stands out starkly against the white sheets of the hospital bed; her skin is so pale she almost fades right in. White bandages spotted with blood cover her small hands and her left forearm. Her breathing is shallow but steady, and if I listen closely enough, I can hear her faint heartbeat sounding from a box beside her bed.

Everyone is fidgeting as we stand about the room, Lucy is leaning against Remus and gripping tightly to my hand as we stand at the foot of the bed. Vernon refused to enter the room, calling Lily some rather foul names. Lucy and James had almost killed him, but Petunia intervened. I didn't expect her to stand up for her sister, but she did, ripping her husband to pieces with her words. Petunia is standing stiffly to the left of Lily's bed, unable to look at her. I wonder if it is because she blames her, like her husband, or if it is because it is unbearable for her to see Lily weak. I know gazing down at her and realizing how broken she is is almost killing me. It must be ten times worse for her sister, right?

James takes her right hand in his and brushes away some locks of hair that are scattered about her face.

"Lily?" he whispers softly. "Lily?" James whispers again, this time tracing her dry cracked lips with his thumb. Her green eyes flutter open, and she stares up at James. Suddenly, heartbreak washes over her, and she weeps quietly. Big, round tears fall from her eyes, and James gently brushes them away as she cries. "Shush, Lily, it will be okay."

Shaking her head, she speaks, her voice almost too feeble to hear, "James, they murdered my parents. They just… It's my fault." She sniffs as he shakes his head, telling her that it isn't. "I should have just done what they said. I should have just joined them."

"Oh, Lily, this isn't your fault. It isn't your fault," he says, softly tucking her hair behind her ears again and again, just to have an excuse to touch her. Green eyes close again as she presses her lips together in a vain attempt to end her tears. "It's okay to cry, Lily."

We all stand silent, letting James talk her through this. He is the one that she needs right now. Deep down, I don't think anyone else has the strength to help her but James. I would like to think that I do, but merely watching it is almost more than I can take.

She has stayed silent for so long I think that maybe she has fallen asleep again. Then her eyes snap open, and her lip trembles as she looks up at him again. "James?" He smiles down at her, tucking her hair behind her ears once more, telling her it is okay to continue. A frightened shudder sends shivers down her body, but she ignores it and asks her question anyway. "What were they? Those–" Her breath catches, and she is forced to close her eyes and push back the image. "Those _things_?"

"What things, love?"

I stand and watch in horror as one of my dearest friends describes the death of her parents in the most brutal fashion, while another holds her hand and tries to explain why. It is the most horrific thing I have ever seen.

A sob breaks through her lips, and she places a bandaged hand to her mouth, her tears rapidly falling now. "The things that killed them. The most horrible things kept flashing through my mind but…" She shakes her head, fighting down the tears. "It was nothing compared to watching them." She stops and breaths heavily before closing her eyes to regain control. "I-I… They sucked their souls out, James. They were still alive for a moment, just empty, and then there was no point for their bodies to keep living, and they just… flickered out."

James wipes her tears away one last time, resting his hand against her forehead. Speaking softly and calmly, almost as if he is reading from a textbook, because that's how Lily likes her answers, he says, "They are called Dementors. Azkaban uses them to guard the prisoners. They," he stops, unsure of how to go on, "destroy your happiness. They feed off it like a fungus until there is nothing left but fear. It keeps the prisoners weak, giving them no hope for escape. They are dark creatures, but the Ministry is willing to employ them."

"Then why were they…?"

"Because… they are dark. This Lord Voldemort has given them a better offer," he whispers.

"And, what happens to my parents' souls now that they were… _eaten_ by those… Dementors?"

"I don't know, Lily. I don't know." He doesn't know and nor do I, or anyone that we know. It's not something that has been studied, because you don't study the afterlife. You believe in it or you don't. There is no proof. It's all faith. If you knew where souls usually go, we might be able to discover where… _eaten_ souls go, but we don't know. So how do you answer a question like that?

Abruptly, Lily sits up and throws her arms around James' neck. He hugs her to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she whispers, "Please, James, just hold me for a minute. Just don't let go, okay?" He nods, and he never lets go.

We all just stand in silence, because it is the only thing we can do. Stand here and wait. And I'm not sure if there is enough Spellotape to patch the world back together again.

O

_thank you for reading_


	16. Chapter 16

Downpour

A thick blanket of snow covers the ground. The heavy snowfall since we left for break has left the Hogwarts grounds a winter wonderland and made our journey up to the front doors a royal pain in the ass. Remus is forced to melt the packed snow in order for us to make it from the gates to the doors. The slushy melted water on the stone walkway causes us to slip and slide. It would be one of those moments where James and I run back and forth laughing and shouting, but it isn't. Today isn't a day for carefree laughter; today too much sadness is surrounding the hearts of the members of our little gang.

Lily is walking solemnly beside James, her thick, wild, red hair coaxed into a braid, her vivid green almond shaped eyes focused solely on her footsteps, the lashes around them darkened with unshed tears. I have watched James walk uncomfortably beside her since we left St. Mungo's, every now and then his arm moving to hold her before he stops himself with a little shake of his head. Making her uncomfortable is the last thing he wants to do. Lucy is trying desperately to help, but she has no idea what to do or say. She has opened her mouth on several occasions to say something bright, comforting, or just to make an observation, but she closed it shortly afterwards, sighing. I have one hand shoved deep in my pocket, fingers wrapped tightly around the smooth wood of my wand, the other ready to catch Lily should she stumble.

"Almost there," Remus says with a small smile, the emotion in his eyes disagreeing with his almost light and cheery voice. Lily nods carefully, and I see a tiny tear glisten in the sunlight as it slips down her pale freckled cheek.

Remus and I pull open the heavy doors to the castle, giving everyone room to enter. "Lucy!" a tiny voice shouts, and Lily jumps to the left, frightened beyond imagination. She buries her head in James' chest and shakes slightly. James whispers nearly silent consolations, holding her gently.

Smiling half-heartedly, Lucy waves to the dark-haired little boy standing in the Entrance Hall running toward us. "Hey, kid, how was your Christmas?" Lily flinches at the word and presses herself closer to James, barely suppressing a sob. Lucy drops her eyes to the ground cursing herself.

"It was great!" Hunter smiles brightly at her then his smile falters as he notices our somber expressions. He stares concernedly at us for a moment, and when nobody says anything, he asks, "What happened?"

As my mind races to find a suitable answer, Cole skids around the corner. "Hunter! What the bloody–" her voice cuts off at the sight of us.

Hunter eyes flicker between the five of us, waiting for someone to give him an answer. Cole gently lifts him off the ground. "But, Becca…" he whispers to her, but she smiles sadly and shakes her head holding him to her.

Understanding shines in her dark eyes as they shift from me to James and Lily. "I am so sorry," she murmurs. "If there is anything I can…" her voice drifts off, letting the words hang there. Everyone present understands what she is offering. Slowly, she backs away, turning around and walking down the hall. Hunter's sad chocolate eyes stare at me over her shoulder until they turn the corner, his little hand waving goodbye.

O

"How is she?" I ask for what must be the thousandth time in the past two hours as soon as the room to Lily's room is closed.

James' eyes drop to the carpet worn down due to our ceaseless pacing. "She's the same as she was five minutes ago, Padfoot." Sighing heavily, I run my fingers through my hair, and he slides down the wall to sit across from me. Remus places his hand on James' shoulder to offer support.

I bite my lip and lean back against the wall outside Lily's bedroom door. "I can't believe they–"

Almost shouting, James cuts me off. "Don't. Don't say it, again." There is a hatred flashing in his eyes I have never seen before. I truly wish I will never see it again, but I know it is there to stay. My mouth snaps closed, and we sit in silence, waiting for another out-burst, another nightmare, another round of heartbreaking tears.

O

"Ah, Misters Lupin, Potter, and Black, and dear Ms. Morgan, I am pleased to see you have decided to join us." Professor Dumbledore's wise, aged voice greets us as we enter the Great Hall for breakfast. "Mrs. Evans is doing well, I trust?" he asks, gesturing to the four available chairs at the end of the large table in the center off the Great Hall. Not many students stayed this holiday. There are less than twelve people at the table, including a few faculty members.

Lucy smiles a little as she answers Dumbledore on her way to a seat. "She decided to have a bit of a lie-in this morning. I told her I'd have one of the house-elves bring her up something if she got hungry later." That is why Lucy can lie; the truth is always buried deep inside. The reality of Lily's situation is that she hasn't been out of bed in the two days since we arrived, and yes, Lucy does have the house-elves bringing her all sorts of tempting food everyday; they are left untouched.

When I mentioned telling this to the Headmaster or the school nurse, Lucy shook her head and told me she just needed time. Maybe she is right. Maybe Lily will get over this one on her own. Then again, maybe she is wrong. Maybe someone who knows more than us needs to intervene.

James sits tiredly in a chair beside Cole and tries to give her a smile. She smiles in return, and I watch her take his hand in her own and give it a light squeeze, silently telling him all that he needs to hear. Remus attempts to remain unchanged, fighting to stay open and friendly, flirting occasionally with Lucy, who returns his affections on instinct alone. Before long, the two of them have slipped back into a guise of their former selves. (It seems as if our lives have been divided into two separate parts: before the murders and after the murders.)

With Remus' encouragement, things begin to have a more normal feel, Lucy chatting happily with Hunter on all things Quidditch, Remus interrupting here or there, James and I jokingly claiming Lucy's favorite team will lose this year, even Professor McGonagall aids in Lucy's defense of the Falmouth Falcons.

Swooping low across the table, several owls arrive to deliver the morning post, and the almost-normal feel of the meal stops in its tracks. I watch Lucy stare moodily at a pale green envelope before crumpling it up and shoving it in her pocket. Evidently, she does not want to deal with whatever it is at the moment. Turning my gaze from her to the only other person at our end of the table who received mail, I find James glaring angrily at the copy of the Daily Prophet in front of him.

Abruptly, he throws it forcefully across the table at Lucy. She jumps back and stares at him. "Of course, they'd turn the whole massacre into a bloody story about _you_," he says moodily.

"What d'you mean?" Lucy asks, taken aback, glancing from him to the paper.

I crane my head a little to get a good look at the front page. A large black and white photograph of Lucy in nothing but her bikini yelling fiercely at a plump little witch while Remus struggles to keep her from attacking graces the page next to the bold title of "**_Lead Candidate for Minister of Magic's Daughter Bares All During Catfight at St. Mungo's_**." Not a particularly catchy title, but good enough to attract readers.

Lucy stares confusedly at him. "Bloody hell, James. As if I want this."

Frustrated James sighs. "I can't believe you are taking this so lightly."

"I can't believe you are making such a big deal about it. It happens all the bloody time when I'm not in school or out of the effing country." Lucy's eyes crinkle around the edges as she glares at him flabbergasted.

"They are replacing the attacks with all this rubbish, not even informing the people of what is going on. Lily's story should have been there. God, Lucy, you are so… so…" He makes an infuriated noise before continuing. "They are ignoring what's going on out there, and you and your father's stupid political games are providing them with the stuff to do it with," he says cruelly. Quickly standing, he knocks his chair over. It hits the floor with a loud clatter, drawing the attention of the professors and other students at the table. Dumbledore clears his throat to tell them to go back to their own business. Unwillingly, they do.

Finally annoyed with his behavior, Lucy raises her voice and glares. "How dare you! James, honestly, you know I fight that shit as much as I can. Don't you put this on me! It is not my fault. I didn't do it. It's not as if I am the one telling them to ignore the attacks. I am not the one saying it's not important." She shakes her head. Dropping her voice, she pleads with him. "I care as much about her as you do. I am just as upset. I don't want this. Don't replace your anger at them for what they did to her with me and something I can't even control."

He huffs angrily. "Oh, don't start your psycho-babble with me, Lucy. I am done with this, done with you, the whole lot of you." He stalks slowly and calmly from the room. Lucy's eyes follow him, sadness written across her face.

"Luce, he didn't mean it," I say softly.

Her copper eyes flick up to me, and she nods slowly. "I know." Remus laces his fingers with hers and nudges her with his shoulder. She smiles faintly and goes back to her toast.

"Lucy, would you mind watching Hunter, for a moment?" Cole asks, rising from her chair.

Blinking at her, Lucy shakes her head. "Good," Cole replies sweetly, setting James' chair upright before walking out of the room with a swish of her robes.

I stare blankly ahead until Remus whacks me in the back of the head. "Oh, right," I mutter, jogging after them.

James is almost to the front doors when I exit the Great Hall, and Cole has stopped about twenty feet behind him. "Potter," she calls. He doesn't turn around. "Potter," she says a bit louder this time. When he does not stop the third time, she huffs loudly and shouts, "James!"

He stops in his tracks and turns to face her. "What the bloody hell to you want, bitch?" It is almost funny to hear that word leave his mouth. James' almost never uses any type of foul language in front of a female. It is something he considers a most offensive crime.

Cole chuckles. "Oh, please, is that supposed to scare me away? Trust me, James, I have been called much worse by people far more frightening that you." James just shrugs nonchalantly and tosses his hair out of his eyes.

"Look, James, I realize you are pissed as hell. I have been there. Running away from your friends isn't the right decision."

Scoffing he retorts, "What do you know?"

"A lot more than you think," she answers calmly.

"You know what I think? I think you know shit, and you are nothing more than an attention-seeking bitch, fucking around with my best friend."

Even though I can only see her back, I know she smirked widely. "Well, you did get one thing right; I am "fucking" your best friend. One out of three is not too bad. Though, I wouldn't go to Vegas with those kinds of odds."

"Fuck off."

"Clever," she mutters before shaking her head. "You know, James, I never thought I'd see the day _you_ gave up. I thought you are the most determined person I have ever met, chasing after Evans for a good six years undeterred. I was also under the impression that you were loyal to a fault. I never would have thought a _marauder _would walk out on his friends. I guess, I was wrong because now that the tough stuff has really started you lash out at your friends and just walk out. Cowardly. You are not deserving of the name Gryffindor. You belong with us Snakes, don't you, James? You have always belonged with us Snakes; the selfish, sneaky, conniving attention-whores that we are. You are just a sneaky, selfish, little Slytherin hiding behind falsified Gryffindor loyalty and courage."

His hands shake slightly at his sides, and he takes a step toward her before roughly shaking his head and stumbling back. "I am _not_ a coward. I am not _selfish. _I am not _hiding._" My thoughts betray my best friend. _But you are running._

I take a step toward them. His temper is going to blow soon, and she is making herself his target. Cole places a hand behind her back signaling me to stop. I don't know why, but I do. "And, what you said in there wasn't Slytherin? It wasn't cruel, thoughtless, cowardly, and selfish? Did you say it because it made Morgan feel better?" She pauses, waiting for an answer that never comes. So she answers for him. "No, James, you said it because it makes you feel better, less guilty. It is what you have always done, James, isn't it? You have convinced everyone that you love Evans, but the truth is you just want her attention because she would not give it to you. A self-centered prick like you cannot have some lowly little girl ignore you. What about poor dear Severus Snape, what did he ever do to you? Best you in potions? Beat you in Quidditch? Show you up in Defense? Dear God, you can't let that happen again, so what so you do? Hex him around every corner; show everyone that you are better than he is. And, now, James, You are running to save your own skin. What would you call that? Courageous? Valiant? Loyalty? Come on, James, be honest. Your actions seem pretty _Slytherin_ to me." She is cutting him deep. James is practically shaking with rage, and Cole just keeps egging him on, trying to force him to break.

"NO!" he yells, clenching his fists at his sides, his eyes narrowed in hate.

"Then what are they exactly?" she asks curiously.

"They are… They are…" When he cannot find and answer, he screams out what is truly the cause of all of this. "You don't know what they fucking did to her!"

"And running away is going to help her?" she asks. "How exactly? You are proving them right! By not fighting, by just giving up you are saying you agree with everything they believe." Slipping into the cocky stance she uses to face the rest of the world, she glares at him. "Those dirty Muggles should have never been allowed to mix with us. They are poisoning our blood. Filthy creatures are no better than dogs. We, you and I, pure-bloods, are the only ones truly worthy of the name wizard. That _Mudblood Evans _got exactly what she deserved just like all the others before her and those still to come," she hisses out in such a way I almost think she actually believes it.

James runs at her, and I quickly spring into action, but Cole whispers harshly, "Stop, just let him." In the half moment I hesitate, he tackles her to the floor. They crash with a loud thump, and at the same time, the sickening sound of flesh colliding with flesh sounds in my ears as James fist connects with her face.

"James! Stop! What the fuck are you doing? Stop it!" I yell, grabbing handfuls of his shirt and attempting to pull him off her.

Digging her nails into his arms to keep me from lifting him off, Cole glares at me. "Leave him be," she says fiercely. James does not seem to notice anything going on around him. He is just glaring down at her unseeing. His hands shaking uncontrollably as he grips her small shoulders, pinning her to the stone floor.

I stare at her in shock as she licks the blood pouring from her busted bottom lip and shoves James off her. She hovers above him her nails drawing blood from his arms, her face directly above him. Blood drips from her lip on to his pale face. Surprised by the sudden change, James blinks and his eyes seem to come into focus. His hazel eyes widen as comprehension of what he has done washes over him. Panting heavily, he raises a shaky finger to touch her face. She turns away closing her eyes tightly. Wiping some of the blood from her chin and lip on the back of her hand, she relaxes a bit. "If you are willing to fight me because I merely _suggest_ they are right, why aren't you willing to fight them?" she asks calmly before pulling her lip into her mouth in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Because I _can't!_ I am stuck here on fucking standby! And even when I do get out of school, joining the Ministry in their 'fight' is not going to do anything. They are not fighting them; they are ignoring them. How am I to help stop this if no one is fighting? I can't do it alone. So what is the point in trying?" he tries to yell, but ends up forcing out his words between heavy breaths and falling tears.

She smirks ever so slightly. "What makes you think you are the only one who thinks the Ministry is shit?"

"What do you mean?" he breathes out.

Wiping the blood from her lip again, she sniffs. "Do you really think Albus Dumbledore _isn't_ doing his damnedest to stop this?"

"Oh…" Smirking, she pushes herself off him and stands. Still lying on his back, James looks at me. "We are idiots." I nod in agreement and offer him a hand up.

Pressing her hand to her lip, Cole makes her way down the hall. "Wait, Rebecca, I…" James stops running his fingers through his messy black hair. "I apologize for–"

She chuckles slightly. "I asked for it, Potter. Don't worry."

"But, I–"

"Honestly, there is no need. Now, please can I go get this taken care of?" She gestures to her lip and starts down the corridor again. James looks to the floor ashamed but nods. Shaking her head, Cole sighs. "If it means that much to you by all means continue."

"I'm sorry," he whispers, still staring at the floor.

Cole laughs a little. "How old are you? Four?" she asks wrapping her arms around his middle in a loose hug. "Geeze, stop pouting. You are forgiven." Stepping away, she ruffles his hair.

I lightly grab her arm as she starts to leave again. "What now?" she asks, rolling her eyes.

I tuck a stand of light hair behind her ear, whispering, "I can fix it."

Smirking a little, she shakes her head. "I should have known that."

O

A pale green envelop twirls between Lucy's fingers as she stares down at it, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Lucy, just open it," Remus sighs from across the room, marking a page in his book and tossing it down on the table. I chuckle to myself. We have been sitting in the Head's common room for over two hours, pretending not to be watching her open the damn thing. I have tried every tactic I could come up with to convince her to open it. Remus has tried to be the patient boyfriend and let her open it in her own time. James has been too afraid to say anything. Lucy accepted his apology with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but he still feels guilty as hell.

"It's from my dad," Lucy says slowly. That is the only thing she has said since we came back upstairs.

"Yes, and?" Remus asks.

Sighing heavily, she looks up at him. "And after the Prophet this morning… Well, I know what it is about."

"So you aren't opening it because…" I say.

"Because…" She bites her lip. "Because I really don't want to get into trouble again."

James chuckles. "Lucy, he can't get you in trouble for trying to see your injured friend."

With a snort, Lucy shakes her head. "No, but for ruining his image… I can definitely get in _big_ trouble for that." She rolls her eyes. "He has probably dropped two points in the polls because of it," she says jokingly.

We all laugh for a moment, and Lucy goes back to twirling the envelope again. After another ten minutes of twirling, Remus sighs heavily. "Lucy, open the damn thing already."

"Fine," she huffs and tears open the envelope. Pulling out the letter within she sighs and tucks her hair behind her ears. Unfolding it slowly, her lip held tightly between her teeth, she reads through it. "Oh, fucking hell." She crumbles it up into a tiny ball and drops it on the floor, abruptly leaving the room.

"Okay, then." James smiles nervously as the door slams closed.

Remus stands and picks up the paper. Smoothing it out on the table, he reads it aloud.

_**Dearest Lucy,**_

_**Enclosed is a copy of this morning's paper. I do hope you are pleased with yourself. A lifetime of work flushed down the toilet. **_

_**Luckily, for you, Martin has devised a way to save us from your thoughtless antics, but it will require calling your little trip to Hawaii to an end. You will make an appearance at this years New Year's Eve ball. **_

_**No friends, no date, no shit. **_

_**Your mother will pick you up at the station at six. **_

_**Daddy**_

Running his fingers through his hair and folding the letter, Remus looks up. "They think she is still in Hawaii?" he asks.

"Evidently." James' eyebrows furrow in confusion.

Raising an eyebrow at me, Remus says, "So, is there something about Lucy's parents that, uh, I don't know?" in an annoying, you-are-so-not-getting-out-of-this tone.

I raise my eyebrows. "They're evil?"

"Sirius," he says threateningly.

"Fine, they are controlling, obsessed with her father's 'future' hope of being Minister of Magic, and, um, let's see, she is going to do what they ask without complaint." I tick the traits off on my fingers. "And that is all I have gathered as she never says anything, except that she is willing to sacrifice her happiness for theirs."

"Why?"

I shake my head. "Talk to her, Moony. I don't know."

He sighs and lies back on the couch. "I guess there is nothing we can do then?"

"Nope," I answer simply. There never is when it comes to Luce and her parents because she does not think they are broken.

O

An hour later, Lucy walks back into the room. Remus jumps out of his chair at the sight of her. "Lucy," he chokes out.

She is wearing a low-cut, deep purple dress that clings to every inch of her, flaring out at her hips. I am tempted to spin her just to watch it twirl around her. She pulls a bobby pin out of her mouth and sticks it in her hair to keep a stray curl in place. "Moony, I need you to tie me," she says, turning around to reveal the backless dress and the two loose ends of her choker.

"Y-yeah," he stutters.

Chewing on her bottom lip, her copper eyes flick up to him. "Relax, Remus, it's a fucking dress." Dropping her shoes on the floor, she steps in to them. Moony still has not moved. "Well, are you going to do it or do I need to ask someone else?"

"Oh, right." He looks almost afraid to touch her as he ties the thick purple straps into a neat bow. His long, slender fingers trail down the smooth skin of her back, and she visibly shivers. Resting his hands on her hips, he leans over to whisper something in her ear. Lucy turns and kisses him.

"I'll be back late tonight. No worries," Lucy says with a small smile, her head lying on Moony's chest. She kisses him briefly before heading out of the door. James and I wave goodbye.

Remus drops back into his chair and sighs heavily. "Holy hell, I knew she was a girl, but… fuck, I didn't know she knew how to be one."

O

"Hey, guys," Lily says, softly stepping into the common room. Bright smiles light up each of our faces as we try to pretend that we are not surprised.

"Hiya, Lily," James says with a soft grin. She sniffs slightly and nods, sitting down on the end of the sofa pulling her legs up to her, gripping her knees to her chest.

Remus looks around nervously before speaking. "Are you hungry or anything, Lils? I can run down to the kitchens and get something if you want."

Shaking her head, she offers him a small smile. "Isn't that Lucy's job?"

Chuckling, he answers, "Yes, I suppose it is, but she, um, had to go home for the night."

"The letter," she whispers, nodding in understanding.

I pop up from my comfy armchair. "Why don't I go get us some hot chocolate? We can't really ring in the New Year sitting on our bums without hot chocolate, can we?"

With a tiny laugh, Lily picks at her pants, not looking me in the eye. "I suppose we can't."

O

The sound of muffled crying fills my ears when I reenter the room my arms overflowing with party supplies. James is perched on the arm of the sofa, rubbing Lily's back as she cries, her forehead pressed to her knees. Remus nervously watches them at a loss of what to do.

Placing the tray of goodies on the table, I take a seat next to Lily and brush the wild, red hairs that have escaped her braid away from her face. "Come on, Lily. Shush…"

Dark green eyes shine mournfully up at me as she lifts her head. Her chin quivers as she whispers, "He branded me, Sirius."

I can feel James rage flame up at the statement. "I know, Lily. We will find something to get rid of it. We will."

She shakes her and leans back against the couch. Rubbing her thumb across the black tattoo covering the inside of her left forearm, staring blankly at the intricate design, she whispers faintly, "I couldn't cover it up."

"What?" James asks softly.

Sniffing, she whispers, "The healer said that with a concealment charm I would be able to cover it, to hide it, but..." She wipes the tears from her cheeks and glances up at me. "It didn't work."

"Oh, Lily." James wraps his arm around her shoulders as she lays her head on his leg. Twirling a loose, red curl around his finger, he says softly, "It's okay, Lily. We will find something soon." My heart breaks as she gives a defeated nod and closes her green eyes. Silent tears roll down her cheeks until she fades into sleep.

Remus stands the moment he is sure she has drifted off. He leaves without a word, but James and I know where he is going. The library has held the answers to almost every problem that has crossed our path, and the time an answer was not found it provided us with a loophole, and Moony is always the one to find it.

At the sound of the door clicking closed, I look to James, who is still idly twirling Lily's loose curl and gazing blankly into the fireplace. Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I glance down at Lily. The pale skin around the edges of the tattoo has been rubbed and scratched red and raw. As I look at the tattoo, I find myself thinking it is staring up at me, the hollow eyes of the skull glowering at me. The dark snake crawling out of its mouth looks as if it is moving as the firelight dances across the surface of her skin.

Opening her eyes, Lily places her hand in mine. My eyes shoot up to meet hers as she lifts her head. "Why don't you go get Cole, and we will all have some hot chocolate and roast some marshmallows?"

"Are you sure, Lily? We could just go to bed," James says quietly.

She stands and kisses his cheek. "I am sure. I don't want to bring in the New Year crying my eyes out. You go rescue Remus from the library while Sirius goes to get Cole and the kid, and I'll put on some real clothes."

As she makes her way toward her room, James looks at me and gives me a half-hearted grin. "Well, you heard the boss," he says, climbing off the arm of the sofa, and heads out the door. Sighing, I stand and follow him.

O

"I am trying really hard not to take offence to the fact that you are always attempting to kill me when I knock on your door." I grin charmingly as Rebecca drops her wand to her side.

Shrugging, she smiles. "It is necessary." She steps back and holds the door open, gesturing for me to enter.

I wrap my arm around her and pull her to me. Kicking the door closed with my boot, I whisper "I suppose" against her lips before kissing her. Her fingers tangle themselves in my hair as she kisses me back.

"Um… I am glad you are getting along and all… but could you not do that in front of me." I jump back at the sound of Hunter's voice, my cheeks staining red. He is smirking up at us from the floor behind the coffee table where he was coloring.

Rebecca chuckles and shakes her head. "Kid, we were just kissing. Get used to it," she says with a smile before giving me a quick kiss, taking my hand, and striding over to him.

"Evans? How is she?" she whispers as Hunter's attention turns from us. When I hesitate to answer, she says, "It will take time," and comfortingly giving my hand a small squeeze as we sit on the couch.

I smile sadly. "Well, she came out of her room today. She wants to know if you and Hunter want to ring in the New Year with us. We're just roasting marshmallows and having hot chocolate."

She stares down at our hands for a moment, slowly tracing my palm with her thumb. "I don't think that is such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, Evans and I…" Stopping, she looks up at me. "She probably doesn't need someone she doesn't trust around right now."

Kissing her lips briefly, I rest my forehead against hers. "She told me to come get you. She wants you there."

After a long moment of thought, she concedes, softly brushing her lips against mine again. "Okay."

Turning to Hunter, she asks, "Hunter, do you want to go roast marshmallows with Black and Morgan?"

Hunters little head pops up from his coloring, and he grins widely. "Sure."

"Uh, Luce isn't there. She had to… go to this thing," I mumble.

"Oh," his smile droops a little, "well, that's okay. I still want to go."

Cole stands, ruffling his hair. "All right then, go put on some shoes and a jumper." He nods happily and skips off to his room.

I watch her hips sway slightly as she walks to her room, her jeans hugging her ass perfectly. Licking my lips, I sneak after her.

She is standing just inside a small walk-in closet, searching for something when I stroll in. I stand in front of the doorway of the closet blocking her exit as she tugs a bright yellow knitted sweater off a hanger. Slipping her arm into the sleeve of the sweater, she does not notice me as she leaves. She bumps into my chest as she tries to leave, her dark eyes flick up to meet mine, and she smiles softly. Smirking, I cup her face and trace her lip with my thumb. I kiss her gently and slowly back her up against the wall. She sighs against my mouth, and I take the opportunity to explore hers with my tongue.

I entertain myself by moving down her jaw line as she catches her breath. "Black," she whispers softly, placing her hands on my shoulders to push me away, "Black, please…" Her words turn into a sort of soft moan as I suck on just the right spot on her neck. I love that she does that. Her body relaxes against mine, giving up its previous position locked against the back wall. Her hands abandon their attempt to push me away and entangle in my hair instead. When I move on down to her shoulder, she regains her voice. "Black, Hunter is waiting outside."

"Mmm," I murmur against her, and she shivers. Bringing my lips back to hers, I kiss her briefly then pull away.

O

Remus has taken over teaching Hunter how to roast marshmallows in the fireplace. James and Lily are curled up on the sofa, her head on his chest and his arms wrapped loosely around her. Cole is sitting cross-legged on the floor directly below me, leaning against the front of my favorite chair between my knees. I am making tiny braids in random places in her short hair.

Cole's shoulders tense as Lily pushes a runaway curl behind her ear, the sleeve of her shirt falling down to her elbow, revealing the dark tattoo on her arm. Lily quickly pulls her sleeve down to cover it her green eyes fearful.

Placing her mug of hot chocolate on the table, Cole whispers rather breathlessly, "Can I see it?" Lily stares down at her in shock.

Moving to sit on the vacant sit at the edge of the sofa, Cole takes Lily's arm in her hand, gazing down at the tattoo. I stand beside her, watching.

The reddened skin around it is worse than the last time I looked at it. I would bet my life Lily tired to scrub it away in the shower. Cole's slender fingers run along the edges of it, and she leans in close to get a better look. "Did you know what this is?" she asks.

Lily looks offended. "Of course! They only fly the damned thing above the homes of the people they have murdered," she says harshly.

Quickly pulling her hands away from Lily, Cole sighs. "I didn't mean…" She stands up and sits on the edge of the coffee table. "I apologize. That was thoughtless of me. I just… Oh, fuck it." Rubbing the back of her neck, she bites her lip. "I am so sorry, Evans. I really shouldn't have…"

Comprehension dawns on James' face, and he says something I did not expect. "You've seen it before. Not just the Dark Mark but the tattoo." Lily stares at her almost frightened and pulls James arm tighter around her.

Looking at me and then at James, Cole sighs. "Yes."

"What's it mean?" Lily sniffs.

The little braids I have put in her hair stand up awkwardly as she runs her fingers through her hair, shaking her head. "It's not what you want to hear."

"I don't care. I want to know," Lily says forcefully.

Regretfully, Rebecca nods. "First, it's not active. Remember that." Taking a deep breath, she takes Lily's arm again at traces the out line with a finger. "The, um, Death Eaters…" She pauses giving Lily, James, and I time to nod our heads in understanding. The Death Eaters, Voldemort's minions. "Each of them is given _this_ tattoo when they join. It somehow allows him to inform them of the locations of attacks, meetings…"

"You mean, I," Lily's voice shakes as her face loses even more color, "I am marked as one of them?"

"It's not active, Ev–Lily," Cole tries to explain. "It's like… a false membership." Wringing her hands, Cole gazes at Lily. "I am sorry. I should not have brought it up. Dumbledore should have…"

"He doesn't know," I say.

"What?" she gasps out.

Lily looks away ashamed. "I didn't want anyone to…"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Cole sighs. "Oh, hell." Looking back up at Lily, she says softly, "You need to tell Dumbledore. If you don't… you could be mistaken for… one of them."

Tears fall down Lily's cheeks, and she buries her head into James' chest. "I'm sorry," Cole whispers again. I toy with her hair,and she rests her head against my leg until Lily sits back up.

Lily wipes tears from her cheek unashamedly. "How do you know it's not active?"

Shrugging, Cole speaks simply. "I kind of have experience with it." Biting her lip, Cole fiddles with the edge of her skirt before continuing. "The Dark Mark is a connection to him. You do not have that connection. You could feel it if you did." She takes Lily's right hand and places over her left forearm. "Do you feel anything? Like um, heat, a heartbeat, anything?" Lily shakes her head no. "Then it's not active."

"Are you sure?"

Cole looks away. "Hunter, come here." I think for a moment that she is going to leave. When he and Remus arrive, however, she surprises me.

"Take off your shirt, hon." Hunter stares at her oddly but does as she says. "Turn around." On the top of his spine is a small, blood red sun. "His is more of a birthmark… but it's the same basic concept." She shakes her head and smiles at a thought before going back into explanation. Taking Lily's hand again, she places over the little mark. "See how you don't feel anything. It's just a tattoo." Pulling her wand from her pocket, she makes a little cut on her left wrist and blood starts to flow easily from it.

She holds it out to Hunter. His eyes turn almost translucent at the sight of the blood. The reality of him being what he is hits me then. He hungrily laps up the thick, red liquid before sucking on her wrist. Cole continues to talk as if nothing is happening. "See how it changes?" she asks Lily, whose attention is surprisingly on her hand rather than the little boy greedily sucking blood from Cole's wrist.

Lily looks at her. "Wouldn't the Dark Mark do the same thing? Remain dormant when he isn't… calling them?"

"I thought that but… it's not that way. It will shine blacker than night when he calls and hurt like hell, otherwise there is always a connection. I'm positive about that." Her eyes flick to Hunter, and she watches him for a moment.

His eyes slowly fill back with color, and he drops her hand looking ashamedly at the floor. "I'm sorry, Becca," he whispers softly. She heals the wound quickly. It turns to a light scar and then fades completely, only his little teeth marks remain.

Pulling him up into her lap and kissing his hair, she smiles. "Don't be, kiddo. I like your fangs." She says lightly. "Plus, you did good, stopped on your own and everything." He nods and lays his head on her chest as she stokes his hair as if this is an everyday occurrence. I blink at that thought; it probably is.

"W-what just happened?" Remus shutters. James is staring at them in shock. and it finally seems to have seeped into Lily's mind as well because she is now chewing on her bottom lip, her green eyes wide.

Cole looks up at me. "I thought you told them everything?"

I shrug. I do tell them everything, just not what they do not need to know. "Well, I didn't think you would want everyone to know."

She rolls her eyes and chuckles. "True. Hunter is a halfie." He sniffs loudly. and I notice a small tear slide down his cheek. Cole holds him tighter to her and brushes it away.

"But how?" Remus asks. I look at him rather surprised. Out of everyone, I expected him to know the answer. I had honestly thought of telling him just so I could find out myself, but I had not.

Cole smiles up at him and places Hunter on his feet. "Let's put on your shirt and see if you can use Lily's bathroom to brush your teeth." Helping him into his shirt, she kisses his cheek. Transfiguring a spoon he had used earlier while eating pudding into a little toothbrush, she sends him off to the bathroom.

Sighing, she looks back up at Remus. "Sorry, it upsets him a bit." Remus nods in understanding and sits on the floor beside her. I take the empty seat on the couch, and we all sit and wait for the answer.

"Well, this is odd." She grins. "Let's see… Casey was three months pregnant, I think, when it happened." Her eyes flash with sadness at the memory. "She was bitten. For some reason the virus, or whatever you want to call it, did not infect her. We thought it was a blessing. Later we discovered that it had altered her unborn child in some way." Looking down at her hands, she pauses to remember. "Casey basically told the healers to fuck off, that she was going to have her child no matter what. Then Hunter was born, and now how halfies are made is in the medical books," she says simply.

Hunter comes back into the room and gives us no time for questions. We will just have to wait.

I can tell Hunter is nervous around us all. He climbs back into Rebecca's lap and glances around as if he expects us to throw him out. It reminds me painfully of Remus when we discovered he was a werewolf.

"Do you want to set off some fireworks?" James blurts out suddenly. Hunter looks up at him and smiles nodding. "Alright, come on. We'll set them off on the roof!" He jumps up, dragging Lily with him, sending her off in search for cloaks for everyone to bundle up in before we head outside. She laughs, smiling a little. I think that maybe she is going to be all right.

O

Hunter is sleeping peaceful with his head in Lily's lap, and she toys with his hair, absently drifting off herself every now and then. James and I are playing a heated match of Wizard's chess while Cole sleeps curled up beside me. Remus is reading, but occasionally, he throws a leftover firecracker into the flames, setting colorful sparks sailing across the room. It is about three in the morning, and we should all head to bed, but we decided to stay awake until Lucy arrives.

"Check mate," I announce, grinning cheekily as James pouts.

Suddenly, the door to the common room is thrown open, and Lucy stumbles in. "Do we have any tequila?" she slurs. Her hair is falling into her face, and her dress is rumpled and slipping off her shoulder.

"Lucy?" Remus asks, standing up.

"Do we have any tequila?" she ask again, hiccupping somewhere in the middle.

"I don't think you need any, babe," I say, standing up as she tilts sideways. Cole sits up, and Lily's eyes pop open. "I think you have had plenty to drink tonight."

She stumbles forward and barely catches herself. Remus moves to help her, but as he reaches for her elbow, she jerks her arm away. "Don't touch me," she sniffs. Walking farther into the room, she yells, "Accio _tequila_!"

A bottle zooms toward her, and she grabs it merrily. Remus tries to pull it away from her, and she shouts drunkenly, "No! No, I want it. It is mine. I want it! NO!" With the last no, she jerks away from him, falling on her ass but with the bottle still in hand. Laughingly happily, she attempts to open it before it zooms out of her hand.

Cole catches it and smiles. "I don't think you need anymore."

"But I _want_ it," Lucy complains, slumping against the wall. As I watch her, I notice she is missing a shoe and her cloak, her hair, which was put into a lovely updo earlier, has fallen, covering most of her face, and her dress is torn.

"Lucy, where's your cloak?"

She hiccups and giggles. "That guy… what's his name?" she hiccups, again. Pointing to my nose, she stutters, "With the-with the big nose and the dirty hair took it."

"Someone stole your cloak?" Remus asks, staring down at her.

"Yup," she says simply and slumps farther down the wall, not bothering to move her hair out of her eyes. "But I hit him with my shoe though." Laughing, she explains further, "I got him good. I whacked him with my shoe… and he went," using her hands, she shows us he toppled over, "just plop on the ground." She looks up at Cole. "Can I have the tequila now?"

"Lucy, you don't need anymore." Remus bends over and tries to brush her hair out of her face, but she slaps his hands away.

Almost playfully, she repeats her earlier statement. "Don't touch me."

James walks around the back of the couch and looks at her. "Lucy, what happened?"

Ignoring him, she says, "I," she points to her chest, "_deserve_ some tequila!"

"Why?" I ask before anyone else can say something.

"_Because,_" she points at me then at herself, "I spent an entire night with a bunch of hypocritical _bastards_, and I want to forget. Give me the tequila."

"Lucy, you have had enough."

She snorts and sits up. "D'you know what's funny?" She releases a sarcastic little laugh. "Both your parents," she points to James, "and your parents," she points to me, "were there." She scratches her head, wobbling slightly. "How can somebody get the votes of the Potters and the Blacks?" She turns to Remus. "You wanna know?" He nods. "'Cause I know. You don't take a stand on anything. My father has no fucking idea where he stands. It just tells you want you want to hear." She takes a deep breath. "And how does he know what you what to hear? 'Cause we all know my daddy is an imbecile.

"Martin. Martin knows everything. He feeds him every little lie. Martin is a master, a puppet master. He knows how to hide all your skeletons. 'Cause daddy has skeletons buried deep in his closet. Did you know that?" She is rambling drunkenly, but we just let her go, hoping it will come full circle. "Lots and lots of skeletons, but do you know the biggest one?" When no one answers, she sighs. "I do."

She tilts her head to the side her hair still hanging about her face. "Me."

"Lucy," Remus murmurs, kneeling down beside her.

"No," she moans, trying to get away from him. "No, I want to tell you this. You stay there. There. Over there."

"Okay," he backs, off and she sits back down.

"He had perfection. A little, doting trophy wife who didn't know up from down, a brilliant young heir to follow in his footsteps well on his way to political," she tries to blow her hair out of her face, but the few strands that float up just fall right back down, "greatness.

"Then, along came Lucy. What the fuck was he supposed to do with another kid? He didn't need another kid, so he tried to," her voice changes to a singsong chatter, "_get rid of me._" Turning back to her normal tone, she sniffs. "But that didn't work because of the risks… I mean, honestly how would it look if your wife died while murdering her unborn baby. So, they must have little Lucy. And Martin said 'Oh, we can spin this to our advantage!' 'Cause that's what Martin does he 'spins' things and makes them work.

"So, I get older, and it is decided that I go into law because Davy was already going into the medical field." She chuckles pointing at me. "I fucked that up. Evidently, you can't go into law if you were caught smoking pot with the one and only Sirius Black."

Pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, she continues, "So, now Lucy gets to study to be a Healer, but that's not what she wants. Not that it matters. It's not really going to happen anyway because they've already decided," she sniffs suddenly not seeming so drunk. "They have already decided that after I graduate," her voice turns angry, "I am getting married to some fucking French politician."

She jabs her finger at me, shouting, "You said, you said that it would be okay, that-that being with him was okay. You were wrong! Now, I am fucking marrying some bastard that I'll never be able to love because I-I," she stops and pounds her fist against the wall.

"Lucy!" Remus yells.

She stops and says weakly, "I tried to tell him no. I tried so hard. I told him that the Falcons had recruited me and that I loved someone and that-that I couldn't fit into his plan." She turns away and rests the side of her head against the wall. "Do you know what happens when you don't follow Daddy's rules?" she whispers. We all stay silent because nobody knows. "I do." She brushes her hair out of her face, and the majority of the right side is bruised.

"Oh, fuck, Lucy." Remus drops down to his knees in front of her and doesn't allow her to escape this time, not that she wanted to. Pulling her to him, he holds her tightly, and she wraps her arms around his neck.

She cries as he holds her. "I'm so sorry, Moony. I tried. I really did."

"Oh, no, no, no. You didn't do anything wrong, Luce. It wasn't you," he murmurs, holding her close. He rocks her back and forth as she continuously whispers apologies.

It takes everything in me to keep myself from running all the way to the Morgan estate.

Silent tears are trailing down Lily's cheeks as she looks over the couch, and I hurt for her. The last thing she needed was a breakdown because of horrid parents when hers just died. James places his hand in her hair and wipes away her tears.

After a while, Remus scoops Lucy up. "Come on, let's get you to bed," he whispers gently.

She nods and looks at Cole, her copper eyes begging. "Can I have the tequila, now?" Cole places the bottle in Lucy hand. Lucy smiles. The tequila bottle sways as Lucy takes a long swig while Remus carries her from the room.

O

_thank you for reading_


	17. Chapter 17

After the Rain

The dark gray sky of morning peers in through the cracks in the heavy drapes that cover the small windows in Cole's bedroom, providing just enough light for me to make out her sleepy expression as she traces the lines in the palm of my hand. "Morgan, she'll be alright," she says, softly kissing the pad of my thumb before gazing at me.

I prop my head up on my other hand and nod slowly. I am not sure it was a statement or a question so I reply with a phase Lily once said. "Yeah. She always pops back up. Lucy doesn't let the world get her down."

Rolling to her stomach, she tucks her hands underneath her and closes her eyes. "Like a dandelion."

"Yeah," I whisper, kissing her temple and lying back down. I rest my hand on the small of her back and fiddle with the edge of her shirt until she stops me. Pulling my hand back up to her, she kisses each of my fingers, her eyelashes dark with unshed tears. "I'm sorry," I murmur, caressing her cheek with my thumb.

"I'm not," she stops and sighs, "so sensitive about it, usually. It's just been a long day." With a half smile, she turns and nibbles on my thumb before pulling it into her mouth, her dark eyes glinting mischievously.

My voice hoarse, I whisper against her neck, "Are you teasing me?"

Little warm breaths wash across my skin as she turns to her back. She places open mouth kisses up my neck and nips at my earlobe. "Maybe."

I tilt my head back to give her access to more skin. Chuckling, I ask, "What if I don't like to be teased?"

Her lips quirk up into a small smirk against my neck. "Then tell me to stop." _Yeah right_, I almost snort, handing myself over to her.

O

The soft yellow glow of the early afternoon sun dances across my face as the drapes flutter in an invisible wind, waking me from my slumber. Cole has pulled out of my grasp, and I move to draw her back to me, but I stop suddenly at the sight of her. She is sleeping peacefully one arm thrown above her head, the other draped across her bare midriff. The dark green covers have been kicked down to puddle in the floor and only the black sheet is tangled about her small body, patches of her light skin peeking out here and there. It's as if she is a tiny beckon of light surrounded by darkness. The way the light plays across her skin entrances me, and I find myself unable to pass up the opportunity.

A well-guarded secret of Sirius Black is that I like to draw. More than just cheesy little doodles of dog-dragons during dull classes. It is something I picked up while attempting to stay out of my mother's way when I was growing up. It didn't make much noise, and she never noticed missing bits of parchment and quills. Don't laugh, my mother is scary as hell, especially to an eight year-old little boy who cannot do anything right.

Carefully sneaking out of the bed and pulling on my jeans, I step out of her room and Floo up to Gryffindor Tower, barefoot and shirtless. The common room is empty and so is the boys' dorm. I expected Lucy and Remus to stay in bed all day especially after how much Luce drank last night, but I suppose I was wrong. She probably wanted to go flying, and he wouldn't let her go alone.

The lid to my trunk creaks loudly as I lift it open, and I glance around as if I am afraid I had awoken someone. Mentally chiding myself, I dig around in my trunk until I find the large spiral bound book stuffed carefully between my dress robes and some old school books. As I pull it out, a little pink note flutters to the floor. Picking it up, I smile at Lily's neat round handwriting.

_Sirius, you prat, had I known you were wasting a surprising talent I would have bashed you over the head with a large blunt object long before this. But since I only discovered your dirty little secret recently and it is so close to your birthday I decided that a sketchbook was a better idea. Be warned though, if I ever find you burning one of your 'doodles' again, I swear you will pay._

_-Love Lillers._

Chuckling to myself, I stick the note back on the first page of the sketchbook and stuff it under my arm, hurrying back downstairs and through the Floo.

I sigh contently as the door quietly falls shut behind me. She is exactly where I left her. Perching at the edge of the bed, I set out to mimic the way the light glitters across her pale skin with ink and paper. The funny thing is I actually think I can manage it.

Light is a wondrous thing; it plays with things, changing their appearance or pointing out things you have never noticed before. The golden sunlight dances across Cole's hair giving it a glowing façade almost as if it is a halo. As I study her body and the way the little rays of sunlight peeking through the window cast shadows across her skin, I find dozens of tiny scars. I thought by now I would have known every inch of her, but I have never seen them in the false light of magic. My mind wandering from my original plan, I shake my head to regain focus on my task.

I gently blow across the surface of the page after I finish, trying to coax the ink dry so I can close the book.

Cole stirs in her sleep, and my attention turns from the slow drying ink to watch her turn and snuggle into a pillow. Sleepily she raises her head and smiles softly up at me. "What are you doing?" she murmurs before dropping her head back down to the pillow, her eyes falling closed again.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I say softly.

Shaking her head and rubbing her smooth leg against my jean-clad one, she whispers, "You didn't."

"Mm, good," I murmur, trailing my fingers up her calf. Her toes curl up, and she tries to bury them underneath me, fighting back giggles.

A grin tugging at her lips, she pulls her leg away and sits up. "What are you doing?" she asks again, a little more awake this time.

Smiling, I answer, taking in her naked form before she wraps the dark sheet around her. "Staring at you."

"Obviously." Rolling her eyes, she crawls across the bed and tucks herself under my arm. I permit her to, though usually I would not let someone see what I have drawn. Gazing at the open sketchbook in my hand, she whispers, "It's me." I nod and press my lips to her forehead, snaking an arm around her waist, my fingers searching for an opening in the sheet. "You made me innocent." As I continue to fumble with the sheet, I feel her place a tiny kiss along my jaw, trying to draw my attention to back to her.

Sensing my struggle, she takes my hand and helps me find what I want. "Hmm?" I ask, enjoying the feel of her warm soft body under my hand.

"You made me innocent." I blink at her and look at the drawing. Innocent? She is sleeping naked with only a sheet, which is expertly not covering her. As I try to find understanding, she kisses me and pulls away. "Be careful, Black. Don't let the image of who you want me to be fool you from seeing who I really am."

Flipping the book closed, I grab her around the middle and sit her on my lap. She releases a startled yelp of surprise but winds her arms around my neck as I encircle her waist with my own. She moves to kiss me, but I turn away to whisper in her ear. "What if what I see is real and you are the one blinded by what you have done to survive?" The moment the words leave my mouth, I regret saying them. She tenses in my arms and attempts to escape. "Shush," I whisper against her neck, trying to take it back, but she continues to struggle.

"No, no fucking mind games, please." Her voice is weak and fearful as she tears her way out of my grasp, falling onto the sheets. Quickly, she puts as much distance as possible between us without leaving the bed. "Look, I don't need any nice, little, twisted words from you. I know what I am. Maybe it is time you realized that I am not some little girl, waiting to be rescued."

Damn my fucking big mouth. "Cole, look, I­­…"

Ignoring me, she climbs off the bed gracefully. "I need to go check on Hunter," she does not sound angry or hurt or anything; it is as if nothing happened. Her squared shoulders as she slips a silk robe around them give away her emotions, though. I've scared her. I don't know how, but I have.

The door clicks closed, and I lie back, sighing heavily. Damn me to hell and back. I scared her. I knew not to do that, and I just… Damn.

She is expecting me to leave. I should leave. Climbing off the bed, I scan the room for my shirt. After locating it by the door, I yank it over my head. I should leave. _I really, really should go_, I tell myself pacing back and forth. Why haven't I left yet?

I rip my shirt back off and throw it back onto the floor. Sitting on the edge of the bed with a huff, I cross my arms. I am staying. Screw it. You know, forgive me for being a fuck-up, but I am not going to run just because she expects me to. For Gods sake, I am Sirius Black, not Peter Pettigrew. Honestly, I am not afraid of her. I am staying. I mentally berate myself until she returns.

"You're still here," Cole says, quietly closing the door behind her.

I nod slowly. "Yes."

"Why?"

Stopping to think about that, I glance around the room, "Well, I thought we could have breakfast."

Still standing by the door and staring at me oddly, Cole quirks an eyebrow. "Breakfast?"

"Yes." Well, this is awkward. I should have left.

With a wave of her hand, she gestures toward the kitchen and answers coolly. "You are welcome to help yourself. I usually just have a cigarette unless Hunter is awake."

Damn it. "Thanks." I smile charmingly and walk from the room. I am so fucked.

I twiddle my thumbs as I enter the kitchen, peering into cupboards and trying to figure out what the hell I am doing. Leaning against the counter, I decide to look at my opinions. First, I can just leave and hope that tomorrow she forgives me. I don't like that one very much. Second option, I could attempt to cook something. Last time that didn't go too well so I am a bit afraid to try it again, but if I can't come up with a better idea, I'll do that. Third option, I can run back into her room make sweet love to her and pretend like none of this ever happened. I so wish that was really an option. As for my last option, I could call the house-elves and have them send up some breakfast. Maybe she will eat breakfast if I bring it to her in bed. Is she still going to be in bed? Will the house elves still make pancakes even though it is afternoon? Whatever. Option number four is the best. I am doing it.

A corky, little house-elf delivered a tray twice the size of him, his squeaky voice thanking me for my greatness. All I did was order up some breakfast, and you would think I had saved the world. However, he did make me feel quite pleased with myself.

I stare down at all the syrupy goodness that covers the tray before I knock on Cole's bedroom door. "You don't have to knock, kiddo." She thinks I am gone. Crap.

Pasting a charming grin on my face, I push the door open. "Breakfast?" I say weakly.

With a bemused laugh, she leans against the headboard, taking a long slow drag from her cigarette. "Do you ever give up?" The dark silk of her robe splits open revealing the pale creamy skin that lies underneath as she tilts her head back, exhaling the smoke.

"Well, I have never really been one to take no for an answer." I shrug. My hair falls into my eyes, and I am forced to shake my head to see.

She is biting her lip and staring at me with a look of what I want to call admiration on her face, but I think that might just be my ego talking. "What did you bring, then?" Rolling her eyes, she pats the empty space in the bed beside her, asking me to join her.

A cheesy grin tugs at my lips as I sit beside her. "I think it is supposed to be pancakes, but you how the house-elves are… It's like everything you could ever imagine smashed on top of some pancakes."

"You appear to be right," she replies lightly, staring down at the syrupy disaster.

"Yeah." We eat in silence for a moment Well, I eat in silence; she appears to be more interested in her cigarette. God, no wonder she is so thin; she does not eat, just smokes. Scooping up a bit of pancake on my fork, I hold it out to her. If she will not feed herself, I will feed her. She stares at me with a look of confusion. I raise my eyebrows encouragingly, and she almost chuckles.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"You haven't even tasted it yet. Come on, one bite." Still staring at me in confusion and amusement, she shakes her head. "Don't make me do the choo-choo train," I threaten, edging the fork toward her mouth.

"Black­–" The moment she opens her mouth I shove the food into it. A little droplet of syrup sticks to her bottom lip, and it refuses to budge as she chews and swallows. Licking the little sugary drop of goodness from her lip, she smiles coolly. "That wasn't very nice."

With a guilty smirk, I reply, "No, it wasn't, but it did taste good, didn't it?" She places her cigarette into the ashtray beside the bed.

"I suppose," she says without so much as glancing at me.

"Then have another bite?" I hold out my pancake-covered fork again. Her eyes connect with mine, and she refuses to look away as she leans in and allows me to feed her another bite. She licks her lips slowly as she sits back, a coy look about her face.

"You're teasing me, again," I say, pushing the tray down so I can scoot closer to her.

Smiling seductively, she kisses my chin. "Well, it is so easy."

"Hmm, I guess you're right," I whisper before kissing her. We battle for dominance, but before either of us wins, we are forced to break apart for air. "You taste like syrup." I mutter against her neck.

"Mm, really?" she murmurs.

"Uh huh." I take her hand and dip a finger into the overflowing river of syrup on the plate. I dot her neck and chest with it, returning to the plate whenever I run low, before tracing her lips and allowing her to suck the little bit of syrup left over from her finger. "See?"

Nodding, she smiles, syrup causing her red lips to glisten. "But now I am all sticky."

"Well, I can fix that." I grin and do just that.

O

This time when I awake, she is lounging beside me a cigarette held lazily between her fingers. "Morning." I smile sleepily up at her.

Running her fingers through my hair, she murmurs, "I think it is more like late afternoon."

I lay my head on her abdomen, and she continues to toy with my hair. "Yeah, probably."

We lie in silence for a long while, Cole still fiddling with my hair as she smokes.

Sighing, I decide to apologize for earlier. "Look, Cole, I know you are probably fine with pretending nothing happened earlier, but I can't do that. I just… can't. So, I am sorry for being an ass. I shouldn't have said that."

She tucks my hair behind my ears, and I gaze up at her. "I hate that I can never see your face." Giving me a half smile, she continues, "I don't need…" Stopping herself, she leans back and takes a drag off her cigarette, staring at the ceiling for a moment. Changing her direction, she watches the smoke raise into the air as she exhales slowly. "You like to be nice to me, and that's… good, really. I'm just not used to it... Honestly, it scares the crap out of me that you can think that I am…" After another long drag, the smoke drifts lazily up toward the ceiling, and she shifts direction again. "You don't know what I have done. I can't be forgiven for a lot of things. You try to make me out to be the victim… but I was tainted long before that." Putting the cigarette out in the ashtray on the bedside table, she finally looks at me. "Good people are not capable of what I have done. No matter the incentive." Her dark eyes are shining in nothing but honesty, and my heart hurts that she blames herself.

Her eyes flick to the left and then back to me. Caressing my face, she smiles sadly. "We play games, Black, you and I. They are fun, but the moment they stop being games, we have to stop." I stare at her blankly, and she bites her lip. "Really, it is my fault." With a long sigh, she sinks lower against the pillows, and I can no longer see her face. "I should have made sure you understood. We can't have an attachment." Her hand stops twirling my hair. "It's just fun, Black, you understand?"

I nod, but I am not sure I do. Taking my hand in hers, she brushes her lips against my knuckles, "It's not that I don't want it to be more. It just can't be. It just… can't." Gazing at her, I smile. If she wants to pretend, she can. If that is what she wants to believe, then I will allow her to.

Cole is a lot like Lucy when I think about it, only Lucy hides from the bad things in life, pretends they are not really there and Cole blinds herself to the good things. I have always understood Lucy's pretense to be a form of defense, but with Cole… How exactly are you protecting yourself by hiding from the good?

"I am all about fun," I tell her, sitting up and pulling her close to me.

"Good," she breathes against my lips, and she goes back to pretending. And I let her… for now.

O

Slowly trudging toward Gryffindor tower after leaving Cole's room and making another stop at the kitchens, I spot Lucy standing in the Entrance Hall talking to a man in immaculate robes. He is rather young, in his late thirties probably, but slightly balding. He looks vaguely familiar. The way his fingers twitch at his side as Lucy says something he obviously didn't want to hear jolts my memory. He is the guy that bailed us out of Muggle jail. He did that finger thing a lot because Lucy wouldn't let him leave me behind.

Lucy is smiling rather coolly as she speaks to him, and it unnerves me a bit so I nudge closer trying to say out of sight but still be within ear-shot.

"Ms. Morgan, are you sure? Your father…" His voice drifts off, and he stares at Lucy oddly as she snatches a roll of parchment from his hands.

Unrolling it, Lucy holds it up and stares at it. Scratching her head, she stands on her toes to peek over the top of the paper. "Uh, I'm sorry, but I thought after I signed there was no going back."

"Well, yes, but we could get rid of it," he says hopefully. "If you have changed your mind."

With a quick twist and flick of her wand, placing a charm to prevent the bit of parchment from being destroyed, she grins wickedly. "Well, now we can't," she says, handing the parchment back to him.

"Ms. Morgan!" he almost shouts, stunned.

"It has been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Andrews," Lucy cuts him off, holding out her hand.

Barely masking his anger, he takes her hand and gives it a quick shake with a terse smile. "Of course, Ms–"

"Lucy," she corrects him. "I will be looking into changing the last bit as soon as possible," she interrupts him, faking a smile.

"Lucy," he says slowly, clearing his throat, "I am sorry to have taken up so much of your time."

"It's really not a big deal. I am just pleased to be done with it, finally. Thank you again."

Turning on his heel, he mutters, "Good day," and heads toward the doors.

"Oh, and Martin?" Lucy calls.

"Yes, Lucy?" he asks over his shoulder.

She smiles brightly. "Do have fun _spinning_ this, and tell my father good luck with his campaign."

"Of course." Giving her a tight smile, he walks stiffly toward the doors.

As the door slams closed, I call to her, nervously stepping out of my hiding place.

"Sirius, babe! I didn't think you would come out of your little hideaway today." She wraps her arm around my back, leading me upstairs. "I am so glad that you did though. Now you can come see my house with us."

"What?" I ask.

"My new house," she says simply. At my confused expression, she explains, "Well, I took a page out of your book and told my parents to fuck off. Of course, I don't have a best friend who will house me for almost two years before my rich uncle dies and gives me a large sum of money, so I had to use a bit of blackmail to get what I wanted, but it's the same basic concept."

I smile, my eyes on the floor. Why do awful things always happen to good people? Remus, Lily, and Lucy. I cannot think of three more perfect people, and horrible things are always trying to knock them down. "I'm happy for you, Luce."

"Yes, yes, I know." She grins widely, nudging me with her shoulder. "Moony is going to move in with me, too. He just doesn't know it yet."

"He will be thrilled, I am sure," I chuckle and smile at her. Changing the topic, I ask, "Now, last night you were rather drunk, but you mentioned something about the Falcons?"

"Oh, yes!" She practically jumps with excitement. "It was the day after Christmas, so I was trying to, you know… keep it to myself for a bit. Just 'til Lily could handle something happy, you know?" I nod. "I mean, God, I feel so guilty about last night… fucking crying in front of everyone, bringing up all that shit in front of Lily. She really didn't need that…" A frown wrinkles her forehead, and she sighs heavily.

"Babe, she doesn't blame you. Come on, you needed to let it out. So, drinking yourself dumb probably was not the best idea, but you are you. So, forgiveness is a given," I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. She smiles softly and stares at her feet. "So, the Falcons?" I prod.

"Oh, right!" She hops back into her excited state. "So, they had a scout in the stands during the match in November, and well, as soon as I graduate, they are putting me on the reserve team. Toby Tompkins is retiring soon, so I could be on the official team in no time." She smiles brightly before biting her lip. "I mean, it doesn't pay much, and I'll be traveling a lot, but I'll be playing Quidditch, and with the deal that I just made, I won't really be in need of a lot of cash."

"Luce, that's so great." I grin happily and wrap her in a hug.

"Yeah, I am excited," she says, dropping her gaze to the floor again as we pull away.

"Lucy?" She should be ecstatic, not worried.

Exhaling slowly, she looks up at me. "Sirius, I will still be able to help in whatever it is that you, James, and Moony are planning, even with the traveling, right?"

"What?" I breath out, shocked.

"I know you are planning something. Cole said something to you in the hall yesterday. I am going to help." I open my mouth to tell her no, but she cuts me off. "Don't you dare tell me I can't, Sirius. I will go to Dumbledore myself if you do. I would much prefer it if we all went into this together, but I will go it alone if I have to."

"Lucy," I try not to stutter. "You can't­­."

"I can, and I am," she says determinately.

I sigh; it is my turn to stare at the floor. "Have you spoken to Moony about it yet?"

She runs her fingers through her hair nervously. "I wanted to talk to you first. It will be easier to convince him if you and James are on my side."

Dear God, she is using me against the Marauders. Evil, little witch. "Fine," I huff.

Tucking my hair behind my ears, she stands on her toes and kisses my cheek. "Thanks."

"He'll never forgive me, you know?" I say as a last ditch attempt to get her to change her mind.

"Of course, he will." She smiles and starts down the hall toward the Gryffindor common room. I am so dead.

Plopping down on the deep red sofa, Lucy grins up at me, "So, Remus was supposed to be taking a shower so he'll be down in a bit, and I have already been kicked out of the Heads' Dorm twice, so you need to go get Lily and James. We can go down to get Cole and the kid afterwards." I stare at her blankly. "To go see my new house, duh," she says as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Where exactly is this house? Cole won't leave the school."

"We are going to the one in Hogsmeade, relax babe. Like Dumbledore would let us all go to Aussie for the night," she mutters, rolling her eyes.

"Australia?"

"'Course. Good surfing in Aussie."

I chuckle, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "What all did you get in this 'deal' of yours, exactly?"

Her shoulders bounce up in a tiny shrug before she spreads out across the couch. "Not much. A place in Aussie, the house in Hogsmeade, a rather large monthly allowance, and a totally rad car."

"A muggle car?"

Blowing her hair out of her face, she laughs a bit. "Yeah, it's really great, I'll show you tonight."

"You arranged all of this in one day?" I ask in disbelief.

"Darling, I don't like politics, but I never said I wasn't good at it." She throws her arms behind her head and smiles. "So, are you going to go get James and Lily or do I need to yell at them?"

"_All right, _I am going, relax." I brush my hair out of my eyes and start the short walk to the Heads' Dorm.

When neither James nor Lily answers my knock, I push the door open, assuming they think I am Lucy. I almost lose my entire lunch and breakfast at the sight that greats me. James bright white ass is shinning in my face while Lily screams out his name from under him.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I back out of the room and slam the door shut. "Lucy! Lucy!" I yell.

Lucy's head pops up from behind the couch. "What? You don't have to yell. I am right here."

What would help? I need to get this image out of my head. Hurry, hurry, fast. I need an-- "Lucy flash me!"

"What?" she says shocked.

"Just do it Lucy!" I scream.

"Fine, gods, you are such a freak." She pulls herself to her knees and lifts her shirt. Ah, I mentally sigh, boobs. Boobs are good. A contented smile tugs at my lips as I stare at Lucy's nice, perky, tan breasts. Wait, tan… Why are they tan? Lucy has been tanning naked, again. Lucky Hawaiian bastards.

Oh, God, did Moony tan in the buff, too? My mind pictures Moony's cute, little, tan man-ass. Dear God…

I drop to my knees and bury my face in my hands. "Burn them out, please. Just burn them out," I moan.

"What? I mean their not very big, but their not that bad. Are they?" Lucy asks concerned.

I hit my head against the floor, trying to beat the image out of my mind.

"Lucy, cover those up if you want to go anywhere tonight other than back to my bed." Remus says calmly as his footsteps stop at the bottom of the stairs. "Sirius, Lucy has very nice breasts, and you are being very rude. Now, stop bashing your head against the floor and tell us what is really making you wish you were blind."

Raising my head up slowly, I look at him. "James' ass… very white… Lily writhing… Oh God," I almost hurl and stop to regain myself. "Then, Lucy and it was good and then…. Tan and you… and your ass… not white."

Both he and Lucy burst out into laughter as I pound my head against the floor once more.

O

"You're back. I mean, I know that I am pretty irresistible and all, but honestly, Black you left like an hour ago at the most," Cole says, her wand dropping carelessly to her side.

I grin widely. "I just can't seem to get enough of you."

"We can't either! You are totally addicting!" Lucy yells, bouncing up and down as she tries to see over my shoulder.

Cole looks at me curiously. "The whole gang, huh?" Her eyes flick from Lucy to Remus to James holding Lily.

Still unable to see over my shoulder, Lucy sticks her head under my arm and looks up at Cole. "He didn't really have a choice. When I realized that I totally missed out on a night of fun and games with my favorite kid ever, I made him come get you."

"Get me?" she asks with an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, we're going to Hogsmeade. I bought a house." Lucy smiles widely.

Nodding slowly, Cole pulls the door open wider and waves us in. "Well, come in then, unless you want to wait in the hall. I have to put on some pants."

"Lucy!" Hunter exclaims as she enters the room.

Running to wrap him in a hug, Lucy replies just as excitedly, "Hunter! I totally missed you."

With a noiseless laugh, Cole shakes her head. "Hunter, go put on a coat and some boots."

"'Kay, come on Lucy you can see my room." He grabs her hand and starts to pull her toward his room. As an afterthought, he adds, "You can come too, Remus."

"Well, aren't you lucky?" I mutter to Remus, shoving him in the direction of Hunter's room.

As I am smiling at Hunter and Lucy, I feel Cole's hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at her, and she stands on her toes. "I'll be back in a minute. Entertain your friends for me," she breathes into my ear. Before she pulls away, she sucks gently on the little patch of skin between my ear and my jaw. I am forced to swallow hard to fight down a groan of pleasure. A lustful smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I watch her hips sway in the most delectable fashion as she leaves.

"So, uh, have a seat?" I ask James and Lily as Cole's bedroom door closes behind her. Lily nods knowingly at me, and I smile embarrassed.

Lily squeezes in so closely to James as they sit on the couch they appear to be a two headed person. I have not been able to look at either of them in the eyes since I walked in on them. They are beginning to notice.

To avoid eye contact, I pick up the open book on Cole's coffee table. _Myths, Tales and Legacies of our BLOOD Brothers._ Glancing at the pages, I find line after line highlighted in glaring green ink. Written in the left margin in Cole's elegant handwriting are a few frustrated thoughts. _Is there a recording of this repeatedly mentioned prophecy? The actual words would be helpful. _

"Padfoot," James voice interrupts my reading.

I look at his chin. "Yeah?"

"Dude, what's going on? You haven't said a word to Lily or me all day."

Chuckling nervously, I try to meet his gaze, but I fail horribly. "I don't know. I just haven't had anything to say, I guess."

"Sirius, you always have something to say," Lily says quietly.

Glancing up at her sad green eyes, I smile guiltily. "I walked in on you two today."

"You what?" Lily chokes.

My cheeks flush red, and I stare at my toes. "This afternoon while you were… you know, I walked in."

Lily's mouth keeps opening and closing, she looks kind of like a fish. James is staring at me blankly. I just want to hide.

"Hey, Evans, I, uh…" All of our heads jump to stare at Cole. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything," she says, closing her door.

"No, no, you didn't," Lily says, forcing a smile, her voice abnormally high.

"Right," Cole answers with a smirk and a nod. "Well, I have this cream. It should conceal your, um, tattoo." She hands Lily a little crystal bottle. "If you run out, let me know. It's not exactly, uh, legal," she adds, smiling nervously.

James takes the bottle out of Lily's hand. "If it's illegal, then it might not be safe." He stares at it, obviously concerned.

Cole shrugs. "I didn't say it was _illegal. _I said it wasn't exactly legal. The cream itself is fine. It one of the herbs in it that is illegal, but I've ran in some dark circles so it isn't to challenging to get my hands on."

"Oh," James smiles nervously and hands the bottle back to Lily.

Softly, Lily whispers, "Thank you."

"No problem. It is safe; trust me. I have it for Hunter." Cole smiles at her before turning to me. "He's not out, yet?" I shake my head. She rolls her eyes and walks toward Hunter's room. Her boots click with each step, her tight black pants hugging her ass, and the tear across the shoulder of her leather motorcycle jacket exposing just a hint of skin.

"Hey, I said find a coat and some boots, not show Morgan and Lupin every toy you own," I hear her jokingly reprimand him with her head peeking in through the door.

He totters out of the room with Lucy and Remus on his heels. His dark brown eyes sparkle in happiness as he smiles up at her. "You usually take an hour to get dressed; I thought I had time."

"Hey!" she exclaims laughingly.

Lucy scratches her head and says to no one in particular, "I am the only female alive that can get dressed in five minutes?"

O

Placing her hands on the top of her sandy-blonde head, Lucy stares at the cute, little house that sits just outside the main part of Hogsmeade. Sighing contentedly, she bites her lip. "It's perfect, isn't it?"

It has Lucy written all over it. It is an old Victorian two-story home, painted bright yellow with pale blue shutters. The fence is painted bight blue, and it has a giant tree in the front yard. Little, purple daisies pop up out of wooden flower boxes hanging from the windows (obviously charmed to ignore the snow covering everything else).

"It's great, Luce," Remus says, enveloping her in his arms.

She smiles up at him. "Inside?"

"Yes, please, I am freezing my balls off," I exclaim, grabbing Cole's hand and running through the open gate and up the steps. Hunter clings tightly to my head, trying not to fall off my shoulders, laughing loudly.

Yelling, Lucy chases after us, dragging Moony behind her. "Hey! It's _my _house! I get to go in first."

James and Lily walk behind them slowly, and Cole laughs, rolling her eyes. "Of course, the Head Boy and Girl would be the only civil ones."

"Chickens!" Remus shouts at them.

Lily raises her chin defiantly and tugs on James hand before taking off at a mad dash toward the stairs. Her red hair flies out behind her, her eyes light up in momentary pleasure, her cheeks are rosy from the cold air, and a smile tries to spread out across her lips. She almost looks like Lily.

"I am _not_ a chicken, Remus Lupin. You will do well to remember that." She quirks an eyebrow and pokes his chest menacingly. At his mock shocked expression, she breathes out a tiny laugh, and James wraps her in his arms. She sighs almost content, snuggling back against him.

Remus looks at Lucy. "See, Lucy? I _told_ you Lily wasn't a chicken."

Lucy giggles and playfully slaps his arm. "Right, Mr. Lupin. Right."

Swinging the door wide-open, Lucy peers into the house. "It's rather, er, unfurnished…" she says nervously.

"What?" I say, trying to see over Remus' head.

"Well, I said I wanted it as is… Guess I should have gone inside," Lucy titters.

"Lucy…" Remus sighs.

"What? It will be more fun now. We get to go furniture shopping together, Moony!"

"Wonderful," he says happily, rolling his eyes at me. I bite back a laugh, and Lucy steps inside.

We all stand inside the empty sitting room, staring at the wooden floor, waiting for someone to say something. Lucy claps her hands together. "So, I was gonna suggest we all play hide-n-seek to get to know the place, but as there is nothing to hide behind… uh, let's have a bonfire!" she ends excitedly.

"In the house?" Hunter asks.

"No! The backyard. It's totally snow-proof." She grins up at him merrily before skipping out toward the back door.

The backyard is covered in green grass. Little spring flowers are blooming around the six large Quidditch goal posts shooting up out of the ground on opposite ends of the makeshift pitch. If not for the cold winter air stinging my cheeks, I would be convinced it was springtime.

"Wood, we need wood. Lots of wood," Lucy mutters, glancing around.

Remus chuckles, "Luce, you are a witch. Transfigure some." She nods, laughing at herself.

The sun is setting by the time the fire is started, and the dancing flames match the orange glow of the sunset. Lucy, Hunter, and Remus are playing with his football, laughing happily. Cole is leaning against my chest, watching the flames. I have my arms wrapped around her, but she does not toy with my hands like she usually does. Idly, I wonder why but don't mention it. Lily and James are talking quietly. I cannot hear what they are saying, but she smiles occasionally and has laughed once.

When the sun finally does go down, Hunter cuddles up next to Cole and drifts off to sleep. She pulls a candy wrapper out of her pocket, and with a tiny flick of her wand, it becomes a child-size sleeping bag. Placing it a safe distance away from the fire but close enough to keep him warm, she tucks him in and kisses his head. Cole is not a lot of things, but she is good to that little boy.

"Okay." Lucy stands up a mischievous smile on her lips. "Now, that the little one is asleep, we can get to the real fun stuff."

Lily shakes her head. "No, Lucy, no alcohol tonight."

Lucy's smile falters, but she quickly saves it. "That's not what I meant." Of course, we all know that is exactly what she meant. "Dancing. I want to dance."

Remus chuckles, "You want to dance?"

"Very much," she confirms, smiling brightly and kissing his nose. Remus flicks his wand, and the music of Steve Miller Band surrounds us. Lucy giggles and sings along. "My grandpa he's 95, and he keeps on dancin'. He's still alive." Turning to me, she holds out her hand. "Come on, babe, dance with us."

I drag Cole up with me. "You can't make me do this alone."

"Are you sure about that?" She smirks.

"Well, no, but I hope that you at least like me enough to keep me from facing Lucy's absurd ideas of fun alone."

Brushing her body up against me, she breathes out, "I guess," smiling coyly.

"Come on, Lils!" Lucy yells.

Eventually Lucy coaxes both James and Lily from their seats, and we all dance around the fire in some odd moment in time. Lily smiles, Lucy laughs, and Cole does look quite elated. Remus is perfectly at peace, James is healing, and Peter is tucked away in bed somewhere, snoring loudly. And even though the world is crumbling under our feet, I am happy because they are happy. It's funny how things work that way.

O

_thank you for reading_


	18. Chapter 18

January Fucking Sucks

My alarm clock sounds loudly above my head. Bloody hell, it feels as if break never happened. I yawn widely and sit up, my blankets pooling around my legs. "This fucking sucks."

Remus chuckles from his bed. "You think it sucks now, wait 'til tomorrow. Tomorrow is really going to fucking suck."

"Why?" Peter ask,s rubbing his eyes and hanging on to his bed curtains to keep from falling over. Pete and I both stare at Remus, waiting for an answer. Wow, for the first time ever, I am as dumb as Peter Pettigrew.

"Honestly, this affair has been going on for almost three years now, and it still surprises you every month. Then again, you two don't turn into a blood-thirsty beast so I suppose that could be why." Remus crawls over Lucy and out of his bed. Mussing his sandy hair, he leans against his bedpost, waiting for realization to hit both of us like a speeding train.

"Oh! It's the full moon!" Peter exclaims happily and claps his hands. God, what an idiot.

Shaking his head, Remus says sarcastically, "Oh, yay! The full moon! How fucking exciting…"

"Well, lets get a move on then," I mutter, climbing out of bed. "Maybe we will be able to squeeze in a nap this afternoon."

As Peter leaves for the shower, stumbling and yawning, Remus looks down at Lucy. "God, I hate waking her up."

"Why? Because she always tells you go fuck off?" I ask, smirking.

"No, because she just looks so," he pauses, and a contented smile crosses his lips, "right, sleeping in my bed."

"Moony, it is seven in the fucking morning. You are not allowed to be sentimental at seven in the morning," I moan, digging in my trunk for a pair of trousers.

"You are only saying that 'cause Cole isn't here. I see the thoughts you have about her running through your head."

I keep my head in my trunk long after locating my pants to hide my blush. "Luce, come on, it's time to get up," Remus says quietly.

"Fuck off, Johnny. I don't want to," Lucy murmurs, burying her face in a pillow. Johnny? Who the hell is Johnny?

Evidently, Johnny is Remus because he answers. "It doesn't matter if you want to or not. You have to; we have potions right off this morning." Lucy buries her face deeper into the pillow and mumbles something.

Pete is out of the shower, and I am dressed by the time Moony decides to take drastic measures. He grabs the edge of the blankets, pulls them away from her, and drops them on the floor. "Up, Lucy." She is naked as can be.

"No…" she whines, curling up into a ball.

"Lucy, you are going to make me late. Get up, already."

"I'm not going," she says as goose bumps start to form on her skin.

He sits down beside her and rubs her shoulder. "Lucy, you have to go."

Sighing heavily, she rolls over and looks at him, not giving a damn that everyone in the room can see more of her than some of us would like. I notice Peter looking at her a bit too intensely and throw a wad of paper from the desk beside me at him. He frowns at me, and I shrug. "I quit. I am not sitting through that bastard's class anymore. You can come get me before Defense," she huffs.

With a shake of his head, Remus stands. "I don't think you should do that, but you are free to do as you choose."

She sits up, holding a pillow to her chest and stares at him pleadingly. "What is the point in continuing, Moony? Honestly, he is failing me already, and I don't even really need it."

"What if after Quidditch you decide to do something, and you need a N.E.W.T in potions?" he asks, cupping her face with his hand.

She nuzzles against him. "But, I don't want to anymore," she whimpers, and he caves.

He sighs, picks up the blankets, and drapes them around her shoulders. "Then don't. Go back to sleep. I'll be back in a few hours to get you for Defense." She smiles and snuggles back into bed, quickly drifting off to sleep.

Once I am sure she has fallen asleep, I say, "Okay, I was totally fine with you two sleeping together… but shit, you are shagging while we are in here?" in mock anger.

"You're just jealous because you can't have someone in here every night." He smirks and heads for the bathroom. Lucky bastard.

O

As we make our way down to Potions, Lily is gripping James' hand so tightly I am sure he has lost feeling in his fingertips. To distract myself from my worry and hopefully gain her attention, I shove Remus over a bit, grinning, as I ask playfully, "So, Lucy traded you for a Johnny, huh?"

Lily looks up at him curiously as he chuckles. "No, I have simply become Johnny."

"Care to explain that to us, Remus?" Lily smiles, slightly releasing James' hand, falling into step with Moony.

"Well, Lucy has decided that you get all the good pet names." He points to me shaking his shaggy head. "She feels weird calling me Moony because James, Peter, and Sirius call me Moony. And finally, Remus isn't very personalized because everyone else calls me Remus so she is going to call me Johnny."

James grins, flexing his newly freed fingers. "And you are okay with her changing your name?"

"I don't really have a choice. Lucy does as she pleases. Nothing I say or do will change her. Plus, I did get something out of it," he adds cheekily.

Noticing Lily going for his hand again, James quickly wraps his arm around her shoulders. "So, ignoring what you got because I really don't want to know, where did she get Johnny from exactly?" he asks.

"My middle name is John."

"Oh." James nods slowly. "I didn't know that."

"You're not serious, James?" Lily exclaims. "He is like one of your closest friends, and you don't know his middle name."

James shrugs. "I know all the important stuff."

"Sure." She rolls her eyes and moves to pull the classroom door open, but Peter beats her to it.

"Honestly, Prongs, you are supposed to be the gentleman and open the door for your girlfriend."

James and Lily both blush, and neither of them deny Peter's claim.

O

We are released from the hell that is Potions about ten minutes early. I walk by upstairs to Defense on my own, seeing as Remus had to go wake up Lucy, James walked Lily to the bathroom, and Peter forgot his book in the tower. Just as I reach the first floor, Cole pops up beside me. "So, Morgan dropped Potions? Good for her."

"Yeah, I suppose." I smile at her, and she drops her gaze to the floor. Shaking my head, I ignore it.

"I would drop Defense if I didn't need it." She tucks her hand into her pocket as I move to hold it. My smile falls, and we walk in silence for a bit. I try to encircle her waist with my arm, but she nervously scurries away.

With a defeated expression, I stop and look at her. "What? Am I not allowed to touch you now?" She has been acting so weird since New Year's.

She runs her fingers through her hair, clenching a handful in her fist. Her nose wrinkles as she frowns and shakes her head. "No, no, that's not it." Shoving both hands in her pockets, she smiles at me uneasily. "Fuck. I just…" With a heavy sigh, she gazes steadily at the stone floor. "You are going to laugh."

I try not to chuckle at her rather nervous state. She looks like a shy little girl, something she is most definitely not. "I won't laugh, I swear."

Smiling a little at herself, she says timidly. "I had this dream last night." I nod and she glances to the left. "About you." Smiling slightly, I take a step toward her, and she takes a step back. "And, I honestly, don't think I am going to make it 'til tonight if you touch me," she says quickly, still retreating from my outstretched hand.

Oh, hell. I cannot see her tonight; I have to go to the Shack. This fucking sucks. "You dream about me," I say with a smirk.

"Well, I did. It's not like it has happened before."

"Was it a good dream?"

She leans up against the wall, her hands behind her back, and grins. "It was a very good dream." My smirk turns into a pleased smile. "Please, stop smiling like that or I am going to have to kiss you, and then your are going to do that thing with your tongue, and we will just have to skip class all together which might not be a completely horrible thing, but when Albus comes to check on me and finds you in my room, well, then we will just have to kiss all the fun times we have been having goodbye," she says rather quickly and tries to dodge away from my fingers, but I catch her.

Brushing my lips against her neck, I decide that teasing her probably isn't the best idea, as I am not going to see her tonight. "Why don't we just go up to Gryffindor tower now?"

"I can't," she murmurs breathlessly. "Too much can go wrong if I am not where I am suppose to be."

I step back away from her and nod. "I can't come tonight. I've already promised Moony that I will…" I don't know what to tell her so I just leave the sentence hanging.

The adorable nervous nature she had shatters as she nods. "Okay, have fun then." She walks around me and starts down the hall.

"Wait, Cole…" She stops and faces me. I am rather surprised. "I wish I could. I just…"

"Black, honestly, it's okay. We both agreed no attachments. I just thought… I don't know, but its okay." She smiles slightly before starting for the stairs again.

I run after her. "Wait." I grab her arm, and she takes a sharp breath. "What if we were just a little late for Defense?"

She smirks. "I will have detention 'til I die."

"And is it worth it?" I ask, stepping closer to her. She bites her lip and nods slowly. "Good," I whisper. Snatching her hand, I run toward an alcove on the second floor, down the corridor from the Charms classroom.

I pant slightly as I place Concealing and Silencing Charms on the small recess in the wall. Grinning devilishly, she grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me to her. Our tongues mingle for a moment before she rests her head on my shoulder and unbuttons my pants. "Let's just do it now; we don't have time for fucking foreplay."

I nod and grin. God, she is perfect. Before I have time to process the whole situation, I am pressing her against the stonewall her skirt up around her waist as she whispers my name in that sultry, begging tone she only uses when we are like this. The students are released from their lessons, and they file past us unwittingly as she moans into my ear not wanting it to end. My blood pounds in my veins, and my heart races in excitement, lust, thrill, ecstasy, you name it, I am feeling everything imaginable in this moment.

When we are both through, I press my forehead against the wall, my hands on either side of her head, trying to prevent myself from squishing her as I regain my composure. She leans against my chest and wraps her tiny arms around my waist. "You know, Black?" she says, the little puffs of her breath making my skin tingle.

"Hmm?"

"We really screwed ourselves over by not hooking up long before this year." She kisses the little patch of skin just below my collarbone before sneaking around me. "Come on, if we run we might make it to class on time."

A small smile tugs at my lips as I watch her straighten her skirt and button her shirt. After a whispered cleaning spell, she steps out into the hall. "Maybe we should leave your little charms up for another time," she whispers as I follow her out.

We should definitely leave them up for another time.

O

I'm gonna catch you. I'm gonna catch you. No, you cannot escape me. No, no, no– "Padfoot, you are not seriously chasing your tail?" James asks, staring down at me.

"James! James!" I bark and sit happily down beside him, waiting for him to scratch my ears. I love it when he scratches my ears

"You know, sometimes I think you make a better dog than human, Pads. You do listen to me when you are a dog." James smirks.

I growl. Bad, James. I don't like James. I hike up my leg and piss on him. "Sirius! Damn it! You fucker!" James yells and chases after me.

Barking with happy laughter, I run toward the lake. "Padfoot! Come on. Stop! We are going to get caught!" James yells.

Oh! Itchy. Itchy, itchy. I stop and drop to my back, rubbing it across the ground. Itchy, itchy. Stop, itchy. "Ah, you have fleas again. I told you to get a flea collar," James laughs, standing above me. I growl at him again and stand up. "Let's go," he mutters, shaking his head and strides toward the Whomping Willow. I follow merrily after him, wagging my tail; the leg of his pants is still wet.

When we arrive inside the Shrieking Shack, Moony is already there, growling at his intruders. Moony, Moony, Moony, I prance in front of the door. He snarls at me and tries to bite my ear. I bark once. He stops and looks at me oddly. Prongs snorts, and Moony looks up at him. Wormtail gives his nervous little squeak, and Moony stares confusedly at the rat clinging to Prong's antlers. We go through this every month. He always seems to forget us until we say something. After a long moment, Moony's tongue lolls out to the side as he recognizes us. Werewolves are _so_ frightening.

We make our usual rounds in the Forest, Moony and I stopping to play occasionally. He chased a centaur around for a while until he got bored. Other than that, this full moon was about the same as all the others. Well, the ones after Moony stayed Moony during his transformations. The ones before that were a bit more fright– um, exciting.

I lope ahead of the others as we leave the Forest, heading back toward the Shack. The sun will be rising in about an hour. Just before I duck into the hole beneath the Willow, a familiar scent invades my nostrils. Yummy. Candy. I turn around quickly and make my way toward the Quidditch Pitch instead.

Lucy is laying in the middle of the field in a white nightgown, staring at the sky. I bark loudly. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. She sits up quickly, a frightened expression crosses her face, and her licorice wand falls out of her mouth. No, no, not scared. Lucy should not be scared. I take a step toward her, and she rushes to her feet. "Nice doggy," she mutters apprehensively. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I pace back and forth.

"Lucy?" I bark again and move toward her.

"Oh, God." she gulps and takes a step back before running away.

Yay! Tag! Lucy, Lucy, Lucy wants to play tag! Running forcefully at her, I knock her to the ground and lick her face. "Get off!" she screams, shoving me off her. "Sick. Dog spit," she groans, wiping her face, but she is not scared of me anymore.

I nudge her hand with my nose and try to get her to pet me. She scratches my head enthusiastically. "What a cute puppy. What's your name, honey?" She continues to jabber as she pets me. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, I love Lucy. Eventually, my attention wanes, and I sniff the ground for her licorice. She gives a startled gasp, and I look up, a licorice wand hanging out of my mouth. I find Moony staring at her and her staring directly back. Oh, fuck. I bark in warning at him. No, Moony. He ignores me.

"Moony?" Lucy whispers breathlessly.

He trots forward, and Lucy stares in wonder at him. Oh, God this is so not going to end well. She raises a shaking hand as he draws near. I tug at the edge of her nightgown with my teeth, trying to pull her away. "Shush, puppy. It's okay," she murmurs. Sure, she is afraid of me, the cute funny dog, but the fucking bloodthirsty werewolf she is totally cool with.

I push my head up against her leg, but she goes the wrong way. I tug at her gown again, but she continues forward until her fingers get lost in his brown fur as she scratches behind his ear. "You're lovely, Moony. Not at all like I had imagined." Her voice is faint. Moony stands still as she works her fingers across his head and down to his chin, panting slightly in contentment. "Your eyes are the same." He nearly reaches her shoulder in height, his messy, brown fur sticking up wildly and his long jagged fangs dripping with salvia. I know he would never hurt her on purpose, but God, he could kill her without even trying. I whimper, trying to bring his interest to me, but he ignores me. I tug on Lucy's gown again, and she glares at me. "Stop."

He nudges her with his nose when her attention leaves him. She smiles, rubbing his head again. "Want some licorice?"

Dear God, only Lucy would feed a werewolf licorice.

O

Early that morning as Lucy crawls into bed bedside Remus, I finally speak my mind. "That was fucking stupid, you two."

"What was stupid, love?" Lucy asks.

"You and Moony. What the hell were you even doing outside? You knew we were out there, and you risked it."

"Lily and I had some rather deep conversations, and I couldn't sleep afterward," she says simply.

"Oh, and that means go out a pet the werewolf?"

Shrugging, she looks at me. "I guess."

"Moony, what do you have to say for yourself?" As the sensible one, he should realize the danger she was in tonight.

"She smelt good," he says simply.

I am not even going to dignify that statement with a reply. I flick out the lights before Peter gets out of the bathroom and moodily stare at the ceiling until I fall to sleep.

O

Late Sunday afternoon, I am simply minding my own business, standing outside the library, while Moony researches something or another, reading a pamphlet on Aurours, when suddenly the world goes dark. I have gone blind. Oh, shit, I am blind. I am BLIND. Why the hell--

"Guess who?" a soft, light voice whispers in my ear. Oh, I'm not blind; someone has merely covered my eyes with their hands. God, I am stupid.

"Hmm…" I say slowly. "Well, as I only know three people of the female persuasion who are brave enough to touch the great and mighty Sirius Black without permission, two of whom are too short to reach my eyes without having to lean against me, I am left with only one real option. Lovely Lily, what brings you out and about on this fine day?"

"Damn you, Sirius Black, using you superior detective skills against me," Lily laughs, drops her arms, and hugs me from behind, resting her head between my shoulder blades. "So, what are you doing this close to the library?"

I sigh and turn around, leaning against the wall, and she stands, smiling a little, in front of me. "Well, Moony, is gathering books to help with his N.E.W.T studies, James and Lucy are practicing, Cole and Hunter are off buying him some new shoes, I don't care where Peter is, and you were missing, so I decided to hang out here 'cause I thought Moony would emerge first," I explain, ticking off the people on my fingers.

Holding out her hand, she smiles softly. "So, you wouldn't mind taking a walk with me, then?"

"I would love to take a walk with you, Lillers." I grin and take her hand.

We walk slowly through the corridors, hands clasped. She hasn't gone more than ten minutes outside of her room without clinging to someone in someway since Christmas. It may be odd for the rest of the school to see James Potter's girlfriend holding my hand as we make our way toward the grounds, but it is what Lily needs, so screw them.

"So, I spoke with Lucy last week while you four were… having your boys' night out," she says softly, referring to the full moon.

I smile and nudge her shoulder. "You make it sound like you and Lucy never talk. She is with you every second she isn't in my hair, or flying, or shagging Moony." Pausing I think for a moment. "Okay, so talking to Lucy is probably a rarity lately." I chuckle, and the edges of her lips quirk upward.

"Yes, well, sometimes, but this conversation was different. I want in, Sirius."

Fucking Lucy, I swear I am going to hurt her. I can't believe she told Lily. "What?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Sirius," she says coolly as we reach the front doors.

"Lily, James doesn't–"

"Fuck what James does or doesn't want. I want in."

Crap. Why me? First Lucy, now Lily, and _we _haven't even had a chance to discuss the whole thing yet. "Talk to him then," I reply, pulling the door open.

"You know he will throw a fit if I don't have someone on my side." Her eyes glance up at me as she passes, silently telling me not to say no.

"Lily, Lucy plays low and dirty, not you. You are the moral one. Don't use me against him, please," I beg her.

Sighing, she gives my hand a small squeeze. "Sirius, normally I wouldn't ask, but I don't think I have the strength to fight him alone at the moment. I will eventually, but by then, it might be too late." Her green eyes flash with determination and sadness. I can't tell her no. Not this time. Not ever.

"Lily," I whisper.

"Sirius, I want to make _him_ pay."

I wrap her in a hug as we stand on the front steps of the castle. "He is going to murder me," I mutter into her red hair.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I really am," she whispers, and I nod in understanding.

As we end our embrace and walk out onto the snow-covered ground, I glance over at her. She is definitely looking better; her skin isn't nearly as pale, and she seems at least content at the moment. "So, does this mean you and James are official or what?"

A smile tugs at her lips. "Well, he hasn't said anything… but, I think we are."

Rolling my eyes, I snort. "Of course, James would forget to ask now that you will say yes."

"That does sound like James, doesn't it?"

We continue across the grounds and around the lake, talking idly about this or that, nothing to deep, nothing that requires any real thought, just conversation that fills the void.

O

"All right, Mr. Black. What exactly are _you_ here for?" Poppy Pomfrey asks, tapping her foot impatiently the moment I enter the Hospital Wing early Wednesday morning.

I grin charmingly. "Lily asked me to come get something for her headache before I went to class."

A worried frown wrinkles her brow. "Still having headaches is she?"

"Still? She said she has a cold." I look at her in confusion.

Poppy mumbles something, ignoring me as she turns and walks to her office still muttering under her breath. As I wait patiently for her to emerge, Hunter slides into the Hospital Wing, grinning. Cole follows in behind him, pretending to be winded. "You have seriously become the fastest runner ever," she pants, leaning over with her hands on her thighs. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, but I assume it is from the running.

"Morning, Sirius," Hunter greets me happily.

"Good morning." I smile in return. Cole nods to me as she stands, and I am forced to bite my lip to keep a goofy grin from spreading across my face.

When Poppy returns, she has a blue potion in hand. "Tell her to take half now, the other half before she goes to sleep, and she is to stay in bed today. I'll excuse her from her classes." She places the bottle into my outstretched hand before she notices Cole and Hunter. "Well, good morning," she says to them, smiling.

"Morning, Miss Poppy." Hunter grins.

Rebecca smiles at her in greeting and then kneels down in front of Hunter. "Okay, so I'll see you later. We will find out what Jack found atop the bean stalk and have cookies and milk tonight, okay?" He nods and kisses her cheek. "Be good for Miss Poppy, please, and try to learn something today."

"I always learn something; I just sometimes don't remember it."

"Well, then _try_ to remember what you learn today," Cole pleads laughingly and ruffles his hair. "Later, then?"

"Mmhmm. Bye, Becca," he says, taking Poppy's hand and allowing her to lead him to her office.

"Sweet kid," I say, running my fingers through my black hair as I watch her watch him totter away.

Cole chews on her red-stained bottom lip before glancing up at me. "Sadly, I can't take the credit for that. He is simply his parents' child." Her tone is light, and her eyebrows quirk up lightheartedly, but her eyes shine in lost or regret.

I slip my arm around her waist and lead her from the Wing. "I think you can have a teeny bit of the credit."

Her bleach blonde hair falls into her eyes as she shakes her head. "So, Evans has a headache, again?" she inquires, successfully changing the subject.

"Am I the only one who didn't realize this was an ongoing thing?"

"No. I only know because I am here every morning." She slips her hand into my back pocket as we make our way down the stairs. I like this.

Deciding not to continue down another path of ceaseless worrying, I grin cheekily. "So, have you had any more dreams about me?"

She chuckles, her eyes dancing brightly. "No, I can't say I have."

"Damn."

"Of course, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun."

"Oh, really?"

"Really, but not now, you need to deliver that." She points to the blue potion in my right hand. "And then we both have potions."

"We could skip potions," I sing.

She nudges me with her shoulder. "Next time, okay?"

"I am going to hold you to that." I briefly kiss her temple; her skin is warmer than it should be. "Are you okay?"

She nods her head and mumbles a "yeah," but I am not comforted.

We continue across the castle and up to Gryffindor tower. "I'll wait here," she whispers, brushing her lips across mine outside the portrait hole. I rest my forehead against hers and briefly kiss her.

Once inside, I weave my way through the tons of younger students rushing about to get ready for class and knock on the Heads' Dorm door. "Lily," I call out.

The door creaks open, and Lily steps out. "Thanks so much, Sirius," Lily murmurs, resting against the doorframe still in her pajamas. Apparently, she doesn't need me to tell her to stay in bed. She is peaky and weak, and I am a little concerned.

"Lillers, I know you aren't going to answer me, but I am going to ask anyway. Is this more than a cold?"

She laughs quietly. "It's just a cold, I swear." I notice her red nose as she sniffs and wipes it with a tissue.

"Are you lying?" I ask, resting my hand against her cheek. She has a slight fever.

Shaking her head, she smiles. "Nope. The headaches stopped about a week ago and then this," she gestures to her nose, "started. It's nothing to worry about, honest."

"You would tell me if something was wrong right, Lily?"

Little strands of her bright red hair escape from her braid as she nods. "Yes, Sirius. I hadn't been sleeping so I was having headaches. It's not a big deal."

"And are you sleeping now?"

"What is this? An interrogation?" she asks jokingly. "Yes, I am sleeping now. Please, stop worrying and go to class."

I force a smile. "Okay, but, please, Lils, take care of yourself."

"I will, don't worry." She shoves my arm. "Now, be gone so I can sleep." Laughing, I leave her to hopefully get some much-needed rest.

When I step out into the hall, Cole is sitting on the floor, her brow furrowed in frustration as her dark eyes read line after line from the book propped up against her legs. I watch her in silence for a moment as she closes her eyes and leans her head back against the wall, exposing the creamy skin of her throat. She sighs heavily and snaps the book closed, opening her eyes. "Hey," I say with a small smile.

"Vampires are extremely perplexing creatures." I stare at her oddly, but she doesn't seem to be talking to me, more like using me as a sounding board. "I mean, first off, they never agree on anything. Every single book written by a vampire bashes every idea put forward by the last author. I would hate to be in their Council. Then there is the minor detail that the Ministry doesn't consider them "human", "wizard", or "creature". They fall into this completely _unknown_ category. And not one will talk to me. Well, Michael would talk to me if it wasn't for the very minor detail that he is _dead_," She rants before dropping her head into her hands. "Fuck, shit, hell, and damn."

"Spouting out curse word makes you feel better?" I ask, sitting down beside her.

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Sorry."

"No, no, you are rather cute when you rant." I tuck her hair behind her ear as she crosses her arms.

"How is Evans?"

I roll my eyes and stand up offering her a hand, which she accepts without a glare. "She's fine. She just has a cold."

"Good to hear." She shoves her book back into her bag as she walls toward the stairs. I stand and gaze at her. She is wearing an unaltered version of the school uniform today, and she is absolutely stunning. The tall white socks rising out of simple Mary Janes, showing just a few inches of her long creamy thighs before the long green plaid skirt hides them from view. Her white, button-down shirt is untucked, and her the trademark Slytherin green tie is done in a Windsor knot. Her robes are thrown over her bag as always. Stopping at the top of the stairway, she turns to face me, one hand resting on the railing, a small smile on her lips. "Where is everyone else?"

"Probably already in Potions. I was late heading out for breakfast so I was captured and forced to fetch Lily's medication."

"Ah, I see." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ears again.

Trotting up beside her, I move to take her hand, but she is gripping tightly to the strap of her bag. "So, no boots today?" I ask brightly.

She looks down at her feet. "No, Hunter dressed me this morning."

"I'm sorry, I am confused."

She chuckles softly. "He made me change four times this morning. I guess my skirts are too short for his taste. After the third time, I told him to find something he liked, and this is it."

"That's adorable."

"Yeah, you say that now, but you haven't seen the dress he forced me to buy when we went shopping."

We travel slowly through the halls, weaving in and out of traffic, not touching but close. I shoved my hands into my pockets when I couldn't keep myself from trying to drape my arm over her shoulders.

The majority of our classmates are standing outside the Potions classroom, chatting idly. "How's Lily feeling?" James asks, ending his staring contest with Snape as I lean against the wall beside him.

"Fine. She's just a little under the weather."

"What? Your little Mudblood whore ill, Potter?" Snape drawls. James ignores him, and it's my fault. If I hadn't been such a dumb shit last year and opened my trap, we would be able to say and do whatever we pleased to Snape, but as it is, the fear of Remus' secret getting out keeps our jaws locked tight.

Rebecca smirks. "Severus, jealousy is not very becoming on you."

His lips curl in distain at the sound of her voice, and several of the other Slytherins turn their attention to the conversation. Disgust evident in his tone, he stares down his overly large nose at her. "_Jealous_? Of Potter? Honestly, Becky that is–" What it is I never find out because Slughorn comes wobbling down the hall.

"In, in," he shoos us into the classroom. Rebecca doesn't sit beside me; she goes to her usual seat in the back of the room beside Luke Howards. I sigh heavily and sit at my desk; alone, I pull out my book and start my second ever Potions class without Lucy as my partner in crime. It fucking sucks.

O

_**Prongs?**_I write on my Charms notes, and James glances back at me.

His heavy block handwriting appears on my page.

_**I think now is the time to make your move with Lily.**_

**Pads, her parents just died. She doesn't need my stupidity right now. Maybe later.**

_**I talked to her.**_

There is a long pause before he responds. **Did she say something?**

_**James, you already act like a couple. You have supported her through everything the past month. You have definitely gained ground. I think that that little four-lettered word is floating around in her head. **_

**Like?**

_**Love.**_

**Are you serious?**

_**Yeah, James I am. **_

**Holy shit.** I chuckle, and Professor Flitwick glances warningly at me.

_**Good luck, then.**_

**Is tonight too soon?**

_**I waited almost a week to tell you because I knew you wouldn't be able to wait.**_

**Fucker.**

_**You're welcome. **_Good, now that that is taken care of I can actually get to my studies. Yeah right, I am going to take a nap.

O

Lucy, Remus, Peter, and I are all gather in the Heads' common room for "popcorn and conversation". That is the ruse anyway. James and Lily are finally going to tell us they are dating. Lucy yawns widely and drops her head on Moony's shoulder. "Couldn't this wait 'til after the game. I need my sleep."

Moony shakes his head. "Nope, James and Lily obviously have something very important to discuss with us."

"Huh?" she raises her head.

"Lucy, when was the last time we all got together because someone called a meeting?"

"Uh, never?"

"Exactly," he says simply. I don't think she got it because she just dropped her head back on his shoulder, and I would bet she is asleep.

Lily and James finally arrive with butterbeer and popcorn. "Finally," I moan. "Geeze, invite us all over and then leave us to entertain ourselves for like an hour."

Lily grins and throws a handful of popcorn at me. As I shake the kernels from my hair, she sits beside me. "Sirius, you know you love waiting around for us."

"Yeah." I roll my eyes.

"Okay." James sits in the floor, as there are no more available seats. "Because you four are the nosiest people on the planet, Lily and I decided we would just get this over with as soon as possible. We're engaged."

Did he just say engaged?

Lucy jumps up off the couch suddenly awake at the word. "Engaged? What the fucking hell? What happened to dating?"

Lily smiles softly. "Well, I never really like the concept of dating so we thought we would just skip it and go straight to an engagement."

Did she just say engagement?

"You're joking," Moony says simply. "You're joking, and it isn't funny."

I watch James carefully and see his lips twitch. Thank God, they are joking. "Can I be the flower girl?" I ask sweetly.

When he realizes the game is up, James burst outs into laughter. "You totally should have seen your faces. You so fell for it."

Lily laughs a little beside me. "Okay, so that was a joke, but we are officially a couple now."

Lucy pounces on Lily and practically squeezes her to death in a hug. "Finally!" she shouts. Grinning ridiculously, I glance over at James and find his eyes alight with more joy than I have ever seen in them.

When the excitement over the announcement dies down, I decide now is probably a good time to talk about Dumbledore's resistance. We all are joining after all, of course James and Remus don't know that. "I have been thinking," I say slowly, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, my butterbeer held loosely between my hands.

"Really? That's a first," Remus chuckles, adjusting the sleeping Lucy in his lap, her dark blonde hair falls into her face, and he gently brushes it away, his fingers lingering for a moment.

"Hardy har har," I fake a laugh. "I have been thinking about going to talk to Dumbledore about joining his… resistance."

Moony's content expression vanishes, and James immediately springs up from the floor, shouting, "Padfoot! Not now." Lucy's head pops up, and she stares sleepily at James. Lily simply twiddles her fingers, not tearing her eyes away from the empty butterbeer bottles that cover the coffee table. Well, if they hadn't already known that we were keeping a secret, they would now.

"Guys, they already know."

"Bloody hell, Sirius, why would you–"

"He didn't," Lucy says, quietly interrupting James' rant before he gains too much steam. "I figured it out and told Lily."

"Up, Luce," Remus murmurs, helping her out of his lap. A frighten expression flashes across Lucy's face, but she bites her lip and stands up. He kisses her cheek, whispering "no worries" in her ear, rubbing her arms before guiding her back down to the chair. He walks around to the back of the chair leans against it, resting his hand on Lucy's shoulder. She entwines their fingers and glances at me nervously.

I smile hesitantly at him. James stares in disbelief, Remus is very obviously on Lucy and Lily's side, though Lucy doesn't realize it. "James, it is Lily's decision not yours. She has more reason to want to join in the fight than any of us. We don't even know what we are joining right now. Honestly, I don't think we even need to talk about this yet."

"We do," Lily mumbles, her green eyes still fixed on the mess spreading across the table.

"No, Lily, we don't." Lily turns her gaze away from the empty bottles and up to him. "Dumbledore isn't going to let us join right now anyway. We are still students, and nothing is more important to him than the safety of his students. After we graduate, the moment we graduate, we will talk to him. Going to him before then is pointless. We all know it. We need to spend our time left here _living_ because, if I am assuming correctly, our lives won't be our own after we join. Let's just enjoy the five months and worry about saving the world later." He explains it slowly and carefully, making sure all of us understand what he means.

Lily nods her head slightly. He is probably right. Peter appears to be ready to follow us in whatever decision we make. The only move Lucy has made is tightening her grip on Moony's hand. James just stares at the carpet moodily. He isn't happy with this turn of events. Remus just slammed the door closed on any arguments about Lily joining. Remus just put him on standby once again.

We all sit in silence, glancing back and forth at each other coming to a silent agreement. After the silence continues for about five minutes, James sighs, "Fine. You're right, you're always right. I don't like it, but you are right." I nod simply, and Peter follows my lead. Lucy bites her lip and doesn't say anything, but everyone knows wherever one of us goes the other follows. Lily simply stares at James, her eyes begging forgiveness.

"Come on, Lucy, love. Let's get you up to bed; you have Quidditch in the morning." Remus smiles and pulls her out of the chair. Peter and I follow them out of the room, leaving James and Lily to work everything out. The way he brushes his lips against her forehead and whispers softly to her as I pull the door close tells me everything will be just fine. They really are made for each other.

O

_thank you for reading_


	19. Chapter 19

Sometimes Sleep Doesn't Come

"Where is the tequila?" Lucy asks, grinning wildly as soon as we enter the common room.

Remus chuckles and pulls her up against him whispering in her hair. "Lucy, you won five minutes ago; the tequila has to wait until the party actually starts."

She stands on her toes, her big eyes begging. "But I want it now."

He kisses her, laughing against her lips. "Go shower. Pete, Lily, and I will go get the supplies." As she marches away, pouting, he slaps her red-clad ass. Turning around, she attempts to frown warningly, but she can't keep the edges of her lips from quirking up in a grin.

I chuckle and look over my shoulder to find Lily leaning back against James' chest, her head tilted up so she can see his face. He is smiling like there is no place he would rather be. "I guess I am going to help get the supplies," she says. "You have fun showering. Try not to miss me too much."

He kisses her neck and whispers huskily, "What if you let Moony and Pete get the supplies alone and join me in the shower."

Lily laughs and pulls out of his grasp. "There are children about you know." She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him briefly before shoving him a little toward the boys' dorm. "Shoo, before I change my mind."

"Was that supposed to be an incentive for me to go?" he asks, scratching his head. "Because it is doing the opposite."

She looks down at the floor uncomfortably and nods. "Well, it was supposed to be, but yes, you are right that was really bad. Let me try again." Stopping to think, she chews on the inside of her cheek. With a happy smirk, she leans in and whispers something in his ear. James' blushes, chuckling nervously and practically runs upstairs.

I hold my hands up and slowly back away from her. "I don't even want to know."

"Good, we have to go," Moony interrupts her reply, wrapping an arm around her and ushering her toward the door. Peter follows quickly behind them, leaving me standing in the common room staring blankly until I realize that I should go take a shower as well.

O

The party has just set into full swing, the younger students finally starting to stumble off to bed. Moony and Lucy are dancing on her makeshift dance floor with several sixth years, Darla, and Carmen. Carmen and Nick seem to be rather close especially since the two of them vie for the same position on the Quidditch team; we haven't even brought out the alcohol yet.

James and Lily are sitting on the sofa, chatting animatedly. Suddenly, James looks up at me and shouts, "Dude, where's Cole?"

"Sleeping, I would guess," I yell back to him over the music, completely ignoring the strawberry blonde fifth year that is hanging around the table I am propped up against desperately trying to gain my attention.

"Sirius! You should go get her, Lily calls to me, and I shake my head. "Come on, Hunter can sleep in my bed until we're done. You just won't be able to get _completely_ smashed tonight."

I shove my hands into my pockets and shrug. "I don't think she'll come."

"At least go down and see." Lily's green eyes sparkle mischievously as she pouts.

"Fine. I am going," I mutter, pretending to be annoyed with the idea, but a smile still tugs at my lips. Why the hell can't I say no to her? It's fucking ridiculous.

The sound of the pounding music fades as I close the portrait hole and meander down the halls and stairs to Cole's rooms. I knock on her door, and surprisingly, when she pulls it open, she is wide-awake. In her pajamas, yes, but I don't think she has gone anywhere near her bed. "Black?"

"We're having a party." I shrug, smiling at her.

She waves me in, not wanting to leave the door open. "Yes. Well, you have quite the team this year. That is as good a reason as any to celebrate, I suppose."

"Yeah," I say, walking in the room behind her and glancing around. The coffee table is covered in books, and pages of notes are stacked into messy piles. A large coffee pot is sitting in the floor with a half-empty cup beside it. "You cramming for a test I don't know about?"

"What?" She looks at me confusedly for a moment before shaking her head. "This? Oh, no. Just, um, research for some stuff."

"Oh," I answer, knowing if she doesn't explain then I shouldn't ask.

Crossing her arms, she smiles apologetically. "Hunter's asleep so I really can't."

I shake my head. "I didn't think you'd be able to, but Lily said I should at least try. She offered up her room for Hunter."

"Oh, um…" She bites her lip as she contemplates the idea. I force myself not to touch her while she thinks. I don't want her to think I am pressuring her. Focusing on her appearance rather than my desire to hold her, I stare at her. I hope that I am being at least a little discreet.

Her hair has grown a lot since the train station. The bleach blonde locks now fall casually around her chin, and for the first time ever, she isn't wearing any make-up at all. Her plump bottom lip pulled between her teeth is a deep rosy pink, and about twenty light little freckles dapple her tiny button nose. Her eyelashes are still thick and dark as ever, contrasting greatly with her perfectly arched light eyebrows. The apples of her cheeks are slightly sunburned from being outside at the match today. She's still too thin; it's even visible in her baggy checker pajama bottoms and bulky sweater.

The sultry sound of her voice brings me out of my thoughts. "…yeah. Yes, I would love to come." Whoops, I totally missed something.

"Really?" I ask, hoping she'll repeat some of it.

She smiles widely; her eyes alight. God, how I have been waiting for that, for her smile to reach her eyes. "Let me go change, and then we can head up."

As she walks toward her room, I watch her hips sway and smirk. "Can I help?"

She leans up against her door, her hand clutching the knob and faces me. "Honestly, Black, you don't have much fashion sense," she teases lightly.

I shrug. "It wasn't the dressing part I wanted to help with."

"Oh," she raises her eyebrows. "Undressing. Right, well, you are rather good at that, aren't you?" I grin and nod my head, letting my hair fall into my eyes. "Well, I suppose I can't let your only talent go unused."

Chuckling, I follow her into her room. "Nope, you definitely can't do that."

O

When we finally get Hunter back to sleep in Lily's bed and return to the common room, all the students under sixth year have been ushered from the room. There are seventeen of us scattered about the common room. Lily is perched up on the back of the couch with James standing in front of her, his hands on her hips and hers on his upper arms. Her cheeks are a little flushed, and her lips look a little swollen. James' hazel eyes are dancing, and he is grinning as if he just won the Quidditch Cup. Remus and Lucy are transfiguring an old desk into a bar and several empty butterbeer bottles into bar stools. Peter is still waging war on the snack table. Darla and a few of the sixth years are sitting off to the side of the room, chattering away about God knows what. Carmen and Nick are still swaying to the music, his hands sinking ever lower. "So, this is what the wild Gryffindor parties look like. Damn, I was expecting something a little more… wild," Cole jokes, slipping her hand into my back pocket as we make our way toward Remus and Lucy.

"Yes, well, ever since the lava lamp incident last year, we have had to cool things down a bit."

"Lava lamp?"

I nod wearily. "Evidently, Lucy's special brownies and nifty glowing lamps don't mix well. Especially when McGonagall comes in and Lucy offers her a brownie and she joins us in our mystified awe of the lava lamp."

"You didn't," Cole chuckles.

"I am still glad it was a Saturday. Can you imagine the trouble we would have been in if she had had to teach the next morning?"

She laughs and snuggles closer to me. "I don't even want to think about it."

"Sunrise or a Margarita, babe?" Lucy calls out over the steady thump of music as she notices us.

"What? We aren't doing shots?" I ask.

"Well, we can. I just thought… Well, we always get really sloshed when we do shots."

Cole grins. "I think you get really sloshed anytime tequila is involved. We might as well have what you like."

Lucy tilts her head to the side, blinking at Cole before she slowly looks up at me. "I totally knew there was a reason I liked her." Cole smiles and releases a noiseless little laugh.

Lily hops up onto Lucy's bar, her fiery red hair falling across her face. "I think you like anyone who lets you drink because you are an alcoholic," she says simply. James wraps his arm around her waist and tucks her hair behind her ear as he resists the urge to kiss her, again.

"Nah, I like to drink, but it's not my life. Quidditch is my life. Oh, and Johnny." Lucy shrugs, filling up ten shot glasses with practiced precision.

"Johnny?" Cole whispers, tilting her head up to see my face.

"Remus," I answer offhandedly, kissing her forehead before looking back to Lucy.

"_And_," Lucy continues, slicing a few limes, "I only get completely plastered on special occasions."

Remus wraps his arm around her and kisses her temple. "Oh, goody, I am not marrying a drunk."

Lucy's lime shoots out of her hand, and it flings across the room. James barely catches it before it gets lost on the dance floor. Lucy swallows hard and looks up at me desperately. "So, anyway," she attempts to change the subject, "I am not," snatching the lime from James' outstretched hand, she goes back to slicing it a little too forcefully, "an alcoholic."

"Lucy? Moony?" I say, stunned, unable to just overlook the slip.

She slams her knife down on the table. "Oh, hell!" Remus bites his lip embarrassedly and tries to pretend he didn't just utter the "m" word. Looking up at me, Lucy raises her chin defiantly and takes a deep breath. "Remus and I are not… engaged but– kind of, sort of– something like… that." Her eyebrows wrinkle, and she chews on her bottom lip as she tries to explain. "We're just…" Her voice fades away, and crickets start chirping. Loudly. I can't even hear the music or feel Cole's warm body in my arms. It feels like the entire world just stopped spinning.

Then memory of Lucy's conversation with Martin hits me with a loud WHAM and everything starts moving again. _Lucy. I'll be looking into changing that last bit as soon as possible._

The casual air of the room has been sucked out; everyone is standing around awkwardly, trying not to make a big deal out of the situation. Glancing at Remus and pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead, Lucy exhales loudly. "This is why I didn't want to tell them. Now, everything is going to be freaky."

"Lucy Lou Lupin," I chuckle under my breath, shaking my head. "That's what you got, huh Moony?"

She buries her head in Remus' chest as her cheeks flush beat red, and he loosely loops his arms around her. With a boyish grin, Moony looks up from the top of her head. "Yeah."

We all stare at each other in a stunned awkward silence until Cole shatters it. "Well, as wonderful as this new is," she steps forward, hopping up on a stool and pulling me into the one beside her, "I came here to drink, and what better reason to celebrate than a kind of, sort of engagement?" Lucy grins, pushing a shot glass toward her. The uncomfortable feeling slowly leaves the room as more alcohol evades our senses, and soon we are back to a light, happy atmosphere.

After the third round of shots, James and Lily have called it quits and are lounging on the couch. Peter was out cold after one. What a pussy. Carmen and Nick are back to dancing again, and his hands are traveling to places she wouldn't normally allow, but she seems quite pleased with it at the moment. Darla never does shots and sits, sipping a butterbeer and chatting idly with the twin sixth years, Timothy and Jonathan Andrews, I think.

Lucy looks up at Cole. "Bet you fumble the fourth."

Cole smirks. "This isn't even how you do shots."

"What?" Lucy asks. As far as she is concerned, she is the leading expert in all things tequila.

Picking up a saltshaker, Cole smiles, "Here, I'll show you how I do shots." She slides off her stool and onto my lap, securing her position by wrapping her legs around my waist. Slowly, she tilts my head back and licks the side of my neck. The sound of the salt bouncing around in the little glass shaker as she sprinkles some on my moistened skin is the only thing I am able to focus on, but she is explaining everything she does in a very seductive tone, and I wish I could get my mind to switch gears and focus on that instead.

Much too quickly, she is sliding out of my lap and pulling the wedge of lime from between her grinning lips. My mind suddenly jolts into action again as she murmurs, "And that is why shots are fun."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see James lean over to Lily and whisper in her ear. "I think you want another shot."

O

Cole giggles and tries to squirm away from me, but I hold her in place with one arm as I nuzzle against her neck. The dark green covers of her bed tangle tightly around her, and she continues to struggle. Soon her giggles turn into peals of laughter. "Stop please. You have to stop." We were in the middle of a very passionate, very drunken snogging session when I discovered how ticklish her neck is. I stop momentarily, and as her laughter starts to fade, I find myself unable to prevent myself from doing it again. I love the sound of her laugh.

When she is gripping her sides and tears start to fall from her eyes, I stop, sitting up to grin at her. Her eyes are lit up, and she keeps trying to halt her laughter by biting her plump bottom lip, but it isn't working. Her cheeks are flushed red, and her breasts strain against the bright red lace of her bra with each deep breath. She is absolutely stunning. "You keep laughing tonight. I really think I am becoming extremely fond of your laugh," I say with a small smile, sliding my hand from behind her back and across her pale skin to cup her cheek.

Her lip slides out from in-between her teeth. "I'm drunk, and so are you," she breathes out between chuckles.

I lean down and whisper low into her ear, "You were laughing long before we had anything to drink."

She blushes and turns away from me, attempting to untie the blankets from around her legs. "Okay, so maybe it's not because I am drunk."

"Mmm," I murmur, burying my nose her in neck again. "Then why?"

"Because I–" A burst of laughter breaks through her words. "You seriously have to stop that."

"But, I don't want to," I complain as I pull up to look at her.

"Well, my sides are in stitches, and it hurts, so you are going to have to wait 'til I can breathe correctly." I pout and sit up. She wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. After a while, she says, "I really don't like this shirt." Her warm breath seeps through the thin fabric, and I chuckle.

"Why exactly? I am rather fond of it." It's one of the shirts Mrs. Potter talked me into buying when she took James and me school shopping last summer. She said it made me look smart.

Slowly, Cole begins to unbutton it, placing little kisses on the newly exposed skin. "Because," she explains, "when I lay my head right here," she kisses the spot right over my heart. "I can hear your heart beat, slow and steady, and this shirt," sliding the shirt down from my shoulders, she lays her head against my bare chest, "muffles it."

Tossing the shirt on the floor, I envelop her in my arms, and she sighs contentedly. Inhaling deeply, she kisses my chest again. "I like your scent."

"Do you?" I ask, my lips in her hair.

She nods, standing up on her knees and moving her arms up around my neck. "And I like the way that you–" she stops and kisses the little patch of skin right behind my jaw. As she nibbles on it, I groan slightly. Chuckling, she finishes her statement, "–do that when I kiss you here." She does it again and gets the same reaction. "Every. Single. Time." She punctuates her words with little kisses.

"Hmm, anything else?" I murmur, enjoying her affections.

Pulling her lip into her mouth, she sits back on her heels and looks at me, her dark eyes glinting in the moonlight. Taking my hands, she holds them in her own and pulls them up to her lips. She kisses the palms of each of them, her dark eyes on mine the entire time. "I like your hands." I open my mouth to speak but she shakes her head and kisses me. When she leans back again, she whispers, "I like that when you smile; your whole being smiles not just your lips."

I slowly guide her down to the bed, and she works her mouth across my neck. Slowly, I bring my hands forward dragging them across her skin. She wiggles under my touch, and a smile tugs at my lips. Trailing my fingers up her arms, I hold them with one hand above her head. She whimpers against my lips as I kiss her, the taste of alcohol mixes with the spicy taste of her as my tongue delves into her open mouth. The sound of her moan as my chest brushes up against hers sends a shiver of desire through my body. She continues to wiggle underneath me as I drag my lips down her neck.

"Please," she whispers, her voice begging. I shake my head, my dark hair spreading out across her pale skin as my lips move further down her body. "Black," she moans trying to tug her hands away from me. I chuckle and release them. They immediately shoot to my pants, her fingers frantically trying to undo the button.

"Impatient, aren't we?" I ask, stopping her hands. She proceeds to pout, crossing her arms and looking to the left. "Well, we could just stop all together." Her eyes flick back to mine, and she shakes her head slowly. "Okay then, let me have my fun." A smirk breaks out across her lips, and she lifts an eyebrow before raising her hands back up above her head. "Mm, rather complacent now. I suppose I should make that threat more often," I tease her. She blinks up at me and tilts her head to the side but doesn't say anything. Her expression makes me a little nervous, but I just smile and go back to trailing kisses across her abdomen. I slip my hands under her to unhook her bra, and a whole new batch of sounds escape from her as I taste the newly exposed skin. Soon she is writhing under me, her hands fisted in the pillowcase over her head as she attempts to keep them in place, begging me to just fuck her already.

Finally tired of my games, she roughly grabs my shoulders and pushes me off her. I am not sure how she does it, but I am on my back and she is pinning me down before I know what's happening. Grabbing her wand from the bedside table, she points it at me. "Incarcerous," she whispers seductively, and my hands are bound to the bedposts.

"What–"

"Stay still," she demands softly. Her eyes meet mine for a moment, and I tug at the bindings, but she shakes her head. Her bottom lip juts out a little as she pouts innocently. "I played your game," she murmurs sadly, and I stop struggling.

I catch a flash of a devil's grin at my consent before she dips her head down and starts to cover every inch of my skin in almost painful kisses. With a controlled ease that she lacked earlier, she undoes the button of my jeans and slides them and my boxers down my legs in one quick movement, dropping them on the floor. She brings her lips up to mine before pulling up and staring at me. Looking up at her, I find her eyes dancing with mischief, her top lip pulled between her teeth to keep a wide grin at bay. She stays there for a moment, letting me attempt to decipher the meaning of her expression, but I can't. Smiling widely, she kisses me again before sliding her hands down my torso, earning another shiver. I tilt my head up to look at her, and her eyes sparkle impishly as she kneels between my knees.

Suddenly, her lips are around me. I throw my head back and groan in ecstasy at the feel of her warm, moist mouth encircling me. I fist my hands around the ropes holding them in place. Using my voice, I try to urge her on, though I doubt any intelligible words leave my lips as her tongue dances around in her mouth, caressing me.

Just before I reach that place, that place of pure pleasure, pure ecstasy, she pulls back, sitting up on her heels. Licking her lips slowly and crossing her arms across her chest, she looks toward the window and sighs dramatically. My entire being is practically shaking with need, and she is completely ignoring me. Her fingers tap across the surface of my thigh as if she is playing the piano for a moment before she speaks, a wide, evil, grin stretched across her lips.

"You should know by now, Black, it isn't a good idea to tease me. I am much better than you are." She lifts her eyebrow again, sliding off the bed. Fucker! She was planning this from the beginning, and now she is just going to leave me here. This is just wrong. Cruel. Heartless. Evil.

I pull wildly at my bindings, and it is pure luck that one tears apart. Quickly, untying my other hand, I hurry after her. I grab her around the waist before she can get out of the room and toss her roughly back onto the bed. She gives a startled yelp of surprise, but my lips muffle the majority of it. My insane need to be in her stops me from getting her back for her evil little act. Forcefully yanking her knickers down, I push deeply inside her, thrusting madly. She gasps and grips my back, digging her nails in. Her slight gasp turns into a scream as we move in time, her head falling back as she arches upward, her legs wrapping around me. I watch her face contort in pleasure and try to burn the image in my mind, the way her dark eyes appear even darker, her mouth slightly open with her bottom lip trembling, her pale cheeks flushed red, the way her chest rises and falls unevenly with each ragged breathy moan, before I am overcome with intense feeling of bliss, and my eyes close as I explode within her.

Afterwards, exhausted, I drop down beside her, draping an arm over her little waist and pulling her up against my chest. She rests her head on my bicep, and her eyes are heavy as she looks up at me. "So, I suppose, I should do that every time I want something," she murmurs tiredly before kissing the only bit of skin she can reach without moving.

I chuckle and kiss the crown of her head. "I love the way you think."

As our breathing evens out, I idly toy with her hair until I start to drift off to sleep. Right before sleep overtakes me, I could swear I hear her say softly, "I love the way you make me smile." A contented smile tugs at my lips as my eyes fall closed for the final time. _I love…_

O

Leaning against the wall outside the Potions classroom, I try to appear as if I am not staring down the hall, waiting for Cole. I haven't seen her since Sunday morning. She was excused from all of her classes Monday and Tuesday. I went down to her rooms a couple of times, but I didn't get an answer. She wasn't at breakfast this morning either.

It's not like I am worried or anything. I mean, why should I worry? She's fine. She has to be fine. Somebody would have said something if she wasn't. And there is no way in hell she could be ignoring me. I mean, after Saturday… She just couldn't… Fuck. She could, and she would. She probably is, but no, that doesn't work. She would still come to class if she were just ignoring me. She's fine, absolutely fine. She's just… sick or something.

"She's fine," Lily, murmurs beside me. She's been doing that for almost three days now. I force a smile and look down at her. She raises her eyebrows and nods toward the hall.

A heavy sigh of relief escapes my lips as Cole turns the corner, walking unhurriedly toward me, head down searching for something in her bag. "Told you everything was fine," Lily says, shoving me with her shoulder.

Before I can say anything, pretty boy Luke Howards calls to Cole. "Hey, Beck." Her head pops up, and she frowns slightly, stopping and gazing directly at him. He shoves himself off the wall. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

I expect her to square her shoulders and tell him to fuck off but she simply nods slowly and turns around. He quickly follows her, grabbing her elbow and steering her into an unused room. My heart pounds cruelly in my chest, and Lily peers nervously toward the room, her grip tightening on James hand, until Cole emerges the same as ever.

Howards stares at her nervously as she walks back toward the Potions classroom like he expected her to go the other way. "Beck?" She looks up at him simply, and he just shakes his head. What the hell is going on?

She leans up against the wall beside me. "Hey."

"So, not that I've been worrying or anything, but where have you been?" I ask, looking down at her.

Tilting her head up, she smiles. "We were quarantined. Hunter had Dragon Pox."

A frown mars my face and wrinkles my brows. "Isn't there a potion for that?"

"Yeah, yet another medicinal product he is allergic to." She sighs, interlacing our fingers. "I'm sorry; I should have had Poppy tell you." She really looks like it just hit her that someone outside of the staff and Hunter would worry about her.

I kiss her temple, and she rests her head against my shoulder. "No worries," I whisper against her cool skin, a large grin fighting its way onto my lips. This is the first time she has ever held my hand in public.

O

We are about halfway to the Defense classroom when Cole curses. "Shit, I have to go back. I forgot something." She releases my hand and whips around headed back down stairs.

"Cole?" I call after her.

She turns around and shakes her head, smiling as she speaks. "We can't both be late, again. Just go. I'll be there in a bit." I watch her retreating form until she disappears into the crowd before continuing on to Defense.

When she stumbles in the classroom moments before the tardy bell rings, she is as pale as a ghost and only taking small short breaths. "Ms. Cole, please quit wasting my time and take a seat." Professor Obeli growls as she walks into the room. Snape strolls in smiling maliciously at her a few moments afterwards. Obeli doesn't even bat an eye.

Cole nods and practically falls into her seat. I grip her elbow to steady her; her skin is on fire. "Are you okay?" There is fear shining in her dark eyes as she glances at me.

Nodding, she pulls out of my grasp. "Fine," she whispers faintly, pressing her lips together and digging in her bag for her book.

"Ms. Cole?" With her eyes closed, Cole chokes back a retort before glancing up at him. "Are you quite finished with your conversation so I can begin class?" Her dark eyes flutter closed again as she nods. He stares at her for a moment almost as if he is concerned before starting his lecture.

_**Are you okay?**_ I write across the top of my paper.

_Please, not now, Black. _Her handwriting is shaky so I glance over at her hand. The feather of her quill is quivering, and she isn't writing anything at all. I take her left hand in mine under the table; her skin is still burning hot. The dark eyes flick to mine, and her lips twitch a bit before she goes back to staring at her book.

As class progresses, her grasp on my hand gets weaker. "Becca," I say softly. She shakes her head and starts to fall forward. Gasping, she grips the desk to keep herself from tumbling over. "Whoa, easy," I whisper as I place my hand under her arm to hold her up.

Looking at me desperately, "Black, I," she says faintly, slumping against my hand.

A loud thwack at the front of the room as Obeli slams his book on the desk interrupts her. "Ms. Cole, get out of my classroom this instant. You have wasted enough of my time," he says coldly. She nods to him, wincing. Then she slips away from me slowly placing her things in her bag, whispering that she'll be fine. Twenty odd pairs of eyes flick between him and her, but when I glance at Snape, he is grinning widely, his eyes glinting evilly. What the fuck did he do? Obeli taps his toe of his shiny boot, and it clicks on the floor. "Why are you still here, Ms. Cole?"

Closing her eyes, she says faintly, "I am trying to leave, sir."

"You make quite speedy and lovely exits when you wish to Ms. Cole. Why is it when I want you gone you seem to stick around?"

"I don't know, sir," she whispers, her eyes closed not bothering to pretend she is pissed.

Obeli stalks across the room and slams his fist down on the table in front of her. She doesn't even have the strength to flinch. I glare angrily up at him, but he doesn't notice. "Out, Ms. Cole. Get out now!"

"I'm trying," she stutters, gasping for air as her fingers fumble to close the flap on her bag.

"Get out of that chair and out of my classroom, Rebecca, before I throw you out of it," he whispers, harsh and low. I wonder why she hasn't just left yet, and then it hits me: Cole _can't_ actually get out of her chair. "Now, Rebecca." I glance at Lily (who is practically trembling in rage) as an attempt to figure out what to do, but she doesn't give me any sign of what to do. James just shakes his head, telling me to let her be. Moony and Lucy are just staring in shock.

"Darren, please, just a moment," she begs him softly, but he ignores her. I start to tell him to back off, but he grabs her arm and yanks her out of her chair. My blood boils at the sound of her surprised yelp of pain. "Darren, I," her voice fades out, and she falls limply against him.

Stunned, he shakes her unconscious form. When she doesn't move, he drops her, and she lays, unmoving, on the cold tile. Her body lays awkwardly across the stone; a tiny trickle of blood slips down into her hair from a gash caused by hitting her head on the sharp corner of the chair as she fell; her skin is so pale she looks like she is about to disappear. I stare at her, shocked, not knowing what to do. "Becky." The sound of his whispered voice snaps my mind into action as he bends down, softly brushing her hair from her face.

"You bastard. Don't touch her!" I yell, finally standing up and pushing him away.

He falls back a few steps. "I didn't… I thought she was just screwing with me."

"Obviously, she wasn't." Lily says coldly, glaring daggers at him as I scoop Cole up. As James is trying to calm Lily down, I dash out of the room.

Cole bounces lifelessly in my arms as I run through the halls so I pull her tighter to my chest and just try not to think about anything but my destination and the sound my boots make as they pound on the floor. When I skid through the door of the Hospital Wing, Poppy is trying to scurry out. "Mr. Black!" she exclaims, staring at Cole, fear visibly written across her face.

"She– I– Poppy," I shutter not knowing where to start.

"Just put her in a bed, darling." My brain barely processes the term of endearment or that Poppy isn't trying to hex me. I stride past her and gently lay Cole across the first bed I come across. God, she is dying I can feel it. Poppy shuffles around me, gently pushing me out of the way. "Go on. Go find yourself a seat."

"What?" I ask, staring at her dumbfounded. I don't know what is more shocking, the fact that she wants me to leave or that she isn't sending me out of the wing altogether.

She smiles softly and shoos me away. "Just go have a seat, everything is fine. I can't work with you hovering over me."

The curtains around the bed are pulled closed, and I am left staring at a wall of white. The moments crawl by like hours as I stand, unable to coax myself to take more than three steps away from Cole's bed, and stare blankly ahead, seeing only Poppy's light shadow travel across the pale curtains. Finally, her head pops out from between the curtains, her brow damp with sweat.

"Mr. Black?" My eyes search for any sign of hope. I don't think I found any. "Would you mind sitting with her for a moment? I need to speak with someone from St. Mungo's." I shake my head, my hands wringing nervously.

"Okay," I finally answer. She pulls back the curtain and reveals Cole, her entire body trembling with each short ragged breath. _Oh, God. _I close my eyes and step forward.

"Just have a seat. I'll be right back." She pats the edge of Cole's bed before shuffling out and closing the curtains once more.

I carefully sit on the side of the bed, trying not to move her too much before taking Cole's lifeless hand in mine. The only reason I know she is alive because of the little uneven breaths she takes and the way her hand burns my skin.

"Cole," I whisper quietly, knowing she won't respond but desperately praying she will. Thinking I saw her eyes flutter, I repeat myself. Slowly, her eyes open, and they find me. "Thank God," I murmur, standing up and resting my hand against her cheek. She tries to speak, but I softly shush her. "No, just shush. It's going to be fine, just stay still for a moment. Poppy's coming."

Defiant as always, she shakes her head. Her words are choked out between shuddering breaths. "I can't breathe." She looks like she is going to faint again.

"I know, I know. Just hold on Poppy is coming."

Her eyes reflect nothing but the deepest fear as she begs, "Up, please," a ragged breath breaking the words in two.

Nodding and cursing under my breath, I attempt to help her to a sitting position. She isn't able to hold herself up so I climb into the bed behind her, and she sits, leaning back against my chest between my legs. Her breaths come a little easier as my fingers gently smooth her hair and I hold her, whispering calming words of consolation. Her skin is hot and slick with sweat, but her teeth chatter as she shivers in cold. Summoning a blanket, I drape it across her before going back to stroking her hair and murmuring empty words to her softly.

Poppy returns not too long after Cole fades into sleep, staring at a bottle of a milky potion as she pulls back the white curtain and steps inside. "Mr. Black, if you could do–" She finally looks up and sees me. I fully expect a reprimanding, but instead, she smiles softly. "–just that."

Rebecca attempts to lift her head at the sound of Poppy's voice. I gently hold her cheek to my chest. "Shush, just stay still." I feel a tiny trickle of wetness on my shirt, and I think she has attempted to spit on me to tell me to shove it, but when I look down, there is deep red blood soaking through the fabric of my shirt. _God, please…_

"Pop-py, please, no. I'll…" Cole whimpers, still struggling against my hand again, so I just let her do as she pleases. Lifting her head less than an inch, she continues her voice raspy, "be fine."

Snorting, Poppy shakes her head. "Rebecca, you will not be fine."

"I don't want that," Cole chokes out, glaring.

Sympathy reflects in Poppy deep blue-green eyes. "I'm sorry, Rebecca, I really am." Tiny fingers tighten around my hand, and I barely feel it. "Darling," Poppy coos, "it's going to be fine. It's only bad for a moment."

Cole shakes her head as big, round tears fall from her dark eyes. She is frightened beyond belief. "Please, Poppy, I don't want him to–"

"Shush," Poppy rests a calming hand on her cheek. "It okay, he is with Albus. He won't hear a thing, I swear." A small sob escapes Cole's red lips, and she attempts to tighten her grip on my hand. It doesn't work so I tighten mine instead as she nods to Poppy. Poppy curses quietly, pulling a syringe from her pocket. _Oh, God, needles._ "Hold tight, Mr. Black, this isn't going to be pleasant." I stare at her petrified. Cole turns her head away from Poppy as she fills the syringe with the opaque liquid. As she grasps Cole's pale, shaking arm in her hand, Poppy's blue-green eyes seek out my grey ones. "I don't have the time to prepare you for what is about to happen so just breathe, okay?" I nod and slowly Poppy inserts the shinny, silver tip of the needle into Cole's skin. She whimpers weakly, burying her head into my arm as deep as she can. As the foggy white potion leaves the syringe and invades Cole's blood stream her body tenses in my arms.

"Oh, God!" she cries out, every muscle in her tiny body contracting. _Hold tight, Mr. Black. _I lock my arms around her, holding her tightly against my chest, pinning her arms to her sides. It's my gut reaction, and Poppy hasn't said to do otherwise. She claws at my arms, writhing in agony, her legs twisting and thrashing about as she tries to escape the pain. Tears force their way out from between her tightly shut eyelids, and tiny whimpers turn to loud, high-pitched screams.

Soon she is screaming for death to come as she convulses in my arms, tears streaming down her inflamed cheeks, screaming so loudly I am sure her voice will give out soon. The nails of her fingers are digging into my arms, and blood trickles down, staining her white shirt with tiny red dots. Poppy is beside me, stroking Coles sweat-soaked hair, whispering soothing words into her ear, though I doubt Cole can hear them over her own screams. The seconds drag on like hours as she continues to writhes in agony. And I pray, for the first time in a really long time, I pray, whispering the words of it into her hair as I hold her to me.

Then suddenly, without warning, it stops.

Cole lies weakly against my chest, drenched in sweat, blood slowly dripping from her lip where she nearly bit it into, her face tear-stained and paler than ever before. My heart pounds against her back, and I wonder if its sound is comforting now that it is no longer slow and steady. Taking a deep shuddering breath, she whimpers, turning in my loosened grasp. She curls up into a tiny ball, her hands buried under her chin as she cries faintly. I kiss the top of her head and carefully tighten my arms around her, relief slowly washing over me.

Poppy rises of the edge of the bed and smoothes my dark sweat soaked hair out of my eyes. "Put her to sleep and come see me," she whispers, kissing my head like a mother would her child before leaving the enclosed little space.

I roll to my side, and Cole stays wrapped up in her tiny little ball, whimpering with each tear that falls. I lay there, curling up around her until every inch of our bodies are aligned and touching. Holding her as tightly as I dare, my hands wrap around hers. Not knowing what to say, I stay silent, kissing her shoulder every so often, hoping that maybe this is enough to make her feel safe.

Sleep doesn't come for a long time, and even when it does, she still trembles and whimpers. Eventually, I think she is in a deep enough sleep to not realize I have left, and I sneak away from her, tucking the blanket tightly around her tiny form. I stare down at her, standing beside the bed to make sure she isn't going to wake, occasionally flexing the fingers in my right hand, trying to rid my arm of its tingling.

Her hair has gone darker than night, and her lips are no longer stained red. A darkish red-brown scab has started too formed on her bottom lip; the body naturally healing itself despite the fact that she is probably too weak to even move. I brush the silky dark hair out of her face, vaguely registering the deep, red scratches dug into the skin of my arm as she tired to cling to some sort of release from her agony. The tiny freckles that dapple her nose stand out starkly against her extremely pale skin, and I am not sure if she appears so pale because of what she just gone through or if it is merely because it contrasts so greatly with dark hair showing itself for the first time in forever.

As I look down at her, devoid of her guise, I am taken by surprise at her vulnerable appearance. I think I have once described her as carved from stone, the little pieces chipped and carved away by heartbreak and sorrow, polished smooth by pain. She doesn't look like that now. She is merely a weak and frightened little girl with a tear-streaked face and trembling hands. It was never bits of stone being scraped away by the horror that she's been through. It's flesh and soul being ripped away from her, tearing her to pieces, killing her slowly and cruelly because she is too stubborn to just give in and die.

"Mr. Black?" Poppy asks quietly as she peers between the curtains. I glance up at her and smile weakly. She returns it, nodding slightly. "I thought maybe you had drifted off yourself. Come. She'll be fine while we have a cup of tea."

I follow her slowly into her office, which is not at all like I had imagined. I always thought Poppy was the kind of woman to have her space covered in pink and lace, but this is nothing of the sort. Everything is done in creams and pale blues; it is relaxing and refreshing at the same time. There are fresh flowers on the edge of her desk with a tiny card attached that reads: _I am so sorry. I can't believe I forgot your birthday, again. --Thomas._ She finds me staring at them. "My younger brother. He is _almost _as absentminded as Professor Binns; though he can't use age as an excuse, being only nineteen."

"At least he remembered, eventually." I shrug with a tiny smile.

She laughs. "Yes, a whole fours months later." For the first time in almost seven years, I am not scared shitless of the Hogwarts school nurse, and she isn't annoyed beyond comprehension with me.

Leading me to a pair of toffee colored armchairs, she takes a seat and gestures for me to do the same. "So," she begins as I lean back into the chair, "to start– I apologize. Normally, Albus would have been here, and I wouldn't have had to ask you or at least had the time to inform you of what was going to happen."

I shake my head. "No, it isn't necessary. I was glad to help."

Smiling again, she says, "Yes, it is. That was a lot for someone to handle without warning. You did very well." I nod, staring at my toes. "Now, I suppose I should– Would you like some tea?"

Bringing my eyes back to hers, I answer. "Yes, that would be great, thanks."

"I only have iced." She smiles again as she stands and makes her way across room. "I will share a tiny little secret with you. But whatever, you do, don't tell Minerva. I despise hot tea," she says, her back facing me as she pours us some tea.

I chuckle a little. "I won't tell a soul. Scout's honor."

"I doubt you were ever a scout." She hands me a glass of tea before sitting back down. I take a sip, and it is unusually sweet, like Remus' grandmother's tea.

Sighing, she frowns at me over her glass. "Now, that I have procrastinated all I can. What you just saw out there is, ah, the antidote to You-Know–" Rolling her eyes, she corrects herself, "Voldemort's latest creation. Sadly, the cure is almost fouler than the poison."

I raise an eyebrow at her and she falls into an explanation. "The poison basically causes you to freeze and burn at the same time. I don't know how else to explain it without going into the medical aspects of it, which would require you to learn an entirely new language to understand." I smile weakly and nod. "The antidote removes all magical chemicals from the body. Hence, the dark hair and no red lipstick."

"She knew what it was?" I ask.

"Rebecca spends a lot of time here," she says by way of explanation. I nod slowly and watch the little foggy pieces of ice float around in my cup.

"Is there anything that you want to say or ask?" she asks awkwardly. "I'm sorry; I am not very good at the counseling or whatever. It is another one of the headmaster's duties."

"It was Snape that did it," I say hesitantly.

She nods her head and removes her little nurse's cap revealing short, curly, mousy brown hair, making her appear years younger. Damn, I bet she is barely twenty-five. She isn't nearly as frightening as I always thought. "I assumed that; him or that bastard Darren, but there is nothing we can do about it unless there is proof."

"Isn't she proof?"

"Only, if she tells."

I stare at her confusedly. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Because she doesn't care about what is right or wrong. The only thing that matters to her is that little boy and his happiness. Accusing Snape will put Hunter in more danger than he is in now. She knows that. She'll keep her trap shut. She always does."

"But–"­­

"Mr. Black, didn't you hear her. _I don't want him to hear me scream. _She was terrified not of the agony that comes with the cure, but the thought of him knowing she was in pain, the thought of him being afraid for her, of the damage it might cause him. Not for herself, never for herself." Poppy releases a sad sort of sigh, her eyes on the floor as if there is extremely intriguing painted on it. I just watch her, not answering. I don't know what to say.

We sit in silence, glancing around the room making eye contact occasionally but never speaking until the ice melts in our glasses. "Well, Mr. Black. Why don't you go up to Gryffindor Tower, take a shower, and get some food? I'll get you a bed ready beside hers." She's going to let me stay here?

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. If she wakes, let her know I am coming back," I say quietly, standing up and making my way toward the door.

"Of course, Mr. Black." She smiles again and walks me out.

O

I walk slowly back to the Hospital Wing after showering and explaining everything to everyone. I skipped eating; I just don't think I can handle food right now. I "borrowed" James Invisibility Cloak just incase Poppy realizes who it is she is allowing to spend the night in her domain. This afternoon's events were extremely stressful, and for some odd reason, I keep thinking she is going to turn back into the awful little witch that hexes me out of the wing when I try to visit Moony after the full moon. Once, my bum stayed bruised for a month, I swear.

As I turn down the corridor that leads to the Hospital Wing, I see Luke Howards shuffling nervously in the same direction. What is he up to? Slipping James' cloak over my shoulders, I speed up, hoping to figure out what he is up to. He stands in the doorway for a moment, staring brokenly into the room. Edging up close to him, I peer inside. Cole is sitting up in her bed, her knees pulled up to her chest, taking deep breaths as she tries to keep herself from crying. It makes my heart ache.

"Oh, cakes," he murmurs, slowly striding into the room, running his fingers through his short light brown hair. Rebecca slowly turns her gaze from the window to him. Her dark eyes shine brokenly as she watches him walk toward her. As he sits down beside her, she raises her thin arms and wraps them around his neck.

"Oh, Beck, I am so sorry. I should have gone back when I found you missing," he whispers, gently holding her in his arms. She shakes her head, tears clinging to her dark lashes before burying her face in his neck sobbing. "Shush, cakes, it's okay." He quiets her, rubbing slow circles across her back. I am not sure whether to be jealous or just heartbroken as I watch them.

Soon her sobbing halts, and she only hiccups occasionally. Pulling back out of his arms, she leans back against the headboard, her eyes closed, trying to breathe evenly. "Are you okay, Beck?" he asks softly.

Nodding slowly, she opens her eyes. "Luke, I was so fucking scared." Her raw voice is barely above a whisper.

He presses his lips to hers, attempting to take away her pain before leaning up against the headboard beside her. He doesn't acknowledge her fear in any other way than that.

"Come on, stop with that word, Beck. It doesn't sound like you." She closes her eyes again and lays her head on his shoulder. "You didn't leave when I told you to," he murmurs against her hair. He warned her; that's why he expected her to the leave the dungeons.

"They would have known you told me if I left. That was like a death wish, Luke," she whispers hoarsely.

"Oh, so you take the fall to protect me. God, Beck, I am capable of fending for myself."

"I know," she mumbles, nuzzling against him, "but you sleep in the same room as him. It's too much of a risk for you to go around playing my savior."

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he kisses her hair. "And you are in too much of a target to go around protecting me."

She whispers something in French, and he chuckles. I didn't catch the whole thing; even if I had, I probably couldn't understand half of it. I pounded most of the language out of my head after leaving my parents, remembering only a few key phrases that are useful when you want to get laid.

"Using my own lines against me, cupcake, that's low." He rests his head atop hers, intertwining their fingers.

They fall into silence for a while, and I begin to feel awkward watching them. Is he why she said no attachments? She already has someone. She doesn't need me. She is just using me, like James said. She's just fucking me because I am there.

Lifting his head, he sighs. "So, I have heard you haven't been eating."

"Do we have to talk about that?" she kisses his neck.

Slipping his hand under her chin, he cups her face, asking her to look at him. "Beck, we've been over this. You are a very beautiful person, and if I didn't belong to someone, you probably would be able to distract me with those lips, but with the way things, are you are just making me feel extremely awkward." My heart fills with a ridiculous feeling of joy at that statement.

She smiles and releases a raspy little laugh. "Sorry."

He rolls his eyes. "You are only sorry it didn't work." She shrugs, feigning innocence. "Okay, so, back to the original topic: you're not eating."

Rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, she evades his eyes. "I can't keep anything down. It's just easier to avoid eating than to spend twenty minutes afterwards in the bathroom with Hunter standing outside the door asking if I am okay."

"So, let's try eating something small right before you go to bed. That way you aren't moving around, and maybe it'll stick." He ruffles her hair after she mutters something about giving it a try. "God, we have to do something about this." His voice is light and cheerful, not at all like the growl he uses on the Quidditch Pitch.

"What?" she asks.

"Your hair. If you are going back to your natural color, you need a new cut." Pulling his wand out of his pocket, he helps her sit up. She wobbles slightly and cringes at the movement but bites down any complaints.

"No, I'm not. I just… I can't fix it for another twenty something hours." Her own shaking fingers run through her dark hair.

He notices her tremble at the same time I do. "Damn, Beck. You're practically quaking."

"I'm fine," she answers shortly. Well, at least he gets the attitude, too.

Taking a deeply breath, he blows out his cheeks and releases a heavy sigh. "Is it because you are cold? Or just a side-effect?" She mutters something quietly, and I can't hear her. He grins conceitedly. "Luckily for you, I brought something warm." Climbing off her bed, he digs in his book bag and pulls out a sweater. Tears gently fall from her eyes as he helps her into it. Carefully, he wraps her in a hug. "Okay, so we won't move any more." Kissing her hair again, he holds her until she stops crying. When she sits back up, eyes red-rimmed and still shivering, he brushes away the tears still clinging to her cheeks. "Let's do something with this hair, huh?" Pressing her lips together, she shrugs.

Chewing on his thumbnail, he sits back and gazes at her thoughtfully. "We going back to blonde? Or maybe a dark chocolate brown…"

Smiling, she answers, "You are the expert. You just work your magic, and I promise not to complain."

"Yeah, right. You are going to complain even if you love it," he replies, tapping his wand against his chin. "Okay, we'll try the brown. If I don't like it will go back to blonde." With a few quick swishes and flicks of his wand, her hair morphs from a frizzy, black mess to sleek deep chocolate brown with bangs that sweep across her face covering her right eye. It's short, and the ends are a little shaggy at the nape of her neck. He tucks her bangs behind her right ear. "That might get annoying."

Sighing heavily, he flicks his wand, and her hair changes again. This time it's shorter, messy, and blonde once again. With a small smile, he runs his fingers through it coaxing it to stand. When he is finished, long messy spikes stand in different directions curling over slightly because of their length. "Hmm, after sex hair." Running his fingers through it again, he tames the locks smooth, parting it deeply on the left.

"Satisfied?" she asks, her voice raspy.

He nods slowly. "Yes, I think so. No helmet hair with it like this."

She hums a little laugh. "Oh, good. I had a horrible time with it when Hunter and I went shopping."

He smiles softly and murmurs something about "that damn bike" and guiding her back down to the pillows. Climbing off her bed, he pulls the chair closer to her and gently strokes her hair telling her she should sleep.

"But I miss you. Talk to me," she says, closing her eyes.

Laughing a little, he pulls her blanket up around her shoulders before dropping casually into the chair. "What is there to say really? Everything pretty much stays the same in the dungeons. Plus, you're the one with the interesting life not me."

"Lizzie, how is she?" Cole blinks up at him, curling her hands under her chin.

"Good, good. She's really enjoying the training program. I have no idea why. She runs five kilometres a day. Can you imagine?" His long legs cross at the ankles as he sinks lower in his chair.

"She always did like to run, you know."

"Yeah, I suppose…" His voice fades for a moment before he picks up another topic. "It's god awful without you down there you know. First Lizzie graduates, leaving me with no one to curb my libido, and now with you gone, I have absolutely no intellectual conversation, ever. It's all Quidditch or world-domination. Even the little ones are knee-deep in this blood purity crap. And Snape. I wish I could kill that goddamn bastard. When he doesn't have the entire dorm smelling like blotched potions and covered in dark texts, he is going on and on to anyone who will listen about his mark. And this is the second time he's tried to do you in."

"Fuck," she mumbles. "I can't believe he actually went through with it." She's really too drained to stay awake any longer. Her eyes keep fluttering closed, her breathing isn't even any more, and she's lost what little color she had regained earlier. I don't think she is even emotionally ready to have a conversation like this.

"Come on, Beck. He isn't the first or the last. I am honestly surprised he is the only one in seventh year who has gotten it done, so far. Don't you remember last year's group; six out of eight and that was just the males. Not to mention the seven from the other houses or the younger students."

She inhales deeply, holding her breath for a moment before slowly exhaling. "And he has been boasting about it. It used to be something they'd hide."

"It's getting worse. And I keep finding myself thinking we are on the wrong side. Not morally, but gods, Bee, I don't see us winning this." He chews on the inside of his cheek before shaking his head. When he glances back over at her, he notices her fatigue and smiles faintly. "New line of conversation, please. This is dreary, and dreary conversation when you aren't in a hospital bed is bad enough. Tell me about Black."

Pulling her blanket tighter around her, she murmurs "What about him?" before closing her eyes.

"Everything," he leans forward, resting his hands on his knees. "Just talk." The sound of her heavy sigh brings me closer to them, and I perch on the edge on the bed beside hers. She snuggles deeper into her pillow as she stalls. "Is he good?"

She laughs a little. "As if I would keep him around if he wasn't."

"I didn't mean in bed, cakes, I knew that. I meant does he treat you well?"

Nodding, she whispers, "He is so incredibly kind." Her voice aches with tears, and it tugs at my heartstrings.

"Kind. I like that. You deserve kind," he whispers softly, standing up and stroking her hair again as she tries to hide from him, sobs keeping her from responding. "And he makes you smile. I like that he makes you smile," he adds, twirling a bit of hair around his finger. When she doesn't respond, he stares down at her for a moment, and then his pale green eyes go wide. "You're attached to him," he whispers, awe evident in his voice

Holding her small hand to her lips, she chokes back a sob, her lips pressed tightly together, her eyes welling with tears. A little, round tear slips down her cheek, and it winks in the light of the late afternoon sun shining through the large windows of the Hospital Wing. "I'm not…" she chokes out beginning to cry in earnest again. He climbs into the bed beside her, wrapping her in his arms.

"Shush, cakes, it's okay. It really is," he coos softly, holding her gently as she cries herself to sleep.

After he is sure she has fallen asleep, he murmurs, "It looks like I am going to be having a nice little chat with Sirius Black," as he climbs out of the bed. He pulls the blankets up around her, tucking the edges in as he kisses her forehead like she a little kid. "Sleep well, cupcake," he whispers against her skin.

Quickly, vanishing the bright, little flowers that sat upon the table with a disgusted sneer, he turns and rummages through his bag, pulling out a little green nightgown and a toothbrush. He places them on the table.

Striding down the aisle and up to Poppy's office, he knocks briskly on her door and waits impatiently for her to answer. When she opens the door and smiles at him, he runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I brought her a nightgown; she doesn't need to be trapped in all that white. It makes her look like death," he says coolly before leaving the wing. I follow him out and wait a few moments before pulling off the cloak and walking toward Gryffindor tower. I think I need to think for a bit.

O

"Black?" Cole whispers faintly, lifting her head off her pillow and looking over at me. The moon shinning through the giant windows of the Hospital Wing casts an iridescent light across her pale face.

"Hey," I mutter groggily, crawling out of my bed and walking over to hers, caressing her cheek and allowing my fingers to linger on her skin before sitting in the hard chair beside her bed. Her fever has broken, thankfully.

Closing her eyes, fisting the blankets in her tiny hands and pulling it up under her chin, she takes a deep even breath. "How long have I been out?" Her dark eyes open and stare at me.

"I've been back for about four hours. Poppy said you were up for a bit but fell back asleep around dinnertime." She blinks once before nodding. "How are you feeling?"

She makes a little humming noise, glancing over my shoulder before answering. "Sore, but I am fine." I nod simply and watch her as her eyes fluttered closed. "Hunter's with McGonagall?"

"Yeah," I answer, my voice still thick with sleep. Her lips twitch a bit, and she attempts to sit up. I jump out of my seat as she starts to fall, gently grasping her arm with one hand, the other splayed out across her back, steadying her until she is able to hold herself up. There are tears in her eyes, and humiliation written across her face so I don't mention it.

"I like your hair." My voice is probably a little too cheery, but I don't think she'll notice tonight.

"Luke." Her voice is even fainter than before, and her face has gone sickly pale as she fiddles with the bright green edge of her gown.

"Howards?" I ask curiously, dropping back down to my chair.

With a slight nod, she murmurs slowly, "I trust Luke." Even if I hadn't heard today's conversation that statement right there would have given me complete faith in Luke Howards. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she stares out the window in front of her. "Oh fuck," she mutters, raising her hand to her lip. There is a little splotch of blood on her fingers, and she cringes as she touches it again.

Clucking, I stand up and sit down in front of her. "It seems our dear nurse isn't very good at her job." Her dark eyes flick up to meet mine, and I smile a little at her. I place one hand under her chin and pull my wand from the pocket of my pajamas. "Episkey," I whisper, and the cut on her lip knits itself back together, leaving only little smear of blood behind. As I trace her lip with my thumb, she stares up at me innocently. I kiss her gently, and it is nothing more than a simple, sweet kiss.

She rests her head on my shoulder, placing feather light kisses on my neck, and I loosely wrap my arms around her. "I'm frightened." Her voice is dripping with self-hatred.

"It's alright to be scared," I whisper. "You have a right to be scared. More of a right than most." I kiss her hair before continuing. "I shouldn't have let you go alone."

She shakes her head and wet tears fall onto my shirt. "I can't sleep," she sniffs. "I woke up, and I have been trying to fall back to sleep, but I keep dreaming… and I can't–" Burying her face in my neck, she cuts off as sobs overtake her voice. She's having nightmares.

I tighten my arms around her. "Do you want me to go get a Dreamless Sleeping Potion?" It's a long while before she regains enough control to answer, and I just hold her as I wait.

"No," she sighs. "Hunter's allergic. I can't have that in my blood, or he won't be able to feed tomorrow."

"He can use me," I offer.

Shaking her head, she whispers. "No, he doesn't… It hurts him enough as it is. I can't ask that of him."

I nod slowly, not really understanding. She goes back to placing little kisses on my neck again, almost as if the action comforts her in some small way. "Well, what will help then?" I ask. She doesn't answer. Instead, her kisses become more passionate, and she climbs into my lap, wrapping her legs around me. When I realize what she is doing, I pull away from her. "No. No, we can't do that." Her eyes fill with tears, and it breaks my heart that I can't give her what she wants, but I can't; it's not what she needs. "Cole, you can barely sit up. You just need to rest tonight." She whimpers, trying to kiss me again. I tuck her head under my chin and hold her to my chest. "Shush, it's okay," I whisper, guiding her down to the bed. Wrapping the blankets tightly around her, I kiss her hair. "I'll stay right here, okay? And you can just sleep, I won't leave." She nods a little, and I lie down behind her, pressing my front against her back, wrapping my arms around her, holding her so closely not even air can squeeze between us. She cries silently until she fades into sleep, and I try to sleep alongside her, but it never comes.

O

_thank you for reading_


	20. Chapter 20

So, I'm a Fuck Up

A sharp gasp of pain brings me from my shallow slumber. "Becca?" I murmur, feeling around for her. I had taken to calling her that sometime during the night. When I can't locate her with fingers, I open my eyes. She is sitting up in the bed opposite me, attempting to pull on her boots. Her face is twisted in pain, and her left hand is gripping her stomach, but she is still tugging at the back of the shoe, trying to force her foot inside. "Becca, what are you doing?"

With a painful wince, she finally gets the boot on and turns to glare at me, her eyes dark flashing with irritation. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she growls, her voice still raw and raspy.

"What do you mean 'what am I doing here'? You practically _died_ yesterday. Where else would I be?" I ask, stunned, sitting up in the bed.

"I told you, Black. I told you no fucking attachments. I think watching over me while I am _practically dying,_" she rolls her eyes at my words,"is a sign of an attachment," she hisses cruelly before doubling over in pain. I stand up to help her, but as I touch her arm, she pulls away from me, causing another excruciating gasp to escape her lips. "Don't fucking touch me. What the hell is wrong with you? I said the moment you got attached this was ending. It's done. It's over. Now, get the fuck away from me. Better yet, get the hell out."

"Becca…" I whisper softly.

She stands abruptly, biting down the scream that threatens to overtake her voice. "Who the fuck gave you permission to call me that? I sure as hell didn't." She brushes past me, wincing and muttering, "Fucking men and their ability to only think with their effing dick." She tries to make her way down the hall, but she stumbles and slams into a bed railing before she even gets two beds away from me.

I rush to her side, trying to help her off the floor, but she jerks away from me, scooting across the tile and up against the wall and sending herself into another bout of painful gasps. "Cole, please," I say desperately, kneeling down beside her.

Pulling her knees to her chest, she glares at me, pressing herself up against the wall. As I watch her there, fear and hate radiating off her, my mind shows me another picture of her doing the same thing, only younger and with dark hair. The last time they touched her; the last time the hurt her; the last time she had to put herself back together. "I don't need you!" she yells. "I don't fucking need anyone. Get the hell away from me." Her dark eyes are flashing dangerously, and the ire in her voice makes me shy away.

"Cole, I didn't-" I start, but she cuts me off.

"I told you I didn't need a fucking knight in shining armor. I told you not to get attached. I tried to make you stay the fuck away, but you just didn't get it," she pants out, still trying to raise her voice to a full on scream, but she is just to weak to do it. Her chest heaves with every short ragged breath, and she loses a little more color with every word. "We were about sex and a good time, Black. Nothing more, damn it! Get that through your thick skull. It was a fucking game, Black, and it's over." I shake my head and try to touch her, but she pulls away again.

"I don't want you," she bites out. But I make her _smile_. She loves that I make her smile.

"And, I sure as hell don't need you." God, but she does. She is so absolutely defenseless; she can't even pick herself up off the floor. She let me help before, why won't she now?

"And whatever fantasy you have going on in your head, Black, it is horribly, horribly wrong. I am not some fucking little girl in need of a protector. I am _not_ what you want me to be." I don't want her to be anything but her. Why doesn't she see that?

Her entire body is quivering in pain now, and she is starting to sway in dizziness. "Cole, please, just let me help you back to bed."

"Get the fuck out!" she screams, and I hear Poppy's footsteps on the tile. I don't know whether to be pleased or disappointed at the sound. With her here, she'll make Cole calm down, but she'll also send me away.

"I said _get out_! I don't want you here. I don't want you!" She _has_ to. The way her eyes light up and she smiles at me when she's happy– that has to mean _something_. The way my skin tingles when she touches me; the way she croons out my name; the way her kisses make my blood surge in my; the way she laughs when she is with me. She can't not want that. She has to want that. Tears are spilling out of her eyes, and she is trying to curl up inside herself to escape the pain. Whether emotional or physical, I am not sure. I hope it's both. No, that's a lie. If it only hurts her only half as much as it is hurting me, she'd die because my entire body is aching in agony over her words.

"Mr. Black, I think you should go. You have class in a bit, anyway," Poppy says quietly, stepping around me, her viridian eyes begging me softly. I stare at her white back blankly as she tries to coax Cole off the floor, watching the way her robes sway and wrinkle as if they is the most interesting thing in the world.

"Get him out of here, Poppy. Get the fucking prick away from me. Make him leave," Cole screeches, pressing herself further against the wall like I am someone to be afraid of.

"Mr. Black, please, you are upsetting her. Just go. It'll be fine," Poppy says, trying to lift Cole off the floor, but she is still pressing her body against the wall. I shake my head even though Poppy has her back to me and can't see it. How can I just leave like this?

I just stand there. Cole laughs viscously. "God, Black, what? Did you fancy us in love with each other? Think we were like your little friends? Head over heels, going to stay together forever?" she says mockingly. "Fucking idiot. I barely even tolerate you. You are a good fuck, and that's it. Shit, Black look at me. Do I look like the kind of person that believes in a fucking happily ever after with a castle and a dozen kids? My God, how thick can you get?"

"Mr. Black," Poppy pleads with me, still trying to shush Cole. I just stand there, my chest aching so profoundly I think someone has reached inside my chest and ripped out my heart and is shredding it into tiny pieces.

Cole tries to laugh again, but it comes out as a strangled cough. There is a little bit of blood staining her lips. "What will it take to get you the fuck out of here, Black? What the hell do I need to say to make you realize that your fantasy, is just that, a fantasy?" Her dark eyes shine in some undetectable emotion for a moment, and then they go blank. They are nothing more than emotionless grey orbs. Releasing a breathless, angry, little laugh, she stares up at me and makes sure I am staring back into those dark, cold, unforgiving eyes. "I don't give a fuck about you, Black. Hell, if you died, I wouldn't bat an eye. I would probably whisper the curse if they offered. There was never an 'us' or a 'we'. I was just using you for a good time every now and then. It didn't mean shit." She's cold and heartless, and her lips are curled in disgust. "Do you get that, Black? I don't care about you. I don't even like you. And I sure as hell don't _love_ you." She glares at me coldly, silently, letting the words seep into my soul, and I force down tears silently pleading with her to stop lying.

"Mr. Black," Poppy whispers when Cole falls silent, and I just nod, slowly backing away and out into the hall. The pain in my chest numbs to a dull ache, and I blink slowly, trying to focus on the way the light casts shadows on the stone wall, making the texture seem almost rough, but when I run my hand across the wall as I walk toward Gryffindor tower, it is smooth and cool, and I let my hand slide across it all the way back to the tower. I tell myself that it's not because I am afraid that I will stumble and fall if I don't have something to hold me up; it's just because I like the way the little bumps feel under my fingers.

When I arrive in the common room, everybody has already gone to breakfast. It's better this way. Now I don't have to explain anything. I can just shower and go to class early.

O

"Sirius, what's wrong? Is Cole alright?" I hear Lucy's voice echo somewhere in my thoughts and blink slowly and look at her. She is staring at me concernedly, a tiny wrinkle between her brows and her plump lips pursed together. Moony is behind her, his pale brown eyes watching me unblinkingly, trying to figure out what happened just by my expression.

"She's fine, Luce. She's just fine," I mutter before closing my eyes and dropping my head back down to my desk. History of Magic– God, I love this class. It's so easy to sleep in here. I hear Lucy's voice echo in my head, again, but this time I don't let myself wake, she was talking to Moony anyway. He is always so good with the excuses. Yeah, I am just tired. I just didn't sleep enough last night. That's why I feel so nauseated; that's why the world keeps spinning; that's why my chest feels like a thousand hippogriffs just stampeded across it. That's all that's wrong. Not enough sleep.

We were just about sex, and it's over. Just about sex, and it's over. It's over…

O

Cole is back in class today. It's been almost two weeks. Poppy refused to let me in the Hospital Wing the rest of the time that she was in there. Always telling me the same thing, her eyes full of sadness. "No, Mr. Black. She can't have visitors. She's just not up to it." I watched Howards go in there twice. He never came to talk to me. He knows how she feels, he knows how I feel, and he never came to tell me anything. Not even an update on her health. Fucking bastard.

"Hey," Lucy says quietly, taking a seat beside me. She's been doing that, sitting with me. Always keeping her voice so soft I have to strain to hear her. Her lips never move out of a little closed mouthed smile, anymore either. They just stay there like they are stuck. Even when she talks, they barely part, like she's broken or something. It is just a tiny little smile, like a bow, and it's sad, so sad. I watch Moony glance nervously at the two of us, like we are both ripping apart at the seams, but we're fine. Lucy's fine, nothing happened to Lucy. I am fine, just tired. We are just fine. I glance over at her again, and my head spins at her sadness. She needs to be with him, not trying to take care of me.

I sigh heavily. "You should go sit with Moony. He misses you."

Her lips tilt up a little, barely changing their position. "No, he is fine. I want to sit with you." I nod and turn my attention back to the front of the room even though Obeli hasn't arrived yet. Cole slowly strides into the room not so much as glancing at me.

Her shoulders are a little too squared and her head is tilted up a little too high. She sits carefully between the two Slytherin man-whores, Jeremiah Collins and Evan Rosier. I watch Rosier slip his hand down to her thigh before sliding it under her skirt. She doesn't move, almost as if she doesn't realize he is there, but she knows. Collins leans over and whispers something in her ear, his lips brushing up against her skin, and she gives a fake little laugh. She looks dirty there with them.

As tear my eyes away from her and stare blankly at the blackboard, Lucy's tiny hand finds its way into mine, and she gives it a small squeeze. "It will get better, babe, I promise," she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper, like she thinks if she says something too loud I will fall apart. Maybe she's right, maybe I will.

O

As February fades into March, rainstorms attack the castle, and the dreary weather matches my mood. I snap at everyone in sight with the exception of Lucy who never leaves my side. Even at night, I feel her tranquil eyes on me while I sleep. I have woken up several times to find her staring at me, propped up against Moony's bedpost, as she idly twists a bit of his hair around her finger. She's not happy, and it's my fault. God, I hate that I am hurting her.

O

I have barely buttered my toast when Luke Howards drops into the empty space beside Lucy, nudging her over toward Remus a bit. "Black, we have to talk," he mutters contemptuously.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I frown deeply and growl, "I have nothing to say to you, Howards. Scamper back to your little friends, and leave me the hell alone." Fucking bastard better leave me alone before I kill him.

His hand slips under the table, and I feel a wand tap my knee, telling me that if I don't move he is going to curse me. Before I can do anything, I notice him jump a little to the left.

"I would suggest putting your wand back in your pocket, Howards. Trust me, whatever curse you have in mind is nothing compared to what I am planning to do to you," Lucy murmurs dangerously, her little bow of a smile turning into a deep frown.

Howards swallows and inclines his head just a bit, stuffing his wand in his pocket. I quirk an eyebrow at him and chuckle coldly as James and Remus place their wands noticeably on the table, wordlessly informing him that he made the right choice as Lucy wasn't the only one about to hex him.

He sighs heavily. "Look, it's important. Your little guard dog here can keep my wand while we chat. But we have to talk."

Remus audibly snarls at him as the word dog leaves his lips. He isn't going to stand for someone talking that way about Lucy, even if she isn't talking to him. "Watch your tongue, Howards, or you won't have it for long."

"Damn, you lot are jumpy, aren't you?" he mutters and places his wand in front of Lucy. "Take care of that, sweetheart. I'll be coming back for it."

Lucy simply picks up the wand and stuffs it in her pocket, nodding slowly to me, her peaceful copper eyes blinking once. Moony stares at her confusedly for a moment but doesn't say anything. Lucy wouldn't usually let someone who isn't me call her that.

"Come along, Black," Howards says in a rather cheery voice. Bastard. I am going to kill him.

"I never agreed to anything, but I am sure an extra wand will come in handy, thanks."

"Sirius, honestly, don't be a prat." Lily rolls her green eyes before trying to glare at me over James' shoulder.

"What?" I say, offended, and turn to stare at her. "I am not being a prat. He is the one who came over and started making threats."

"No, he simply asked to talk. Now, you get that mopey ass of yours out of that chair and go talk to him. He is being beyond reasonable. You have been in this foul mood for far too long. Get up, and see what he wants," she says slowly and demandingly, flipping her red hair. God, she is so fucking bossy. She is _not_ my mother.

I glare at her for a moment before James nudges me. "Just go, man. You're going to put her in a pissy mood, and I am going to have to deal with it."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean, James?" Lily stands up and narrows her eyes at him. No doubt, I will be blamed for this as well.

"It doesn't mean anything, Lily. I am on your side here," James says forcefully, turning in his seat and staring up at her.

"How can you honestly think that was helpful?" She stomps her foot and crosses her arms.

James finally stands. "It was helpful. He was going to get up before you started screaming like a madwoman."

"I am not _screaming_!" Her green eyes flash dangerously, and I look over to Lucy and Remus. Remus is smiling rather widely for the first time in forever, and Lucy looks a little more real. Lily is finally back. I suppose that is something to smile about, but my heart doesn't lighten any at all. "And I am most definitely not mad!"

"No, not mad, just pissed," James mutters. "See what you did, Padfoot?"

Lily turns her gaze to me, and I would normally cringe away in fear at the vivid green glare of death, but I just don't care anymore. "What the hell are you still doing here, Sirius? I told you to get your ass out of that chair and--"

"Miss Evans, honestly, I expected better behavior from the Head Girl." Professor McGonagall makes her arrival, scowling down her nose at both James and Lily. Lily drops her eyes abashedly. I snort. Serves her right. McGonagall whips around to face me. "And _you,_ Mr. Black. Don't think I don't realize you did something to start this."

"What?" I stutter, my mouth opening and closing in a way that surely makes me look like a fish. I didn't do anything. Why the hell is everyone against me, lately?

"You best follow Ms. Evans' orders, Mr. Black, before I assign you detention."

"I am not going to have a conversation which that bloody idiot. Put me in detention. It's not like it will interrupt anything anyway except constant badgering and worried glares!" I yell at her and stand up abruptly, storming out of the Great Hall. Lucy doesn't follow me this time. Good, maybe she'll stop being so sad now. I hate seeing her sad.

O

James and Lily's two-month anniversary is today. They didn't celebrate, at least not in front of me. They haven't done anything in front of me in a long time. Lucy hasn't been around since my outburst in the Great Hall. She hasn't smiled at all either. Fuck, I've broken her, and I can't fucking fix it. I don't know how. I can't even fix myself. Moony hasn't been around much, but by the morose expression on his face, Lucy hasn't been with him. Peter has stayed completely out of my way; I don't even see him in the dorm.

It's late. I am sitting on the couch, staring into the fire again, sipping at what is left of the whiskey in my bottle, savoring the fiery taste. It was full when I started. It's not anymore. I think I am pretty drunk.

Suddenly, I hear the portrait slam closed, and Lucy stumbles in. "You're drinking," she whispers, coming to sit on the coffee table in front me, and I nod slowly. She looks a little odd, like she is upset, like she should be crying. Her small fingers wrap around the neck of the bottle, and I let it slip from my grasp.

"You didn't leave me much." There it is– that damn sad smile again. Closing her eyes tightly, she raises the bottle to her lips and tilts her head back, draining the last few gulps. An odd shiver crawls up her spine as she releases a shuddering breath, like it made her cold instead of warm, but Firewhiskey burns like hell.

"Luce, is something wrong?" I ask, my words a little slurred.

She shakes her head, but there is something in her eyes that I can't read. "No, love. Everything is fine."

I nod slowly and try to make something out of her blank expression. We sit in silence, staring at each other, listening to the fire crackle and the sounds of snores drifting down the staircase.

"Sirius," she murmurs softly, and I watch her pink lips as she speaks, wondering if they still taste like licorice or if they taste like whiskey. "Remus and I, we stopped."

I blink and tear my eyes away from her lips and focus on the rich copper of her eyes. "Stopped what?"

"Everything," she breathes. "I just… and he… and so we stopped." I can't even blink; my eyes are trapped staring at the sadness that mirrors my own.

"But, Lucy, you and him are… I don't understand."

Swallowing hard, she shakes her head, her high ponytail swaying from side to side. "There isn't anything to understand. We stopped; he wanted to stop."

I don't understand. Moony loves her. Why would he want to stop? Her little pink tongue darts out from between her teeth, and she wets her lips. She looks like she is going to say something else, but she doesn't. Silence swells around us, and I stare blankly at her, not knowing what to do, what to say.

"Sirius," she murmurs, standing up carefully. I keep my eyes on her face as she stands. She is so sad. "Do you remember that Christmas that Keith didn't come back?"

I mouth "yes," but no sound leaves my lips.

Her voice shakes a little as she climbs into my lap, straddling me, tears filling her eyes. "Do you remember how you said that we could… and it would help?" Her toned legs flex a little, and she lifts herself up enough to stare directly into my eyes. She runs her fingers through my hair and kisses my cheek, breathing, "Could we do that now?" against my skin.

"Luce," I choke out, and a big round tear slides down her cheek.

Her chest jerks as she tries to keep herself from sobbing. She lays her head on my shoulder and breathes against my neck; every little breath numbs my pain just a little. "Please, Sirius. I just…"

Her short, neatly-trimmed fingernails dig into my chest, and I can think of nothing but her. I carefully wrap my arms around her and nod slowly, knowing that it is so horribly wrong. With a short intake of breath, she lifts her head and presses her lips to mine. She tastes so incredibly good, so sweet. She is so incredibly good, so sweet. She deserves better than me.

She hesitates as I slip my tongue between her lips, and I should stop. That was my cue to stop. That was my cue to pull back and just hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay, that she doesn't want to do this, that she and Moony will patch things up and today was just a bad day. I don't. I just press her a little bit, and all thoughts of calling this to an end stop. She gasps into my mouth as I work my hand under her shirt and find the soft cotton of her bra. "Sirius," she moans, and I am so glad she knows it's me.

Her sweet, candy-coated lips move away from my mouth, and she nibbles her way down my neck, her tiny fingers undoing the buttons on my shirt without thought. I caress her skin, and she feels so good, so soft, so right.

But it's not right. This is wrong– I can't do this. I place my hands on her shoulders and push her back just a little bit.

"Lucy, we ca-" Her sad eyes close, and her lips quiver as another tear falls down her cheek, and I stop. It might be wrong, but it's want she wants, and I won't deny her that. This never would have happened if it wasn't for me anyway. She would be happy, and she would be sleeping in Moony's arms right now if I hadn't fucked everything up, if I hadn't broke her with my stupidity. She told me that if I was going to pursue Cole that I needed to make it just sex. She told me she couldn't handle seeing my heart broken. She told me all of that, and I did it anyway. I have destroyed three people in less than a month. I am not so heartless that I will deny her a momentary release. I just shake my head and kiss away the tear– even her tears are sugary. She forces my mouth back to hers, and I can't get over how sweet she is. Even her movements, though strong and assured, are kind and soft, like she loves me, like she doesn't want to hurt me.

Soon, we are on the floor and at that point where we won't be able to turn back. She knows it, and she's scared. "Lucy, we-" I start, but she cuts me off with a tiny little shake of her head.

"Please, Sirius, don't regret this before we even do it. Please, just don't talk. I just want to hear you breathe."

I kiss her again before I slide within her, and she whimpers a little, closing her eyes. Everything that we do is soft and gentle and kind like we love each other, like we're more than just friends. I don't have to ask her for anything; it's like she knows me, what I want, and what I need. And I know her, the way she likes that little hollow spot behind her ear kissed just so, how she only needs the softest of caresses to make her sigh.

Her head tilts back, and her eyes close, and she's perfect. And it's all wrong. There are so many reasons why we shouldn't be doing this. And then, it doesn't matter anymore. The rest of the world just fades away, and it's her, and it's me, and we move, and it's perfect. I love her, and she loves me, and it's so perfectly wrong.

I am not able to look at her when we're done, and she doesn't curl up beside me. I just lie there listening to her breathe, thinking about how I fucked up everything again. Two years in a row, I fucked up, and this time it's more the just the Marauders. This time I have hurt everyone. I have ruined everything. I wounded Cole. I scared Peter. I murdered my friendship with James and Lily. I shattered Moony. I destroyed Lucy. And I don't know how to put everything back together, again. _How can something broken fix anything?_

I feel her eyes burning into me so turn to her, and she gives me that sad little smile.

"This isn't your fault, Sirius. I did this."

Her eyes are hollow. They don't look like Lucy's eyes. They look empty. They aren't at peace. They aren't even copper anymore. They are tainted and dirty and dark with sadness. I did that to them. I killed her.

"I did this, Sirius. Do you hear me? You didn't do it. I did it. I am the one, okay? Not you." I shake my head, and she sniffs. "Sirius, you were drunk. I did it."

I wasn't that drunk, but I nod slowly because she isn't going to drop it unless I do. She turns away from me, staring up at the ceiling, and I do the same until everything goes dark.

The quiet patter of rain wakes me hours later. I open my eyes to find Lucy sitting on the coffee table with a tiny rain cloud above her, pouring buckets of water over her. The rain fades away into nothing as it spills off the table. She has her knees pulled to her chest, and her tiny white shirt is drenched. Her eyes are closed, and her lips just barely part as she lets the water wash over her.

"Lucy," I whisper, standing up and pulling on my boxers. Her eyes open slowly, and she looks at me as if she didn't expect to see me. With a tiny sigh, she picks up her wand and sends the cloud away.

"Rain makes me feel better," she says simply, still soaked. I nod slowly and sit down beside her.

"I was talking to Howards. We've been talking," she whispers and looks away. "He's worried about Cole, and you wouldn't talk to him, so we've been…" Pausing, she turns back to me. "He starting crying, like hard, like James cries." Like James cries, like the whole world is falling apart. "We were in that old, abandoned classroom on the fourth floor, the one without any desks. We were sitting on the floor. It couldn't have looked right. He was crying and I…" Her voice fades off, and she stares at her fingers before tucking her wet hair behind her ear, and I can see her eyes when she looks at me this time. They are calm, but they aren't at peace.

Her voice is so steady it scares me a little. "I had been on the pitch, running, when he found me. I was just running until I couldn't go anymore. The rain– it felt good, and I was just in that little top and my shorts. I wanted to get sick so I could sleep. I can't sleep." She bites her lip and takes a shuddering breath and goes back to staring at something across the room. "He was being funny, and he asked me if I wanted to talk, and I did. We couldn't stay on the pitch because, well, Quidditch. So we went to the fourth floor.

"He gave me his robes so I wouldn't be cold. And he was crying. I held him and then he was laughing about something, and it tickled my neck when he laughed. We were laughing so hard. I hadn't laughed in a long time." Her voice cracks, and I hang my head. That's my fault. "I told him that, and he tickled me… and I was on the floor, and he was above me. It couldn't have looked right." She sniffs a little and runs her fingers through her sopping hair.

"Moony came in. I tried to explain, but he ran, and by the time I got out of the room, I couldn't see him." She stops and closes her eyes before taking a deep breath. "I found him in the library. He was fuming. He was breaking. I told him I was sorry, that it wasn't what he thought. He yelled at me. He called me a whore." I just stare at her. Remus, he couldn't. He… I don't know, but it's just… God, what have I done? "I told him I was sorry," she whispers softly. "Then I was one."

"What? Lucy, no, you didn't do anything. It's just a mistake; he's confused and hurt. We'll talk to him. We-"

"Sirius. I just… with _you_. What the hell do you call that? I just slept with my best friend. I just slept with his best friend." She drops her head, ashamed.

How many times can I fuck up in a matter of hours? "Lucy, that wasn't… You were– We were drunk."

"Sirius, I can handle way more than a couple of sips of whiskey. And you obviously weren't too far gone because you aren't screaming in agony because of a hangover." She looks up at me. "Look, we just… I fucked it up. I do that. I fuck everything up. I told you to go after Cole, and I broke you. I told Lily that she should try to mend her relationship with her sister, and I destroyed everything that she had gained with a few cruel words. I ruined my father's career. I shattered Moony into so many pieces he'll never be whole again. I just… I just wanted everyone to be happy. I just fuck everything up."

"Lucy…" I murmur and wrap her in a hug. She winds her arms around my neck, and we just sit there, holding each other, until the sun comes up.

O

Moony was the first one down the stairs. Moony was the one that found us curled up on the couch with the majority of our clothes strewn across the common room. Moony was the one who caught me with my hand up her shirt.

"Oh, great, Lucy. Your little Slytherin plaything wasn't enough. You have to go and sleep with my friend as well," he scoffs, but his eyes are shining in heartbreak.

"Wait, Remus!" I jerk awake at the sound of his voice as Lucy cowers away from his eyes. "It's not what you think."

"I seem to be hearing that a lot lately. I must be one dumb motherfucker." He crosses his arms, and he is so angry, so hurt.

"Honestly, Remus," I say calmly.

"Sirius, tell me, did you have sex with her last night? That's all I need to know."

I cringe, and he snorts, "Well, that was good enough I suppose." He turns slowly and strides away.

"Remus, it wasn't like that." I stand up and chase after him, stubbing my toe on a chair. "Damn."

He stops and whips around to face me. "I am not sure there is any other way for it to be, Sirius. You fucked my girlfriend. While it's not particularly surprising that she went ahead and let you because she already had a snake in her pants that afternoon, I did expect a little more loyalty from _you_. But I suppose that's was just stupidity on my part as you seem to betray me quite often."

That stung. It hurt, and I don't know what to say.

"Moony," Lucy stands up and walks toward him. He takes a step back every time she nears so she just stops and crosses her arms protectively across her chest. "It's not his fault. Don't be angry with him. He was drunk, and I was…" She struggles for the words and drops her head as she whispers, "He was drunk, and I took advantage of that. He didn't know what he was doing. Don't blame him for what I did."

He snarls, "Perfect. Well, why don't you go find James and see if you and ruin a relationship and a friendship all in one go?"

Looking up at him brokenly, she whispers, "I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well, you did a really great job, Morgan," he says sarcastically. She takes a sharp breath and falls back a step as if he hit her, but he doesn't notice. He is too busy storming out of the room.

I look over at her, standing there in a tiny t-shirt and her underwear, hugging herself as she stares blankly at the portrait hole. "Lucy, why did-"

She cuts me off and says tonelessly, "Because, Sirius, it's over. I can't expect him to forgive me when I don't forgive myself." She glances up at me and forces a smile. "We have class in a bit. You best get upstairs and get dressed."

"Luc-" She turns away before I can even get out her name and grabs her wand of the coffee table before walking slowly up the stairs. What the hell have I done?

O

Breakfast was a sordid affair. Remus wouldn't look at either of us, Lily glared coldly at me, and James just shook his head and focused on his eggs. Lucy sat there across from me like always, her head held up and her hands shaking so much she gave up and stopped trying to eat her cereal. Remus stuck Peter between the two of them, and Peter, not knowing which side to take, decided the best route was just to hate Lucy, as she isn't a Marauder. I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, I wanted to comfort her in some way, but I didn't. Us being _us_ right now probably isn't a good idea.

If things could get any worse they did on our way to class.

"Hey, Lupin," fucking Howards calls as we start down the hall toward Transfiguration. Moony just closes his eyes and keeps walking. Good, now if only Howards will take the hint.

"Lupin," he calls again, and I cringe. Lucy edges up closer to me before shaking her head and returning to her original position, a few paces behind.

"What?" Remus snaps out, blowing a few strands of hair out of his face in frustration.

Howards looks to Lucy, and her gaze falls to the floor. He stares at her stunned for a moment and then glances back to Moony. "Look, yesterday, we were just talking. Nothing happened. We didn't even want anything to happen."

"Here it goes again with the "It's not what it looked like!" crap," Moony says scathingly, his pale eyes flashing. "Look, Howards, after she got done fucking you, she went and fucked Sirius so don't bother trying to make it up to me. He is the one you are competing with now." Howards steps back, confused, and his pale eyes flick from Lucy to me to Remus and back again.

Before Moony turns away, he takes one last jab at Lucy. "Don't understand everyone is so set on protecting the whore, she's not that great."

"Remus!" Lily bellows, and her hand collides with the side of his face with a resounding _smack_.

"What the fuck was that for, Lily?" he asks, raising his hand to his reddening cheek, glaring at her.

James jumps to Lily's defense. "You deserved it, Moony, and don't talk to her like that."

"Sure, everyone go to the whore's defense. _She_ is the one who cheated on _me._ Or did you forget that already?"

I hear Lucy choke down a sob behind me and I lose it. Grabbing him by the neck, I slam him against the wall and start screaming at him to take it back, to quit hurting her. Lily starts pulling on my arm, and James is threatening to hex me if I don't let Moony go. Howards is staring wide-eyed at the whole scene, and Lucy is quivering as she tries to get us to all just stop it. Everything is just spinning further and further out of control.

"STOP IT!" Lucy screams over us. "Why the hell are you all fighting?"

Our shouting stops immediately, and I release Remus. Lily's glaring at me again, and I am not sure why. I probably said something I shouldn't have. James is itching to hex somebody so he shoves his hands in his pockets. Remus is pissed as hell, a red handprint covers the majority of his left cheek, his eyes are flashing dangerously, he is panting heavily and rubbing his neck, but he shuts his trap and looks at Lucy.

"Lily, James, this is not your problem, stay out of it. And, Lily, Sirius didn't _do_ anything so stop glaring at him now!" Her little hands are shaking at her sides, and her big eyes are trying to fill with tears, but she forces them down and scowls angrily. Lily's eyes drop, and James wraps his arm around her shoulder. "You two, just stop arguing and go make out somewhere because, honestly, you are wasting your time here.

"_You_," she turns her gaze to Remus, "go right on hating me, but please refrain from calling me a whore in my presence. Whether I am one or not does not make a difference. Stop saying it while I am around." Her voice shakes a little, but she manages to keep it angry. Her gaze lingers on him for a moment before she turns to me.

"And, Sirius, keep your hands to yourself, and go talk to Howards." She looks down at the floor and forces away her tears before turning to Peter. "And, Peter I didn't do anything to you, so, stop-"

"Thank you, Ms. Morgan, but I think that is quite enough," Professor McGonagall says, placing a hand on her shoulder, but Lucy just shrugs it off angrily. Dumbledore is standing beside her staring at us all as if we are an extremely intriguing Muggle television show.

"Well," he starts, but Lucy turns around.

"Oh, shut up. Nobody wants to hear some nice, pretty, little words from you. They don't help. They are just words, empty and pointless," Lucy growls, pushing past him and McGonagall and striding quickly down the hall. She starts running the moment she turns the corner.

"So, who would like to explain to me why little miss happy-go-lucky is no longer… happy-go-lucky?" Dumbledore asks, staring directly at me. Everyone just stares at their toes, hands shoved into their pockets or picking invisible lint of their robes. He quirks eyebrow, and I hear Peter sigh.

"I guess since I never got my orders, I have nothing better to do anyway. In your office, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore smiles at Peter and nods. "I think you best come with us, Mr. Lupin," he adds before slowly walking in the direction of his office. Moony glares at me one last time before following after him. Lily and James glance nervously at each other before muttering something about seeing me at lunch.

I stare at Howards for a moment before starting toward the Transfiguration room. "Where do you think you are going, Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall asks, tapping her toe.

"To class," I answer simply.

"Oh, no, you don't. I think you have something to discuss with Mr. Howards."

I sigh heavily, and Howards gives me a weak smile. "The North Tower," I mutter. I'll be able to see Lucy from the balcony in case she crashes. Howards nods slowly, and we walk in silence, only the sound of our footsteps clicking on the tile fills the void of conversation.

I sit on the ledge with my feet dangling, watching the sun sink lower behind the trees, letting the cold rain wash away my sins. I can see Lucy from here. She's just a tiny little moving dot, running around and around the pitch; she's _running_. As I sit here, I wonder what it would be like to fall. I wonder if it would be serene in a way, knowing that when you hit the ground it's all going to be over, that you won't ache anymore.

"Black?" Howards asks from inside the building, and I close my eyes. I don't want to talk about it.

"Lucy says the rain makes her feel better. I thought I'd try it," I say simply, and he steps out into the rain.

"Is it helping?"

I shake my head. "No." I don't take my eyes off the trees and part of me wishes I didn't know what lay hidden within them. It would give my something to think about. When he doesn't say anything, I sigh. "You wanted to talk, so talk." He shuffles his feet behind me.

"Can you at least turn around or something," He releases an exasperated sigh. "_Honestly_."

"If I turn around, I won't be able to see her," I answer softly, watching Lucy stop for a moment and rub fiercely at her eyes before letting out a deafening scream, though I can barely hear it from here, and sprinting off again. She can't cry anymore, and she wants to so badly.

"See wh–" he starts before edging closer to the stone railing and spotting her. "She's worried about you, you know? You can actually see her heartbreak at the mention of your name."

I feel tears prick at my eyes, and I stare down at my hands. He hops up onto the stone railing beside me and gazes out unto the grounds. There are dark rings around his pale green eyes, and his light brown hair has already gone dark with the rain.

"Rebecca and I have known each other for a long time. Our mothers were friends." He inhales deeply and laughs out the next words. "They did everything together; they even found out they were pregnant on the same day. Most people thought Beck and me were twins when we were little. We never spent any time apart. Our mothers never spent any time apart."

I glance over at him; he is looking at me as if he wants me to say something. "She never mentioned you," I say. God, wasn't that tactful?

He chuckles, running his hand through his hair and shaking his head. He has rather thin lips. "Of course, she didn't mention me. After fifth year, we were never anything more than "fuck buddies." He laughs again. "Not that we ever had sex, except for the once after… Well, that's not important, but that was the pretense. She disassociated with everyone she cared even the tiniest bit for. So, many people betrayed her that summer she just… couldn't trust anyone. It hurt to care about anyone, so she just stopped. Hunter was the only thing that kept her from just self-destructing. She had to be there for him; there was no one else."

I continue to stare out into the trees, occasionally turning to watch Lucy or glance up at Howards' rain soaked face, letting his words seep into my brain and just swim around in there trying to make sense of it.

"Everyone likes to think that Albus Dumbledore is just a good man, a wise man, someone who cares about everyone. But, it's not like that. Sure, he is keeping them safe now, but the moment Hunter is old enough to play a part, Dumbledore will throw him out there, use him to get what he wants. Beck knows it. She's just biding her time here, letting him use her while she uses him. She'll play by the rules until this stops working, and she'll find somewhere new."

He pulls his foot up onto the ledge to tie his boot. "She wasn't supposed to get attached to you. You were just supposed to be someone to keep her company while she waited. When she woke up, and you were there," he pauses, letting his foot drop and watching Lucy for a moment, "it scared her so much you have no idea. When it hit her that not only did she need you, but you were there for her, she had to end it."

I stare at him as he runs his fingers through his short rain soaked rain. "Why? I don't understand why she would--"

"Because, Black, you don't fucking know," he cuts me off. "You know that her father set out to kill her family. You know that her first everything hurt her in a most brutal fashion. But that's all you know."

He sighs and glances over at Lucy again. "Come on, I have something to show you," he says softly, climbing off the railing.

"I can't," I whisper. "I can't leave her out here." His green eyes flick back to Lucy, and he shoves his hands in his pockets, sighing heavily.

"We'll stop by McGonagall's classroom and have her keep an eye on her. She can see the pitch from there."

O

_thank you for reading_


	21. Chapter 21

A Trip Down Memory Lane

We are in some random room on the seventh floor; it is pretty bare with the exception of a few cozy looking chairs, a fireplace, and a stone basin full of a sublime silver substance. It is a Pensieve. I glance wearily at him, and he smiles nervously at me.

"She'll kill me for this, so it stays between us." His pale green eyes flash warningly, and I nod. "I have these because she hasn't been sleeping, and the alternative sleeping draught Madam Pomfrey gave her makes her a bit… tipsy, I suppose is the word. Anyways, I sleep on the couch when she takes it incase Hunter wakes up." He pulls several vials of memory out of his pocket and empties them into the basin.

"Alright, I suppose I will just explain as we go along. So, you ready?" he asks.

I glance from the basin to him. "Do I have another option?" I shrug, and he chuckles a little.

"Well, you could just walk away, but considering all that you have destroyed trying to find understanding, that would just be stupid," he answers. He was just trying to be funny, but it really felt like he drove a knife through my heart. At my fallen expression, he bites his lip. "Right, so that wasn't funny. Sorry."

We dip through the cool surface of the Pensieve, and I find myself standing inside Rebecca's house once again. We are at the top of the stairs beside the room Casey was in.

"This is her earliest memory. Mine is about a week earlier in my tree house. We were three; I asked her to marry me," Howards says and glances over the railing. I follow his line of sight and see a tiny black-haired girl in a white dress crying as she runs toward the stairs. She is unsteady on her feet and has a tiny gash on her forehead. "She fell, outside. It was raining; she slipped on the cement." He gestures to the gash and steps to the side as she reaches the top of the stairs. She stands on her toes and struggles to reach the doorknob. Barely managing to twist it, she pushes the door open and stumbles inside, tears streaming down her face and crying for her mother.

Howards guides me into the room. There is a tall woman standing on the railing of the balcony in a long white nightgown. It whips and blows in the wind, her black hair drenched. Rebecca immediately stops crying and wipes her eyes.

"Mummy?" Her voice is so tiny. The woman turns around, and my God, Cole looks exactly like her, I swear, right down to the way her eyelashes brush against her cheeks as she closes her eyes.

"I'm sorry, baby," her mother murmurs, and she falls gracefully off the edge. Rebecca screams and runs out onto the balcony. Howards grabs my arm and drags me out there as well. Rebecca has to stand on her toes to see over the edge, and the image below is not something anyone should see, especially a three-year old little girl.

"This is why Beck doesn't fly. She is acrophobic because of this." He closes his eyes and smiles sadly. "My mother and father took my tree house and set it on the ground when she wouldn't climb up the ladder anymore."

We leave the little girl crying on the balcony, the scene fades, and we enter another one. "She said no, by the way," he adds as we walk across a cobblestone path toward two arched gates. I don't know why, but that statement made me smile.

If I were to guess, I would say Rebecca is around eleven or twelve. Her dark hair is pulled up into a messy bun, and she is sitting on the ground against a wall, engrossed in a book. "She's twelve," he says. "Casey is bringing Trevor to meet her and her father for the first time. She met him on a trip to Central America; she studied ancient cultures."

Howards sighs again as the sound of three people Apparating causes Rebecca's head to pop up from her book and a large grin to spread across her face. "Casey's eight years older than us. She graduated before we started school. She became Beck's mother after… her mum."

By this point, Rebecca has thrown open the front gate and is practically hugging Casey to death. Their excited squeals and happy laughter are being watched amusedly by two men to the left of them. "The one on the right is Trevor; the other one is Alex, his younger brother."

My eyes automatically flick from the bright smile that is the mirror image of Hunter's to the dark haired man to the left. Alex? As in the man in Hogsmeade? "The one I met?" I ask, stunned, still staring wide-eyed at the man. He has shoulder-length, shaggy, dark brown hair with gentle honey colored eyes, a wide grinning smile, a few slightly crooked teeth, and extremely tanned skin, like Lucy and Moony's after the summer, as if he spends a lot of time on the beach.

He smirks. "Shocking, isn't it? You can see why she had a crush on him here. He's changed a lot. Honestly, if he hadn't called her Bumblebee in Hogsmeade, I wouldn't have known it was him." I nod, telling him I agree. "Watch the way she blushes," he points her out. I turn and watch her as Trevor and Alex take turns pulling her into tights hugs. Her cheeks flush red, and a tiny uneasy smile appears on her lips. "God, I miss that." I think I would miss that, too.

A silvery mist whirls up around my feet, and the scene fades away as he says, "That was just to introduce you to the family."

When the mist dies down we are back in the house but in a room I have not seen yet. Cole is sitting at the piano, playing a sad melancholy song. "Her mum played the piano. My mum always said it was the only time she was ever really happy. Beck played because she did, of course. Beck did just about everything her mum did." As he finishes, Alex strolls into the room holding two glasses of what looks like red wine. "This is at the wedding reception. She disappeared; no one could find her. She had been depressed for weeks. She was losing her best friend, her sister, her mother, all at once. I mean she put on a grin for Casey, of course. She looked like she could not be happier, but we'd sit in my tree house, and she'd cry for hours. I felt so useless when I couldn't fix it."

"Hey, Bumblebee, why so blue?" Alex asks, smiling at her. She looks up at him bashfully and shrugs. He sits down beside her and presses a glass into her hand. "I promise not to tell," he says playfully, and she smiles, taking a small sip. "It'll be alright, sweet thing. She'll be a whole two kilometers away, and Trev loves you. You'll be able to visit whenever you want, after the honeymoon, of course. You've got nothing to worry about." She smiles sadly and places the glass on the top of the piano, refusing to meet his eye. He sighs a little and wraps his arm around her shoulders. A tiny tear trails down her cheek, and he gently brushes it away, pulling her into his lap and kissing her hair. "Hey, Bumblebee, it's alright, no need to cry." She nods slowly, wrapping her arms around him, and he just holds her, stroking her hair.

"That's when 'hey, bumblebee' started," Howards whispers, and I give him an odd look. He shrugs. "I don't know, she always just called it 'hey, bumblebee.' It's like–" He pauses and bites his lip. "It's like she felt safe there, like she couldn't be touched, like everything was going to be alright." I nod slowly but do not say anything. He made her feel safe, and then he hurt her. That is why she sent me away; I made her feel safe; I could hurt her.

The memory fades, and we are at another house. It is Christmas time; a giant tree is in the sitting room with presents spilling out from underneath it. "Fourteen, I think. This is when Hunter… happened." Howards gestures toward the staircase, and I head that way. "Casey was about six months along, I think, maybe less. Anyway, she had a craving for something really odd, I cannot remember what for; Trevor went to go get it. Casey was in bed. Beck's in the bath," he explains, rolling his eyes at something as we climb the stairs. Before we reach the top, a blood chilling scream echoes throughout the house, followed the dull thump of a body hitting the ground.

Cole runs past us, wrapped in a towel, hurriedly swinging a door open. She stops dead in her tracks and glances around frantically. I nudge closer and peer inside the door as she takes a bold step forward. She grabs a lamp off a desk, and as she moves, Casey comes into view. She is unconscious, and there is a man in dark robes on top of her. Cole takes a deep breath, and he hears her. She smashes the heavy end of the lamp against his head as he turns to face her, blood dripping from his long fangs. She whacks him again, and blood spatters up onto her face as he slumps down, unconscious. Rolling his limp body off Casey, she tries to wake her up.

"Case. Case, come on. I can't pick you up, Case. You have to get up." She does not get a response, and she shakes Casey's arm before she notices the blood pouring from the bite mark in her neck. "Oh, Merlin, Casey," she whispers, placing her hand over the wound, applying pressure to get the bleeding to stop.

As she busies herself with trying to stop the blood flow, the man on the floor starts to stir. He grabs her around the waist, she screams before a bright green light flashes through me, and he falls dead on the floor. "You alright, Bee?" She scurries away from the man, nodding feverishly. Trevor sighs relieved before he sees Casey. "Oh, God, Casey!" he screams, running to her side.

The silver mist swirls up again, and we are relocated to the waiting room of St. Mungo's. "She passed out," Howards mutters before pointing her out to me. She is curled up in a chair, wearing much too large healer's robes. There is nobody with her. "Her dad hadn't been around a lot that year. It is when he started to play a more active role in… Voldemort's circle. We were in the States visiting my grandparents."

"Bumblebee!" Alex shouts, running into the room. "Gods, sweetie, are you okay?" She looks up at him, her cheeks stained with tears and her bottom lip quivering. She seems to be confused on how to answer his question and just stares at him blankly. He kneels down in front of her, wiping away her tears. "Hey, Bumblebee, it's all right," he whispers, and she nods slowly before wrapping her arms around him and crying into his neck. "Shush, Bumblebee. Hey, it's going to fine, I swear. It's okay. I'm here, Bee. It's all right. I'm staying right here." God, I told her that.

"Alright, the rest of this is just the shock about Casey not being affected," Howards informs me before placing his arm on my shoulder and pulling me out of the Pensieve. He fiddles around a little bit with the substance in the basin before looking up at me. "Alright."

When we dip back into the Pensieve, we are strolling down an old road, tall trees shooting up from the edges, casting eerie shadows across the dark pavement. The moon is almost full and causes an odd whitish light to glow in little patches on the ground. As we stroll up the street, Howards shivers a little and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Rather chilly for a summer night," he murmurs, and I agree, brushing my hair out of my eyes. "Ah, there she is," he whispers, and I see her tiny figure running toward us, Hunter bundled up in her arms.

"She ran. I mean she just ran from the house, picked up the kid and ran. No wand, no shoes and ran. It was the stupidest thing I could think of doing, and it saved her ass. Who in their right mind would have thought to look for her three kilometers from the estate, passed out on the side of the road? No one, they all just knew she went somewhere she felt safe. My place, Alex's, Casey's, but no, she just took off with no plan and nowhere to go."

I watch her as he speaks. She is stumbling now more than running; she is going to fall soon. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, she crashes hard against the pavement. I glance over at Howards, and he has his eyes closed against the image. "It's alright. She doesn't stay there long."

We wait around for a moment until a small pick-up comes puttering down the road. It comes to a stop by her side, Howards tells me to hurry, and we run and jump in the back of the truck as a little old man clambers out of the driver's seat. He releases a startled gasp and picks them both up, carrying them and placing them in the truck with a lot more strength than his frail body should have. Cole mutters something to him, but we cannot hear what she said. I do not think he could either because he just smoothes her hair and shushes her before climbing back into the truck and speeding away.

The car ride makes me sick, and I have to travel with my head between my knees. Howards is chuckling a little beside me, but I forgive him because honestly, what am I going to do? Vomit on him?

Finally, we pull up to an old cottage. It is deep in the woods, and only a little dirt road leads to it. A tiny graying woman stumbles down the stairs, and she and her husband exchange hushed words before they set out to get Cole and Hunter in the house. "Alright, let's skip ahead a bit. This part is boring."

I glare at him. Damn him. He made me go through the car ride for nothing.

"Nothing important happens here really," he sighs. "They spent about a week here before they took her to London. She emptied hers and Casey's accounts, put everything in Hunter's name, that along with the money her mother hid away for them. That is what is sustaining them financially. She owled Alex while she was in Diagon Alley; he came to get them."

"Right," I mutter as the silver mist edges up around my boots.

This time she is sitting atop a twin size bed with bright orange sheets, craning her neck and looking over her shoulder. There is a vanity table up against the wall opposite the bed, and she is trying to see her back. Her back is covered in sickly bruises, the edges of them tinged green, but the centers are still deep blues and purples. Finger shaped bruises cover her neck, and a large gash sits above her left eye. Her hands are bandaged, and her lip is healing from being busted open. Picking her new wand up off the sheets, she attempts to point it at her back, but she winces at the odd position it forces her to sit in and drops it, forcing down tears. After a few calming breaths, she tries it again. This time she cringes and places her hand over her mouth to muffle her scream.

"Hey, Bee?" Alex calls at the door.

She quickly wipes away her tears and pulls the blanket around her shoulders. "Yeah," her voice cracks, and she mutters "fuck" under her breath before pulling her hair tie out and letting her hair fall across her face, covering the bruises on her neck and shoulders.

"You alright?" he asks.

"Fine," she sniffs, "You can come in if you want."

He pushes the door open to find her wrapped up in the orange blanket, smiling at him. "I just thought I'd let you know that Hunter's asleep." Nodding, she mumbles a thank you. He smiles at her. "Let me take care of that gash, huh?" She smiles weakly and raises her hand to the wound. "And, that as well," he adds upon seeing the bandages. Sitting down beside her, he holds her chin in one hand. "Damn, Bumblebee, you must have fallen pretty hard," he says as he takes in the bruising on her cheeks. She just shrugs and looks to the left. He heals them quickly with a few flicks of his wand.

As he drops his hand, he notices her neck. "Bee, what happened to your neck?"

She shakes her head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." She cringes as he tilts her head back, looking at the bruises.

"Those look like fingers, Bumblebee." He lines his own fingers up with the marks and bites down a gasp. "Who did this?"

Pulling his hands down, she closes her eyes tightly. "It's not a big deal. Just please, don't do that." She is doing everything in her power not to run from him.

Alex shakes his head, brushing her hair out of the way. "It is a big deal, Bee. Whoever did this tried to strangle you."

"He wasn't–" She looks down at her hands. "He wasn't trying to kill me, just make me scream."

"Who?" he asks, and she pulls the blanket tighter around her.

"I want to go to sleep," she murmurs, not looking at him.

He nods. "Alright, we have to patch you up first. You can't sleep if it hurts to lie your head down."

Twisting her hair into a bun, he locks it in place with her wand and sets out to heal the bruises on her neck. As he moves down to her hands, the blanket slips off her shoulders, and she quickly tries to pull it back up but she is not fast enough. "My God, Bumblebee," he gulps as he finds bite marks, deep scratches, and bruises all over her.

"Please, don't," she cries before her words are lost in mingled sobs and hiccups.

"Hey," he whispers, cupping her cheek. "Hey, Bumblebee, it's alright. I am just going to fix you up is all. You don't have to say anything you don't want to, and if you want me to stop, I will, okay? You can't stay all banged up, right?" Big tears fall down her cheeks, and he kisses her forehead. "Shush, Bee, it's alright."

When she's settled enough, he sets to work. It takes him about twenty minutes to get rid all of them. Shakily, she wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face. He drapes the blanket over her before encircling her in his arms. "Hey, Bumblebee, it's alright," he whispers, rocking her slowly until she fades into sleep.

As Alex tucks her into bed, Howards looks over to me. "She started sleeping with him two nights later, said she wanted to replace the bad memories with something good. The idiot actually went for it." An angry expression crosses his face before he swallows it down. "She had barely turned sixteen a week before; the bastard was twenty-two."

The silver mist surrounds us again and takes us somewhere new. "She stayed with him for two weeks before he turned them over."

Cole is leaning up against the door, watching Alex make tea in the small kitchen. She's smiling rather contently even though sorrow flashes in her eyes every now and then. She strolls up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head between his shoulder blades. She is only wearing a large button up shirt and a pair of socks. "Hey, Bumblebee," he murmurs, turning around and holding her. He is nervous, that is extremely obvious from his expression, but she is too busy kissing him to notice.

After a moment, she pulls back. "I think, I hear Hunter. I'll be back." She stands up on her toes and presses her lips to his before striding from the room.

"Alright, Bumblebee, hurry now," he smirks, playfully, but there is something odd about his tone. She smiles brightly at him before scurrying off to where Hunter is sleeping.

Howards and I follow. "She said it didn't feel right when he said it," he tells me as we walk up the stairs behind her and enter a small room.

Hunter is out like a light, and she strides right past him and to the fireplace, pacing for a moment before grabbing a handful of Floo Powder and tossing it into the fire. "Hogwarts, Headmasters Office," she states, sticking her head into the green flames.

"Ms. Cole!" Dumbledore's voice almost shouts. "We have been looking everywhere for you."

"Yes, sir, I realize that. I just… I was safe," she mutters.

"And now you are not?" his voice drifts back to us.

"I don't think so, sir. I just… Is it too much to ask you to come get me in the morning? I don't think where we're staying is going to be safe much longer." I cannot see either of their expressions, and it bothers me.

"It is no trouble at all, child." His voice almost twinkles. "I can send someone after you tonight, if you like?"

"No, no, the morning is fine. I need to get some things together tonight." The relief is clearly evident in her voice.

"Of course, and you are where exactly?" he asks.

"Oh, um, Alex's," she whispers.

"Your brother-in-law's, but we already checked there."

"Yes, well, I haven't been here… the entire time."

"In the morning, then."

"Thank you, Headmaster," she says as she pulls out of the fireplace. Stopping to wipe any soot off her face in a mirror, she heads back down to the kitchen.

"In here, Bee," Alex calls from the sitting room as he hears her footsteps. She smiles nervously at him as she enters the room, and he tells her to take a seat, offering her a cup of tea.

She sits beside him and curls up under his arm, sipping the hot tea. Immediately, her eyes get heavy. "Was there something…" she slurs, and he nods.

"I just wanted you to sleep well, tonight," he whispers, kissing her head as it falls limply against his chest.

The mist rises up again, and Howards starts to speak. "The group that he gave them to was still pretty new to the ranks. It was a good thing they were stupid and kept everything under wraps. The Ministry arrested all of them after the first night they had her. Unfortunately, nobody knew where that was. I think we come in on day three."

It is a tiny dark basement; the only light is from flickering light bulb, high in the right corner. Rebecca is leaning against the wall, severely dehydrated, her breathing is shallow, and she is shivering. Hunter is bundled up next to her in an old sheet; he does not look good at all.

Weakly, she lifts up her head and strokes his hair. "How you doing, kid?" she asks, her voice dry and raw. He does not answer. "Hunter?" She tries to get her eyes to focus on him. "Hunter, answer me, please?" When he doesn't she pulls him up in to her lap. "Baby, you have to say something." He hangs limply in her arms. "Fuck," she mutters. Lifting a shaking hand to her dry, cracked lips, she mumbles, "You can't die, Hunter. I need you. You can't die."

Her eyes flash in panic, and she screams. "You're killing him! Why the hell are you killing him?" Carefully, placing Hunter back on the ground, she stands up and pounds against the wall under the light, screaming at no one. After a long while, she stops, slumping against the wall and crying. As she wipes her tears from her face, she stares at her hand as if an idea just hit her. Standing up quickly and getting dizzy at the sudden movement, she stumbles her way back to Hunter.

"Hey, kiddo, I have an idea, okay," she tells him, pulling him back into her lap. Propping him up against her knees, she strokes his hair and whispers, "Please, God let this work."

She holds her left wrist to her lips before closing her eyes and biting down on it. She gets woozy from the pain and dehydration, but she manages to cut through the skin. When only a few drops of blood come out, she does it again. After the third time, she gets a pretty steady flow and holds it to his mouth, letting the blood stay on her chapped lips.

Hunter's eyes open, and he grabs hold of her hand sucking greedily at her arm. A smile tugs at her lips. "That's my little vampire," she murmurs.

Soon she becomes light-headed from loss of blood, and she tries to take it away from him. "You have to save some for me, kiddo," she says faintly, swaying. He has a tight hold on her, and he will not let go. "Hunter, stop." When he doesn't, she falls lifelessly to the side. The silver fog comes again and whisks us away.

"Dumbledore found her about an hour later. That was the first time Hunter ever drank blood. He has had to have it ever since. Every three days to keep him as healthy as any other child his age, once every two weeks to keep him alive."

This time when the fog clears, we are in a tiny suite with man in the corner, humming "You are my Sunshine" loudly as he rocks back and forth. Howards smiles at him before turning to me.

"This is around Christmas time of sixth year. She was supposed to get to see him at his safe house. The person who was to take her never showed so she set out on her own. She was not gone two hours before they found her. They didn't know she was going to him, but they knew she knew where he was so they brought her here." He stops and tilts his head to the side. "Do you hear the screaming?"

I turn my attention away from the humming man in the corner and listen. Blood-chilling screams can barely be heard, coming from somewhere outside the room. I nod. "That'd be Beck. Six hours of that. I don't want to see it. What happens next is bad enough," he informs me before sitting down on bed.

I drop down beside him, and he nods toward the man on the floor. "That's Michael. He is a vampire. Never once in his life killed someone. Everything Beck knows about how to keep Hunter's cravings at bay– she learned it from him. That song is what he focuses on when the cravings get to be too much. He has not had _anything_ in three days. He is about to go bonkers, especially with all the blood he can smell from Beck." The doorknob rattles, and Howards looks up. "Ah, here she comes."

A sickly thin man comes in, dragging Cole behind him. She is limp, broken, bloody, and barely breathing. He is dragging her across the floor by an arm. The moment she is pulled into the room Michael starts singing loudly and rocking in the corner. When the man leaves, Rebecca tries to get up at least to a sitting position, but she cannot. Her entire body is quivering, and after a second attempt, she just lays lifelessly in the floor.

Between the words of his song, Michael screeches, "Get the hell up off the floor, and get into the shower, or I am going to kill you!"

"I can't," Cole murmurs weakly.

"I don't care if you can't. Do it!" he roars, and she tries to get up again. She manages to get to her knees but collapses when she attempts to stand. "Crawl, damn it!"

She does as told, dragging herself across the room. When the water is running, his shoulders relax a bit, and he leans back against the wall, ceasing his singing. She is sitting in the shower fully dressed, just letting the water pour over her. "So, niña, what did you do to get yourself into this mess?" he asks softly.

Cole sniffles, rubbing her nose. "Snuck out, I guess," she answers weakly.

"No, niña, that gets you detention or grounded. This," he waves his hand, "takes a bit more," he laughs. He has a faint Spanish accent.

Leaning up against the shower wall, Cole sighs heavily. "They are after my nephew; I know where he is at," she explains, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Niña, don't go to sleep on me. I am sure they bashed your head against something quite a few times. You fall asleep, and you might not wake up," he tells her, standing up and coming to sit on the bed so he can see her. "Your nephew– he is even younger than you, then? What could he have done at so young an age?" he asks, and Cole's eyes flick to him.

She smiles weakly. "He's half you, half me."

A wide grin stretches across his thin lips. "So, the rumors are true then." She sniffs and nods, closing her eyes again. "Niña, I can't shake you awake. You have to stay up on your own." He tells her, trying to keep himself on the bed.

"I didn't get to see him on his birthday. I didn't want to miss Christmas, as well."

"Does he… drink?" he asks slowly.

Nodding, she says, "Since the end of August. He was dying… I didn't have a choice."

"He didn't before?" He turns away from her, clenching his hair for a moment.

"No," she sighs. "We were… in a cell… three days. He was dying."

He nods slowly. "I understand, niña; do not fret."

Howards stands up and gestures for me to follow. "The rest is just talk for a while. I just wanted you to see that he was good."

The first person I see in the next memory causes me to gasp. "Bella?" I say aloud. Howards glances at me and nods, but he does not say anything.

"You lot are useless, she's a measly little girl. How incompetent can you be?" She scowls, walking into the room, dragging Cole behind her by her hair.

Bellatrix throws her forcefully into a chair, and Cole bites down a scream. She circles her slowly for a moment before stopping in front of her. "Aw, is the little one scared?" she asks mockingly, stroking Cole's cheek. Cole does not say anything, but the fear in her eyes is obvious. "You should be," Bella sings, pulling a dagger out of her robes, grinning widely. "Lovely, isn't it?" she asks. Cole simply looks away. "Oh, no, poppet," she places the tip of the blade under Cole's chin making her turn her head back to her, "you look at me and you answer me. Isn't it lovely?" Cole does not answer. Bellatrix drags the blade from under Cole's chin up her cheek and into her hairline, slicing her pale skin. As soon as the cut appears, it knits itself back together. "I am going to slice you to bits, over and over again, poppet, unless you tell me where _he_ is."

Cole looks like she is going to say something, and Bella leans closer. Cole spits directly in her face.

"You little whore!" she screeches and whacks her hard across the face. Cole tumbles out of her chair and is not able to pick herself up. "Oh, you want to screw with me, do you, poppet?" Bella murmurs lowly, wiping the spit from her face. "Let's play then."

She yanks Cole up by the back of her shirt collar and throws her backwards into the chair, making sure her chin collides with the wooden back. In one swift movement, she digs the dagger into Cole's back, slicing through everything the blade will cut through from the top of her neck to the edge of her knickers. Cole does not do anything more than gasp.

Leaning over her Bellatrix whispers deathly, jabbing the dagger into Cole's side, "How many times do you think it'll take before you can't heal any longer?"

A shiver runs up my spine, and Howards whispers, "Two hundred sixty four times," tapping me on the shoulder so we can leave the Pensieve again.

He drops down into a chair as we appear back into the odd little room. "They attacked the house and found her after that. Michael was dead, the dagger driven through his heart. Beck was covered in both of their blood. She never talks about what happened, and nobody really knows for sure. I think she killed him. I think she killed him before he killed her…" His voice fades off, and he shakes his head before glancing up at me.

"The Healers couldn't get the wound to stay together so a muggle doctor came in and stitched her up. She died after that. She didn't smile, she didn't laugh, and she didn't talk to me. She was so lonely. That is why she started sleeping around; at least, that is what I think. Not only did it take her mind off everything for a few moments, but also she was connected with someone for a while. She stopped caring about anyone but Hunter. Not there was really anyone left." Running his hand through his hair, Howard sighs, "Now, do you get it?"

"The people she trusts are the people she hurts and the people who hurt her," I say sadly, sitting down into the chair opposite him.

"Yeah," he sighs. "And then the stupid little witch went and got herself attached to you… Then you screwed everything up by playing the damn knight in shining armor."

I glance up at him, smiling faintly. "I don't know how to be anything else." He sighs heavily and opens his mouth to say something when someone knocks on the door.

Standing up and pulling it open, he smiles tiredly at Professor McGonagall. "Professor, is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, no. Mr. Black?" She looks over him and directly at me. "Lucy's is in the Hospital Wing. She is asking for you. Come along, please," she says sadly, and I practically run out of the room.

O

_thank you for reading_


	22. Chapter 22

Heart Break

Lucy is lying curled up under the white sheets in the first bed in the hospital wing, her hair loosely plaited and her cheeks red with fever.

"Lucy, love," I murmur, sitting down on the bed beside her as her eyes slowly open. She turns her head a bit to see me and smiles sadly. "I guess you finally got sick, then," I say, resting my hand on her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed, and she nods.

"I don't feel good," she whispers weakly, lacing her fingers with mine.

Kissing her hand, I chuckle. "I know, babe. That's usually what happens when you're sick." She smiles faintly and sits up slowly, laying her head against my shoulder. Wrapping my arms around her, I kiss her hair, softly telling her that everything is going to be fine.

She sniffs. "Moony wouldn't come."

Her petite shoulders quiver as she tries to sob, and I pull her closer to me. "I'm so sorry, babe." As I shush her, she crawls into my lap, and I cradle her like she is a small child. "We're going to fix this, okay? I'll find a way to fix this."

Nodding, she closes her eyes, and she murmurs, "Do you ache? Like someone is crushing your heart?"

"I did," I say quietly.

"I love him, Sirius. I really do." Her voice cracks, and she squeezes her eyes tightly shut. "I just– He made me hurt, and I wanted it to stop."

God, she is so broken. It's like a tumultuous sea of sadness and pain is trying to drown her. She is barely managing to stay afloat, and I don't know how to save her. "I know, love."

Her words are like sad, little whimpers. "I didn't mean for it to… I just didn't want to hurt, and I just made it worse." I don't know what to say to that, other than it's my fault, but she won't let me take the blame. It's the reason why we're in this mess; we try to protect each other and end up hurting ourselves.

Silence surrounds us, only her little sniffles and coughs interrupting the emptiness of the wing. After she has fallen asleep, I tuck her back under the covers and move to the chair beside her bed. Glancing around the room, I try to think of a way to fix this. I just don't know what to do.

I get caught staring at all the white, just staring. The white beds, the white walls, the white tile, the white curtains– everything is white. I don't like white. It's a sickly color. It's not even a color; it's devoid of color. It is empty, lonely, and bland. Hospitals should be painted lime green or bright yellow, something lively, something that makes you _want_ to live.

Suddenly, Lucy jerks awake, gripping her chest. "Luce? You alright?" I ask, standing up and sitting down beside her.

"Yeah," she whispers, sitting up, "I just… Bad dream is all." I hug her for a moment, stroking her hair. I can feel her heart racing against my chest.

"You sure you're alright, Luce?" I ask again, pulling away from her a bit. She's gone extremely pale, and she has replaced breathing with short gasps for air. "Lucy?" I say slowly, and her eyes flick up to mine.

"I think, I'm gonna be sick," she murmurs, swaying slightly.

"Okay, okay," I mutter frantically, glancing around for something for her to throw up in. Not finding anything, I transfigure a cup into a large bowl and slide it in front of her. I call for Poppy as she vomits into the bowl.

She is still gripping her chest as she sits up, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. Kissing her temple, I murmur, "It's alright. Just breathe, love."

"Something's wrong, Sirius. It's not right." Her voice is trembling, and her breaths keep getting shorter. "I don't feel right." The way she says it scares me, like she scared she's dying.

I nod slowly. "Alright, let's just lie down, okay?" Nothing but fear is shining in her eyes as she looks up at me. God, I've never seen her so scared.

"Poppy!" I yell, guiding Lucy back down to her pillow. Turning back to Lucy, "Breathe, Luce," I say softly. "Just breath." Her skin is icy cold and slick with sweat. She looks like she's dying. Why does she look like she's dying?

"Sirius," she whimpers, "please, don't leave. Just stay here. I don't want to be alone."

"I could never leave you, love," I say lightly, but my voice shakes a little. Her eyes flutter closed, and she goes limp. "Lucy?" I whisper worriedly, shaking her arm gently. When she doesn't wake, I scream for Poppy again.

Poppy finally arrives beside me. "What on earth is the matter? Can you not see that she is trying to sleep?"

"No, she's not!" I screech. "There is something wrong. She's fainted or something. There is something wrong." I run a frustrated and worried hand through my hair. "She was sleeping and had a nightmare, and her heart was racing, and I don't know. She was sick." My words are rushed, jumbled, and confused, but Poppy doesn't seem to be listening anyway. She is waving her wand around in complicated little swishes, mumbling under her breath.

"Out of the way," Poppy says shrilly, shoving me off Lucy's bed. I jump out of the way but stay close enough to hold Lucy's hand as little orange and green symbols start to fill the air above Lucy's bed. I try to make sense of them, but I just don't understand. "Hell," Poppy mutters. "Get out, Mr. Black."

"No, she told me to stay." I shake my head and clasp Lucy's hand in mine. I am not leaving. She told me to stay.

Turning her wand on me, Poppy eyes flash warningly as she growls, "Get the hell out, Sirius, before I hex you. If you need to feel useful, go get the Headmaster."

"But-" I start, and she jabs me in the chest. Lucy told me to stay.

"Out," she spits, and I stumble backwards.

Once the curtains are pulled closed, I start pacing frantically. My hands are shaking so I shove them into my pockets. I don't know what to do. I just… fuck. The Headmaster. I'll go get the Headmaster.

Running across the castle to Dumbledore's office, I focus solely on my destination, pushing all thoughts of Lucy to the back of my mind. I take a left here. I run another long corridor without any distinguishing features– no statues, no portraits, no windows– just long stone walls and an endless amount of doors leading to various rooms and passageways. I take two more lefts and a right, and I skid to a halt in front of the gargoyle that guards Dumbledore's office.

I don't know the password. Shit, I don't know the password.

"Sweets, sweets. Um…" My mind draws a blank. I can't think of one fucking type of candy, so I settle for just shouting at the blasted thing that I need to see the Headmaster.

After about five minutes of cursing and screaming, it jumps to the left, and I try to run up the stairs only to smack into Moony's chest and fall, tumbling downward. I land in a heap on the cold floor.

"M-Moony?" I stutter, looking up at him from the flat of my back. He glares down at me before striding passed. "Moony, wait." I quickly sit up, and plead with him, not bothering to get off the floor. "Lucy's in the hospital. There's something wrong. She needs you Moony." He ignores me and just keeps walking. "Moony," I beg, but he just keeps walking. She needs him; he can fix it. He knows how to fix it when she's sad. I keep screaming at his back until he turns the corner. He never turns around.

Peter stares down at me for a moment before offering me a hand. "It's alright, Padfoot. He's just hurt right now. He'll be better in a couple of days." He claps me on the back, and I think _what if Lucy's dead by then._ I get dizzy at the thought, and he grips my arm. "Padfoot, you alright?"

I glance at him, his watery eyes not blinking in nervousness for the first time. I haven't noticed how much Peter has grown up this year. He doesn't look like a chubby little boy anymore. "It's not good, Pete. She's… not good."

He pales a little. "Okay, you go talk to the Headmaster. I'll take care of Moony. Don't worry. I'll fix him." I nod and start up the spiral staircase. "Hey, Padfoot?" he calls, and I turn around. "You didn't mean it, right? It was just because you were drunk." Blinking slowly, I try to figure out what it is that he is referring to. "When you slept with Lucy," he clarifies, sensing my confusion.

Oh God, that, now? "It was a mistake, Pete. She was hurting, and I wanted to make it stop. It was stupid. We just… I don't know."

He nods. "Right. Okay."

When I finally reach the door to the Headmaster's office, he is stepping out with David on his heels. "Mr. Black, how can I help you?" he asks softly as David gives me a small smile in greeting.

"Um," I stop. I don't know what to say. I sway a little, and Dumbledore places a hand on my shoulder. "Lucy, is, um, I don't know. Madam Pomfrey said I should come get you."

He starts to say something, but David cuts him off. "Sirius, what's happened?"

I glance at him. "I think she fainted. She was fine, then, I don't know… She got sick and said something wasn't right. Then she just… sort of… fell asleep. I couldn't wake her up. It was so… Poppy kind of freaked out. More than usual." I don't really know what I am saying or how to say it. I feel like I am just rambling out nothing.

"It's alright, Mr. Black. We're on our way there now. Poppy will fill us in," Dumbledore says, ushering me down the stairs and giving David a quick, silencing glance.

When we arrive in the Hospital Wing, there are several Healers rushing about the room, and Poppy is speaking in a hurried and hushed tone with Cole in the corner. Cole is nodding solemnly and has a crying Hunter in her arms.

My heart drops out of my chest. What could have happened that Poppy couldn't handle? She is dying. I wasn't just panicking. Lucy's dying. Oh God, I've killed her. She can't die. She can't…

I think my knees are going to give when a comforting hand finds its way onto my shoulder. "It's alright, Sirius. I know these guys. They're good. She'll be fine," David's deep voice sounds in my ear, and I try to nod. "Come on, let's get you in a chair, you don't look too well." As I stumble after him, he grabs my arm and changes our direction. "Maybe a bed would be better. Have you had anything to eat today?"

"Yeah," I mumble. She can't die. She can't die. Please God, don't let her die.

"Sirius?" he says slowly, and I find myself sitting on a bed, staring directly into his dark brown eyes. They are concerned, not fearful like they should be, just mildly concerned. Why isn't he as frighten as I am?

"Sirius, can you hear me?" Of course I can hear him; he's right in front of me. He snaps his fingers in front of my face. What did he do that for? Why isn't he checking on Lucy? Oh God, Lucy.

"Sirius," he says loudly.

"David," I answer slowly.

Relief flashes through his eyes, and I wonder why. "What did you eat today?" What does that have to do with anything? He should be with Lucy. _I_ should be with Lucy.

"Sirius, hey, talk to me." He waves his hand in front of my eyes like James does when I space out on him. "Sirius?"

"Um, breakfast. I ate breakfast." I sound a little lost. Why do I sound lost?

His voice sort of fades in and out as he says. "Breakfast, good. Eggs and bacon? Sausages? Potatoes? What did your breakfast consist of?" Why does he care about what I had for breakfast?

"Cereal. I had cereal. Lucky Charms. It took me ages to convince the house elves to let me have Lucky Charms for breakfast," I tell him, and he smiles a little.

"Alright," he says softly. "Now, why are we here?"

My heart starts to race, and I can't breathe. "Um," I try to answer, and I wring my hands; my palms are all sweaty. Why are my palms all sweaty? "Lucy's sick. Lucy's… oh God, David. I-I… I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't. I just… And she… Please, don't let her die. I don't want her to die. She can't die. Please, David, don't let her die."

"Hey," he says calmly, stopping my hands from their constant moving. "She's fine, Sirius. She's going to be fine. You didn't do anything, alright? She's just sick. She just ran too much. Everything is going to be fine." I look up at him, and I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "I promise, man, nothing is going to happen to her." He gazes at me for a moment, waiting for me to get a grip.

When I finally do, he stands up and places his hands on my shoulders. "Now, I want you to lie down and just stop thinking, okay? Maybe try to sleep a little. I'm going to go check on Lucy. I'll be back in a bit to let you know what's going on, alright?" I nod slowly, and he closes the curtains around my bed.

I lie back against the white pillow and gaze up at the white ceiling. My thoughts automatically drift to Lucy, and my breath tries to leave me again. Okay, don't think. Don't think. Don't think. The moment I stop repeating the phrase I go back to Lucy. _No, don't think_, I scold myself.

I can't not think. So something else… Do something else. I'll sing. Yeah, singing is good. I can sing. _Rubber Ducky, you're the one. You make bathtime lots of fun. Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you. _"Woo woo be doo. Rubber Ducky, joy of joys. When I squeeze you, you make noise! Rubber Duck-"

"I'm not sure I should ask." I glance up and find Cole smirking slightly. "You okay?"

I blink at her and turn back to my boots. _Every day when I make my way to the tubby, I find a little fell__-_ "Okay, so I deserved that." She sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed, and trails her fingers up the inside of my thigh.

"Don't," I say softly, and she places her hand in her lap. She nervously chews on her bottom lip, pulling her feet up on the bed and wrapping her arms around her knees. I watch her silently for a moment before going back to my song and staring at my shoelaces. _I find a little fella who's cute and yellow and chubby. Rub-a-dub-a-dubby. Rubber Ducky, you're so__-_

"Look, Black, I-"

I glance at her and say, "You don't have to, okay. You were right. You told me not to get attached; it's my fault, not yours. Just forget about it. I'm fine." Then I go back to looking at my boots.

"I'm not," she whispers, and my eyes flick back to her. "I talked to Luke. He told me what happened with you and Morgan."

"He doesn't know what happened between Lucy and me," I bite out. I instantly feel guilty for it, but I don't apologize.

She takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Right, so he told me about what happened in the hall. Maybe you can fill in the blanks?" Her tone has gone from soft and calming to sharp and harsh.

I glare at her. "Why do you care? You don't give a shit about me, or did you already forget that?"

Laughing quietly, she shakes her head. "You know, I should have expected you to be a bastard about this."

"You're damn right I am going to be a bastard about _this_. Honestly, Cole, do you think this is the right time to talk about it? One of my best friends is over there di-di–" I choke on the last word and find myself unable to breathe.

Little spots of color appear in front of my eyes, and she crawls up beside me. "Black," she whispers, "hey." She brushes my hair out of my eyes. Her eyebrows scrunch together, and a little wrinkle wedges itself between them. It's rather cute. "Shush. Hey, she's going to be okay." I take a deep breath, and she hugs me to her. "God, Black, I didn't know you knew how to fall to bits." She kisses my neck and strokes my hair. "I'm sorry, okay. I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry."

"I don't want her to die." My voice quivers, and she holds me tighter. "I don't want to have killed her."

"Oh, Sirius, you didn't kill her." I start to cry, and I feel her tense a little in nervousness before she kisses that little patch of skin behind my jaw. "She's not dead," she whispers, guiding my head down to her shoulder. Her fingers run up into my hair, and she murmurs softly. I can't hear what she is saying, but I don't think it matters.

O

I must have drifted off to sleep because James is shaking me awake. "Padfoot, man, wake up." I roll over, away from the sound of his voice, and I hear an annoyed squeak as I bump into something soft and decidedly feminine. "Sirius, come on, man. Luce is awake. She's calling you a son of a bitch lair without morals and a tiny dick."

"Well, it's obvious who the lair is then," Cole murmurs, snuggling into my chest.

As I sit up, Cole sighs sadly, but she untangles her legs from mine. "How long has she been awake?" I ask blurrily, blinking repeatedly to get his face to come into focus.

He shrugs and smiles sadly. "Long enough to realize Moony's not coming."

"Aw, shit. I thought Pete was going to talk to him." I climb up out of the bed, and Cole busies herself with pulling on her boots.

James's hazel eyes flick to Cole and then back to me, and he winks with a pleased smirk. "I would have talked to him, but he's been missing since he left the Headmaster's office. He's not on the map. Lily checked Lucy's place. I went down to his grandparents' old farm. We can't find him. I checked the Shack, too. My guess is he's out with the Centaurs. You know how he loves his philosophical discussions with that palomino."

"Firenze. His name is Firenze," Cole says, coming to stand beside me.

"Right then, Firenze." James gives her an odd look before turning back to me. "Come on, you should probably let her tell you. She's rather excited about it." He rolls his eyes before leaving the little curtained area.

I move to follow James, but Cole grabs my hand. I turn to her, and she stands on her toes, kissing my cheek. "Come see me, when everything is better. I would like to… just talk if that's okay."

"Yeah," I whisper, smoothing down the bits of her hair that were standing up awkwardly. "I'd like that, too." She gives me a small smile, and I leave her fidgeting by the bed.

James smiles encouragingly at me. "They moved her to a private room, after, um, well… shit. They just moved her to a private room." He gestures down the hall, and I feel my hands start to shake.

"She's alright, isn't she?" My voice cracks, and I can feel the little bit of happiness that I found in my dreams seeping out of me.

"Oh, yeah," he breathes out. "She's perfectly fine. I mean, she's has some bedrest ahead of her, but she is fine, better than fine actually. She's great. I mean, she, um, fucker." I almost laugh at him as he finds himself unable to say anything without getting himself into trouble with Lucy. "Look, she's good, heartbroken, but she wants to tell you everything 'cause she hasn't been able to tell anyone yet as David and Lily have big mouths. So, quit asking questions, already." He runs a hand through his messy hair and shoves me forward.

At the back of the Wing, there are several doors. I was under the impression that they were all bathrooms. Obviously, I was wrong. He leads me to the last one on the right and pulls open the door, shoving me inside. "Found him. In bed with a woman, of course. Merlin, you would think he could refrain from shagging while you were in the hospital, but obviously that is too much to ask for. After all, a good shag is a good shag, right, Padfoot?" Lily, Pete, and I laugh, pretending that he didn't just make the worst joke in history. Lucy and I having a good shag is what brought us here in the first place. Bloody idiot.

Lucy smiles softly, peeking around Lily. "Hey babe, I thought you said you weren't going to leave," she teases me lightly, sniffling a little.

I shrug. "I didn't go far, just two beds over and one across. You're the one who moved."

Lily hops up from the edge of Lucy's bed and tells me to sit. "We're going to run down to the kitchens and get something to eat. I'll tell Poppy to send you two up something."

Smiling slightly, I carefully sit down beside Lucy and whisper a thank you to Lily. Lucy juts her bottom lip out in a tiny pout. "I want some potato soup with lots of cheese."

Lily chuckles a little. "Will do." Hooking one arm around James' neck and the other around Peter, she says, "Come on, boys, we're off to raid the kitchens." James winks at us as she drags them out, and Peter gives me a half-hearted smile.

The door clicks closed, and Lucy scoots over on the bed a bit. "Come sit by me. Everyone else is afraid to touch me." She pushes down the blankets a bit, and I crawl under them with her, draping an arm around her shoulders. Resting her head on my chest, she sighs deeply.

"You going to tell me what happened, or do I get to stay lost in the dark?" I ask, and she giggles, taking my hand and interlacing our fingers.

"I had heart surgery," she says simply, almost as if she's proud of it.

"What?" I gasp, and she grins, sitting up and tugging at the top of her nightgown.

Pulling the white fabric down a bit, she traces a thin pick scar with her finger. "Davy said the healers could get rid of the scar, but I think I like it." It's a thin little scar that starts about three inches below her collarbone and travels down between her breasts.

"Why?" I ask.

She tilts her head to the side. "Well, it's a memory, I guess. Of the first time my heart broke."

"No," I shake my head. "Why did you have surgery?"

Blinking, she shrugs, "I had a heart attack."

"What?" I gasp out again. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

"Evidently, my, um," she touches her chest and bites her lip, "aorta?" She raises her eyebrows as if to ask me if it's the right word. I have no idea so I just nod. "I think that's it. Anyway, it was too narrow in one spot. So, that's why I get headaches when I exercise too much. Not because I am allergic to the grass." I grin despite myself. God, I love her. The way she just… accepts everything as if it's no big deal. "And, I guess, all the running I have been doing caused my heart to work double time or something. Then it started racing 'cause of my nightmare. All the stress just caused it to flip out, but it's all good now." She smiles and traces the scar with her fingers again. "They fixed it. Davy said that I am probably healthier than I was when I started. So it's really good."

She grins a little, and I kiss her head. "I'm glad you're alright. I would have been completely lost without you."

"You're completely lost with me, babe. I'd hate to see you without me." I laugh a little, and she kisses my cheek. "I have to stay in bed for a week. Doesn't that suck?" she mumbles, snuggling under my arm again and pulling the blankets up around her.

"Yeah," I nod, making sure she's tucked in, "but Hunter stays in here during the day so you can visit with him. And I'll come see you between classes and during meals and while I am supposed to be doing homework," I inform her, wondering when she is going to ask about Moony.

"Well, I suppose I won't be lonely then." We fall silent for a moment, and I toy with her fingers. "Would you mind bringing me a book or something tomorrow morning before you go to class?"

"Not at all, love," I whisper.

"Nobody would tell me where Moony is," she says softly.

I sigh and kiss her hair. "They don't know, love. I don't know."

"He hates me." She shivers a little as she says it, and I pull her closer.

"No, Luce. He just… He just hurts right now."

She nods slowly, and she whispers, "I love him, Sirius. When we're together it's like nothing can go wrong. I never felt more whole than when I was with him. Now, that he's gone, I feel so empty. I never felt hollow before." Her voice longs for him, and it breaks my heart to hear it. "I mean I've hurt before but not like this." A tiny little tear rolls down her cheek, and she brushes it away. "I can smile, and I can laugh, but it all feels so fake. I was watching James and Lily and the way she looks at him and how he gets that stupid grin." She raises her hand to her lips and sobs quietly. "I had that, Sirius, and I killed it." Sniffing, she looks up at me. Her eyes are brimming with tears, and her lip is quivering. "I suppose I've learned how to cry then."

"Oh, babe." I hold her face in my hands and wipe away her tears with my thumbs, kissing her forehead. "You'll get it back. It's just going to take some time. I'll find a way to fix it. I promise." She just shakes her head and cries a little harder.

O

I spend the night in the Hospital Wing. Lucy doesn't need to spend the first night in there alone. The gray light of early morning filters through the windows as I stumble out of her little room and into the main portion of the room.

"Mr. Black, pick a bed," Poppy says tiredly as I close the door.

Raising my eyebrow, I stare blankly at her. "Huh?"

She smiles a little. "You don't have to stay. David said you had a bit of a panic attack yesterday. I just want to make sure everything's okay." Waving her arm around the room, she gestures to all the empty beds. "So, pick a bed."

With a small shrug, I flop down on the bed nearest me. She strolls over to me a releases a deep breath. "You know, you should come with a warning label or something."

I give her a confused look, and she shrugs, waving her wand and checking my temperature by placing the back of her hand to my forehead. "Two women in a little over a month have been in here on their death bed, and they were both attached to you. You must be cursed or something. The ladies of Hogwarts should be warned."

"I'm not cursed," I almost shout.

She laughs, "Don't worry, Mr. Black. I won't tell a soul. You provide me with patients." Tucking my hair behind my ear, she pats my shoulder. "Alright, you're good. Get out of here, and if you must come back, don't bring any damsels until I have had a nap."

I grin at her and wave goodbye as she makes her way into Lucy's room.

O

Climbing out of the shower, I shake off like a dog because it leaves water spots on the mirror and it pisses Remus off. Wrinkling my nose at my reflection, it hits me that I shouldn't be trying to piss Moony off at the moment. Oh, well, what's done is done.

I wrap my towel around my waist and try to find my toothbrush. My toothbrush is missing. It's always right here by the sink. My shampoo wasn't in the shower either. Where is my stuff?

I stick my head out of the bathroom. "Hey, Pete, have you seen my toothbrush?" Peter looks up from tying his shoes and glances over at Remus before shaking his head. Damn it. Stealing my toothbrush– that's just wrong. "Moony, have you seen my toothbrush?"

He turns around and frowns, shrugging. "Maybe your little whore has it."

Oh, that's it. I storm out of the bathroom and punch him, and he goes tumbling into the floor. "What the fuck is your problem, Moony?"

Rubbing his jaw, he glares up at me. "You! You are my problem. You and your little-"

I yank him up by the collar of his shirt and shove him against the wall. "Say it again, Remus. Call her a whore again."

Fear flashes through his pale eyes, and he tries to shove me off him. I slam him against the wall again. "She almost died yesterday, Moony, while you were off screwing around being pissed at the whole world because _I_ made a mistake. She almost died."

"She's already made it perfectly clear that I don't matter. She wants you Sirius. You take care of her. I don't want her," he growls, pushing me back.

I punch him again and hear his nose crack before shoving him back up against the wall. Blood is streaming down his face and onto his shirt. "She doesn't want me, Moony. She needs me. They are two entirely different things. She loves you, and her heart breaks a little more each minute you aren't with her. I'm her best friend, Moony. I'm her brother, I am her friend, and I am her protector. I gave her to you, Moony, because I knew that you would love her as much as she was going to love you. Don't be a fucking idiot and give up on her because she is compulsive and irrational and I'm a fuck up who makes things worse when I try to fix them."

"Let me go," he whispers lowly.

"No!" I scream at him. "No, Moony, not until you say you'll go see her. Not until you say you'll let her apologize. Not until you pull your head out of your ass and realize what you are doing to her."

"What I am doing to her! What about me, Padfoot? I am the one who was screwed over!" he roars, finally managing to shove me to the floor. "Do you think that I am fine? Do you think that I don't hurt? Do you think that last night was easy for me?" His shoulders shake in rage, and he roughly tries to wipe the blood off his face, smearing it across his cheek. "God, Sirius. I don't know what to do, okay? Am I supposed to just say, 'It's all right, Lucy, you can sleep with our best friend every time we get into a fight'? Am I supposed to do that, Sirius? Because I can't. It's not okay." I shake my head, gazing up at him. That's not what I meant.

"You have no idea what it's like to stand back and just smile when the person you love loves someone else just as much if not more. Everyday, Sirius, I wake up to her, and then I get to watch her turn her smile to you and call you 'love'. It's not fucking fair that even though she is sleeping beside me she whispers to you to have sweet dreams. But, you know, that's the way it's always been, and it would have been wrong for me to ask her to change because I am insecure." I had no idea that bothered him. Why the fuck didn't he just say something?

"God, Sirius, you slept with her. The one thing that I could tell myself that was mine, that made us different, that meant that she'd loved me and you were just her friend– you got that, too." Angry tears fall down his cheeks, and he forcefully rubs them away. "I can't share her with you, Padfoot, and I can't just forgive you and her, because she's sick. I just…" He swallows hard and looks out the window. "I can't, Sirius."

Standing up slowly, I adjust my towel and ask him to look at me. "I want you to have her, Moony. I'm not good for her. She loves you, Remus. You have no idea how much. I don't want you to share her. I just want you to love her. I just want to know she's safe. I just don't want her to hurt."

"Then, why the fuck did you sleep with her, Padfoot?" he mutters solemnly. His brown eyes are overflowing in sadness.

I turn my gaze away from him and stare and the bed hangings. "I don't know, Remus," I whisper. "She was crying and I…" Shaking my head, I turn back to him. "I thought it would fix it."

He drops down to his bed and curses loudly. Sighing, he looks up at me. Gesturing to his nose, he mumbles, "Can you fucking fix this?"

"Yeah," I nod and smile slightly before setting out to repair his damaged face. Lucy will kill me if I can't set his nose straight.

O

"Hey," James says lightly, jumping up on to the ledge of the North Tower balcony with me. "You didn't show up for Potions or Defense and neither did Moony, so I took a stab in the dark and guessed you were here."

I smile a little and shrug. "He's with Luce."

"Yeah," he sighs, "I know." Pressing a flask into my hand, he says cheekily, "I brought you something."

I take a sip. "Jack Daniels?" I ask.

"Yeah," he nods slowly. "Lily doesn't like Firewhiskey. So, I've gone American, I guess. "

Chuckling, I take another swig. "Damn redhead, got rid of your drink of choice. Hell, Prongs, you're not even married."

He rolls his eyes and laughs, stealing the flask and taking a long drink. "Not yet, but we will be soon if I get my way."

"I'm happy for you man." I clap him on the back. We sit there for a moment before I exhale deeply. "Man, I feel like we haven't hung out in forever."

"That's because we haven't. The last time we had a real guy's night out was at the beginning of the year. It's like, almost April."

I have another long swig. "So much for our last year as the Marauders."

"Fucking women," James sighs.

Laughing, I climb on the railing. "Man, come on. Let's go get Moony and Wormtail and do something fun tonight."

"But I promised Lily I would help her organize her notes for NEWTs," he stutters, turning around.

"You better be fucking joking, Prongs," I say in all seriousness. If he is organizing _notes_ with Lily, I swear I am going to end our friendship here and now.

He releases a dorky little laugh, hopping off the railing. "Yeah, you're so fucking gullible." Stowing the flask in his pocket, we head down the stairs.

"I didn't fall for it, Prongs. I can't be gullible, if I didn't fall for it."

"Yes, you did. You were already planning a way to de-friend me." James stops me as we reach the bottom steps. "You know, we should wait 'til Luce is out of the Hospital Wing. Give her and Moony time to patch things up. And, uh, Lils doesn't sleep to well on her own."

I shake my head. "You fucking suck, but I guess your right." We trudge along for a moment before I turn to him grinning wildly. "Wanna kidnap Snape and throw him in the lake?"

"Yeah!" he grins, taking off at a dead run to Gryffindor Tower for supplies.

O

_thank you for reading_


	23. Chapter 23

Sí, Mil Veces, Sí

James and I stand back, chuckling as Snape gasps for air, desperately attempting to swim away from the giant squid. "Damn, I forgot how fun it was to screw with him," James laughs.

"I know," I agree. "I am such a fucking fuck up," I mumble, running my hand through my hair as he pats me on the back.

He sighs heavily, flicking his wand and lifting Snape out of the water just to drop him back in. We watch Snape struggle to surface, his lank hair matted with lake weeds, sticking to his face and his heavy black robes pulling him under; he is not screaming this time. Damn. "Yeah, you are." James head bobs up and down slowly.

I whack him on the back of the head. "Dude! You aren't supposed to agree with me. That was your cue to tell me that I not a fuck up. I just fucked up."

Shrugging, he turns around and heads for the castle, losing his interest in Snape as he stops screaming death threats. "Well, I'm not going to lie just for the sake of your ego."

"Why not? I lie to you all the time!" I shout, following him.

Stopping suddenly, he whips around. "About what?" His eyes are wide with shock.

"'Bout Lily, of course. Dude, you don't honestly think that she said she was sorry for overreacting after you showed the whole school Snape's boxers. Do you?" I ask.

"What?" he gasps. "You were lying? Padfoot, I never would have kept stalking her like a lunatic if I had known that!"

I clap him on the back, giving him a little shove toward the castle. "So, we have just found yet another reason why you owe me for getting the two of you together."

"B-but… But…" he stutters disappointedly. He really wanted to be angry with me for just a tidbit over that one. I chuckle a little, and we head for Gryffindor Tower, leaving a scowling Snape struggling to get to the shore.

O

"Hey, Luce. How are you doing?" I grin widely, entering the Hospital Wing to find Lucy and Hunter curled up, reading a book.

"Sirius," she smiles a little, closing the book and placing it in her lap. "I'm alright." She still looks rather sad.

Sitting up a little bit more, she makes room for me to sit on the bed. "So, Moony came to see you this morning," I say, dropping down beside her, ruffling Hunter's hair in hello, expecting Lucy to grin.

Her smile falters, and she nods. "Yeah," she whispers. Kissing Hunter's head, she hands him the book and asks if they can finish later. He grins at her and nods softly as if he understands before sliding off the bed and tottering off to Poppy's office.

"What happened?" I ask as the door swings closed.

She shrugs and gives me a sad smile. "We're just…" Her eyes flick to the left, and she bites her bottom lip. "We're just going to be friends."

I stare at her in shock, and she shrugs again. I try to ask why, but I can seem to get the word out. She notices and tugs her blanket up a bit.

"He said that he said that…" her brows furrow, and her eyes fall closed, "that he can't forgive me just yet." Tears fill her eyes as she opens then again, and her voice shakes as she speaks. "It's not that I don't understand because I do." Her lip quivers, and she hold out her arms to hug me. As I wrap her in a tight hug, she murmurs, "I couldn't forgive me either."

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," I whisper, holding her to me.

O

The early April rain falls gently, pattering against the windowpane, coaxing me from my sleep. Slowly crawling out of bed, I glance over at Moony, staring blankly at the ceiling. He has not slept all week; he just stares blankly all night long, every night.

When I step out of the bathroom, he has already dressed and left. Peter just smiles half-heartedly, shuffling around me and into the bathroom. I shrug into my robes, stow away some books into my bag, and step into my boots, not bothering to tie them before trotting down the stairs. Lily is waiting rather patiently on the steps to the Girl's Dorm, her hair pulled back into a loose bun. She has not really said much to me in a while; she had taken to avoiding me at all costs the majority of the week Lucy was in the hospital, and last night when Lucy finally escaped her jail time, she just gave me nervous little smiles while Lucy and Remus danced around each other.

"Hey, Lillers, what's up?" I ask brightly, hoping that whatever has been going on is over. She pops up from her seat and pulls me into a tight hug. Hugging her back, I chuckle. "Whoa, did someone die or something?" Thank God, normalcy!

She shakes her head and kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I have been such an asshole."

"What?" I give her a puzzled look, and she shrugs, wringing her hands.

"I should have talked to you or something. I mean I was glad when Cole kind of faded out of the picture. I kept saying that it was the best thing for you and you'd get over it. You needed someone to be there, and I just…" Her green eyes leave mine, and she straightens my collar to have something to do. "I told James just to let you be. I shouldn't have interfered with your friendship. Then after Lucy… I just– I kept thinking you were being a self-absorbed prick and that you–"

I hug her to get her to stop. "Lils, it's alright. I wasn't really letting anyone talk to me anyway. And if we were to be honest, I was being a self-absorbed prick. You don't have to apologize. Let's just go back to the way things used to be." I kiss the top of her head before letting go.

"That's going to be rather hard as Remus won't even look at Luce." She smiles sadly.

"It'll be alright. They'll work things out. We just gotta let them have their space." As she bites her lip, nodding, I wrap my arm around her shoulders, leading her out of the common room and down to breakfast.

I drop down into the empty seat beside Lucy, and she smiles softly at me. "It's good to have you back at the breakfast table, babe," I say merrily, ruffling her hair.

"It's good to be back." She grins at me. Glancing sadly at Moony, who is steadily ignoring her by reading the Daily Prophet, Lucy busies herself with filling her goblet with pumpkin juice to keep from looking at him. "So, James, the game Saturday, how did Hufflepuff look?" she asks over the pitcher.

James smiles at her. "Not bad, but we'll smash them, no problem, even without you in the air." Oh, shit.

"What do you mean without me?" She works hard not to slam the canister back on the table.

He chuckles nervously, running his hand through his hair. "Er, well, you can't expect to play, Luce. You haven't been out of the hospital a whole day yet. The game is in three weeks. You won't have enough time to get back into shape."

"Like hell I won't!" she screeches, slamming her hand on the table.

"Luce, you're supposed to take it easy for a bit," James says, trying not to cower behind Lily.

Frowning angrily, she stands and glares at him. "That's why I spent a week in the fucking hospital, James. I am fine. I am playing." Damn it, why couldn't he have just played it off for a while?

"Luce, you aren't playing." His voice carries such a tone of finality that Lucy falls back in her seat.

She sniffs moodily, crossing her arms. "James, you have no right to tell me I can't play," she tells him, raising an eyebrow in defiance and staring directing into his eyes.

Holding her gaze, he takes a deep breath. He doesn't want to say whatever he is going to say. "Lucy, I'm the captain; I decide who plays. You are not going anywhere near the pitch until I get an okay from Poppy."

She looks as if he just slapped her. "Captain!" she shrieks. I've never seen her lose her temper like this. "The only reason why you are capta–"

"Lucy, you aren't playing. Drop it," Remus murmurs quietly, not looking up from his paper.

Breathing heavily, her eyes flick to him. She glances at me, and I do my best not to look like I am agreeing with them. Swallowing hard, she yanks her bag off the floor, abruptly leaving the table. "Either give a damn or don't, Remus," she hisses as she passes him.

"You couldn't wait a while before telling her?" I groan, standing up to go after her.

James shrugs. "Sorry, man. It just kind of slipped."

Lily wraps her arm around his waist and lays her head on his shoulder. "Well, Jamesie, if you can't keep from saying something stupid, maybe you should just stop speaking."

He tilts his head to the side. "If I can't talk, what I'm a supposed to do with my mouth?"

Smirking, she looks up at him. "What do you think?"

"Oh." He grins before kissing her. "I think I am willing to trade my speaking right if it means I occupy my mouth with you instead," he tells her as he pulls back. I leave the Great Hall as he moves to kiss her again.

"Luce!" I yell up the staircase as I see her tiny figure hurrying up the steps. She doesn't turn around. "Come on, Lucy," I say, running after her. She stumbles up a few more steps before clutching her chest and stopping. Dropping to a sitting position, she rests her head on her knees, her shoulder quaking with unreleased sobs.

I speed up a bit as she sits down. She is taking deep, steady breaths, her eyes tightly closed as I reach her side. "Lucy, come on, it's one game," I say softly, sitting beside her and rubbing her back.

Turning her big, sad eyes to me, her cheek pressed against her knees, she mumbles, "I am so fucking emotional."

Stroking her hair, I shrug. "That's actually rather normal, Luce."

"Not for me," she sighs. I don't say anything, and she sits up, leaning against me. "I hate that he won't talk to me." Placing my hand over her heart, she whispers, "Did it stop?"

"Did what stop?" I ask, confused.

"The racing. Did it stop racing?"

Resting my head atop hers, I interlace our fingers. "Yeah." Fuck, if her heart races after only running up a few stairs, she definitely doesn't need to be flying. God, it is going to go back to normal, right? I mean, she can't be grounded for life. That would kill her.

"I mean he never says anything, unless it's something like _that_." She waves her free hand as she refers to what Moony said in the Great Hall. It is something he would have said even if they were together; she is just too upset to see that. "We were supposed to be friends, not this stupid, ignoring each other, rude remarks _shit!_"

"Luce," I murmur, and she sniffs. "It's been a week, love. It's going to take time."

She closes her eyes, her head slumping down on my chest a little. "Well, then, wake me up when it's been long enough for things to be normal again."

O

I am sitting in the common room, watching the younger students chat, play, and study. There is a small group of second years in the corner, whispering quietly and exchanging sly grins. They kind of remind me of the guys and me when we were that age.

James flops down on the couch beside me. "So, I am thinking," he starts out. "We should just forget waiting for Moony and Lucy to patch things up and go out Saturday. It has been a week and a half, and they are still tangoing around each other. Next weekend is the game. If we don't do it Saturday, we'll have to wait 'til next month."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I nod, offering him a marshmallow.

Carefully, inspecting the bag for the "perfect" marshmallow, James plucks one out and looks up at me. "Dude, have you been to see Cole yet?"

"No." I shrug as he pops the marshmallow into his mouth.

"Why the hell not?" he garbles with his mouth still full.

I take a sip of my butterbeer. "Don't know, I just… I'm waiting on Luce, I think. I mean it's not fair that I fucked up her relationship because I fucked up mine, and then mine gets better before hers," I try to explain. "I'm an asshole," I say, with a sigh.

Chuckling, James claps me on the back. "Padfoot, we all make mistakes. I'm not saying that what you did was okay, but man, you can't torture yourself because of it."

"I know," I breathe. "I just– I hate what they are doing to each other. I mean I know what he is feeling, but God, he is killing himself slowly and taking her right along with him. She cries like everyday, man. Lucy doesn't cry."

James gives me a meaningful look. "Now, you know what he was going through."

"Right," I mutter, "right." I am such a prick.

"Come on," he stands up. "Lily is off with McGonagall shopping for something or another for graduation. They said I had no taste and had to stay here. Let's go charm the coats of armor to sing dirty limericks. We haven't done that in a while." Smiling slightly, I hop up off the couch and follow him out the portrait hole. "We'll stop and get Moony and Wormtail from the library, too. Tell them of our plan and pick Moony's brain for words that rhyme with dick and tits," he says, grinning.

I laugh. God, I missed him.

O

"Moony, man, I love you," I slur, slinging an arm around his shoulders and downing what is left in my tankard. I really do love him. "And, I am sorry, you know, _so_ sorry." I am sorry, so sorry.

He laughs drunkenly, "Padfoot, man, I love you, too." Placing a wet sloppy kiss on my cheek, he says something rather incoherently, holding my gaze, his sad eyes glazed over with numbing effects of alcohol. Then he climbs up onto the table, holding out his arms to keep his balance, a boisterously says, "That's right," he takes a large gulp of his drink, "I love Lucy. I love Lucy _way more _than Ricky, here." He points to me and the whole bar cheers.

As he stumbles a little, Prongs grabs hold of his arm. "Moony, man, you have to get down." Prongs is still too sober.

"Go away, Fred," Moony mumbles, "Go back to Ethel. You aren't any fun tonight." He waves his hand, shooing Prongs away.

"Moony, if Sirius is Ricky and I am Fred, who the hell are you?" Prongs questions, still trying to get Moony off the table.

Pointing to his chest, Moony announces loudly, "I am Desi, her real husband, not the faker character husband in the TV show."

"The one she divorced because he was an alcoholic?" James asks.

Moony pours the rest of his beer out of Prongs' head. "You need more alcohol; you're making me sound dumb."

Helping the now pouting Moony from the table, Wormtail chuckles, "We won't mention that they were the same person then."

"Wormtail?" Moony mutters, turning big mournful to eyes to him.

"Yeah, Moony," Wormtail smiles.

"You're the best, you know." Ruffling Wormtail's mousey hair, he continues, "I mean, you, Wormtail, you are always, _always_ there." He takes Wormtail's face in his hands and kisses both his cheeks before exclaiming, "More drinks! We need more drinks! 'Cause Wormtail is the best!"

Soon, Moony and I are singing, swaying back and forth, sloshing our drinks across the floor. "I love Lucy. I love Lucy, and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel, but then, _how_ we make up, again! Lucy kisses like no one can." I stop singing, and his voice raises a few octaves. "She's my Mrs., and I'm her man." I join him again, "And life is heaven, you see 'cause I love Lucy. Yes, I love LUCY, and LUCY loves _me._" His head falls on my shoulder, and his arm falls limp, spilling the rest of his drink on the floor. "I'm glad you love Lucy, Padfoot."

"I'm glad you love Lucy, too, Moony," I reply, patting his head.

"Just don't sleep with her again, okay?" he sighs.

I nod, downing the rest of my drink. "Not ever, Moony."

"Come on, you two," Prongs says, hooking his arms around our necks. "You're way wasted, and we still have to pull a prank back at the castle."

Moony looks up at the bartender. "Can I get a something good to go?"

The burly old man chuckles and nods, pulling out a bottle of water. "Here you go, mate."

"What 'tis it? Vodka?" Moony asks.

The man nods. "If that's what you want it to be."

Nodding, Moony looks over at me. "I got Vodka!"

O

"Shush!" I hush Prongs loudly, my finger pressed to my lips. "You are going to wake up Pringle or his damn little helper with that creepy cat."

He ruffles my hair. "No worries, Padfoot, I put silencing charms on the whole place."

"Really?" I ask my eyes wide.

"Yep," he nods.

I let out a whoop of excited joy and run down the aisle between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, screaming loudly to Moony, "Moony! Prongs put silencing charms on the Great Hall. We can SING in here."

He drunkenly climbs up onto a table. "Prongs, I love you!" He raises his bottle of water to Prongs and takes a long swig. I scurry onto the table with him, and he mumbles, "Our song, Padfoot. Our song."

Wormtail jumps up on the table with us, banging his knee, "Come on, Prongs!" he yells. "We can't sing it without you!"

Shaking his head, Prongs abandons his attempt to make McGonagall's chair pinch her ass every time she tries to sit in it and joins us. "All right, all right," he sighs exasperatedly, climbing up beside us. Lily sucks for telling him not to get too drunk.

Moony shoves his bottle of water at Prongs. "Dude, you need this more than I do." He is still under the impression that it is alcohol.

With a dorky laugh, Prongs takes the bottle and takes a swig before handing it back to Moony. "Okay, start the music, Moony." Moony flicks his wand, and Prongs starts singing. "Some people call me the space cowboy."

My turn! "Some people call me the gangster of lo-ove."

Moony sings into his bottle like it is a microphone. "Some people call me _Maurice_." Peter whistles. "'Cause I speak of the pompitous of l_ove_."

"People talk about me, baby, say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wr_on_g," I sing.

Prongs shoves me a bit, dancing a little and sharing Moony's microphone. "Well, don't you worry, baby. Don't worry 'cause I'm right here, right here, right here at h_om_e."

All of us chime in for the chorus, our arms around each other. "'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a lover. And I'm a sinner. I play my music in the s_u_n. I'm a joker. I'm a smoker. I'm a midnight toker. I get my loving on the run."

Wormtail goes "woo, woo."

Moony picks up on his own, pretending to be singing to a girl in the imaginary crowd. "You're the cutest thing that I ever did see. I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree."

Wormtail sings his solo behind Moony. "A lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the t_i_me."

As Wormtail finishes up, Moony holds his hand out to his invisible lover. "Ooo-eee baby, I'll sure show you a good time."

We all sing the chorus together again. "'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a lover. And I'm a sinner. I play my music in the s_u_n. I'm a joker. I'm a smoker. I'm a midnight toker. I sure don't want to hurt no one."

Wormtail goes "woo, woo" again.

My turn. "People keep talking about me, baby, they say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wr_o_ng."

"Well don't you worry, don't worry. No, don't worry, mamma," Prongs croons. "'Cause I'm right here at h_o_me."

"Well, you're the cutest thing that I ever did s_ee_. Really love your peaches, wanna shake your tr_ee_," Moony sings again.

"Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, all the time," Wormtail sings.

"Come on baby, and I'll show you a good time." We all end the song and bow to our invisible audience.

With a dull _thump, _Moony collapses on the table. "Gods, I miss this," he says, staring up at us from the flat of his back. "I love being stupid and drunk together," he grins, sitting up.

I drop to my bum, laying my head on his shoulder. "Me, too, Moony."

Prong and Wormtail sit down beside us. "So, from now on, Saturday nights are Marauder nights. Lily, Lucy, and Padfoot's and Wormtail's flings will just have to deal," James informs us.

"Yeah," I agree drunkenly, and Moony nods.

O

"_Lucy_, I'm home!" Moony screeches as we enter the common room.

"Shush, man," Prongs says, "You're going to wake everyone up."

"_Lucy_!" Moony yells again, and Lucy comes stumbling out of the Head's Dorm. She tries to smile at him, but it's extremely guarded. He drops down to one knee. "Lucy, mi amor…" Pausing, he scratches his head. "I had something really great to say, Luce, I swear," he says after a moment. "I can't remember now." She stares down at his drunken state, and he falls back onto his ass. He points a finger at her. "You are irrational, compulsive, idiotic, and a fuck up." Shoving her hands into her pockets, Lucy tries to keep tears a bay. "Mira todas cosas que has hecho," he waves his hand. "And still, Luce, you are the most beautiful fucking thing in the world." Sighing, he drops his hand, gazing up at her. "You fucking fucked him, Luce, and I can't sleep without you beside me."

Tears fall down her cheeks, and she pleads with him, "Remus, please, stop."

Oh, God, she's crying again. I start to move toward her, and Prongs grabs my arm. "Don't you dare. Stay put." I gaze at him, and he raises his eyebrow in silent warning.

"I love you, Lucy, and it's not fair." He turns to James, his eyes begging for understanding. "Mira a las cosas esta mujer ha hecho, and I still fucking love her."

"Remus," Lucy says softly, "pleas–"

Turning back to her, he cuts her off. "I love you, Lucy." She stops and bites her lip. "I hate to see you cry, and I make you cry… everyday, Luce. I make you cry everyday."

"Remus, I–"

"I am the only one that does that, Lucy." He tries to stand up and falls back down. "I am the only one who can make you cry. You didn't cry for him." Running his hand through his hair, he sighs, "That's gotta mean fucking something, doesn't it? Me being the only one who can make you cry." He gazes up at her, holding out his hand. "I want to marry you, Lucy. Quiero casarte"

She smiles, taking a tentative step forward. "Why are you speaking Spanish, Remus?"

He takes her hand and pulls her down to him. "Desi could speak Spanish. Ricky was just pretending," he whispers before kissing her. "¿Quieres ser mi esposa?"

Nodding slowly, she kisses him, tiny, sparkling tears running down her cheeks. "Sí, mil veces, sí."

Peter grabs my arm, whispering, "It's bedtime for us, Padfoot, come on." As he leads me up the stairs, a smile tugs at my lips; I still get to be Ricky.

O

**Author's Note: **If my C- minus Spanish proves correct this is what Moony said:

_Mi amor_ - my love

_Mira todas cosas que has hecho _- Look at all the things you have done

_Mira a las cosas esta mujer ha hecho_ - Look at all the things this woman has done

_Quiero casarte_- I want to marry you.

_¿Quieres ser mi esposa? _- Do you want to be my wife?

_Sí, mil veces, sí. _- Yes, a thousand times, yes.

I am an "I love Lucy" fan. For those of you who aren't; Ricky Ricardo is Lucy's husband in the sitcom; Desi Arnaz is the actor who played Ricky. Desi just happened to be Lucille Ball's husband in real life. Hopefully, that clears up any confusion.

The song Moony and Padfoot sang is the theme song to I Love Lucy. The song the Marauders sing is "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band.

O

_thank you for reading_


	24. Chapter 24

Fuzzy Feeling

The sun rises way too early, casting its death rays in through the window and right into my eyes. I squeeze my lids tightly closed and press the heels of my hands to my eyes. "Remus," I moan. "Remus, I need something for my head. Please, Moony," I beg.

Peter answers, "Shut up, Padfoot. He isn't here, and you are making my head pound."

"Where the hell is he? I can't move," I groan, rolling over and pulling my sheet over my head.

Mumbling something about him not coming in last night, Pete stumbles off to the bathroom and starts vomiting. I point my wand at him, muttering a silencing charm; the last thing I want is to start retching, too.

I peek my head out from under my sheet and cringe at the light. God, this sucks. Placing my hand over my eyes, I slowly climb out of bed. The moment I put my weight on my feet the world spins, and the contents of my stomach try to spew forth. I stand completely still and wait for the nauseous feeling to subside before cracking my fingers apart and squinting out the holes. Taking a cautious step forward and praising God when the queasy feeling doesn't return, I slowly make my way out of the room and downstairs.

Fucking noisy ass little kids fill the common room, shouting and screaming about nothing, getting in my way, and trying to make my fucking head implode as I shuffle across the room to Lily and James' door, my hand firmly clasped over my eyes. I wait impatiently, peeking out through the cracks of my fingers after I knock on the door. Lily smiles at me as she pulls the door open. "Sirius, how are you?" she says loudly.

"Please, Lily," I moan. "Please, I'll do anything." She chuckles and hands me a vial of lime green potion. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I swear, I love you," I say, before downing the liquid. A grin tugs at my lips as my nausea and headache subside. "I really do, Lillers." I hug her tightly, breathing in the strawberry scent of her hair, and she laughs, patting my back.

"Moony and Luce went to her place together last night," she tells me chirpily.

I grin widely, replying, "I know."

She taps my chest and kisses my cheek. "Go get dressed, you're making the girls drool, and I know you've done something absolutely horrible in the Great Hall that you aren't go to want to miss," she says before shooing me away.

"What?" I say innocently. "We didn't do anything horrible. It's just fun."

"Uh, huh." She rolls those beautiful green eyes of hers and shoves me out of the doorway, slipping another vial of potion in the pocket of my pajama pants. "Give that to Peter."

With another charming grin, I wave goodbye and turn around. The first thing I see is Darla. I run up to her, picking her up, swinging her around, and kissing her cheek. "Moony and Lucy are back together!" I practically yell.

Laughing, she pats my head as I place her on her feet. "How wonderful. Now if only James will let her on the Quidditch Pitch, life in the Girls' Dorm will be tolerable, again." I smile at her and nod like an idiot. She rolls her toffee eyes, looking at something over my shoulder. "Honestly, Sirius, go put on a shirt before one of your little admirers faints."

"Before I do that, I must tell you what you are wearing is unacceptable attire for breakfast this morning. Go back upstairs and plan for lots and lots of sun," I tell her before running back upstairs, practically dancing with excitement. I think Lily put something extra in her hangover cure; I am _way _too happy.

O

A large grin pastes itself onto my face as I enter the Great Hall, though it doesn't really look like the Great Hall anymore. We did some good work last night, considering I was completely smashed.

The tables are pushed up against the walls, hidden away by a border of surfboards. The floor is covered in twelve inches of sand with large multicolored beach blankets spread out in various places, picnic baskets placed in the center of each, brimming with the greatest picnic lunches ever. (I know. I picked out the menu.) There are students scattered everywhere, the houses mixing and chatting happily. Dumbledore's throne has been transfigured into a giant lifeguard stand, which he is merrily perched upon with white sun block slathered on his long, crooked nose and a wide-brimmed, straw hat atop his head. "Surf City" is playing loudly out of the wireless beside him.

I slip off my sandals and stow them in the baggy pocket of my shorts, swaggering into the room and scanning the place for Cole. I spot her rather quickly. She is lying across a bright yellow, polka-dotted blanket, a large floppy hat on her head, smiling softly at whatever Hunter is saying, while Howards digs around in the picnic basket. I weave my way through the crowd and stand at the corner of their little set-up. "Hey," I say with a smile, "mind if I join you?"

Her head tilts up to me, and she smirks. "I don't know. I've told the little one here that he shouldn't talk to strangers. What kind of example would I be setting if I allowed one to join us for breakfast?"

Before I can speak, Howard says, "Oh, Beck, don't be a tease."

She rolls her eyes, sitting up and patting the now empty space beside her. "I was beginning to wonder if you forgot me."

Smiling, I shake my head. "As if that's possible." Dropping down cross-legged beside her, I briefly brush my lips across hers before laying my head on her chest. "Sorry, I waited so long. I just wanted to make sure everyone was going to be okay," I whisper,r and she toys with my hair for a moment, kissing the top of my head.

"I take it things are better, then," she says as I sit back up. "Is this," she waves her hand, gesturing to the room, "your way of celebrating?"

"How'd you know it was us?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. Howards rolls his eyes as Cole laughs, pointing to a large sign above the doors.

**The Marauders Present **

**Surf City **

_(Without the surf)_

"Oh, that must of went up during one of the times I blacked out," I shrug, smiling innocently at Cole and tossing a large beach ball that rolled over to our blanket to Hunter.

Howards tosses me a sandwich and places another in Cole's hands. "Half. That's all I ask, Beck. Just eat half." She rolls her eyes, unwraps the sandwich and takes a bite.

"Happy?" she asks, faking annoyance.

He stares at her for a moment before nodding. "For now." It's nice to know she'll listen to someone or, well, that he isn't afraid to tell her to take care of herself. I am such a chicken.

O

The quiet flip_-_flopping of our sandals fills the silence when our conversation dies away as Cole and I stroll around the shore of the lake, watching Hunter wade in and out of the water as he runs ahead of us, collecting smooth, round, colorful pebbles and stowing them in a bright green bucket. "Don't go too far in, love," Cole calls softly as Hunter steps out farther into the water than he had previously.

She wraps her arms around herself and sighs uneasily. Her dark eyes flick up at me, and she chews on her bottom lip for a moment. "Luke," she kind of breathes out his name in a semblance of annoyance, but you can tell there is a love for him that taints her initial emotion, "said that he took you for a delightful little walk through my mind." _I thought we were keeping that a secret. _The side of her mouth twitches as that thought runs through my head. "Luke doesn't know how to keep secrets from me."

"Oh," I exhale slowly, running my hand through my hair. "He did, then."

Chuckling a little, she says, "I know." Dropping her arms and shoving her hands in her pockets, she stops and looks up at me. "I thought I'd give you a chance to talk about it, but after this, it's not mentioned again."

"Okay," I acquiesce, gently caressing her cheek, watching the way her guarded eyes fall closed at my touch.

"Where did you start?" she asks calmly, pulling away from me and ambling up the shore, not letting Hunter get too far away, not letting me get too close.

I stand there for a moment before following her, my long strides allowing me to catch up easily. "With your mum," I answer, and she swallows, "on the balcony."

"I was three." Her voice is soft and unaffected in a way I could never manage. "She had been depressed for ages. Everyone knew it would happen eventually. She was pregnant." Cole pauses, turning over a pebble with the toe of her shoe before picking it up and brushing the sand away. "It was to be another girl. She couldn't face my dad. He wanted a boy." I don't know what to say so I stay silent. "I don't remember her really, not in detail. I have her eyes though."

She shrugs, tossing the stone into the lake; it skips across the surface with ease before sinking. She has much more than her mother's eyes. The only difference I can see is her hair, and she's a good four inches shorter.

"Next?" She's emotionless; I don't understand how she can be so emotionless.

"Um, the day you met Trevor and Alex. He said it was to introduce me to the family," I say.

She nods. "He didn't show you my dad, did he?"

Shaking my head, I answer, "No."

A smile tugs at her lips. "He hates him. Luke doesn't hate anybody, and he hates him. He once told me my dad was like the nasty bacteria that feeds on pond scum, that the only good thing that came from him was Casey and me." I am not sure that is something you should tell someone about his or her father, not that I would mind if someone said it about my mum. "His mum… She blames my dad for my mum's death. She said that he sucked the happiness out of her, and she couldn't get it back." She shrugs. "Maybe it's true. I don't know. I don't remember her so I can't really know for sure."

"Do you hate him?" I ask.

Sighing, she looks out over the grassy hillside and out into the forest for a moment. "No," she answers after a while, "I don't really feel anything for him. He was just another bastard that passed through my life. He did nothing of importance."

"And Alex?" I say quietly.

"He was beautiful, wasn't he?" She sort of smiles in remembrance. I don't say anything. "He had this way of making everything so… okay even when things were terribly wrong. He could just make it not matter for a moment." Not bringing her gaze to me, she watches Hunter laugh and scream as the giant squid causes the water to wave and ripple like the ocean tide, splashing water high on his legs. "I loved him, I think. I don't know. Maybe it was just a crush. I didn't love him like I love Hunter, like I loved Casey, but I did feel _something_ for him." Pausing, she takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "Now, I just don't care as long as he stays away from Hunter."

I can tell she is lying. I think she did love him. I think she was young, heartbroken, and easily swayed into loving someone who let her feel any semblance of safety.

"Casey was lovely," I murmur, thinking of the tall, willowy woman with Hunter's dark chocolate eyes.

"Casey was perfection," Cole whispers. "She was…" Her voice fades, and she smiles, looking up at me. "Your girl reminds me of her."

"Lucy?"

Nodding, she asks, "Why do you think Hunter has such an affinity for her?"

"I never really thought about it. Everyone loves Lucy." I shrug.

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, I suppose they do."

I wait for a moment to see if she'll continue on her own. "Trevor was the best thing that ever happened to Casey. He loved her so completely. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her." Closing her eyes in memory, she smiles again. "He was the father I never really had. After they were married, I spent more time with them than anyone. We went to football matches, the park, everywhere. They coached a little kid's football team in the summer, and I helped out." She sighs contentedly. "We were a family. For the first time, Case and I had a real family because he knew how– Trevor knew how to _be a family_. Casey and I only knew how to survive, how to _pretend _we were a family."

I watch her for a moment, and she shakes her head. "That's a lie. Casey knew more than how to survive; she knew how to make things fun." For the first time, tears well up in her eyes. "He used to get drunk, and he liked me. My dad. I didn't know that it was… more than just doting. Case knew long before anything happened." She swallows hard, forcing her tears away. "Probably because it had happened with her before he ever thought of me." She sniffs, "We used to hide, all night long, anywhere that he couldn't find us. I never realized I should have been scared until after Darren, after it was over." I want to reach out for her, but I don't. We haven't really touched, yet, only the brief kiss in the Great Hall, and she hasn't seemed too keen on contact. "She did that. I had a childhood because of her. I have memories that make me smile because of her."

We walk in silence for a long time, watching Hunter playing in the water, throwing a little stone in the lake to have it gently tossed back by the squid. I have never seen it behave so friendly. Inhaling the cool air, I close my eyes and stretch before stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"The next bit of importance is after Alex turned us over, I suppose," she says, bringing the conversation back to life. She wants to get it over with.

I nod for a moment and then stop. "The elderly couple– why did you leave them?"

Wetting her lips, she says, "Being there put them in danger."

"I see," I say softly.

"I gave Hunter his addiction in that room. I made him what he is." Her tone has a hint of remorse in it. She can't keep it out. "I made the myth true."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

She stops. "Do you mind if we sit? I am getting a little tired. I haven't really been the same since…" She lets the sentence hang, knowing I know that she is referring to her stay in the hospital.

"Not at all," I reply with a tiny smile, hoping this isn't an attempt to avoid my question.

Sitting down in the sand, she curls her legs under her, smoothing out the folds in her long skirt and tugging her cardigan up onto her shoulders. "Hunter," she calls, "stay nearby." He smiles and waves, bobbing his head.

I drop down in front of her, lying on my side, my head propped up on my elbow. She smiles slightly and tucks my hair behind my ear. "The legend, myth, prophecy, whatever you want to call it, has been around for centuries. They pass it on like it is part of their history, which I suppose it is really." I raise a confused eyebrow, and she clarifies, "The vampires," before continuing. "I should have the damn thing memorized by now. _The child born to true lovers, tainted by darkness, and raised by another,_" she frowns, "something about _tasting blood_ to save him from death. _Rising to_…" Sighing, she runs her hand through her hair. "Basically, it says that he has the ability to bring them out of darkness, out of the cloak of nightfall."

"I don't understand." I stare at her, my brow furrowed.

"Vampires are creatures of the night, allergic to the sun. It says that he will be able to change that, to give them the ability to walk in the daylight." She closes her eyes and fades back to somewhere as she murmurs "to watch the sunrise" longingly.

"But there have been others like him," I counter. "Not many, but there have been others."

She nods. "Yes, three. Three in over six centuries. Condon Carden, who was killed before his first birthday; Ossian Fuscienne, murdered at the age of ten; and Lilith Busana, who died _accidentally_ because of complications at birth." Tears try to fill her eyes again, and she fights them down. "They didn't need to drink to survive, and they killed them because they thought they were a threat." She glances at Hunter. "_He _could actually be a threat. Every side wants him– Voldemort and Dumbledore as a pawn to win over the vampires, the Ministry to prevent the vampires from becoming actual members of the wizarding world, and the vampires for freedom." Releasing a cold little laugh, she mutters, "Do you know what it's like to fear absolutely everyone? Even the person who is supposedly protecting you?"

"No," I whisper, "I don't."

Gazing out across the lake, she nods slowly, waiting for her anger, her fear, her sadness to ebb away before she turns back at me. "Michael was fifteen when he was bitten. It was during the war with Grindelwald. That war, the things that were done during that war, is why the Ministry has such strict laws regarding vampires now." She breathes a little laugh. "They pay the price for what some delusional lunatic demanded they do."

A slight frown mars her face. "It's only natural that they will side with the _dark_ half of the war; it promises them freedom, rights, acceptance. Of course, they will never receive it, but that hope, the _good_ side doesn't even give them hope. There is no hope of change for them with the government we have now. Even if they don't agree with what is happening, they know they have a better chance with a new system than the one we have now, the one that isn't going to change."

Looking up at the sky for a moment, she closes her eyes, soaking up the little bit of warmth the late afternoon sun provides. "It's funny the things we take for granted." Smiling sadly at me, she murmurs softly, "He couldn't remember what the sunrise looked like, or the way the sun feels on your skin. Michael wasn't given the choice to sacrifice it. It was taken from him. I tried my damnedest to describe it. I would have done it so differently now."

I don't know what to say to that so I just sit there, watching her until she shrugs. "So, Bellatrix, then?" It's spoken simply as if she is asking me how Bella has been lately.

"She is a heartless bitch," I growl.

A small smile graces her lips, and she shakes her head. "Bellatrix is the most beautiful woman I have ever met." I stare at her in shock, and she chips at her fingernail polish. "Twisted, demented, determined, and she shines with a fiery blaze that I have never seen before. She truly _believes_ in her cause." Her dark eyes flick up and hold my gaze. "Most of them don't. They don't _believe_. They want it, but they don't believe in it. Bellatrix not only deeply believes in her cause, but she is willing to _sacrifice _for it. Not just die for it, but give up her core, that bit of herself that makes her who she is." She pauses for a moment and then says, "I have never respected a person more than I respect her. Her faith– it is truly awe-inspiring."

I stare at her in shock, and she simply stares back. "But…" I breathe.

"It's what makes her frightening." She pauses again, ignoring me. "If Dumbledore believed like she believes, we wouldn't be in the mists of war right now, and the same with Voldemort. We are actually very lucky the Bellatrix is only a minion and not a leader."

Not knowing what to say, I just nod, and she glances over me, watching Hunter for a little while, waiting for me to bring up conversation this time. I stare at her, her light hair messy and gently picking up in the breeze, her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms loosely draped around them, the loosely knitted, pale yellow cardigan slipping down from her shoulders, her dark eyes softly shining. She looks rather peaceful. You wouldn't think she could feel a sense of peace. Maybe she can't; maybe it's just an act. A lot of her is just an act.

Taking a deep breath and preparing for the worst, I say, "Luke said Michael died," questioningly.

She nods. "He did," and that's all she says, without even glancing at me.

"Okay," I whisper, not pushing the issue. I don't want to make her talk about it if she doesn't want to.

We sit silently for a while, watching Hunter play at the edge of the water. "Is there anything else?" she asks softly. "The sun is going to set soon; I don't want him to catch cold."

"No," I shake my head, sitting up and moving beside her. I wrap my arm around her, and she rests her head on my shoulder. We stay there for a long while, not talking, just watching Hunter play.

Her voice quivers as she whispers, "I am going to hurt you, Black. I can promise you that."

I kiss her hair, rubbing her arm. "That's okay. It's just fine."

Pulling away from me, she shakes her head. She's crying. She must have been crying the whole time, her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, and her cheeks are stained with tear. "Hey," I say softly, holding her face in my hands, kissing away her tears, "it's okay, I promise."

"It's not," she cries faintly. "It isn't."

Holding her closely, I whisper, "It is; just promise me, you won't until you have to." She nods a little, winding her arms around my neck. "Shush," I murmur, stroking her hair, "it's okay."

O

The faint sound of running water coaxes me from my light slumber, and I slowly open my eyes to find myself tangled up in the dark sheets of Cole's bed. I sigh contently; I missed waking up here. Climbing out of bed and slipping on my shorts, I stumble in the dark to the bathroom door. "Hey, is everything alright?" I ask, gently tapping on the wood. We couldn't have been asleep for long the moon hasn't even moved.

"Yeah," she says softly, "I just couldn't sleep."

I turn the knob, pushing the door open and sticking my head inside. She is laying in the large black bath in the back of the room, steam from the hot water fogging up the little square mirrors that checker the wall. One leg is thrown out over the edge, tiny bubbles trailing down it and dripping onto the floor. "Can I come in?" I ask, and her eyes open as she turns to me, smiling weakly.

"Sure," she sighs, closing her eyes again.

I grab a stool from beside the sink and place in on the floor next to the bath, perching on top of it. Folding my arms and resting them on the edge of the bath, I lay my head on my arms, gazing at her. Her eyes are closed, her pale skin rosy with the heat of the water, and she takes slow, deep, rhythmic breaths. I dip two fingers into the water and swirl them around, causing the little soap bubbles on the surface to dance. I don't really know what to say, but I want to stay here.

"How are Morgan and Lupin? Did they patch things up?" Her voice is so very faint as if the hot water drained her of even the energy to speak.

Shrugging, I sit up, running my hand across her leg, tickling the bottom of her foot. "I think so. They went to her place last night; they haven't come back yet. He was extremely drunk, but he proposed."

A tiny smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "That's good. She was a complete mess."

I turn my attention away from the way her leg spasms under my ticklish touch and up to the tranquil, closed-eyed expression of her face. "When did you see Lucy?" I mean, I realize she sees her in class, but it's not as if they talk.

She slips her leg back into the water and sits up, opening her sleep-heavy eyelids. The tops of her breasts are visible above the layer of frothy white bubbles, and I have to force my gaze from them and to her face. "She came down to talk to me a few days ago. We went shopping. Luke took Hunter flying."

"You took Lucy shopping?" I grin. Damn, Moony's in for a treat if they went anywhere near the lingerie.

"Yes," she smiles, "dear Mr. Lupin will have had a fun time undressing her last night, I assure you."

Gently caressing her cheek, I murmur, "I'm sure he did."

She nuzzles against my hand, kissing my palm. "Do you want to join me? There is enough room for you, too."

A wide grin creeps its way onto my lips at the offer. "You know, I really think you think about sex more than I do." She laughs lightly, but I am not sure I want to get in that water if it's going to make me that drained. "Maybe, I'll just scrub you up instead," I say, leaning over her a grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

"Mm, make yourself happy," she says softly, sliding back into the water. Make myself happy– I like that.

I stand up and sit on the edge of the bath behind her, slipping my legs into the water on either side of her. Squeezing an ample amount of the red gel into my hand, I work it into a lather before applying it to her hair, working my fingers in small circular motions across her scalp, washing her silky tresses. She sighs a little, leaning against me. A rush of desire surges through me, but I bite it down. That's not what I want just yet.

Slowly, I move my hands from her hair to her neck, gently stroking her shoulders and down her arms. She releases soft little moans and sighs of pleasure as I lightly press my fingers in small little circles along the edges of her spine, careful to avoid the scar that runs along it, and up into the base of her skull. Soapy bubbles slide down her skin, mixing with the fading frothy bubbles in the bathwater, as I turn to smoothing her skin, gliding my hands up her shoulders, to the back of her neck, and around under her chin to her chest, dipping a little lower each time I make a round.

She lays her head on my knee, tilting her face so she can see me, through heavy, contented lashes. I feel a small smile tug at the left side of my mouth, and I rest my hand on her cheek, chasing a tiny group of bubbles slowly around with my thumb. "You're going to fall asleep, soon," I say quietly.

"Sleep would be nice," she sighs, her eyes falling closed. "Real sleep, I haven't had real sleep in a long time." I smile sympathetically, before rinsing her hair. _She could have been sleeping this whole time if she hadn't sent me away_. I shake my head to rid myself of that thought; she was only doing what she thought best. I can't blame her for that.

"Come on," I say tenderly. "Let's get you into bed. You can't sleep in the water; you'll drown." I help her climb out of the bath, and she stands there appearing rather drugged as water rolls across her skin, dripping onto the tile.

Grabbing one of the fluffy black towels from the rack by the shower, I dry her off, rubbing her down, enjoying the way she feels under my hands. I wrap the towel around her shoulders, standing close to her and breathing in the scent of her hair. Her head drops onto my shoulder. She sighs serenely, languidly bringing her hand up and stroking my neck. I have seriously fucked myself. I am aching for her right now, and she is practically asleep just standing there.

I coax her from the bathroom, walking backwards slowly; she follows me, her hands still wrapped around my neck, almost as if she is backing me into the bedroom. I pick her up once we're out the door, and she wraps her legs around me, laying her head on my shoulder. Fuck, she feels so good.

She kisses my neck softly, raising her head up enough to suck on that little patch of skin that makes me groan in bliss. "What are you doing?" I ask lightly, draping her lethargic, supple, little body across the bed.

"I want to be with you," she says tiredly, her eyes barely open.

I just smile and shake my head, leaning over her to tug the blanket across her. "You need to sleep."

"Please," she murmurs, weaving her fingers through my hair, halting my movement. "Don't tell me no."

I bring my lips down to hers, gently sucking on her bottom lip before slowly probing my tongue into her mouth. She's even kissing sleepily. I pull up. "Cole, you're too tired. We'll have fun in the morning." She shakes her head, wrapping a smooth leg around my waist and tugging me to her.

"No," she moans, "I want you now. Just be with me now." Her fingers undo the button of my shorts, and she slips them off my hips, slowly wrapping her hand around me, her thumb doing something rather wonderful that makes my mind sort of stop working.

"Oh-kay," I breathe after a moment, "you win." Grinning, she slides off the bed. "Wait, where are you going?" I ask, trying to follow her off the bed, but she shakes her head, placing her hand on my chest, breathing "nowhere." She sits me on the bed, climbing into my lap, and I am suddenly wrapped in the warm, moist haven of her. "Oh, God," I choke, and she kisses me, slowly grinding her hips.

It's not long before her cheeks are flushed, her pupils are dilated, and our breathing has turned erratic. She keeps whispering things affectionately in my ear as her hips slowly rock. Suddenly, she climaxes, biting her bottom lip to stay silent, her eyebrows furrowed, and I come right along with her. It's unexplainable– this connection we have. It's the closest thing to love I think I have ever experienced.

She nestles on top of me afterwards as I lie back on the bed, tugging a sheet over us. "See, we'll both sleep now," she whispers, her voice thick with sleep, her fingers running up into my hair as she kisses my chest. God, I don't want to be without her.

O

"Sirius," someone whispers into my ear. I mumble something I don't even understand and roll over, burrowing my face in a couch pillow. "Sirius," the voice says again, and I squeeze my eyes tighter together. I don't want to wake up. I like naps. Naps are good. "Sirius!" it shouts, and I jump up.

"What!" I exclaim as I find myself standing up beside the couch, searching around for the idiot that woke me. Damn it, I haven't had time to recover from staying out all night Saturday and being with Cole and Hunter all day Sunday.

Lucy grins widely at me and sits down in the spot I just vacated. "I got married," she says lightly.

"What?" I ask. I thought she said she got married.

"The other night when you and the guys came in after drinking and Moony proposed. That night or morning… whatever, we got married."

"Luce, don't fuck with me. I'm sleepy," I grumble, dropping back onto the couch and curling up, using her legs as a pillow, burying my nose in her abdomen.

She strokes my hair. "I am not fucking with you. Remus and I got married this weekend. Look."

Rolling over, I force my eyes open and find her left hand in front of my face, a tiny little ring wrapped around her ring finger. "So, you are wearing jewelry today, Lucy. A ring doesn't mean you are married." I turn back over, snuggling in again, trying to fade back to sleep. I haven't slept in like two days; I don't want to deal with her idea of a joke right now.

"Would you like to see the wedding license, then?" she asks, and I sit up.

She is so happy that she is practically glowing. "Ah, hell, Lucy. You can't fucking be married." I hug her tightly, feeling some kind of mix between euphoric happiness for her and an overwhelming sense of loss. She's married. She's married to Moony. She's not mine anymore, not even a little bit. She's his, and I just have to sit back a watch him take care of her. I don't get to be her hero anymore. "I'm happy for you, Luce. I really am." I try to keep my voice from wavering and hold her longer than I normally would to blink back tears.

"Sirius, babe, what's wrong? You're not supposed to be sad," Lucy says, stroking my hair and kissing my cheek. I shake my head, still holding her to me. "Baby," she coos, "It wasn't supposed to make you sad."

"Luce," I sort of sob out her name as I release her, "I'm going to miss you."

"Aw, baby," she wipes the little wet tears from my cheeks, "I'm going to be right here, just like always. I couldn't make it through the day without seeing you. It's just going to be a little different is all."

I pull her back into a hug again, and she chuckles. "If he hurts you, I swear, I will fucking kill him, Lucy. You had better tell him that. You better– Oh, God, Lucy, I'm so happy for you. You two are so great together. You're so perfect, and it's so great. It is."

"You're so silly, Sirius, I swear." She slips out of my embrace, leaning against the arm of the sofa. She looks so happy. She deserves to be that happy. "Anyways, we're going to try and keep it rather quiet until after graduation, but I thought you were special enough to know."

"Oh, really? I'm special?" I ask.

She shrugs, "Well, as special as Lily and James and Pete. It's not like you are super duper special or anything."

Crossing my arms, I pout. "Yes, I am. I got to know first!"

Laughing, she kisses my cheek, rolling her eyes. "Well, I suppose you are super duper special then." She lays her head on my shoulder for a moment. "I want to go flying, and I'm not allowed unless someone's out there with me. Everyone is in class but you," she begs a little.

I sigh, standing up and grabbing a pillow. "Fine, I'll take you, but don't tell them I took a nap on the bleachers." She pops up off the couch, pecking my cheek, murmuring something about me being the best as she runs upstairs for her broom. Lucy. Moony's Lucy.

O

_thank you for reading_


	25. Chapter 25

I Don't, Do I?

I drop heavily into the chair beside James' bed as he fumbles around in his closet, looking for a shirt. "Does it totally freak you out that Moony's like… married?" he asks, slipping his Montrose Magpies shirt over his head.

Shrugging, I say, "A little yeah." I snort, actually thinking about. "Who would have thought 'Mr. I can't have a relationship' would have gotten married first?"

"I know," he laughs and rolls his eyes. "If anyone, I thought I would be the one to marry first."

Lifting an eyebrow, I jeer, "You?"

"Yeah," he says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I shake my head, smirking. "What made you think that? Lily wouldn't even talk to you until this year, and you wouldn't date anyone else."

Dropping to his bed, he begins pulling on his boots. "So?" he shrugs. "Look at the rest of you. You are a slut, Moony thinks, or _thought_, that he was incapable of having a relationship, and Wormtail… Well, maybe there is someone somewhere who thinks a 5'4", pudgy, bucked-toothed guy is attractive. I don't, but you know, I don't really find any man attractive."

With a bark like laugh, I nod. "I suppose you are right."

"Of course, I am," he responds, hopping off the bed. "So, what are we doing again?"

I shove my hands into my pockets, strolling toward the door. "Damn, Prongs, we just went over this. We're going down to the Hufflepuff common room for some remodeling before the game tomorrow. Geeze, you have the memory span of a goldfish."

"I do not! I can remember things for way longer than three seconds!" he practically shouts.

I chuckle to myself. "Yeah, like _five_ seconds." I turn to him as I reach for the door. "You had better quiet down. You'll wake Lily from her nap if you don't."

"Yeah," he sighs, grabbing his Invisibility Cloak. "Hey, where are Moony and Wormtail anyway?"

Pulling the door open, I shrug. "Wormtail didn't come back after class. He has been hanging out with that little Ravenclaw with the thick glasses…"

"Cindy Davis?" he offers, following me out.

"Do you know everyone? I swear you always know who I am talking about even when I don't know who I am talking about."

He rolls his eyes. "Head Boy. It is my job to know everyone."

"Well, it's weird," I mumble, running my hand through my hair to get the black locks out of my eyes.

"I guess," he sighs. "And Moony? Where is he?"

"Moony and Lucy got all extremely giddy when I mentioned going out for a prank tonight. There is a hat on the doorknob. I think that means I am going to see if Cole will let me stay over tonight. Honestly, those two are like rabbits."

Clapping me on the back, he grins. "Just be glad you have a place to go. Pete's gonna be banished to the couch when he gets back."

"Poor guy," I sigh dramatically as we head out of the Gryffindor Tower and down toward the Hufflepuff common room. It's dinnertime so they'll all be in the Great Hall. If not, we'll put up a "flooded" sign again to keep them out. Hufflepuffs are so gullible.

O

As I attempt to make my "Go Gryffindor!" sign stick to the wall in the Hufflepuff common room, I look down at James who is staring blankly at his wand as he sits in the middle of the floor. He is supposed to be turning the walls red. "Prongs, man, are you alright? Did you hit your head again or something?"

His hazel eyes flick up to me. "Do you think I should ask Lily to marry me?" he whispers.

I almost fall off my ladder. "What?" I try to keep my voice low, but I rather shouted that.

"Well, I want to marry her, and…" His voice trails off.

Hopping of my ladder, I stride over to him. "Well, there goes redecorating their common room. C'mon, let's go to the kitchens. We can't discuss this here." I offer him my hand, and he sighs heavily before letting me pull him off the ground.

He grabs his cloak, and we leave the room, half painted, with various signs in support of the Gryffindor Quidditch team covering the floor. Oh, well, they'll still get the message. We are going to kick their asses tomorrow, even if Lucy is still forbidden to be in the air for more than an hour.

"Now, why exactly are you thinking about proposing?" I ask, as we make our way to the big portrait of a fruit bowl down the corridor.

Running his hand through his hair nervously, he sighs. "I don't know. I love her, and after we graduate, well, I won't see her everyday like I do now, but if we got married then… we could move in together."

"I don't think Lily is ready for marriage, James. She is going to want to get her life set-up before she does something like that."

He nods slowly. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"That doesn't mean I don't think she'd marry you because I do. I think she is more than willing to spend the rest of her life with you," I say, smiling at him. "I just don't think she'll make the commitment now. Let her graduate first, get herself a steady job, her own place, then ask her when you _know_ that it's the right time to get married, not just when you want it to be."

He tickles the pear, and it giggles a little before revealing a doorknob. As he opens the door and steps inside, he says, "I hate it when you give advice. It's just awkward. That's Moony's job."

I chuckle. "But my advice is just as good as his."

"Yes, but still," he whines as a perky little house elf latches herself onto his leg.

"_Mr. Potter!_" she squeaks. "Tibby is most pleased to see you. It has been such a long time. Tibby was beginning to think you had forgotten Tibby."

Grinning, he pats her head. "Of course not, Tibs. I've just been busy with all this Head Boy stuff. Can't seem to sneak out nearly as often as I used to."

"Oh, _of course_, Tibby forgot all about you being _Head Boy_, Mr. Potter. You must be very, very busy. Can Tibby get you something? Ice cream, maybe?" she asks excitedly, leading him to a table.

I trudge along behind them. None of them ever treat me like that when I come down here. They just get me whatever I want really quickly and send me out. I think they are still rather afraid of me after the incident with the fireworks in second year. A whole package of the little buggers went off in my bag, flying all over the kitchens. It almost scared the poor little elves to death. I laughed my ass off.

"Why don't you surprise me?" James smiles, dropping down into a chair. Tibby the house elf squeals with excitement before rushing off to join her friends to "surprise" the fabulous Mr. Potter.

"So, back to Lily," I say, sliding into the seat across from him.

Scratching his head, he gazes at the ceiling for a moment. "Padfoot, man, I love her. I mean I don't go five minutes without thinking of her. Even when I am sleeping I am thinking about her. It's different than it was. Before I just _thought_ I loved her; now, I _know_ I love her."

"And what exactly brought on this revelation?" I ask, trying not to laugh at the dazed and dreamy look on his face. He hasn't had that expression since third year when Lily kissed his cheek in what she called a momentary lapse of sanity.

His expression turns decidedly serious as his eyes flick to mine. "When she was in Mungo's, laying there in that bed, I felt this intense burning inside of my chest. I thought I would die from it. She was so absolutely vulnerable, and I _knew_, right then, there was nothing more important to me than her. I would have given up my life to take her pain away or just for her to smile, one smile. Her happiness, her safety, her life means more to me than anything, and I would give anything for it." He smiles slightly. "You have no idea how happy I am that she lets me love her. I couldn't imagine not being the one who gets to make her smile."

I really don't know what to say to that so I just smile and nod.

"Dude, you act like you don't know what I am talking about," he snorts. I don't know what he is talking about, do I? "Don't tell me you don't realize it, Padfoot."

Staring at him, I frown. "What are you on about?"

He shakes head, giving me a disappointed smile. "I can't believe you don't realize it. I mean, you're dense but honestly."

"Prongs, stop being so fucking high and mighty and holding this above my head. What are you talking about?" I demand, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

Rising an eyebrow, he says, "Cole."

"What about her?" I huff in annoyance. I hate it when he does this shit.

Shrugging, he looks down at the tabletop. "I'm not sure I should tell you. I mean maybe it's something you need to figure out for yourself."

"Prongs," I growl warningly.

His hazel eyes look up at me questioningly. "Padfoot, man, do you love her?"

I stare blankly at him. Do I love her? Do _I_ love _her_? _Do _I _love _her? "How the fuck am I supposed to know?" I snap.

Glancing over at the congregation of house elves bringing a huge ice cream sundae toward him, he sighs, "I don't know, man, you just know."

O

Fucking James. I can't get it out of my head. _Do I love her?_ I don't know. I mean I like her. I more than _like_ her, but do I _love _her? She doesn't love me. I sigh. She trusts me, though, and that is almost better than love from someone like her. Why the fuck would he say something like that? Now I am all fucking confused.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I force a smile and knock softly at Cole's door. I hear some shuffling around and her tell Hunter not to touch the door. "Who's there?" she asks rather weakly. My brows furrow; she's never answered the door like that before. If she worried about who it is, she just gets a curse ready.

"It's me. No worries," I answer jauntily, though I feel more muddled and confused than I ever have in my life.

The doorknob rattles, and she peaks her head out, her wand pointed at me. She is extremely peaky. "I think I am rather contagious at the moment," her voice has a stuffy, raw tone to it. She forces a smile and sways slightly before pulling her head back behind the door and coughing violently.

I push the door a little, stepping inside as she sniffs and tries to collect herself before turning back to me. "Have you been to see Madam Pomfrey yet?" I ask as she turns around. Her eyes are watery, her nose is red, and I don't even have to check to know she has a fever.

"Luke was–" she starts before placing her hand to her mouth and running toward her bathroom.

I look over to Hunter who gives me a weak smile. "Two days," he shrugs. Sometimes I think he is an adult trapped in a child's body.

Giving Hunter a small nod, I make sure the door is firmly shut before striding into Cole's bedroom. Her bathroom door is open, and she is sitting on the floor, her head leaning against the cool tile. "You're sick an awful lot, you know," I say lightly, sitting down beside her and rubbing her back as she starts coughing again.

"I stay rather anemic. Blood loss," she says between coughs, attempting to sit up. She sways, and I place a steadying hand on her shoulder. "Luke was supposed to be here this morning to take me to Poppy if I wasn't better. I thought I'd get over it on my own." I raise my eyebrows questioningly. Why would she try to fight off an illness when she could just take a potion and be better overnight? "He's allergic to Sophorous Beans, and it's rather common in cures because of its sleeping agents. If I built up my own immunities to whatever illness, by not taking the easy way, he'll receive them through my blood, which in turn will prevent him from getting sick. He already goes through enough without being sickly on top of all of it," she explains without me having to ask.

Helping her up of the floor, I mutter, "Well, I am not going to comment on that." She is practically killing herself just so Hunter won't get a cold. It's ridiculous. "I'm taking you to Poppy," I inform her, scooping her up.

She coughs a little, wiping her nose and resting her head on my shoulder. "No, I don't want to spend the night in the Hospital Wing," she sniffs.

"Fine, I'm putting you in bed and going to get Poppy, then." I smile a little, carrying her out of the bathroom.

As I place her on the bed, she is overcome by another bout of violent coughing. I kiss her forehead and guide her down to the pillows once she has stopped. "Shush. Just breathe, huh? Nice and slow." Smoothing down her hair, I pull the blankets up over her as she shivers. "Alright, I'm going to go get Hunter to sit in here with you, and then I'll be right back with Poppy, okay?" She nods weakly, and I give her a small smile before kissing her eyes closed and leaving the room.

"She wasn't this bad earlier," Hunter tells me as I step out into the sitting room. "I think she is coughing up blood." A tiny frown wrinkles his brow, and he glances worriedly up at me, biting his lip.

"What? Why?" I ask, wide-eyed.

His little shoulders rise up in a shrug. "I can smell it."

"Oh, okay, well I'll tell Poppy that then." I smile faintly at him, trying not to let him see my worry. "Do you want to go sit with her while I go get Miss Poppy?"

He nods slowly. "She'll be okay, right?" His eyes are filled with tears, and his voice shakes.

"Of course," I say softly, kneeling down in front of him and pulling him into a hug. "She'll be just fine. I think it's just the flu." His tiny body quivers as he cries, and I hold him tightly. I have never wanted someone to stop crying more in my life. Little kids shouldn't ever feel this heartbroken. "Oh, Hunter, it's okay. I promise she's alright." He tries to nod and wraps his arms around me.

"Don't let her die. Please, I don't want her to die," he whimpers.

"Hey," I say softly, "she's not going to die. She's just sick." I hug him for a moment longer and then pull away. Kissing his forehead and wiping away his tears, I smile. "I promise you. She will be just fine." He gives a shaky little nod, and I brush away another tear. "Come on now. You can't be crying when you go in there," I say lightly.

Forcing a small smile, he mumbles, "I know."

I ruffle his hair as he manages to halt his tears. He is unbelievably grown up for such a young age. "You okay?" He nods again before tottering off toward her room. "Okay," I whisper as I follow him into Cole's room and help him up onto her bed, still rather dazed in amazement at him.

"Hey, kiddo," she whispers hoarsely, opening her eyes as he sits beside her.

He strokes her hair. "Hiya." He forces a grin. "Sirius is going to go get Miss Poppy. She'll bring something to make you feel better," I hear him whisper as I walk out of the room.

O

Madam Pomfrey tuts and tsks over Cole as she shoos Hunter from the room. He gives her a distraught look, but she ignores it. His chin quivers, and he nervously fidgets with his hands as he hesitates to leave. I gently place my hand on his shoulder. "I'll walk you out, kiddo." I shoot Poppy a glare, but she doesn't notice.

As he climbs up onto the couch, I try to think of something to keep him busy for a moment. I see a book on the table and make my way toward it. Mentally whacking myself, I think, _He is four, you idiot. He can't read._ "Do you have a coloring book or something? Just to keep your mind occupied?" I ask. Fuck. I have no idea what I am doing.

"I'll be okay." He gives me a dim smile. "Just go be with Becca, please." Fixing him with a nervous look, I bite my lip. His dark brown eyes glance up at me when I don't move. "I'll go play the piano, okay? You don't have to worry. Just keep her safe."

"Alright," I nod, and he slips off the couch. As I leave the room, Chopsticks sounds in my ears, and I smile. _He can't read, but he can play the piano. The kid is an anomaly. _

When I enter Cole's room again, Poppy is yelling at her. "Honestly, Rebecca, you can't keep doing this. You weigh less than six stones, and don't you dare tell me it's because you aren't eating. You're sick more often that you are not. You're fatigued all of the time. I told you that couldn't keep feeding him alone. You just have to be so damn stubborn. Well, this is the end of it. You either start letting Albus or I help, or I am going to take him from you and place him in the care of someone who realizes they cannot do everything!"

"Don't you fucking dare threaten me, Poppy," Cole rasps out hoarsely, glowering at her. "You have no idea the toll it has on him just to _think_ about drinking my blood. He doesn't need to be dependent on more than just me. He can't trust anyone, but me. I am _not_–" She starts coughing again, gripping her chest with every rough exhalation of air.

Why the hell would Poppy just come in here and upset her?

"Fucking stop it, both of you," I say disgustedly, sitting down on the bed beside Cole. "Breathe, love," I whisper, rubbing her back, trying to get her to relax enough to stop coughing. I glare up at Poppy. "If you aren't going to do anything more than upset her, get out."

She scowls fiercely at me, and I think for a moment she really is just going to storm out of the room. She settles for slamming her medical bag down on the foot of Cole's bed, the little glass vials inside clinking together but not breaking.

As Cole finally stops coughing, I wrap my arm around her and stroke her hair. She is drenched in sweat and shivering even though her skin is on fire. "You're okay," I tell her gently, kissing her head. Every breath she takes sounds painful, and she is extremely weak. She just rather slumps against me like she doesn't have the energy to hold herself up.

I feel Poppy's eyes on me so I look up. Taking a deep, calming breath, she says, "We need to get her temperature down. Fill up the bath with lukewarm water." Nodding, I stand up and make my way to the bathroom.

Once the tub is full, I stride back into the bedroom to find Poppy attempting to help Cole out of the bed. It would be rather difficult for her to do that even if they weren't pissed at each other as she isn't exactly that much bigger than Cole. I silently nudge her out of the way, lifting the coughing Cole up and carrying her into the bathroom. I carefully place her on her feet. Placing her hands on my shoulders to help her keep her balance, I start to unbutton her shirt. Poppy stands in the doorway staring at me, but I just ignore her. Honestly, I don't know what to say to her anyway.

"You don't have to do this," Cole murmurs as I slip her skirt down her hips.

"I want to," I whisper, smiling softly, before picking her up and lowering her into the water. I brush her hair back. "I'm going to go talk to Poppy. Please keep your head above the water," I say lightly. She graces me with a faint smile, and I kiss her head.

Poppy has her arms crossed and is leaning sulkily against the doorframe as I pass by her. "I am just going to pretend I didn't see all of that, and I have no idea you are spending the night here," she says, striding back into the bedroom before falling into a diagnosis. "She has a mild case of pneumonia. It probably started out as a cold, but she doesn't take care of herself so…" she explains in a huff. "I've given her something that should clear it up by tomorrow afternoon. Let her stay in the water for about twenty minutes, dress her in something light, and put her to bed. Make sure she drinks lots of water and, though this should be obvious, but I am dealing with the two of you, no sex."

Walking over to her bag, she pulls out a vial of purple potion. "If the coughing prevents her from sleeping, give her this. Don't take no for an answer. She needs sleep. Hunter feeds tomorrow so she'll put up a fight." I take the sleeping potion from her, nodding slightly. She bites her lip for a moment. "You know, she probably hasn't had anything to eat today. I'll have the house elves bring up some soup." Clicking the clasps closed on her bag, she runs her fingers through her mousy hair. "I suppose I'll take Hunter with me tonight."

"No," I say suddenly, "that's okay. I don't mind looking after him. He'll probably just sleep anyway." For some reason, I don't want him to be too far away.

She gazes up at me contemplatively. "Mm, I suppose you're right." Slipping her bag over her shoulder, she starts toward the door. "Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," I breathe. "Yeah, tomorrow."

After she is gone, I step back out into the sitting room where Hunter is sitting timidly on the piano stool staring unseeingly at the door to Cole's room. "Hey," I say, and he jumps, startled, flicking his dark brown eyes to me. "She's alright, just a cold. She's in the bath right now, but as soon as she gets out and gets dressed, you can see her, okay?"

He releases a deep breath as if he had been holding it this whole time. "Okay," he sobs softly in relief. His eyes are full of tears when he looks up at me. "Thank you." Oh God, he shouldn't have to worry so.

"Are you okay?" I ask gently, coming to sit beside him. I straddle the bench, and he turns to face me, his little legs crossed at the ankles.

Sniffling, he gazes down at the black and white keys. He is so tiny and so young; you forget that when you talk to him. "She gets so sick because of me."

"No, kiddo," I tell him, "she just over does it sometimes, it doesn't have anything to do with you."

His chin quivers as he shakes his head. "Yes, it does." Big tears roll down his cheeks, and his shoulders tremble as he tries to keep from crying. "I suck the life from her."

"What?" I breathe out. "Who told you that?"

"They sai– they said that that's wh-what I am do-doing when I drink her blood. Tha-that I am taking a-away her life," he says between sobs, and I pull him into a hug. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I answer.

"No, Hunter. That's not what you are doing. Whoever told you that was lying. That was a very cruel thing for someone to say." I try to keep my voice even, not let my anger seep through, but I am not sure it worked. I can't believe someone would tell him something like that. "I swear to you that you are not hurting her."

He wipes away at his cheeks roughly, ridding them of tears. "Don't tell her I cried," he whispers.

"Of course not, what we tell each other will always stay between us. That's what guys do. They keep each other's secrets." I smile at him, ruffling his hair as he pulls back.

Nodding, he looks up at me. "Can…" he starts but stops abruptly and sighs. "She isn't going to sleep tonight." It is extremely odd to hear that little voice say something so knowledgeable.

"Well, Miss Poppy gave me a sleeping potion for her to take," I say, trying to let him know that I'll make sure she sleeps.

He chews on his lip for a moment. "She won't take it unless… Can–" he stops again.

I think I know what he is trying to ask, so I offer. "Do you want to maybe drink my blood tonight so you don't have to have hers tomorrow?" His big, hopeful eyes glance up at me, and he nods. "We could do that." I smile. She is going to murder me.

He looks up at me nervously so I ask, "Alright, so how do we do this?" hoping the question will help him relax a bit, show him that it is okay.

"You just have to nick your wrist. I can stop on my own and everything now," he says uneasily.

"Okay." I nod, smiling and pulling out my wand. I look down at my wrist, gazing apprehensively at the blue tinged veins that are just barely visible. "About here?" I ask, pointing to a spot with the tip of my wand.

"Yeah," he says, nodding anxiously, licking his lips. I flick my wand, and a little slice appears in my skin, blood gently leaking from it. His eyes lose their dark brown color before he hungrily latches onto my arm, and I can feel his little fangs digging into my skin. It's a rather odd feeling– your blood being sucked from your veins. You would think that it would make you dizzy or uncomfortable or something, but it doesn't. It just feels odd.

He pulls back after a moment and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, his usually white teeth are tinged pink, and the two canines are a bit longer than normal. It is the first time I have noticed that.

I quickly mend the wound, and all that is left behind are his little teeth marks. "Sorry," he mumbles.

"Don't be." I grin. "That was kind of cool." He blushes and looks away. I decide to keep making it out to be something cool. "Dude, I gotta ask. Do you have the fangs all the time, or just when you do that?" I ask excitedly.

He smiles a closed-mouth smile, laughing through his nose at my eagerness. "All the time."

Glancing at my fingers, I chew on my lip in mock nervousness. "Dude, can I see them?"

Smiling widely, he nods. "I guess." He opens his mouth and touches his left canine.

"That is so rad. I am so jealous," I tell him, and he blushes again.

"Thanks," he says quietly, sliding off the stool. "I have to go brush my teeth. They'll stain if I don't."

I nod, standing up. "Alright. Why don't you get ready for bed as well? I'll go check on Becca, and then you can say goodnight, and I'll tuck you in?"

"Alright." He bobs his head in agreement, before wobbling off to his room.

When I stroll back into the bathroom, Cole is sound asleep in the bath. She has her arms folded across the edge with her head propped up on them. The position really can't be comfortable, but I think that was the only position that would keep her from slipping under the water if she did fall asleep. I slowly back out and make my way to her closet, shuffling around though the clothes for something light, but still warm. After a minute or two of fumbling around, I find a pair of bright green cotton pajama pants and a thin, white, long-sleeved shirt. Grabbing a pair of panties out of a basket atop a chest of drawers shoved against a wall, I leave the closet.

Kneeling down beside her, I gently caress her cheek. "Hey, you gotta wake up. You can't spend the night in the water." Her eyes flicker open slowly, and she coughs a little. "Come on, you'll freeze in there."

I help her dry off and dress before leading her to bed. Propping her up on some pillows, I pull the blankets over her legs. "Poppy says you are supposed to eat so I'm going to go get some soup."

She nods weakly. "Thanks."

"No worries." I smile, kissing her head.

Hunter is standing in the kitchen when I leave the bedroom again. "The house elves came. They brought some soup."

"Oh, good," I say. "Why don't you go talk to her, and I'll be right behind you with her food?" He nods, and I begin to wonder if he has eaten anything. "Hey, are you hungry?" I ask as he starts to leave.

He shrugs. "I'm alright."

"Not what I asked." I chuckle. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," he answers.

I smile at him. "Okay, what do you want? I'll run down to the kitchens and pick it up for you while this cools down a bit."

"Umm," he stalls, thinking. "Fish and chips?" he says with a grin.

Laughing, I shake my head. "Dude, she's already going to be peeved at us. Do you really want to add that to it as well?"

Frowning and sighing heavily, he shakes his head. "I guess some shepherd's pie."

"Alright-y then." I grin. "I'll be back."

O

"Can I sleep with you?" Hunter asks Cole softly as I clear away their dinner dishes.

She hesitates, and I ruffle his hair. "Of course, I'll crash on the couch." I think they'll both sleep better if they are together.

He shakes his head. "No, I want you to stay, too."

I look to Cole, not knowing how to deal with this. She smiles faintly. "Yeah, sure, that's fine. You can sleep here." Her voice is still raspy from all her coughing though it has died down a lot since her bath and Poppy's drugs. "Why don't you run and go get your book, and we'll read the next chapter?" He nods happily, crawling off the bed. I start to follow him out, and Cole stops me. "You can just put those by the door, the house elves will get them." She wants to talk to me about something; I can tell by the way she said it. Crap, he told her. She is so going to kill me.

"Alright." I shrug, placing the tray outside her door.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I wait for her to speak, staring nervously at my hands. "Thank you," she says softly, and my eyes flick up to hers. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting her to be completely pissed about Hunter using me to feed. She sees my shocked expression, and she looks away. "I don't appreciate you knowingly going against my wishes, but," she sighs and looks at me smiling a little, "he has never thought his fangs were cool before." Tears well up in her eyes, and she starts coughing again.

I crawl beside her, hugging her tightly. "Sometimes boys just like to hear that something is cool from another boy. Girls have cooties after all," I tell her, and she chuckles a little.

Hunter comes back into the room, carrying a little, yellow paperback book and his teddy bear. He tosses the book onto the bed and climbs up before snuggling up next to Cole, his bear clutched to his chest. She picks up the book. "Okay, where were we?" she asks, sniffling, her voice still raw.

Slipping the book out of her hands, I say, "How 'bout I read tonight?" She gives me a faint smile as she helps Hunter under the blankets.

"Yeah, Becca, let Sirius read. You sound weird," he mumbles sleepily, laying his head on her arm. She kisses his head and toys with his hair, pulling the blanket up over his shoulder. "We where at the part with Tiger Lily," he informs me.

I open the book to the marked page and begin to read, idly toying with Cole's hair. "If you shut your eyes and are a lucky one, you may sometimes see a shapeless pool of lovely pale colors suspended in the darkness…"

Before Tiger Lily is saved, both of them have drifted off to sleep. I mark the page and close the book, placing it on the bedside table. Sliding off the bed, I step out of my trousers and gaze down at them. Cole is curled up around Hunter's little body, her arm draped over his waist. Her breaths are a little wheezy, and her cheeks are still pink with fever, but she seems content. Hunter is sleeping peacefully, his eyes flickering behind his lids, dreaming of pirates most likely.

After tossing my shirt near my pants, I crawl into the bed and lay on my side, gazing at them as they sleep peacefully. After a little while Cole wakes, her eyes peeking open at me. "You're not sleeping," she whispers.

"I like to watch you sleep," I say softly, and she smiles tiredly. She carefully slips her arm out from under Hunter's head and climbs over him, gently rolling him over and laying in-between us.

Resting her head on my bicep, she snuggles back against me, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers before draping them across Hunter. "You have a game in the morning; you need to sleep," she tells me, kissing my arm.

"Yeah," I murmur, kissing her head and trying to fade off to sleep, James' words floating around in my head. _Padfoot, man, do you love her? Do you love her?_

O

"Professor, _please_," Lucy begs grabbing hold of Professor McGonagall's arm and clinging to it as if her life depends on it. "_Please_, just for the first hour. If the games not over by then you can take me out. _Please_." The Gryffindor Quidditch team, Lily, Peter and Remus are all standing around poor Professor McGonagall as Lucy tries to convince her to let her play. James and Moony are very obviously on McGonagall's side. I am pretending to agree with Luce whenever she glances at me but agreeing with McGonagall in reality, and I am pretty sure Lily is doing the same. The other team members are trying not to be involved but sending hopeful looks at McGonagall every now and then.

"Ms. Morgan, I have told you everyday for the past three weeks that you will _not_ be playing. Stop begging! You are not a dog," McGonagall says in annoyance.

"But, Professor, just for an hour. Poppy said I could fly for an hour a day. _Please._" Lucy's eyes are big, childlike, and begging, her little lips turned down in a pout, with her bottom lip jutting out just a bit, her chin even quivers occasionally. "_One hour, Professor._"

McGonagall sighs in exasperation and tugs her arm out of Lucy's grasp. She fixes Lucy with an empathic gaze. "Lucy, do you think for one moment that I don't _want_ you to play? Honestly, I want that pretty, shiny cup in my office just as much as you do. I don't want Horace's grubby hands all over it. Not having you in one game is a lot better than having you kicked out for the rest of the season or possibly the rest of your _life_."

"You can't–" Lucy starts to protest along with the rest of the Quidditch team. _She can't kick her off the team_.

Placing her hands on Lucy's shoulders, McGonagall cuts her off. "Lucy," she says in a comforting tone, "I am not threatening to kick you off the team. I am merely looking at the big picture. If you pulled a stunt today like you did back in November, though it was smashingly brilliant, you could rip that scar of yours right open, and your heart would end up splattered on the pitch." As Lucy starts to protest yet again, McGonagall shakes her head. "Don't tell me you won't pull anything stupid fearless acts today, Ms. Morgan. I played Quidditch once; you do not think of the consequences when you are in the air. I stand firmly by my decision. You are not allowed to play in this match."

Lucy almost whimpers when she realizes she doesn't stand a chance against that argument, and McGonagall gives her a faint smile. "However, the _moment_ I receive an okay from Madam Pomfrey and the Healers at St. Mungos, I will excuse you from class for a week to get back into shape in time for the next game if that is what it takes." She gestures to the Gryffindor stands before signaling Remus to join Lucy's side. "Now, please, follow Ms. Evans, Mr. Pettigrew, and your dear Mr. Lupin up into the stands, and enjoy the match from one of the marvelous stadium seats."

Moony wraps an arm around Lucy's shoulders, and she gives a defeated sigh. "I could've played Seeker today," she mumbles to him as he kisses her head.

"Lucy, love," he murmurs softly, leading her away toward the pitch, "it'll be okay. It's just as fun to watch." She makes a squeak of disagreement, and he pulls her a little closer.

Lily looks at the team, grinning as they disappear from earshot. "Well, good luck. You had better play well, or she'll will kill you all in your sleep." With that said, she hooks her arm around Peter's neck, dragging him after Moony and Lucy. "Come on, wee little Peter, we will charm each other so we don't have to listen to Lucy complain about everything that they," she points a finger at us over her head, "do wrong."

"Nice show of confidence from your girl there, Cap," Nick says jokingly, and James rolls his eyes.

"Come on, let's suit up," James chuckles, heading for the locker rooms. He falls into step with me as everyone divides up into their own little groups, chatting idly. "Dude, you had better be on the fucking ball today. Conroy is crap."

I shake my head, sighing. "I know."

O

As I stroll in the common room, burdened down with party supplies, the only thing I can see over the top of the box in my arms is the sulking face of Lucy. She has been like this all day. I am beginning to wonder if it would have been better to have lost the game. It's the first time she has been rather sad since Moony and she married. I casually drop the heavy box on a table and stride over to where she is perched atop the back of the sofa, shuffling through the crowd of excited younger students. "Hey, babe, why the long face?"

She gives me a cheery smile and hugs me tight. "You did good today."

I chuckle. "You're ignoring my question," I whisper in her ear.

Pulling back with a heavy sigh, she shrugs, her arms still around my shoulders. "I've been such a pillock."

"Yes," I say, nodding.

Her face molds into that little "I'm so pitiful" pout of hers. "James has been so incredibly mean."

I nod, again. "I think it was required and extremely brave of him to face off with you everyday for almost a month, love."

"I know," she huffs like a petulant child.

I kiss her forehead and say, "You've had Moony to keep you distracted recently."

"Yes," she sniffs, looking away.

"Aw, baby, what's wrong?" I coo. She is completely adorable when she's like this.

Inhaling deeply, she holds her breath for a moment before exhaling and sniffling. "I just really, really wanted to play."

"I know," I whisper, and she lays her head on my shoulder. "You get to play in the next match though."

I hold her for a moment longer before stepping back; we really should be a bit more… un-whatever we are. Especially now that she's married. She gives me a little half smile. "When is Moony coming back? I think we need to shag so I can be in a party mood."

Laughing, I roll my eyes. She always pops back so quickly. "They were just a little way behind me. They should be here any minute."

"Good," she sighs, hopping down from her perch. "Tell Pete he doesn't want to come upstairs, and tell Moony I'm wearing his favorite color."

She tries to walk around me, and I grab her arm. "Lucy, we need to talk," I say seriously. Quirking an eyebrow, she glances up at me curiously. "I am fine with you placing hats or ties or whatever various articles of clothing on the doorknob to warn me of your escapades, but please, don't ask me to give your… _husband_ naughty messages."

Grinning widely, she laughs. "Oh-kaay," she drags out the word before pecking my cheek. "It won't happen again then," she says merrily before skipping of toward the dorms. Damn her.

O

The Gryffindor party has just set into full swing; the music is blaring, people are dancing, couples are snogging, Peter is working his way through the snack table, and Moony and Lucy are practically shagging on the sofa. Lily nudges my shoulder and grins up at me, offering me a Butterbeer. "We seriously need to get them shock collars or something. I mean they don't even come up for air."

I laugh a little, taking the proffered drink and popping off the top. "I know." I sip at the sweet, syrupy drink before shaking my head. "At least she isn't pouting anymore."

"Yeah, I suppose. Have you seen James?" she asks.

Shrugging, I answer, "Nah, he said something about running back down to Honeyduke's for something or another. He's probably still there."

She looks up at me hesitantly. "Would you mind going for a walk, then? The music is kind of making my head pound."

"Not at all." I sling my arm around her shoulder and guide her toward the portrait hole.

We step out into the quiet of the hall, and she sighs in relief. "Hmm, much better." Pulling her red hair up into a ponytail, she starts down the hall, and I slip into step with her. "So, after graduation, what are you doing? Besides the obvious, of course," she asks lightly.

I shrug. "I don't know. I never really pictured myself as a nine-to-five kind of guy, but I suppose I will have to find some sort of job."

"No, I suppose I don't see you doing that either, but you can't live on just your smashing good looks forever." She grins and nudges my shoulder again. She's nervous about something.

"What's up, Lils?" I ask, just getting to the point. I hate small talk. I hate talking about _after_ Hogwarts.

Shrugging, she stops and leans against the wall, her arms crossed and her head tilted back a bit so she can see my face. "I don't want to go back to my house…" Pausing, she gazes down at the stone floor. "I just don't want to see the memories."

I sit down on the floor beside her, leaning against the wall and patting the ground. She slumps down, laying her head on my shoulder, and I intertwine our fingers. "You don't have to if you don't want to. Just put it up for sale. The Ministry will have cleaned it all up anyway. We'll start apartment hunting tomorrow."

"Whatever the house sales for will go toward the mortgage. The only reason why Petunia and Vernon have kept up with the payments is because they don't want me to live with them." She sighs tiredly. "I just– I don't know."

"Prongs will throw a fit, but you can move in with me." I smile at her, and she shakes her head.

"He would kill us. Lucy and I had been planning on moving in together. I mean Remus was going to be there as well, but I think she sort of," her voice fades, and she bites her lip, "forgot." I start to say something, but she cuts me off, speaking rather rapidly. "Or maybe she didn't. I don't think I could handle living with them shagging all over the place anyway. I thought about talking to Darla and seeing if maybe she and some of the other girls wanted to try to find an apartment together, but with this… whatever it is we are going to be doing with Dumbledore, I don't think that would work. Then there is always the Auror Academy. If I decide to take that path, they have dorms. I just feel rather confuddled at the moment, and James…" She takes a breath. "Well, James and I haven't spoken on serious matters in almost two weeks."

Giving her hand a comforting squeeze, I say, "I am sure, James and you will go back to having serious discussions in the morning. He has been rather stressed lately, but we talked so he'll be good. As for an apartment with the girls, I don't like that. Forgive me for being 'over-protective,' but I don't like the idea of you living on your own with those ditzy bimbos."

"Sirius!" she exclaims.

I grin slyly. "That was just to make sure you were paying attention, you looked like you were zoned out," I say teasingly. "I really don't know if that arrangement would mess with Dumbledore or not. And you are not serious about the Auror Academy, are you?" I ask, gazing at her. "Oh, and confuddled isn't a word."

"Yes, it is! It means confused and muddled. I invented it," she says proudly. "And, yeah, I think I am."

"That's dangerous, Lillers," I say softly, looking down at our hands.

She nods, shrugging. "I know, but we are going to be fighting anyway. I might as well get some training."

"Well, I suppose," I mumble, not liking the idea at all.

Grinning, she looks up at me. "You could join, too. Maybe you'd even get to be my partner in crime."

"Maybe," I chuckle.

We sit in silence for a moment, staring at the blank wall opposite us until she sighs. "So, what's got you all confuddled then?"

"Me? Confuddled? Honestly, Lily, I am Sirius Black. I do not get confuddled."

She breathes a little laugh, her head back on my shoulder. "Yeah, right. You've been mixed up all day. Don't you dare blame it on Lucy either."

I twirl a bit of her red hair around my finger. "I don't know, Lils. Prongs and I were talking last night after we did the Hufflepuff common room, and he just said something that," I smile, "confuddled me, I guess."

Sitting up, she changes her position so she sits directly in front of me, holding both my hands. "What exactly did he say?"

"We were talking about you, and he said that he loves you." She raises her eyebrows, smirking, and I smile before adding, "Which is a common occurrence, yes, but it was different this time. I asked him what brought about the change, and he fell into explanation of course." Grinning at me, she shakes her head; I wonder if he has told her what he told me. He definitely should.

I run my hand through my hair. "I asked him how did he know for sure, and he told me not to be stupid, that I knew, but I don't, or at least I don't think I do."

"Don't know what?" she asks, her brow furrowed.

"He said that I knew want it felt like to love someone." I shrug, gazing down at the way my pants fold and wrinkle when I sit crossed-legged. "He asked me if I love Cole. He thinks that I love Cole."

She takes a deep breath. "Do you?"

"I don't know. I don't know what it's like to _be_ in love, Lils. I mean I love you and Luce and the guys. I don't know." I frown, looking away from her deep, green orbs and up at the ceiling.

"James… is an idiot," she states very abruptly, and my eyes shoot back to hers. Her face is scrunched up in annoyance, and she is bouncing her thumb on her knee. That's a sign of irritation. "He lives in a simple world, Sirius. His parents love him; his friends love him; his peers love him. So for him love is easy. It is never unrequited. Not even when it came to me. I mean, yes, I rather despised him, but at the same time, I respected him, enjoyed his company and that damn way his eyes sparkle when he has a strong emotion." I smile at her; she really does love him.

She shrugs a little. "James is lucky. Love hit him hard. He just knew like the characters in a romance novel. For most people, it's not like that. It happens slowly over time, and one day you just wake up in someone's embrace, and you know that you can't be without them." Tucking my hair behind my ear, she sighs. "I don't think you love her, Sirius."

I gaze at her with despairing eyes. "Then why do I feel the urge to protect her? I mean all the time Lils– when she's sleeping, when she's sick, when she's just sitting there in the Great Hall pretending to eat. All of the time. Even right now, I am thinking I should go check on her and Hunter, make sure their door is locked, that they are safe. What is that, if it's not love?"

With a soft, sad smile, she gives my hand a squeeze. "It's who you are, Sirius. She needed you on the train. She asked you for help, and you attached yourself to her after that. It's what you do. Think about it, Sirius. You and Lucy, how'd you meet?"

Sighing, I close my eyes and think back. That was forever ago. "We were six. It was at some sort of party thing. Some kid pulled her hair or something, and she was pummeling him into the ground. Her dad rather freaked out, yanked her into an empty room; he was screaming at her. I remember going in there after he left, and there she was staring out the window, her whole body being crushed by her sadness and not letting one tear fall. After that, we kind of just sat there.

"I told her she was the bravest girl I had ever met." I smile. "I thought she was so cool, kicking some kid's ass that was twice her size and just standing there while her father screamed bloody murder at her. I hadn't ever seen someone just take it when their parents yelled at them. I was more of the type to get myself into more trouble by being a smartass or running. She defied him in a completely different way, letting him rage and silently disagreeing the entire time. At the time, I thought she was awesome. Later, I learned that she was totally detached. She wasn't silently disagreeing with him; she wasn't defying him; she wasn't there. She just left as if she flicked a switch and turned herself off." I shake my head, ridding myself of the image of tiny, little Lucy staring blankly out some random window of my past.

"You know, this year, it was the first time she has ever dealt with her emotions. I mean you remember the way she'd click off, and pretend everything was fine until it was. Moony has seriously been the best thing to ever happen to her. He doesn't let her hide. I always let her hide," I mumble the last part, and Lily squeezes my hand comfortingly.

"And what about Peter?" she asks. "You met him on the train first year, didn't you? Snape was picking on him. James was trying to come to his defense but failed rather horribly, right?"

Grinning at the memory, I nod. "Yeah, James was crap with a wand back then. Not that I was any better. Our parents actually followed the rules– a first for mine– and didn't let us use magic at home." Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. "Snape had caused a bunch of spiders to chase Pete. James was attempting to squash them all and jinx Snape at the same time. I settled for a more direct approach and broke Snape's big-ass nose. We were Pete's heroes after that."

She laughs quietly. "And you and James became inseparable."

"Yeah… and Moony was the one that patched up James' glasses. First day of school and we were friends, just like that." I smile widely; Hogwarts is really the best school ever.

"And of course, you just liked me because I was the only one who would stand up to James," she say cockily.

I nod slowly, letting her get away with no talking about it if she wants. "Yeah…"

She looks away for a moment before murmuring, "I never really thanked you, you know."

"The bastard deserved it, Lils." I try not to growl. "Plus, your smile is way more than enough thanks," I say lightly, shrugging and giving her a smile.

Faintly, she smiles in return. "Do you see what I mean, Sirius, about protecting people being who you are? It's in your nature to look after those you care about, and it's in your nature to care about those who need you." Biting her lip, she brings her gaze to mine. "You worry about her because she asked you for help though she only meant for help on the train. You found her broken and bleeding, Sirius. You have to fix her because it's what you do."

I glance down at my hands. "Does that mean I am that idiot that goes around collecting broken things, fixing them, and losing interest once they are all better?"

"No, after they are fixed, you make sure they stay that way, even if it means breaking yourself. You risk everything for those you care about. I've seen you do it."

Forcing a smile, I say, "So, I don't love her?"

"You care about her, Sirius. Maybe one day, it will become love, but right now, it isn't. If you loved her, you would know. Trust me," she tells me gently, and I nod. Lily is seriously the greatest. "Come on, we better get back in there before Lucy and Moony actually do start shagging and scar the minds of all the innocent, little first years."

As I stand, she pulls me into a tight hug. "I love you, Sirius. You know that, right?"

I laugh. "Of course, Lillers. I love you, too."

We walk slowly back toward the portrait hole, and it hits me. "You fucking knew we were going to have that conversation the whole time, didn't you?"

She chuckles and pecks my cheek. "No," she says coyly.

Laughing, I shove her a little. "Prat."

"Well, someone has to look out for you. James has been doing a shitty job lately." She grins, falling into step with me again.

O

_thank you for reading_


	26. Chapter 26

And It All Falls Apart

I wake up slowly, my eyes tentatively opening and adjusting to the faint light of morning. Taking a deep breath, I inhale the spicy scent of her, and a smile tugs at my lips. As I gradually become more aware of my surroundings, I raise my head a little and place a tiny kiss on the creamy skin of her neck. She is still asleep; her breaths slow, rhythmic, and deep. I carefully remove my hand from her grasp, allowing it to glide across her skin, stroking her stomach, caressing her arm. It is remarkable the way my hand seems to fit every plane of her body almost as if it was made for me.

Smiling softly, I set out to explore and memorize every bit of her. She never lets me take my time; she never lets me shower her with affection. I understand her hesitations, but it does not change the fact that I want to know her. Gently, I roll her to her back, and she sighs, not waking. She should not wake for another hour at least. I finally talked her into taking a sleeping draught last night so I should have plenty of time. After all, Lucy said, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

Her eyes are closed, and her red lips barely parted. I lightly caress her cheek, tracing her lips with my thumb, and watch her eyes flicker beneath her lids. I wonder if she is dreaming about me. I slip the sheet off her, dropping it beside me as if I am revealing a sculpture. Trailing a path of feather light kisses down the smooth skin of her throat, across her collarbone, and between the valley of her breasts, I breathe in her scent. She hums in pleasure as I suck heartily at a nipple, drawing in farther into my mouth and relishing in her unconscious reactions. I let my fingers run down her sides to her hips, trying to prevent myself from noticing I can feel every one of her ribs even with the softest of caresses.

I place one knee between her legs, rather draping my body across hers as I return to trailing light kisses across her pale flesh. "Black," she moans, and I smirk, she is dreaming about me. As she says it again, I lift my head to find her fighting to keep her eyes open. "What are you doing?" she asks sleepily, losing the battle.

Brushing my lips across hers, I murmur, "Sleep."

She shakes her head. "No, if you are going to tease me, I want to at least register it," she mumbles, trying to force her eyes open again.

Kissing her eyes closed, I say, "You are if I woke you up."

With a sigh, she stops resisting and lets her eyes remain shut, languidly raising a hand and caressing my cheek. "But I want to play, too," she whines drowsily.

I smile and whisper lightly in her ear, "But you can't keep your eyes open."

"Bastard," she curses tiredly, her eyes still firmly closed. I smile down at her for a moment. Now where was I?

O

The light of early morning creeps through the windows and cracks of the Hogwarts castle as I slowly and sleepily make my way toward Gryffindor Tower. This morning was absolutely perfect. An entire hour to do exactly as I pleased, mapping out every millimeter of her body, placing it in the files of my mind for later use, followed by glorious, passionate sex. Yes, it was the perfect way to start the day. Well, it probably would have been better if we could have showered together, but Hunter woke, and I do not even want to think about explaining _that_ to him.

"Prongs is a sexy beast," I whisper quietly to the Fat Lady. James, obviously, picked the password this month.

"Late night, Mr. Black?" she asks, yawning slightly and opening her eyes.

I grin. "A great night, my lady."

"Yes, well, I am glad someone in Gryffindor had a good time," she says moodily. "You might want to tone down that beam a bit before you go in."

"What do you mean?" I ask, my smile already fading a bit.

She shakes her head, and a tiny tear trails down her plump rosy cheek. "There's been another attack. I'm not sure who, they never tell me anything, you know." My heart sinks to rest somewhere below my stomach, and I nod sadly to her before continuing into the common room.

When I walk in, Lucy is the only one in the common room, staring blankly at the fire, her knees pulled up tightly to her chest and her hair hanging limply around her face. "Luce?" She pulls up the edge of her stocking before dropping her feet off the couch and looking up at me.

"Hey, babe. How was your night?" she asks in a falsely cheery voice, smoothing down the pleats in her skirt.

Sighing heavily, I sit down beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. She snuggles against me, a tiny frown furrowing her brows. "Come on, Lucy love, what's happened?"

She sniffs, running her hand through her hair. "Darla's family. All of them. Her aunt from the States came to pick her up around three," she says simply, knowing I will be able to fill in the blanks.

"Is she all right?" I ask, and Lucy just shrugs. I guess there really isn't an answer to that question. Not knowing what to say, I pull her closer to me, and we sit there silently for a long time.

"What are you doing down here alone?" I ask softly.

"Carmen went upstairs to help Darla pack some things and didn't come back down. I sent all the younger students back to bed before Darla left. I didn't think it would be a good idea for everyone to be staring at her when she came down. We were all just sitting here talking… then Moony went to take a shower, he just needed some space I guess. Lily and James were here, but she kinda just broke down, and he took to her room. And Pete… He just– he just left. I went and got dressed, and then I came here," she answers tonelessly, staring into the fire again.

After a moment, she looks up at me with a fake smile. "We all have class in a bit. You should go get dressed. I'll be fine."

"Luce, you don't need to be alone," I whisper, and she sighs heavily.

"No, it's alright. I am fine. Really."

"You sure? I don't mind waiting 'til Moony comes back." I wrap her in a tight hug, and she shakes her head.

"No, it's all right. Go. People are going to start filing down in a little while anyway." She smiles at me again and gives me a little shove.

"All right, but if you need something, I'm just upstairs, okay?" She nods slowly and turns back to the fire, unable to maintain her smile. I just wish she would talk to me instead of pretending everything is fine. I can see that something is bothering her. Well, I suppose Moony will get it out of her. He rather took that job from me.

O

Lily's pale hand trembles every time she brings her spoon to her mouth, spilling little drops of milk on the table. Tossing her spoon forcefully into her bowl of cereal, she exhales bitterly and locks her fingers together in her lap. I glance over to James, who just despondently closes his hollow, hazel eyes and slowly slips his hand under the table to hold hers. Peter is eating as if nothing has happened. Lucy's peaceful, copper eyes flick up to meet mine every so often, her fingers tightly entangled with Moony's atop the table. The heavy feeling of despair pressing down on the entirety of the Great Hall is slowly killing us. We only seem to be functioning on the minutest levels.

A group of fifth year Ravenclaw girls slowly stumbles into the Great Hall, the small brunette in the middle barely containing her tears. Moony clears his throat, and I glance over to him. He raises his eyebrows almost unnoticeably and waits for Lily to turn her attention back to her cereal. Silently, he mouths, _I don't think Darla's family was the only one attacked last night. _I frown and look around the Hall. He is right. There are at least four different groups at the Hufflepuff table weeping and clinging to each other, two at the Ravenclaw table, not including the girl who just came in, and three more amongst the Slytherins.

I wonder if Dumbledore is going to make some kind of announcement or if we are just going to have to wait for the Daily Prophet. Either way, we need to get Lily out of here.

"Hey, James?" I ask. He looks up at me, his eyes still hollow. "Did you grab your Charms book? I thought I saw it in our dorm this morning." I nudge my head toward the door, my eyes begging him to get my message. _Get Lily out of here. _He nods slowly in understanding.

"I don't think I did. Damn. Hey, Lily, I am going to run up to the Tower. Do you want to finish breakfast or come with?" he asks, forcing his voice to be somewhat light.

Lily stares at him as he stands. Her green eyes flash slightly with fear at the thought of staying without him, and she slides out of her seat. "I'll come. Wouldn't want you to have to walk alone." God, she had finally come back, and the bastard just destroyed her again.

As they step out of the hall Lucy looks up at me, the corners her eyes crinkled in worry. "What was that about?"

I watch Remus' fingers twitch a little as he tightens his grasp on her hand. "Lily doesn't need to be here when the Prophet arrives."

Comprehension washes over her like rain. "Darla wasn't the only one," she whispers, swallowing hard. "You can't keep it from her. She'll find out anyway," she says, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"We know," Remus answers softly, "but this way, James can prepare her for it first so it's not so much of a shock." Lucy nods, and he kisses her forehead. "It's alright, you're fine," he whispers, and she swallows again.

With a flutter of wings and loud screeching squawks, a hundred different owls swoop down into the hall. Lucy bites her lip as a small tawny owl lands in front of her, holding out its scaly leg so she can untie the purple envelope tied to it. Remus releases her hand and smoothes down her hair, allowing her to read her mail in peace as another owl lands in front of me. Quickly depositing a few coins in a pouch secured to the bird, I remove the Prophet from its grasp.

Remus' pale brown eyes meet mine as I unroll the paper. A vivid black and white photograph of a foggy outline of a skull with a large snake crawling out from its mouth hovering above a small neighborhood of demolished houses covers the top half of the page. The thick, black letters below it spell out the horrifying title:

**You-Know-Who Strikes Nettlebed and Tutshill, No Survivors Found**.

"How bad is it?" Moony asks solemnly as my eyes scan the article.

I don't look up. "Nettlebed. Tutshill. Forty-two murdered, but they are still 'cleaning' the sites so that will probably go up. No one has been found alive yet," I mutter tonelessly before looking up at him and handing over the paper. Lucy squeezes under his arm to read along with him.

"Nettlebed? That's just a little town. No one prominent even lives there. It's just a family town," Lucy says, looking up at me for some sort of an explanation, but I don't have one to give. She closes her eyes and frowns deeply. "There are more children than adults there." Her voice cracks a little, and Remus folds the paper and wraps his arms around her. She shakes a little bit as if she wants to cry, but she doesn't.

"Shush," Moony whispers, pretending that the heartbreak she is feeling is actually visible. "It's okay, love. This is going to end soon, I promise." He closes his eyes as he lies to her and presses his lips to her hair.

O

It has been a week since the attack. Dumbledore insisted that we continue our daily lives, but I cannot seem to get out of this fog of guilt and despair. I stare out into the trees of the Forbidden Forest from my perch on the railing of the balcony in the North Tower as rain threatens to fall from the gloomy clouds hanging low in the sky. I have spent more time in this location in the past few days than I have anywhere else, just thinking. The entire castle is drenched in grief, and I cannot seem to stand gazing out into the crowds of sullen faces.

"Hey," someone whispers behind me, wrapping her arms around my middle. "You disappeared after Potions. Skiving off the rest of your classes today?" Cole breathes her words into my ear, her lips brushing against my skin.

I sigh and slump back against her. She holds my weight and rests her chin on my shoulder. "I guess. I'm not there. You?"

"Passed Dumbledore in the hall, told him I wasn't going to the rest of my classes today. I wasn't 'feeling well.'" I nod slowly and tilt my head to the side, letting it lie against hers. "I haven't seen you in a while. Is everything okay?"

A tiny smile graces my lips for the first time since Friday morning. She is worried about me. "Yeah, I've just been…" My voice trails off.

She kisses my cheek before patting my chest to tell me she can't hold me any longer, and I sit up. "I know what you mean," she sighs as her fingers knead the muscles of my shoulders. "You're rather tense," she murmurs, and I nod still staring out into the trees, enjoying her touch but unable to show it.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I push them down. "I keep thinking…" I whisper, closing my eyes. "Last month my brother said something that made me realize that, ah…" My words fade as I struggle to find the words. I swallow hard before continuing. "That he is a Death Eater. I keep seeing him, murdering some little girl, every time I close my eyes." I work hard to keep my voice calm and steady, but it cracks several times.

"It gets easier, I promise," she whispers into my hair.

I nod, swallowing down tears. "It's my fault. I left him with her. I drove him to joining."

Her fingers stop moving, and her hands come to rest on my arms. "Come here," she whispers softly, asking me to face her. Closing my eyes and forcing the forlorn expression from my face, I turn around. She stands between my knees and presses her lips to my forehead. She is barely as tall as I am sitting down. When she pulls back, she stares directly into my eyes. "It's not your fault." Looking away from her, I close my eyes to keep the tears that so desperately want to fall from escaping. I feel a trickle of wetness trail down my cheek, and I pray that it is rain.

"Hey," she whispers softly, brushing away the tear and asking me to look at her again. I shake my head and squeeze my eyelids tighter together. "You aren't supposed to be the emotional one, Black. That's my job," she says lightly, gently running her fingers through my hair. I attempt to laugh, but it comes out as a sob. "Oh, darling," she says quietly, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around me. Another sob breaks through my lips, and I let my head fall forward onto her shoulder. "Shush, it's okay," she murmurs, running her fingers up into my hair, holding me closely, and I cry, silently sobbing, as she whispers words I do not understand.

When I lift my head, my eyes red-rimmed and swollen, she takes a small step back and holds my face in her tiny hands. She smiles sadly and kisses away my tears. Her lips are cool against my hot cheeks and eyelids, and I relish the feel of it. Finally, she finds my mouth, and her lips are salty and wet. I do not think I have ever loved the taste of her more.

After a moment, she pulls back and stares directly into my soul. "It's not your fault." I shake my head, again. It is my fault; if I had stayed or taken him with me, he never would have done it. "Black." She exhales harshly as she speaks, and the name sounds like a demand. I hate that she calls me that. I hate that I am one of them. I hate being a Black.

"Why the fuck do you have to call me that?" I growl at her, standing up abruptly and causing her to stumble back. She stares at me confusedly, and I forcefully brush my hair out of my face. "I am not one of them! Don't you see that? I am not one of them! I am not a bloody prejudice murderer. Fuck toujours pur! Fuck them! I wish they would just die! I wish this would all just stop!" Wretched tears stream down my cheeks as I scream, and she just stands there, her dark eyes gazing unwaveringly at me.

The heavens finally open up, and large, round raindrops fall from the sky, mixing with my tears and soaking through my clothes. I stand, breathing heavily, my white shirt sticking to my chest and tiny water droplets falling from my hair as I glare at her. Her shoulders are squared, her head tilted up in defiance, she looks so strong. If it weren't for her lip quivering in cold, you would think her impervious. "You may not be like them, but you are a Black."

"No, I'm not!" I scream, clenching my fists.

"You can't change who you are, and you shouldn't want to," she screams back at me before lowering her voice and staring openly at me, allowing me to read every expression on her face. "My God, Black, look at you. You're loyal to a fault, more caring than anyone I have ever met, a fierce friend," her eyes flick to the left, and a tiny grin tugs at her lips, "a magnificent lover. You are noble and determined with just enough disregard for the rules to be fun."

She takes a small step forward, begging me to understand her. "You're beautiful, Black, and your name makes it all so much better." She steps toward me again. I don't move. Tentatively reaching out her small hand, she brushes my rain-soaked hair from my face, leaving her fingers entangled in it, staring into my soul. "You're kind, loving, brave, and lighthearted, and you have no right to be. You should have been cruel and calculating, heartless and vile, but you rose above your upbringing and have become this… amazing person, this beautiful person. You should carry your name with pride, Black, because it proves that good can come from a world full of hate." I stare into her eyes, so full of sincerity, and suddenly everything seems a lot clearer.

"Don't blame yourself for what you can't control. It's pointless, and it just makes everything hurt so much more," she murmurs quietly, smiling sadly as the rain washes over her. "Please," she whispers, moving her other hand to cup my face. "You're good, Sirius, so good. Don't blacken your heart with hatred even if it's for yourself."

More tears cascade down my cheeks, mingling with the rain already pouring over me. "I'm sorry," I sob out, and she stands on her toes, wrapping her arms around me.

"No, love, don't be," she whispers softly into my ear, holding me as closely as her height will allow. I want her to be closer. I need her to be closer.

I wrap my arms around her and nip a bit roughly at her neck. She grasps at the sharp pain but quickly pulls back giving me enough room to crash my lips down on hers. She kisses me passionately, matching my every move like always. Yet for some reason, this kiss feels different, better. Maybe it is the icy rain hammering down on us or the sorrow that is threatening to destroy the castle walls, but whatever it is, I don't want it to leave. The desire that floods though my blood mixes with something else, something stronger, and I can only think of how much I want her.

I back her up against the wall, ripping apart her shirt and tugging down her bra before viciously kissing her skin as it breaks out into gooseflesh as the cold rain washes over us. She fists my hair in her hands. "Black," she pants fearfully, "not too close to the edge, okay?"

Nodding, I glance up at her, her eyes begging, shining with fear. Not fear of me, but of something completely different. The way that the panic flashes in her eyes amazes me, and I wonder how she managed to stand behind me so close to the railing if the height frightens her this badly. "Yeah, we'll stay away from the edge," I say, my voice husky with desire, before returning to my furious worshipping of her body. Soon her legs are wrapped around me, and her nails dig into my skin as we fuck against the stone wall of the tower. I feel her entire body start to tremble as she screams in ecstasy, the sound of thunder drowning out the sound as the angry sky flashes with lighting in the background. I send her over again and again until I finally come, filling her with me.

Spent, I rest my head against the wall, still pinning her between the stone and me. She lets her legs slip from around me and find the floor, laying her head on my chest and holding me tightly as she starts to shiver with cold. She will get sick if I do not take her in soon. Shoving myself off the wall, I stroke her hair when she does not release me. "Come on, we'll catch our death out here."

She nods slowly, her cheek pressed against my chest, and takes a deep breath before stepping away. I slip my hand under her chin and tilt her head up to me; her lashes are heavy with rain, her cheeks red and her lip quivering. I didn't hurt her, did I? "You okay?" I ask softly.

"You're fucking brilliant, you know," she says through trembling lips, and I smile.

"Only when I have a brilliant partner." I give her a cheeky grin, watching her smooth down her skirt and pull her bra back into place, before I search for her knickers and shirt. When I find her drenched, torn shirt, I pick it up, holding it out to her guiltily. "Oops."

Rolling her eyes, she picks her wand up off the ground and magically repairs the shirt. She tugs it over her head and hugs me closely again, inhaling the scent of my rain-washed skin. "Don't blame yourself, Sirius. It isn't your fault," she whispers, and I nod, trying to make myself believe her.

O

I step out of the shower, running a black towel through my hair, to find Cole leaning over the counter, in nothing more than her knickers and an unbuttoned shirt as she applies thick black eyeliner around her eyes. "Enjoy you shower?" she asks without looking up.

Wrapping my towel around my waist, I watch her a moment longer before answering, "It could have been better."

She smirks at me. "Yes, I suppose it could have," she answers casually before turning her attention back to the mirror.

Stepping up behind her, I encircle her waist, stroking her skin with my fingertips. I bury my nose in her hair, breathing deeply; I love the way she smells. She places her hand over mine, tilting her head and kissing my cheek. "Stop, we can't. I have to go pick up Hunter."

Pouting slightly, I back away from her. She cocks her head to the side as she goes back to painting her eyes, and suddenly grin widely, I trace a small red-purple mark on the side of her neck. "I've given you a hickey," I say cheekily.

She turns to look at the mark and coolly says, "So, you have," as she laces her fingers with mine and I gently stroke the bruised flesh. Placing the eyeliner on the counter, she faces me, brushing her lips across mine, running her fingers up into my hair before turning her attention to my neck. She nibbles and sucks across the skin until she finds a precise location and her affections become more ardent and enthusiastic, nipping at the flesh until it is almost painful, but it causes the blood in my veins to rush and a slight groan of pleasure to leave my lips. When she pulls back, she smiles devilishly. "Now we're even."

I smirk at her, gripping her hips and sitting her on the countertop. "I thought you said we didn't have time to play."

"We don't," she murmurs, wrapping her legs around my waist, and pulling my head down for another kiss. I kiss her gently as she weaves her fingers through my hair, our tongues softly dancing alongside each other.

She gazes up at me, biting her lip to keep from smiling as we part and I smooth down her hair, kissing her forehead. "As delightful as you look, I think you should get dressed. If Hunter has issues with your clothes, he will definitely not like this look. Though, _I_ am rather fond of it." I run my fingers up her sides lightly, and she almost giggles before I help her off the counter.

Watching her hips sway as she leaves the room, I smile. As she moves to close the door, I say softly, "Hey, Rebecca?" Her eyes flick to me, and she pauses, holding the door open. "Thanks."

Shrugging, she flashes me a smile. "No worries, Black. Honestly, despite the fact that this can't last, I am rather fond of it. And, you being depressed, well, that takes away from our 'fun time.'" Laughing a little, I shake my head, gazing at her until she disappears behind the door.

When I am finally dressed, I stride out into her bedroom; she is sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on her boots. "Hey," I say, grinning. "Do you think Howards would watch Hunter for a few hours tonight?"

Her dark eyes gaze confusedly at me. "Why?"

I shrug. "Well, we never really celebrated Moony and Lucy's… engagement. I thought it would be a good excuse to go out. Lily needs to get out. We all do really."

"I suppose I could ask," she answers softly, not holding my gaze.

"If you don't want to, that's fine. I just thought…" My voice fades off.

She shakes her head, glancing up at me. "No, it's just… I don't really like to leave him." Shrugging, she clicks the last clasp closed and stands. "I'll talk to Luke and see if he wouldn't mind hanging out here for a few hours."

As she notices my nervous expression, she strides over to me and wraps her arms around my neck. "Listen, when it comes to leaving Hunter, I will always hesitate. It is not that I do not want to go out with you. I just don't want to be without him."

"I know," I say softly, kissing her briefly. "My ego is just easily damaged."

She grins mischievously. "Well, I suppose I will just have to do some ego stroking tonight then."

"I like the sound of that," I smile and kiss her again, "but we should really go. I have to go talk to the guys, and you have to pick up your little one and talk to Howards. We have a rather busy schedule." I don't really want to leave.

"I suppose," she sighs, letting her arms fall to her sides. "I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah, we'll meet you down here about eight-ish?" I question.

"Perfect," she says with a smile before we head out in opposite directions.

O

I quickly knock my knuckles against the hard wood of Cole's door for what seems like the hundredth time today. I have been bouncing back and forth between Gryffindor and here all afternoon, keeping her updated on what Lucy and Moony have decided we are doing. (Note to self: Never allow Moony and Lucy be in charge of _any_ decision-making ever again.)

When she opens the door, I find myself having to swallow very hard and clench my teeth together to keep my jaw from dropping. "Hey," she greets us softly, her hand on the doorknob. She is wearing a knee length black dress that scoops low in the front and even lower in the black and these little red pumps that make her delicious legs suddenly even more delicious. "Do you mind waiting for a moment? We're having a bit of a temper tantrum."

"Not at all," I breathe, staring at her. "You look lovely."

She smiles and shrugs. "You don't look half bad yourself. We are still going dancing, right?"

I nod slowly as I step inside, encircling her waist and splaying my hand across her bare back before kissing her briefly. "Yeah, still dancing."

Pulling away from me, she smiles hello to James, Lily, Lucy, Moony, Pete and, fuck it, the Ravenclaw with the thick glasses. "You guys can have a seat. It shouldn't take more than five minutes." She gestures to the couch and chairs before pecking my cheek and heading off to Hunter's room.

Lucy straddles the arm of Moony's chair, her leg swinging back and forth as he idly toys with yellow ribbon at the back of her dress. James flops down onto the couch, pulling Lily down beside him, kissing her red hair and humming in boredom while Peter and the Ravenclaw chat quietly, leaning up against the wall near the fireplace.

"Hey, Beck," Howards says, strolling out of her room, carrying a teal, satiny-looking piece of material. He glances up and notices us. "Beck?"

I try not to chuckle at his confused expression. "She's with Hunter."

"Ah, I see." Shrugging, he tosses the fabric over his shoulder. "I guess she decided to stay with the black then."

He crosses his arms and sighs heavily before fixing Lily with an odd look. "What the hell are you wearing, Evans?"

Lily glances down at her green frock and flats. "Clothes?"

"Really?" he asks. "I don't think I would have placed it in that category. Come on, Evans. You are going out dancing, not to visit your elderly grandmother." She opens her mouth to make a retort, but he stops her by grabbing her arm, pulling her up of the couch, and dropping her wand in James' lap. "Let's go. I am going to do you and your friends a favor."

"How–" she starts, but he cuts her off.

"No 'buts' Evans. You look like my great aunt Ethel," he tells her, dragging her off toward Cole's room. James and I exchange amused looks, and as soon as the door clicks closed, everyone bursts out into laughter.

The door to Hunter's room opens slowly as Cole lets Hunter out. There are tearstains down his little cheeks, and he is still sniffing slightly from crying, his little teddy bear clutched to his chest. "Hiya, kiddo," I say grinningly, and his brown eyes flick up to me.

"Hello," he mumbles, walking past the sitting room and into the kitchen. Cole gives us a weak smile before helping him up into a chair, kneeling beside him and whispering to him softly. After a moment, he hugs her tightly, and she kisses his cheek. She stands and ruffles his hair before joining us in the sitting room.

She opens her mouth to say something but stops abruptly, changing her subject mid-word, "H–Where's Evans?"

"Luke kidnapped her." Lucy shrugs, moving Moony's hand down from her under the skirt of her dress to her knee. He pouts pitifully and goes back to toying with her ribbon.

"Shit," Cole curses, whipping around and heading for her room. "Luke! You had better release her this moment. You cannot go around grabbing random women and accusing them of having no fashion sense. Even if it is true," she says loudly, pounding on the door. Lily gives an annoyed yelp of hatred that sounds an awful lot like, "I have fashion sense you underdressed whore!" Chuckling, Cole pulls the door open, and Lily tumbles out in a heap at her feet. "Sorry," Cole murmurs unapologetically before looking up at Howards' grinning expression. "Luke, how many times have I told you–"

"Beck," he cuts her off, "did you see that God awful frock she was wearing? Besides, someone needed to wear the teal dress. It's my favorite, and you wouldn't even try it on." By the time he finishes, Lily has managed to get to her feet and is fuming, her green eyes sparkling in rage.

"How dare you!" she bellows, poking Howards fiercely in the chest. "You have no right t–" Her voice vanishes, and she whips around, looking for the idiot who silenced her. Her narrowed, green eyes land on James, and he gulps, quickly stowing his wand in his pocket.

He gives her an anxious grin. "Lily, I realize what just happened was not only uncalled for but unfair and extremely rude," he says calmly. "However…" Lily starts to storm toward him, and he takes a step back, raising his hands in defense. "Now, hear me out, Lils. I am on your side here. I just think that you should at least look in the mirror before you start hexing people into oblivion because, while it was a very prick-like thing to do, you look rather smashing in that color," he blurts out in a rush, still backing away from her.

Peter decides to come to his rescue and transfigures a book into a full-length mirror in front of James, blocking him from Lily's view with her own reflection. She stops abruptly and glares at the image for a moment before huffing loudly as James removes the Silencing Charm. Whipping around to Howards, she jabs a finger at him. "You arrogant prick! I swear to you if you ever pull something like that again I will _kill_ you." She crosses her arms angrily and continues to glower at him before turning back to the mirror. "I do look pretty damn sexy in this though," she says, shrugging, taking in the way the soft, flowing material hugs her upper body before hanging loosely around her thighs, a deep slit in the side almost reaching her hip. Lucy and I burst out into laughter at her quiet appraisal of herself, soon followed by everyone else including Lils.

"Alright," James says as our laughter dies down, "we had better get going. McGonagall starts her rounds pretty soon, and it'll be hell trying to get past her."

I turn to watch Cole glance nervously at Hunter before looking up at Howards. "His bedtime is nine. Make sure he brushes his teeth. He will lie and tell you he did. And, um, just listen for nightmares."

He smoothes down her hair. "I know, Beck. We'll be fine. You've already locked down the fireplace, warded the windows, and given me instructions on what to do if the world suddenly drops out of orbit," he says, rolling his eyes. "Now, off with you," he demands and shoves her toward me. "Stop worrying and have fun."

She only glances back every five seconds until we are out on the castle grounds.

O

"They're good together," Cole says lightly, leaning against the edge of the table, nodding toward Moony and Lucy as he twirls her around a few meters away.

I slide my hand around her to her hip and tug her to me, guiding her into my lap. She lies back against me, sighing and tilting her head back to rest it on my shoulder. "Yeah," I agree, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"So, what's with the new girl?" she asks, running her fingers up into my hair.

Shrugging, I take her hand, brushing my lips across her knuckles. "No idea. Pete needed a partner, and they have been studying together lately. She agreed to come." She gives a noise of acknowledgement, and we both go back to watching the dancing couples. Moony and Lucy are dancing a rather complicated, little swing dance in the middle of the floor, his skill and guidance making her appear to be much better at it than she really is. I am not sure I would call what Lily and James are doing dancing; it looks more like laughing hysterically as James tramples all over Lily's toes. Peter and Cindy (I asked James for her name) are sitting at a round table across the room, chatting idly.

Cole raises both arms over her head, wrapping them around my neck and glancing at me. "Dance with me," she asks when the music switches from the fast pace song Moony and Lucy had been jitterbugging to to something much slower.

"Of course." I grin, standing up and spinning her around. "But I must warn you, I am not nearly as good as Moony. His Gran is a dance instructor. I cannot compete with a lifetime of lessons."

Winding her arms around my neck and pressing herself up against me, she smiles. "As long as you don't step on my toes, I don't mind. His moves intimidate me anyway."

"Oh, really?" I say teasingly, leading her out toward the dance floor.

"Mmhmm," she murmurs against my neck, laying her head on my shoulder. "He is much too good. I would feel incompetent."

"Trust me, you are anything but incompetent."

I gently draw circles with my thumb on the small of her back, breathing in the scent of her, listening to the soft sounds of her humming along with the melody as we sway across the floor, enjoying the feel of her against me. Lily may be right, I might not love her, but I sure as hell don't want to lose her.

O

_thank you for reading_


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The Monster

"Hey," Cole whispers into my ear, gently brushing my hair out of my face. I open my eyes and find her smiling softly down at me. "We have class in a bit. You can stay here if you want, but I have to go," she offers, kissing me gently. "Morgan sent you down some clothes; I put them in the bathroom." She kisses my cheek and shrugs. "I'm going to go take Hunter to Poppy. I'll see you in potions or after lunch, okay?"

I sit up and caress her cheek. "Wait and I'll go with you."

She nods slowly and kisses me briefly. "You bounce back rather quickly, don't you? Here I was hoping that I would get to nurse your ego back to health, or something, but you're already over it. One sex-filled weekend and you're a happy camper, again."

Smiling at her, I wrap my arm around her waist and pulling her onto the bed with me. "You are welcome to do any kind of ego stroking you want, whether I am depressed or not." I kiss her and she loops her arms around me.

Giving me a little shove, she falls down on top of me, grinning mischievously before bringing her lips back down on mine. Things have just started to turn heated when Hunter knocks on the door. "Becca, are you ready yet?"

She laughs disappointedly, chewing on her lip. "Sorry," she mumbles, sitting up and crawling off me.

"'S alright," I shrug, following her out of the bed. "I'll see you in potions, then?"

"Yeah," she whispers, nodding slowly and nibbling on her lip to keep her smile at bay.

O

Classes go by slowly and dully as I drag my feet, yawning in boredom waiting for the day to end. Finally, after what seems like days Professor McGonagall releases us from Transfiguration for dinner. I follow Lucy, Remus, Lily, James and Peter out of the room heading for the Great Hall, my hands shoved into my pockets. As the door clicks closed behind me I spot Cole headed in the wrong direction. Trotting up behind her, I grab her around the waist and she gasps before playfully smacking me. "You scared me, damn it. You're lucky, I thought it might be you or I would have killed you dead," she informs me smirking slightly, before pressing her lips against mine.

When I pull back for air, I say, "Kill me dead, huh?" placing her on her feet.

She chuckles and shoves her hands into the pockets of her plaid shorts. "Well, I don't risk the chance of the villain coming back to life like in horror films. I kill them, then I ram a dagger through their heart to be positive they are dead," she explains, glancing up at me, before walking away.

"Ah, I see." Catching up to her, I drape my arm over her shoulders. "So, no dinner, or what?"

"I have to go get my little imp," she answers, removing her hand from her pocket and stowing it in my back one. I really like that she does that.

"Do you mind if I travel with?" I ask, grinning.

She rolls her eyes. "Obviously, not. I haven't sent you packing." I grin widely, kissing the top of her head.

When we arrive in the Hospital Wing, Hunter is sitting in the corner facing the wall, his shoulders squared and annoyance radiating off him. "Damn it, not again," Cole mutters.

Poppy strolls toward us as we enter. "Ah, Rebecca, we need to talk," she says by way of greeting and Cole sighs before slipping away from me and following Poppy into her office. As soon as the door clicks closed Hunter turns around and huffs, looking up at me.

He smiles peevishly, "I told Miss Poppy to fuck off." I let out a bark like laugh and he shrugs, grinning a little.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to do," I say, trying to stop my chuckles, but it is difficult, I can actually see Poppy's expression in my mind.

"No," Hunter sighs. "But, she keeps making me write the alphabet and it's _boring_." He runs a hand through his hair and I find it absolutely adorable. "She called me a spoiled little brat, but I didn't even _do_ anything. I just said that I didn't want to do it any more and when she said that I _had_ to, I told her that Becca wouldn't make me and then… I told her to fuck off."

"Alright, you gotta stop saying that word," I laugh, it cracks me up.

He rolls his eyes and leans against the wall before whipping back around as the doorknob jiggles. "I'll talk to him, Poppy," Cole says, stepping out of the room.

"You have to do more than talk to him, Rebecca. Honestly, he needs discipline," Poppy says reproachfully as she follows Cole out.

Cole raises her eyebrow crossly. "I think I know what he needs, Poppy," she snaps before turning on her heel and holding a hand out to Hunter. Hunter stands up and guiltily stares at the floor as he makes his way to her. Cole takes his hand and glares at Poppy one last time for striding from the room Hunter hurrying alongside her and flashing Poppy a shrewd grin. Holy shit, I thought he was a good kid, he's a little monster.

As we step out into the hall and get out of earshot of Poppy, Cole releases Hunter's hand glares down at him. "Hunter, I cannot believe you told Poppy to "f" off, _again_. You're grounded for three days, no football. Even on the wireless," she scolds.

His big brown eyes fill with tears and he looks up at her, his tiny chin quivering. "But, Becca, she called me a brat."

"Oh, don't you even try that, buddy. I was your age once, I spent the majority of my time trying to get out of trouble. If you are going to play the "she provoked me" card you had better hide your smirking grins." He stares at her stunned, his chin immediately ceasing to quiver. "Yes, I saw it," She frowns before sighing heavily and rolling her eyes. "Merlin child," she says flippantly. "What am I to do with you?"

He stuffs his hands into his pocket and mumbles, "Sorry, Becca."

Shaking her head, she ruffles his hair and he looks up at her. "Well, kid, it's not me you should be apologizing to. First thing tomorrow morning you are going to beg Poppy for forgiveness on your knees if that's what it takes." He smiles and shrugs, nodding. "And, I swear, if you try to play me against her again, I will ground you for life."

I have to bite down chuckles during their entire exchange and when Cole looks up at me, she forces down a grin of her own.

He laughs a little and slips his hand into hers, giving it a little tug so she will start moving toward the Great Hall. She smiles softly and lets him lead her, evidently deciding that was a good enough reprimanding.

O

As we near the Great Hall, I spot several Slytherins standing outside the doors and Howards isn't among them. Cole glances at me and bends down to pick up Hunter. He wraps his arms around her neck and rests his head on her shoulder.

"That's right, Becky, protect the little monster," Snape sneers as we pass. Cole glares at him, but continues on. "You know, Becky, you should just put him out of his misery now. Honestly, that's the humane thing to do. Save him from getting a stake driven through his heart. That's what the Ministry will do, you know."

Hunter whimpers and Cole whips around to face Snape. "You bastard. Say and do what you will to me, but do not so much as _think_ about him."

Snape scoffs, "As if it is even you we are interested in Becky. You're a good fuck, but honestly, you're pretty used up by now. No love, it's the little monster we're after. And we'll have him soon enough. You'll regret it then, not killing him yourself." Big tears are filling Hunter's eyes and Cole is practically trembling in rage.

"Back off, Snape," I growl, placing my hand on the small of her back and trying to push her forward.

"Of course, _you_ would defend the little beast. Looking to add another bloodthirsty monster to your collection, Black?"

I step toward him, ripping out my wand, but Cole steps in front of me pressing Hunter into my arms. "He's mine," she whispers angrily. I take him from her and she turns around to face Snape, her wand already on him.

"What are you going to do with that, Becky? Kill me?" Snape laughs mercilessly. "Do you think you could kill someone else? I heard you fell to bits last time." The rest of his little gang smirk and exchange amused glances.

She hesitates for a moment and he grabs her arm, bending her wrist backwards cruelly and her wand falls, clattering on the floor. "No," she murmurs softly, her face devoid of any emotion. She shoves herself up against him, pinning him to the wall with her body. Slipping her free hand down to her boot, she pulls out a long dagger with a solid onyx handle. She slides it up his pant leg ripping through the material as if it was butter, up his torso and places it under his chin, making him tilt his head upwards. He stands completely still afraid that if he moves she'll slit his throat without a second thought, the Slytherins around us staring uneasily at the turn of events. Hunter buries his face in my neck and trembles as she whispers low, "No, Severus, I am not going to kill you with a wand. That, my friend, is much to painless and honorable a death for you." Snape tries to take a step back, but he has nowhere to go.

"No, I am going to take this blade, and slowly drag it across every bit of flesh you have," she whispers, her breath hot on his face, dragging the blade up the side of his face, leaving a thin cut from his jaw to the middle of his forehead, that slowly seeps blood down his pallid skin before dripping onto her chest. "Slice off each little bit of skin, until there is nothing left. It's going to be slow and brutal, and when I am drenched in your blood, then maybe, if I feel merciful, I drive it through your blackened heart, because believe me darling, it will still be beating. I will make sure of it." He swallows hard and releases her hand. She drags the dagger back down his face, pressing it under his chin, hard enough to draw a little bit of blood. "You say one more word to or about my child, I swear on _his_ life, I will make sure tthe only thing to ever leave your mouth again are painful screams as you beg for your death." Taking a step back she slips the blade back into her boot and mutters, "Accio wand." Her little holly wand zips out of Evan Rosier's hand and into hers.

Snape continues to stare in shock at her as she takes Hunter from my arms. A few of the Slytherins move to say something but she flashes them a cold glare and they immediately stop. "Shush, kid, we're alright," she whispers softly to Hunter, holding him closely. Glancing at me, her eyes tell me they need a moment. I nod and give her a worried smile before she slowly strides down the hall.

I shrug, flicking my wand and sending a stream of water onto the front of Snape's trousers before muttering, "Well, it looks like I don't have to worry about threatening you for your loud mouth, Snape. A girl half you size seems to have already made you wet yourself," before turning from him and swaggering into the Great Hall.

O

I sit beside Peter, watching James and Lily fed each other in the most gooey fashion ever for about five minutes. "Where's Moony?" I ask, a bit jittery. I have to give the Slytherins time to disperse, I don't know if they know how to get to her rooms. As I notice Moony missing a brilliant idea hits me: I should have Remus talk to Hunter.

Lily looks up at me as if she just noticed I was there. "Oh, he and Lucy went somewhere together," she shrugs turning back to James as he holds out a fork full of potato to her. God, that's disgusting.

"Prongs, man, give me the map," I mutter, glad I haven't eaten anything, yet. I totally would have just hurled it up.

James rolls his eyes and digs in his bag, throwing me the map. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"You and your little gooey play thing. You two are disgusting," I say, smirking as I stand up and jet out of the hall. Lily screeches something at my back but I don't pay attention. They'll fight and have good make-up sex tonight, instead of all that bland lovey-dovey shit. I am such a great friend.

Stepping out into the hall, I mutter, "I, solemnly, swear I am up to no good," and grin as the wondrous Marauder's Map comes to life, inking spilling across the blank page. "Moony, Moony, Moony," I mumble under my breath trying to find him. I roll my eyes when I finally do. They are in the Transfiguration classroom. What idiots. McGonagall will kill them.

Rushing up the dozen or so flights of stairs and down the corridor, I arrive at the room and pray they are still clothed. Pushing the door open, I step in. _Thank God,_ I mentally sigh, when I find them in an awkward position, yes, but still in the majority of their uniforms. "Lucy, I need to borrow Moony for a bit," I say, with a charming smile.

Moony turns around, fixing me with a glare and Lucy tightens her grip on him as she slides down his body without the wall or his chest for support. She peers over Moony's shoulder as he locks his hands together under her bum to hold her up. "No, he is mine. Talk to him later," she says shortly and pulls Moony's lips back down to hers.

"He was mine first," I pout, stomping my foot.

Remus rolls his eyes and tries to pull back from Lucy, but she won't have it. "Luce," he mumbles against her mouth and I can see her forehead wrinkle into a frown from here.

"Damn it!" she yells moodily. "I am your wife. He is just a bloody ingrate friend. It's not fair. Who care's if he needs something. I want sex!" She crosses her arms as he sits her on a desk. Dropping her head to his shoulder, she whines, "I have been waiting all day. Pul-ease."

Chuckling, I apologize. "I'm sorry, babe, but it's kind of an emergency. I'll have him back to you in a bit."

Remus looks at me. "I never agreed to go."

"Please, Moony, it's important. We'll talk about it on the way. Lucy, I promise to tell McGonagall that you are both down with the flu tomorrow and you can spend all day screwing around in the tower. I just really need him," I say, quickly, trying to talk them both into it.

She sighs, clinging to his hand. "But, I want to shag, now."

Moony laughs and kisses her head. "We'll sneak out to your place tonight, okay? I'll see you in a bit." She pouts and lets go of his hand, and we leave her sitting sadly on a desk in the Transfiguration classroom.

"So, what on earth is so important that you were willing to risk the wrath of Lucy and end a very lovely snogging session for me?" Moony asks, gazing at me with those intense brown eyes as we make our way down a set of stairs.

"Well, Hunter, actually." I run a hand through my hair. I hadn't actually thought about how to explain this to him. "Snape… in the hall… called him a monster and Gods, Moony, his face, it reminded me of you when you were little. I just thought, I don't know, maybe you could say something."

He sighs heavily, shaking his head. "Shit, I should have done that already," he mutters, blowing his hair out of his eyes.

O

When Cole answers her door, she isn't wearing a shirt, she is carrying a tumbler half-full of Scotch and swaying slightly. "What are you doing here?" she asks, squinting down at me.

"You're drunk," I mutter, taking the glass from her and frowning as I step into the room. Remus follows in behind me and Hunter is nowhere to be seen.

"I want to be drunk," she slurs. "He isn't going to come down for hours." She tries to take the glass from me and she falls against my chest. I hold her up and down the rest of the liquid so she won't be tempted.

"Where is he?" I ask, glancing around the room again.

She gazes down at the floor, tears trying to escape her eyes. "His bedroom, the bookshelf. He won't talk to me."

"The bookshelf?" Moony questions and I shrug. Nodding to him to go get Hunter, I tilt Cole's head up with my hand and her dark eyes look like they have been shattered into a million pieces.

"Hey," I whisper softly as she looks back down at the floor. "What's going on?" She shakes her head and closes her eyes for a moment before stepping around me and walking slowly over to Remus.

"He won't answer," Moony says softly as she steps up beside him.

"I know," she whispers before knocking gently on the door. "Hunter, Remus is here to see you." A muffled yell is the only response. "Kiddo, please, open the door." When he doesn't answer she slumps to the floor. "I can't get in until he lets me." She drops her head to her knees.

Remus stares blankly down at her. "What do you mean? Use your wand."

She chuckles sadly. "Don't you think, I would have done that? He's pissed and scared. He'll attack me if I just go in. And I… I don't know what that would mean."

"Cole?" I murmur when she falls silent for a long time.

"He can't… doesn't have complete control over himself when he is like this. I had fucking blood on my shirt and God, I don't know." Looking up at me, she scratches her head, her brow furrowed. "I have to just wait him out."

I nod slowly and Remus glances nervously at me. "Alright, let Moony talk to him. Let's get you a shirt and sober." Holding out my hand to her, I wait uneasily until she slips her hand into mine. I help her up off the floor and give Moony an encouraging smile.

As I lead her to her room, Moony sits down by the door. "Hey, Hunter. Are you listening? Just knock once on the wall if you can hear me," he says softly.

Turning the water on in her shower to an icy cold temperature I gesture for her to get in. She gazes at me sadly. "I didn't think you would be coming back. I wouldn't have… done this if I thought someone was going to be here. Last time it took three hours," she tries to explain.

"It's alright," I smile a little and kiss her forehead. "Come on, the cold water will clear you up a bit." She nods and I make my way out of the bathroom.

Sitting on her bed, I pull out my two-way mirror. "Prongs? Man, are you there?"

James' messy haired head replaces my reflection. "I should be cursing you to hell, not answering your pages," he mutters, his hazel eyes glaring.

I grin. "No worries, man. Angry sex rocks. Do we have any sobering potion left?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "You are cruel, Padfoot. Yeah, what do you need it for?"

"Can you bring some to Cole's room. Moony will answer the door."

James frowns but nods, anyway. "Alright, I'll be there in a bit."

"Thanks, Prongs."

"Yeah, yeah."

Stowing the mirror in my pocket, I shuffle through Cole's closet and grab her some clothes. When I step back into the bathroom she is drying off. I try not to look at her as I place the clothes on the counter top. "So, I suppose, I have some things to tell you, before, well, Remus manages to coax Hunter out of his room," I say, hopping up on the countertop. She glances up at me and nods, grabbing her knickers. I smile a little, unable to prevent myself from watching her slip into them. "Remus is… Remus was bitten by a werewolf when he was six." I kind of just blurt it out, not knowing how to say it.

Her eyes flick up to mine in surprise and she stops trying to hook her bra. "You mean, Lupin is… a werewolf?" I nod slowly and she swallows, almost shrugging. "Well, I didn't expect that."

"No one does," I chuckle. "He is too sweet and carefree to spend a few days a month as a bloodthirsty animal. And, I mean that in the most endearing way, of course." She smiles and pulls a t-shirt over her head. "That's why I brought him. I thought, well, he's been told he was a monster before."

"You are full of surprises, aren't you, Black?" she says and I shrug, watching her shimmy into her jeans. She kisses me briefly and she tastes like cinnamon toothpaste. That was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.

When we get back out into the sitting room Remus is still on the floor by the door, talking softly. He waves a bright pink potion around and I take it from him and hand it to Cole. She sniffs it before downing it. "Don't trust me?" I ask.

"I don't trust anyone when it comes to potions or tea," she says lightly, her eyes clearing as the potion enters her system. "Has he said anything?" she asks Remus, who just shakes his head. She leans up against the door and sighs. "Hunter, please, come out here. I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. I didn't mean to… put you in that situation again. Please, come out. Remus has something he wants to talk to you about. I think you'll want to hear it." There is a shuffling of movement in the room and a few moments later the doorknob jiggles. Remus jumps up and takes a few steps back.

"Becca?" Hunter says, opening the door just a crack.

"Yeah, kiddo, what is it?" She smiles down at the little brown eye peeking out the crack of the door.

"Can just you come in here for a minute?" he asks, his voice shaking.

"Sure, love." She glances over at the couch and Remus and I head that way as she enters the room.

As I sit in the armchair, I ask, "Did he say anything?" Moony just shakes his head and turns his gaze to Hunter's bedroom door.

When Cole emerges her arm is bleeding and wrapped up in a white shirt. She doesn't say anything to either of us, just rushes into the kitchen and grabs her wand, vanishing the mess and healing the wound. Hunter comes out a few moments later, in his pajamas, with a little teddy bear clutched tightly to his chest.

"Hey, Hunter," Remus smiles at him and pats the empty space on the couch beside him. Hunter nervously climbs up into the seat and smiles weakly at him. Taking a deep breath, Remus says, "I probably should have told you this on New Year's, after all one good secret deserves another." Hunter stares at him confusedly and Remus just smiles. "I am going to tell you a story, okay?" Hunter nods, clinging tightly to his teddy bear.

"When I was little, just a little bit older than you actually, I lived on the huge farm with my grandparents and at the edge of our farm was a forest, kind of like the Forbidden Forest only a little less creepy." Cole slowly edges around the couch and nudges my hand so she can sit on the arm of my chair. I place my hand on her hip and guide her down into the chair with me. She gives me a half-smile and I kiss her temple before turning my attention back to Remus. "I wandered off one night, further into the trees than I should have, I knew better, but trouble has always been something I was rather fond of." I smirk at him and he works not to roll his eyes. Hunter nods slowly and waits for him to continue. "It was a full moon. Do you know what kind of… creatures come out on the full moon?"

"Werewolves?" Hunter asks meekly and Remus smiles.

"Yeah, werewolves. That night, I was attacked by one. Do you know what that means?"

Hunter's eyes go wide, nodding in understanding. "You're a werewolf."

"Yes, for a whole twelve years, now. So, I understand a little about what you are going through. Not all of it, because it's not the same, but it is similar. I thought, maybe you might like to talk about it?" Remus offers, smiling gently down and Hunter, who fidgets with his teddy bear.

Looking down at the dark suede sofa, Hunter mutters, "Do you ever feel like you're a monster?" Cole can barely keep her mouth shut as the question leaves his mouth.

Moony smiles sadly, nodding. "Sometimes. I used to feel like that a lot, but Sirius and James and Peter, they taught me that I wasn't. And you're not either. Just because we're a little different doesn't mean we're evil. People who don't understand and are scared think we are sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's true. And sometimes, people just say mean things to make us feel that way. But it's not true, as long as you know that, then you have nothing to worry about."

"Have you ever… do you ever hurt anybody?" His eyes well with tears and a little wet drop lands on his bear as he whispers, "I hurt people."

"I have before," Remus says.

Hunter looks up at him, tears falling down his cheeks. "I hurt B-Becca all tuh time. And, w-when I am an-angry, I w-want to hurt other people t-too," he stutters.

Remus strokes his hair and wipes away his tears, pulling him into his lap. "I don't think that you're hurting Becca," he whispers. "Have you ever actually hurt anyone when you were angry?" Hunter shakes his head. "Why?" he asks softly.

"'C-cause, I don't… re-really want t-tim t-to get hurt."

Smiling at that answer, Moony wipes away Hunter's tears, again. "Ah, well then you can't be a monster, can you?" he asks and Hunter stares confusedly at him. "Monsters don't care if people get hurt. You can't be a monster if you care about the people," he explains simply and Hunter nods, curling up in his arms.

"I don't mean to be bad," he cries softly, burying his head in Remus' chest. Hugging him close, Remus smiles softly over his head, mouthing, "I'll put him to bed." Cole bites her lip, contemplating the idea, before nodding. She leans back against my chest and I stroke her hair as Moony stands up and takes him to his room.

"What happened?" I ask softly, pulling her legs up on the chair and turning her so I can see her face.

She shrugs and her eyes well with tears before she lays her head on my shoulder, kissing my neck absently. "He was upset and frightened and there was blood on my shirt and I…" she sniffs and I hold her closer. "He freaked out and he was going to attack me… and I… I…" I feel a wet tear soak through my shirt and her shoulders quiver.

"Shush, it's okay," I hush her softly. "He's fine now; you're fine now." I just hold her for a long moment until the doorknob to Hunter's room jiggles and she sits up wiping away her tears.

"Peter Pan?" Remus asks softly, poking his head out the door. Cole climbs out of my lap, smiling at him and trots off toward her room.

I gaze up at him. "Thanks, Moony."

"Hey, you did it for me, I'm just returning the favor." He shrugs, smiling slightly.

Strolling back into the room with a yellow paperback book in hand, Cole smiles gently at us. As she hands Remus the book she stops suddenly and throws her arms around his neck. He gives me a puzzled look before hugging her. "Thank you," she whispers.

"It's not a problem," he tells her softly. "Anytime he wants to talk or you want to talk, I'm here okay. I mean, I don't know much, but I know enough, for now anyway." He smiles at her and smoothes down her hair before going back into Hunter's room.

O

Late that night, as we lie in her bed, her snuggled up against me, she whispers, "You are honestly, one of the most remarkable people I have ever met."

Chuckling, I kiss her head. "Nah, I just have rather remarkable friends."

"Yes, but," she nods slowly, kissing my chest. "To have such remarkable friends, there must be something remarkable about you. I am not sure if it's your acceptance or your unwavering loyalty, but it's one or the other. Maybe both."

"I love it when you stroke my ego," I murmur, wrapping my arm around her.

"Hmm, more than when I stroke your–" her hand slips inside my pants and I can't hear the rest of her words.

"Uh," I try to answer and she laughs.

She grins impishly at me and rolls me on to my back. "Can I have the top tonight?" she asks straddling me.

"Mhm," I mumble as her head dips down and she starts placing feather light kisses up the side of my neck.

"Oh, goodie," she whispers into my ear. "I like the top."


	28. Chapter 28

Books, Charms and Quidditch

The Great Hall is filled with students on this early May morning, their sleepy chatter bouncing from wall to wall and mixing with the usual hubbub that comes with every Hogwarts meal. As I casually drop down into a seat at the breakfast table, I hear Lucy say, "It's not possible, Lils, trust me. Moony and I tried it. If I am not flexible enough to do something, nobody is."

"Do what?" I ask, grabbing some toast and taking a large gulp out of Lucy's pumpkin juice.

She glances up at me, frowning slightly, removes her goblet from my hand, and places it on the table. "Do you remember that scene in that book I made you read?"

When I reach for the cup again, she slaps my hand away and pushes the pitcher of juice toward me.

"_Heaving Bodices_?" I yawn hugely and scratch my head, purposely ignoring the pumpkin juice in front of me.

She nods. "Yeah, that's the one." Rolling her eyes, she fills my goblet with the orange liquid and presses it into my hand. "It's not possible, right?"

I shake my head, smiling at her and taking a sip of the drink. "Nope, I dated a yoga instructor for a week just so I could try it. Definitely not possible. Why?"

"See, Lils, it's not possible," she says, ignoring my question. Wait? Lily is reading it? No way! I can't believe Lily's actually reading it. I was just hoping for her to chuck it at James when I left it in the Head Dorms last weekend.

"Your reading _Heaving Bodices_?" I ask Lily, stunned.

Narrowed, emerald eyes move from Lucy's face to mine as Lily turns her scowl to me. "Yes, I am reading it. What's the big deal?"

Lucy grins widely and attempts to hide it behind her goblet, nudging my leg with hers.

I shrug, trying not to chuckle. "It's not a big deal. Just surprising is all. It's basically porn, Lils."

"It has a plot!" she screeches, her cheeks flaming up to match her hair. Lucy stifles a giggle, covering it up by pretending to choke. I pat her back and look at her concernedly.

"You all right?" I ask, and she nods, her cheeks red with bottled-up laughter. I try not to smile as my mind breaks out into song. _Lily's reading por-orn! Lily's reading por-orn!_

When I look back to Lily, her nose is stuffed back in the pages of the book. "Well, I only read the bits that Lucy marked for me," I say, drawing her attention back to me. "There wasn't much plot to them." Her cheeks flush red again, and I restrain my urge to laugh. "Luce is right, though. It's not possible. I wouldn't suggest trying it– especially with how inexperienced you and James are. Someone could end up with a broken something," I say in mock seriousness, trying not to burst out in laughter at her expression.

Her eyes narrow as she glares daggers at me, and her lips distort into a frown. "How dare you even _suggest_ such a thing!" she hisses evilly over the table. She looks like the bloody spawn of Satan when she does that.

Lucy wraps her arm around my back now that she as regained control over her breathing. Laying her head on my shoulder, she smiles innocently at Lily. "We're just warning you, Lils. We don't want you to end up in the Hospital Wing with _those_ kinds of injuries. Think of the rumors that would start."

"Rumors what would start?" Moony mumbles, sleepily sliding into the seat on the other side of Lucy.

"Good morning, love," Lucy says brightly, kissing his cheek and throwing a leg into his lap as she abandons me for him, losing interest in teasing Lily the moment he arrives. Lily goes back to reading her book, and I shrug, listening in on Moony and Lucy's conversation as I nibble at my breakfast.

"How was your sleep?"

"Decidedly unpleasant as you weren't there," he groans, kissing her temple and sighing softly into her hair. "Damn McGonagall for her stupid new charms. I _knew_ we shouldn't have shagged in her office, all these fucking rules! I swear, if I have to go one more night without you, I am going to go insane," he complains moodily, his arms tightly wrapped around her as she goes about filling his plate with food.

He has been this way for almost two weeks after they were caught on top of McGonagall's desk. She charmed the boys' staircase to toss Lucy on her ass every time she attempts to climb them and placed some weird sort of curse on them that gives them both splitting headaches whenever they try to kiss in front of anyone. I am amazed Lucy can manage a smile, but she is allowed back on the pitch full time again so that's probably why.

"We're fucking married. She doesn't have the right to tell us we can't sleep together. Hell, she doesn't have the ri–"

"Ms. Morgan! Mr. Lupin! Six inches!" McGonagall bellows, striding down the aisle toward them, cutting him off. Oh, and they are supposed to remain six inches apart at all times as well.

"Fucker," Moony moans, banging his head on the table, and Lucy slips her leg out of his lap, scooting over a bit toward me, wringing her hands.

McGonagall, forcefully, yanks both of them out of their seats by their shirt collars, holding them apart at arms length as if they were children fighting on the playground. "This is a _school_," she screeches, flashing them each a glare. "If you cannot control yourselves, _I_ will control you."

"Professor," Lucy grumbles, twisting around and trying to get McGonagall's grip to slacken a little, "we are controlling ourselves. We have been for two weeks. I _haven't _had sex in two weeks!"

Moony cringes at her loud announcement and glances around the Hall to find the majority of the students staring at the scene.

"Lucy, love, please, can we not announce what we are and are not doing to the entirety of the school?" Remus asks, tugging a little on his collar to get a breath of air as McGonagall's face reddens to resemble a tomato.

I try not to burst out into laughter, and Lily kicks me under the table, muttering, "Stop making that face. I am barely holding it together as it is."

Glancing from Lucy to Remus, McGonagall's lips thin into an almost nonexistent line before she releases them and whips around on her heel, glaring up at Professor Dumbledore.

"You–" she jabs her finger at him, "deal–" she pokes Remus in the arm before doing the same to Lucy, "with them, if you do not want to explain to the Ministry why two seventh years students unexpectedly turned up _dead_."

Taking a deep breath, she wheels around, her hands twitching at her sides as if she is doing all she can to prevent herself from strangling them on the spot, and she storms from the Great Hall.

Lucy looks shyly up at Moony, who is rubbing his neck, trying to return blood flow to his head as McGonagall's shoes click harshly against the stone floor. "Sorry," she mumbles.

He shakes his head, looping his arms around her and kissing her head. "It's quite alright, Lu. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if you missed me at all. You've been all smiles, and I have been nothing but a grumpy, old man."

Her cheeks flush red at his words, and she buries her face in his chest as Dumbledore strolls up merrily behind him.

"Ah, young love in the spring," he sighs airily. "Honestly, how can she expect the two of you to stay apart? You are so adorable together." Placing his wrinkled, old hand on Moony's shoulder, he guides them toward the door. Our Headmaster approves of pre-marital sex; how fucking cool is that? Well, I suppose they _are_ married, but he doesn't know that.

Lily looks up at me over her book, where she had decided to hide to prevent McGonagall from seeing her suppressed chuckles, and we exchange confused looks as Dumbledore leads Moony and Lucy from the Great Hall. James strolls past them, scratching his head in confusion.

"What just happened? Did Moony and Lucy find a way around the headache hex from hell?" he asks, sliding into the seat beside Lily and kissing her briefly.

"More like Lucy just shouted to the entire school that Remus isn't getting any and Dumbledore offered to fix it," Lily answers, turning back to her book.

James curiously looks over her shoulder, unaffected by what she has said. "You're reading _that…_ _here_?" he chokes out, his cheeks flushing crimson.

Glancing up and him, Lily sighs "yes" in complete exasperation.

"But–"

"It's a book, James," she says heatedly before standing up and slamming the book on the table. "I am allowed to read whatever the bloody hell I want, _and,_" she whips around to face me, "it is too possible. Maybe you are the one who is 'inexperienced,'" she growls at me before storming from the table.

I try not to burst out into laughter. Obviously, James doesn't need help improving his sex life, and I have spent all these years thinking the two of them were prudes…

"What did you do?" James asks, his hazel eyes following her retreating form.

I shrug. "Nothing."

He glares at me. "Don't lie, Padfoot. Why, _in the name of all that's holy_, did you piss her off?"

"Well, she hasn't been pissed in a while; I miss the way her eyes get all cold and evil-like."

"I hate you," he says passionately before piling his plate with food.

"You used to like pissing her off, too," I pout.

He frowns at me. "Yeah, that was before I realized how much easier life is when she isn't irked beyond imagination."

"Well, I like to make your life difficult, and I like her death threats so there." I stick my tongue out at him. "You should just go back to joining in on the fun."

"I despise you, Padfoot," he mutters, glaring at me.

"Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I _was_ the one who _accidentally_," I raise my eyebrows, "left that book in your common room so you may be angry with me at the moment, but the wicked great sex you had last night was entirely my fault," I whisper cheekily.

"You? You were the reason for the fabulous sex I had last night?" he growls heatedly. "You had ab–" he realizes what he just shouted and stops abruptly, his cheeks flaming up. "I hate you," he hisses low.

"So you've said," I chuckle, "and just so you know, I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from screeching out things that make us sound homosexual. It rather ruins my reputation if you know what I mean."

"Can this day getany _worse_?" he groans before dropping his head down in his plate, which was conveniently filled with scrambled eggs.

I laugh and shove the rest of my toast in my mouth. "See you later, Prongs," I say, still chuckling, as I grab my bag and head out of the Hall, hoping to catch Cole in the Hospital Wing before class.

O

An insistent tapping at the window draws me from my nap, and I wrinkle my nose, lifting my head up off the couch. Lucy is sprawled out across my chest, snoring slightly. We decided to take a nap during our free period today. She mumbled something about needing energy for tonight, and I just liked the idea of a nap.

"Lucy," I mumble sleepily, nudging her awake, "owl at the window."

She stretches and yawns as she sits up, and I let my head fall back down on my pillow while she fetches the post.

Shaking my shoulder, she says, "For you, Sear-ee-us," and falls on top of me as she fades back into sleep.

I wriggle out from under her before adjusting her position so she isn't a walking ball of kinks when she wakes and taking the parchment out of her hand. Untying the string, I sit on the coffee table and rub my eyes, trying to get them to focus.

"Uncle Sirius" is written across the top in bright green crayon, and underneath that is a bunch of scribbles and drawings in multiple colors. Smiling, I flip the parchment over and find Andy's neat, round writing.

_Sirius dear,_

_Your favorite niece wanted to write her favorite uncle a letter. So, of course, I translated it into something legible. It says:_

_To my most loveable, huggable uncle Sirius. Tomorrow is my birthday, I'm going to be five. Mum said you can't come to my party because you have school. I told her you would find a way around it because you are super-duper great like that. Mum said I couldn't ask you for a pony because their poo is really smelly so don't get me a pony. I love you!_

_You're most favorite niece,_

_Little Nymph_

_Right, so, I've told her you that you can't come, but she still seems to think otherwise. I assumed you had forgotten her birthday anyway, and she would be completely devastated not to at least get a card from you. _

_Please, _attempt_ to do well on your NEWTs. We hope to hear from you soon._

_Love,_

_Andy_

Nudging Lucy awake, I smile brightly at her. "Want to going shopping?"

"¿Por qué?" she mumbles, cracking an eye open and snuggling into her pillow.

"Nymph's birthday is tomorrow. I thought we'd run down to Zonko's and put her together a mischief-making kit or something." I shrug, and she smiles, sleepily holding her arms out.

"Will you carry me?"

Shaking my head, I pull her up.

"But I don't want to walk," she whines, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Luce, I am not carrying you all the way to Hogsmeade," I say, picking her up.

"Just to the witch then," she mumbles, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Lu," I sigh, trudging toward the portrait hole, "I don't want to carry you at all."

She nuzzles her nose in my neck. "You already are," she whispers, trying to fall back to sleep.

I chuckle slightly and nod. The girl has me completely wrapped, and we don't even shag. There is obviously something very wrong with the world.

O

Carrying a bag full of various Zonko products, a cardboard box, and a roll of wrapping paper, I make my way to Cole's door sometime after dinner. With a quick rap of my knuckles on the wood, I wait for her to answer.

Her hair is standing up awkwardly, and her eyes flash in annoyance when she opens the door. "Yeah?" she grumbles.

With a shrug and a smile, I say, "Right, bad time?" I wonder what has her knickers in a twist.

"N-ye-oh, hell, I don't know," she sighs, running her hand through her hair. "Just… Fuck, I'm studying."

I smile. "Well, you know, I could help. I am a genius after all, even McGonagall says I'm bright– against her better judgment, of course…" I let my voice fade off when I don't get a smile. "More than just studying?" I question, wrinkling my brows as I frown.

She sniffs and looks away. It's obvious by her expression she doesn't want to admit to whatever it is that's bothering her.

"Maybe you just need a break?" I say slowly, smiling slightly.

With a short sigh, she steps back, letting me in. I take in the disaster that was once her sitting room as I step inside and she closes the door behind me. Books, crumpled bits of parchment, broken quills, and the remains of what appears to have once been a feather pillow cover the floor, sofa, and coffee table. I raise an eyebrow at Hunter, and he just bites his lip and shakes his head.

Cole catches our exchange and says irately, "If the fucking charm would work like it is supposed to, there wouldn't be such a mess."

"Right," I chuckle nervously, and Hunter turns back to his coloring book. She waves her wand, slinging the mess on the sofa across the room and into a heap by the door, gesturing for me to have a seat.

"What are you working on?" I ask tentatively.

"Charms, obviously," she huffs, dropping down beside me, her arms crossed. I hear Hunter stifle a chuckle, and she flashes him a quick glare. Holy hell, she can't manage one of the charms. I shouldn't find this so hilarious.

"Don't like Charms?" I query, placing my stuff on the floor between my feet, forcing down my grin.

"I­–" she starts to say, but Hunter cuts her off.

"_Charms_ doesn't like _Becca_," he informs me, his eyes glinting impishly as he teases her.

"Charms are useless and a waste of time," Cole replies hotly, and he bites down chuckles before looking back down at his coloring book. Turning to me, Cole pastes on a terse smile.

"Are you here to talk about the effing bane of my existence, or did you have something that you needed?" Her eyes flick down to my wrapping paper before meeting my gaze with a testy glare.

"Right," I say with a smile, clearing off the table with a flick of my wand. I attempt to make everything land messily beside her pile, but years of Moony and Mrs. Potter's badgering affect my charm, and everything organizes itself into neat little stacks. Cole visibly fights down a scowl as she watches the crumpled bits of paper straighten before floating down atop each other.

"So, tomorrow is Nymphdora's birthday. Luce and I ran down to Hogsmeade during my free period and picked up some things. We didn't have time to wrap it before class and dinner, and now she is distracted by Moony, and James and Lily are peeved at me for pissing Lily off this morning. So, I was hoping you could help as I suck at gift wrapping."

So the last bit was a lie, but maybe it will make her feel a little better about her inability to cast whatever charm she is working on.

"You are full of shit," she exclaims, fixing me with a mock glare and crossing her arms again. Obviously, I am not as good of a liar as I had previously thought.

"What?" I gasp out, pretending to be offended.

"You don't have to pretend to have a flaw just because I am inept with Charms," she huffs. I grin widely. _A_ flaw? Does that mean, other than my stupid attempt at trying to make her feel better, I am flawless? "Don't get all cocky," she mutters, rolling her eyes and tugging the Zonko's bag toward herself.

I chuckle and glance over at Hunter, who is grinning slyly but attempting to hide it.

"You're the one who just _loves_ to stroke my ego," I whisper low in her ear as I lean down to help her empty the bag of gags.

She almost blushes but quickly saves it, flipping the tables on me. "That's not the only bit of you I am fond of stroking, you know," she murmurs breathlessly, her lips brushing across my skin teasingly.

Evil little witch. I smirk and carefully slip my hand down to her thigh, stroking the soft, smooth skin lightly.

"Hunter," she whispers, removing my hand and nervously flicking her eyes to the boy. Damn it.

Shaking those thoughts from my mind, I slide down to the floor, sticking my legs under the coffee table and set out to remove all the price tags from the various jokes, gags, and sweets.

"You bought her pranking supplies?" Cole asks, sitting down beside me.

"Yeah," I nod, purposely reaching for the same Nose-Biting Teacup as her. She flashes me a teasing glare as our fingers touch, and I smile. "She's turning five. That's plenty old enough to start making mischief."

"See, Becca," Hunter chimes from his chair, "I am old enough to wreak havoc in the Hospital Wing."

Peeking around me, Cole looks up at him. "Darling, it has nothing to do with your age. It's the simple fact that you aren't allowed to feed Poppy Hiccup-Sweets."

"You aren't fun anymore, Becca," he whines, pouting, and she gives him a shrug.

"Becca's right, man," I tell him, nodding, while I slide my hand under Cole's skirt, bending my knee a bit to block Hunter's view. "Poppy is down right evil when she wants to be."

Cole gasps quietly, leaning back against the couch beside me to prevent Hunter from seeing her expression as I edge my fingers underneath the lacy fabric of her knickers, gently stroking her.

"It's best to stay on her good side. Start out with someone like Flitwick. He is easy, basically gives you a mock glare and laughs it off," I tell him casually, smiling easily and giving nothing away.

Hunter grins at me, and Cole's fingernails dig into my arm. "Stop, please," she whimpers almost silently, the tone of her voice informing me that she truly wants nothing of the sort.

I slide my hand back down her thigh, drawing tiny circles on her pale skin, and her grasp slackens on my arm.

"You're cruel," she whispers, and I grin.

Over the next half hour or so, I continue to discreetly tease her as we chat lightly with Hunter and go about wrapping Nymph's gift. She only responds with quiet admonishments, not risking getting caught by teasing me back with more than just words. I have teased and tormented her until she is nothing more than a highly aroused ball of nerves, and Hunter doesn't suspect a thing.

"Alright, all done," she announces with a relieved smile, patting the top of the box and climbing to her feet. I bite down a smirk as she fights to appear cool and collected. "It is your bedtime, mister," she says lightly.

Hunter frowns but closes his book and puts his crayons back in their box.

"Can't I stay up just a little bit longer?" he pleads and Cole shakes her head.

"Sorry, love, I have homework, and it's already ten minutes past lights out." She ruffles his hair and helps him down from his chair.

"I'll be right back," she tells me over her shoulder, her dark eyes flashing with desire, as she guides him to his room.

I watch them silently until the door clicks closed. Smirking to myself, I find a blank sheet of parchment, a quill, and an ink pot. I bite my lip for a moment before writing:

_**Dearest Little Nymph, **_

_**I won't be able to make it to your birthday party. Your mum is right, I have to stay in school, and Saturday is the match for the Quidditch Cup. However, Sunday, I have planned an escape and will be at your door by no later than six o'clock to take you wherever you want to go. This little box needs to be enlarged before you open it, tell your mum. I hope you have a most wonderful birthday. --Sirius**_

I shrink the box before attaching the note. Standing up, I scratch my head, glancing about the messy room. With a heavy sigh, I cast a few cleaning charms, tidying up the place and scattering her Charms books across the coffee table. I set Nymph's present on the kitchen table before returning to the sofa and waiting for Cole to reemerge.

She practically attacks me when she does, her lips on mine, her hands in my hair, her hips pressing down on me. I smirk mischievously, pulling back and dragging my lips down the side of her neck.

"Come with me Sunday?" I ask between placing fervent kisses on her skin.

"I can't," she moans as lay her down on the couch, our chests brushing against each other.

After tugging her shirt over her head, I trail little kisses up her stomach. "Yes, you can. You'll be fine. You'll be with me."

She doesn't give any sort of articulate response, just a muffled whimper and a shake of her head. I remove her bra, swirling my tongue around her already hardened, rosy nipples.

"Come on," I say between kisses, "he needs to spend some time with someone his age."

"Oh," she gasps as a draw a nipple into my mouth, her fingers entangling in my hair.

Licking my lips, I gaze down at her, stroking her cheek. "How 'bout we make a bet?" Her dark eyes stare at me questioningly, and she nods once. "If I get you off in less than five minutes, you go with me. If not, I'll…" I pause, biting my lip, "I'll wear Slytherin colors to the match Saturday and publicly wish Slytherin luck."

At her disagreeing look, I add, "Sincerely."

"It's not exactly fair as I am already practically there," she says, panting heavily and wiggling her hips until she finds a position that stems her desire just a little.

I grin. "Come on, you know you want to go anyway. This way you get a bonus out of it." Sliding a hand down beneath the waistband of her skirt and knickers, I slip a finger into her folds. She tilts her hips up toward me, whimpering, and I smirk.

"So, is it a bet, then?"

As she opens her mouth to speak, I circle my finger inside of her, and her "yes" becomes more of a stuttered, "ye-aah."

"Mm, good," I murmur, kissing her neck. Climbing off her, I slowly undress, watching her stare at me with her dark eyes brimming with lust. The loss of contact between us is a torture itself. I glance at the clock on the wall.

"8:15," I inform her before I drape my upper body across her torso.

I make a path of vehement kisses down her body, lingering in the places that cause the most fervent reactions from her, my hands on the tops of her thighs, caressing them, until my fingers reach the crease between her legs. She places her hands in my hair and gives my head an incessant push downward.

I comply, but instead of moving to where she wants me, I nibble and suck on the pale, velvety flesh of her thighs.

"Please," she moans, I raise my head to look up at her. Her breaths are sharp and irregular, and her hands are twisting. "Sirius, please," she whimpers, and I smirk, blowing my hair out of my face before burying it in her dark curls.

She takes short, little gasps for breaths as her fingers tangle in my hair, her hips bucking violently, and I hold them in place as I pleasure her ruthlessly.

"God, Black," she stammers, and I continue my affections until she is trembling.

Rising up, I kiss her, and she attempts to devour me– sucking, gnawing, lifting her body up toward me, trying to close off any space between us. I fist her hair in my hand, forcing her to arch her neck and kiss the exposed skin of her throat before I push inside of her. The nails of her left hand dig into me while the right nails dig into her palm as she covers her lips with her arm to stifle her scream.

My hot breath washes over her skin as I pant with every powerful thrust. Those smooth, perfect legs of hers wrap around me as she meets my every move.

"Fuck," she chokes out, as her thighs clamp into place, her hips bucking, and every muscle in her contacts. I watch her as her face contorts into that image of perfection as it crashes over her, hard, before I explode within her.

I lay my head on her stomach and listen to the intense pounding of her heart, mine beating at a close pace. She strokes my hair as she tries to even out her panting breaths.

"You win. Even if you fucking lost, you win," she murmurs breathlessly, and I smirk.

Crawling up beside her, I nudge her over and lay down, looping my arm around her waist and pulling her flush against me. "Should we go to bed?" I whisper into her ear.

"I have to learn that charm," she says faintly.

Nuzzling her neck, I mumble, "How about we take a bath first?"

She nods, and I sit up. "You wait here, I'll be back," I tell her, kissing her head and stumbling around until I find my boxers.

O

When I come back from the bathroom, Cole is curled up, sleeping on the couch in my shirt. She looks much better in it than I do I think to myself. I scoop her up, and she nestles in my arms, mumbling incoherently.

"Hey," I whisper, my nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. Her eyes flicker open, and she smiles sleepily at me. "You weren't supposed to go to sleep," I chide her jokingly, striding toward the bathroom.

"Sorry," she yawns, snuggling against me.

I chuckle quietly, kicking open the door to the bedroom and bathroom. Placing her on her feet, I grin at her.

"So, there aren't any bubbles. I just couldn't convince myself to sit in a bubble bath." Gesturing to two margarita glasses sitting on a stool near the bath, I add, "But I did make drinks."

She grins at me and pecks my cheek. "Alcohol is definitely better than bubbles."

"Good." I smile at her before undressing and slipping into the water. Cole slides in across from me, her knees pulled up to her chest, and sips her drink.

"Okay, truth or dare?" I ask.

Laughing, she smiles at me. "Well, we can't really do much as far as dares go so I guess truth."

I nod. "Truth it is then. First kiss with all the gory details."

"Mm," she sighs over her glass, the edges of her lips quirking up. "I was thirteen. Liz and I had decided we had gone far too long without being kissed, so we cornered Luke. I had some very good blackmail on him at the time, and we took turns snogging him until all three of us became quite good. You?"

I start to speak, and she cuts me off. "No, wait, let me guess. With Morgan?"

"Nope," I chuckle. "Her name was Madison. She was sixteen; I was fourteen. I lost my virginity the same night."

"A bit young, weren't you?" she queries, jokingly.

"Oh and how old were you?" I ask.

She shrugs and gets this rather far away look in her eyes. "Almost sixteen."

God, I am an idiot. I can't believe I asked that. She doesn't linger on the thought for long though.

"Your reputation? How much of it is bullshit?"

"A lot," I smirk, and she grins. "Let's see, I haven't shagged every female in the castle, despite common opinion. Actually, I have rather high standards; I just don't bother stopping the rumors. Someone has to play the womanizing bastard. Moony is too nice, James is too 'in love,' and Pete's too shy. Plus, I rather like the attention. "

"How many then?"

"Currently within these walls, five." Her brows furrow, and I smile. "Yes, you are one of them."

"But…" she starts, and I shrug.

"Eleven in total including you," I pause, "wait, twelve, I forgot the Muggle girl."

"So, these sta–"

I hold up at hand. "I haven't finished answering the question, and then it is my turn." At her nod, I continue. "I did, however, blow up greenhouse number six, and yes, I have been arrested, oh, and I have _unwillingly_ seen way more of McGonagall than I _ever_ wanted to."

"McGonagall?" she almost stutters, and I laugh, nodding.

"I'll tell you later. First, your number."

"I don't know. I stopped counting after ten," she smiles slightly and shrugs, taking another sip of her drink.

Blinking, I ask, "Why?"

"Why did I stop counting? Or why did I sleep with them?"

I just stare at her, and she gives me a half-grin.

"When I came to Dumbledore, he asked me to rather spy on the student body for signs who was joining the Dark Lord's recruits. I wasn't really getting anywhere, and after…" she bites her lip, "After Christmas, I didn't really…" she takes a deep breath, and I start to tell her she doesn't have to answer. "It didn't really matter anymore, it was just an act, you know? It wasn't sacred or anything anymore, and it gave me the information I wanted."

I nod slowly.

"So, your standards?" she asks, shrugging.

"Right," I give her a smile. "In no particular order, she must be: female," I get a silent laugh at that, "I must find at least one thing wholly attractive about her– whether it be her eyes, her legs, something, anything– I have to just think, 'God, I love that,' conversation is a must, which means she must be intelligent– I cannot stand not being able to talk to someone– and of course, similar beliefs, you know. I don't want to end up with someone not realizing that it is not a permanent thing."

"And McGonagall met this?" she asks, seriously.

I burst out into a fit of laughter. "God, no!" I shout before regaining control of myself, watching her eyes light with laughter and mischief.

"We were in second year, we were raiding her office for something or another. The doorknob rattled, and I ducked under her desk. She sat down, and I saw way more of my dear Head of House than I ever wanted to see."

Chuckling slightly, she moves closer to me, climbing into my lap, wrapping her legs around me, and kissing my cheek. "You poor thing," she murmurs.

"I know," I say, nodding. "I was scarred for life by that. Why do you think I am such a troubled individual?" She lays her head on my chest, and I kiss her hair. "All right, you're getting all sleepy or horny, which means we've gotta get out of here. You have a charm to master tonight."

She heavily sighs a "fine," and I chuckle before helping her out of the bath.

O

I wake up late Saturday morning to the faint spicy feminine scent of Cole with the pleasant pressure of her weight on my chest. Softly, I stroke her hair, and she nuzzles against me, kissing my collarbone.

"Morning," I murmur, my voice husky with sleep.

She lifts her head, smiling sleepily, and caresses my cheek before placing drowsy little kisses along my jaw until she reaches my lips. She kisses me lazily, softly, and a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.

Slowly, I roll her over, gently stroking her as we kiss sleepily. She moans into my mouth, and I carefully slide within her. We move together, not really quite awake, just moving in a soft, slow rhythm that is familiar and easy and so incredibly pleasing. As she climaxes, her eyes widen as if she just realized what is going on, and I almost chuckle at the expression before it crashes over me as well. I tiredly collapse on top of her, and she sighs, kissing the only bit of me she can reach.

As I roll off her, she chuckles, "What a delicious way to wake up."

"Mmhmm," I mumble, kissing her forehead before climbing out of bed.

"Don't go yet," she whispers, stopping me with a hand on my shoulder.

I turn around to see her, her eyes begging just a little. I have to bite down the grin that threatens to escape at the realization that she wants me. Not just the usual 'I don't want to be alone, so stay' but she just wants me to stay, to lie there beside her and chat idly like this is real.

I crawl back into the bed, and she rests her head on my shoulder as I toy with her short blonde locks, and we stay there silently just like that for a while.

Sitting up, I kiss her again. "I have to go. James and Lucy will kill me if I am late. Honestly, we're lucky Lucy hasn't barged in already. It is for the Cup, you know."

I smile at her, and she nods before I leave her to shower and get to the Pitch.

"Good luck," she murmurs softly as I close the door.

O

An intense, excited, anxious atmosphere almost overwhelms me as I step out onto the grassy Quidditch Pitch.

"Ready, babe?" Lucy asks, excited and breathless.

"Yeah." I nod, gazing out into the crowd. I don't bother to ask her if she is; I already know the answer.

The steady roar of the crowd drowns out the referee's words as James steps up to shake hands with Howards. Lucy nudges me with her shoulder and gives me a wink before shooting off like a rocket when the whistle blows. I hurry after her before quickly altering my direction as I see a Bludger out of the corner of my eye.

The wind whips through my hair as I speed toward it, the smooth leather of my gloves gripping the polished wood of my broom as I draw ever closer to the speeding iron ball. I curl my fingers tightly around my bat and swing hard, sending the ball hurling after a Slytherin Chaser. It whacks her hard in the small of the back, and she drops the Quaffle as she spirals downward, trying to regain control of her broom.

Satisfied, I grin widely and scan the air for Lucy. She'll be pleased with that. I spot her caught between the two Slytherin Beaters. They are taking turns ramming into her. Bloody bastards. I look toward Mister Cromwell, the Quidditch referee, and he is practically asleep on his broomstick. Cursing, I tear off across the Pitch, intending to save Lucy.

Before I reach her though, she slides low on her broom and tilts all of her weight backwards, causing the broom to stand on its tail as the two Slytherins move to slam into her. She flips completely backwards and takes off at a fast pace upside down as the Slytherins collide. She rolls back around and winks at me, grinning widely as she sets of in search of a Bludger. And I worry about the girl…

"That's James Potter, the Gryffindor Captain, in possession of the Quaffle there," the announcer's voice cuts through the wind and roar of the crowd. "He is heading toward the Slytherin go– Watch out, James! Slytherin Beater, Jackson Smith, just pelted…" I tune him out as a Bludger speeds toward James. I quickly zoom after it, but I'll never make it in time to whack it out of the way. I flick my eyes around the Pitch for Lucy as I fly, and I see her headed directly into its path. She'll never be able to hit it at that speed.

Obviously, she wasn't planning on hitting the fucking thing. She zips out in front of it, and a sharp crack echoes through the air as it smashes into her shoulder. I watch in horror as she gasps and cringes, dropping her bat. Oh, shit.

"And that's 10-0, Gryffindor!" the announcer screams.

When I finally reach Lucy's side, she smiles weakly at me. "It's broken," she says, wincing. "I need a time-out."

I nod, gesturing to James for a time-out. "Can you get to the ground on your own?" I ask, and her eyes flutter. "Shit, Luce."

"Just, umm…" she whispers faintly, and I edge up closer to her. Pulling her uninjured arm around my shoulders, I help her onto my broom, grabbing hers out of the air. "Hurts like hell," she chokes out as tears start to stain her cheeks.

When we arrive on the ground, Madam Pomfrey is already there. "Ms. Morgan!" she screeches. "Are you a comple–" Her voice cuts off as Lucy sways.

"Just fix the fucking thing," Lucy says, and I tighten my grip on her waist.

"You can't continue to play!" Poppy exclaims. Lucy gasps in pain as Poppy takes in the damage, prodding Lucy's arm with her wand. "You've busted the humerus clean in two."

"Fix it, Poppy. I'll be fine," Lucy growls. Even if it wasn't for the Cup, she'd do this. Stupid girl.

"Lucy," James starts, and she fixes him with a glare. He turns to Poppy.

"Fix it. We can't forfeit. She'll just have to take it easy."

Lucy gives him a smile, and I glare daggers at him.

Poppy makes to protest, and Lucy yells at her. "Either fix it, Poppy, or get the hell away from me. I'll play like this."

Tightening my grip on Lucy's waist again as she sways, I look to Poppy. Surely, she won't let Lucy continue with this game.

"Alright, Ms. Morgan. It'll be sore."

I stare at her in shock, and Lucy grins. With her arm mended Lucy takes her broom from me.

"My bat?" she asks.

"Lucy, you can't be serious," I plead, and she stands on her toes, kissing my cheek.

"'Course, I am, babe," she says cheekily. Nick hands her the bat, and she winces slightly as she grasps it.

"Alright, let's go," she tells James, and he nods in disbelief. He can't believe he is doing this either.

When the game resumes, I trail Lucy. Hell will freeze over before I let someone come after her or let her try to hit a damn Bludger with that arm.

"You dirty, little–"

"Mr. Stuart!" I hear the announcer and McGonagall arguing over the microphone after Tara is hit with a Bludger.

"Sirius, get the fuck off me," Lucy growls dangerously. "I'm not exactly much use. Stop playing babysitter and go be a Beater."

I start to say no, and she shoves me, wincing because of the force.

"Fine," I snarl before leaving her. Tearing off, I loop the Pitch before coming across a Bludger. I hit it hard, sending it after the Slytherin Chaser with the Quaffle. He dodges it and passes the ball to Howards, but James intercepts it. I speed up, chasing after Prongs to prevent any attacks on him as he speeds away toward the goal posts.

One of the Slytherin Chasers attempts to smash into James, and I drop down beside him to block the blow. "Hurry the fuck up, James," I mutter to him as I block another Chaser, my lip busting open as her elbow collides with my mouth. "I want to be able to shag tonight, not be bruised to a bloody pulp," I say, wiping the blood from my lip and shoving her away before sliding down to take another brutal assault.

As we near the range of the Slytherin goal posts, Remus' frantic scream cuts through the wind, and my head jerks toward the crowd. "Lucy! No!"

I spot him immediately, running across the stands, shoving people out of the way. Following his line of sight, I find Lucy hanging upside down, her knees hooked around the handle of her broom, her bat in her uninjured arm as she prepares to swing at the Bludger hurling toward her. Her broom tilts, and she slips as she pelts the Bludger toward one of the Chasers I am trying to keep off James.

Eric zooms upward, abandoning his search for the Snitch and grabs Lucy by the back of her robes before she starts hurling toward the ground. She gives him a smile as he helps her back onto her broom.

I wince as I get an elbow in the ribs, and I am tempted to hit the damn girl with my bat. Before I give in, however, the Bludger smacks into her, and she tumbles downward.

"Back off!" James yells, and I pull back, knocking Howards out of the way as I do.

James throws the Quaffle, and it soars toward the left hoop. The Slytherin Keeper dives in front of it, intent on catching the red ball and blocking the score, but a Bludger flies into it first, changing the Quaffle's direction before the iron ball smashes into the Keeper's chest. Tara zips up, snatching the Quaffle, and tosses it in the middle hoop.

I glance over my shoulder to find Lucy grinning and gripping her arm to her chest, her bat hanging limply in her other hand.

"What's Matthews doing?" the announcer asks confusedly, and I turn my broom to see Eric squirming around on his broom as if he has a small, furry rodent crawling under his robes. I blink a few times, and he shoves his hand in his shirt and pulls out the Snitch.

"The SNITCH! He's caught the SNITCH!"

O

I sigh heavily, listening to the giggling Lucy pick herself up off the floor and crawl back into Moony's bed, before the room falls into silence as the curtains are pulled closed. I didn't have nearly enough to drink as I can't pass out into sleep.

That's something I have noticed lately. I don't sleep very well without Cole anymore. I toss, turn, listen to Peter snore, and don't fade into sleep for hours. It's rather odd. I mean I only stay with her a few nights a week. I couldn't have become dependant on her already.

Peter mumbles something through his drunken sores, and I glance over at him, smiling faintly at the pair of knickers on his head.

A quiet creak sounds from the staircase, and I grab my wand, muttering to Peter to be quiet. He doesn't listen. I strain my ears and train my wand on the door as the knob rattles. What enters shocks the hell out of me.

"Cole?" I whisper, making out her small feminine form in the pale moonlight shining through the window. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugs a little, closing the door, slowly walking into the room. Holy fuck, I have got to be dreaming. She stands next to the edge of my bed, and I gaze up at her. She's wearing a pale blue camisole that shines silver in the moonlight, her long legs bare and her fingers fidgeting with the edge of the top, drawing my attention to the matching blue bit of material she is claiming to be knickers.

"You didn't come see us tonight," she whispers as her hand drops to her side.

I nod slowly, sitting up and laying my forehead against her stomach. God, I just want to throw her on the bed and ravish her now. "I know. I didn't know how you'd feel about Hunter being around all the drinking."

Her fingers entangle in my hair, and she starts to move so I quickly place a kiss on her abdomen. Straddling me, she kisses my neck, letting her lips linger on the skin.

"I can't stay up here. I left him tucked in bed."

I kiss her softly, pulling her closer, breathing, "Did you walk all the way up here in just that?"

She nods, smiling. "I thought I'd give Pringle or Flitch a thrill if they caught me."

"Mm," I murmur, trailing kisses down her neck. "We should go now. If not, I am afraid we won't make it to the fifth floor." She nuzzles against my neck and releases a little sigh before standing up.

It seems like an eternity before we reach her bedroom. She gasps as I shove her up against the closed door, devouring her neck.

"I was going to wear red, you know," she chuckles, wrapping her legs around me and grinding her hips.

I groan at the friction and mumble something along the lines of "Oh, really?" as I drag my lips over her skin.

"Yeah," she sighs, swallowing. Her fingers tangle in my hair. "Because of your win, but I like the way this top fits." She is trying so hard to keep her voice steady, and I am trying so hard to comprehend what she is saying. Moving my hand from her waist to cup her breast, she says, "Don't you?"

I growl my affirmative before crashing my lips down on hers. Stumbling my way to her bed, never breaking contact, never ending our battle of tongues, I tumble down atop her. She grins up at me, her fingers nimbly untying the string on my pajama bottoms. I smile at her, but she doesn't see. She looks so perfect there, her eyes shining in mischief, her hair tousled, her plump button lip tucked between her teeth.

Suddenly, the frantic way we are doing this just doesn't seem right. I slip my hand under her chin, and her eyes flick to mine curiously.

"You're beautiful, you know," I whisper, and she gives me a half smile.

"Don't flatter me, Black," she says softly, going back to the knot. I stop her hands and catch her eyes again.

"I'm not," I tell her gently. "I mean it."

Her eyes flick away from me, and she smiles softly. "Thank you." I think about telling her that she doesn't need to thank me for telling the truth, but I don't. I just capture her lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

"Sirius?" she whispers as we part.

"Hmm?" is my only answer as I nuzzle the side of her neck.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs faintly.

I shake my head, kissing her skin between my words. "No. No. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry."

Her chest jerks with unreleased sobs. "But I am."

Gazing down at her, I cup her cheek in a hand, gently kissing her lips. "Rebecca, you told me. You told me what would happen. Don't be sorry. I want this. Even if it is only fleeting."

A single tear slips down her cheek. It will be fleeting. Everything that I have with her will be fleeting. It's been that way from the beginning so instead of hurrying through this, instead of frantically working to please ourselves, to please each other we take it slow, so slow it's almost excruciating, but in the end, it is worth it. In the end, I _know_ I am in love– in love with her.

* * *

_Dear readers, I have an announcement. (Aren't you excited?) Okay, as of July 1st 2007, I am a member of the review revolution. (yay!) It's a really nifty little group of readers and writers who are dedicated to getting the stories on fanfiction the reviews they deserve. (Stop by my profile for a link. It's called the Reviews Lounge.) Not too long after I joined the revolution, I signed up to write a marauder fic with several of the writers from the Reviews Lounge. (I have first year, and just send out the first chapter today.) So, be watching for that to go up. Also, I put up the prologue, to Dear Harry's kinda-sorta sequel, that will be told from the delightful Mr. Moony's point of view. (It's called Birds of Shade, my loverlies. If you want to know why it's called that, just ask.) And, I have started a new side fic (at Super Cara's urging) called Danse Russe. It's another Sirius Black tale. (Surprise, Surprise!) So, if you have the time stop by and check them out. ('Specially the Reviews Lounge, there is some awesome stuff on there.) --Summer_


	29. Chapter 29

Untitled

The whispers of feather light caresses slowly pull me from my slumber. "Mm," I breathe, lacing my fingers with Cole's, stopping her design of endless circles on my chest. "Morning."

"Good morning," she murmurs softly, nestling her head on my shoulder.

I wrap my other arm around her, drawing little, shapeless figures on her icy back. "You're cold," I mumble into her hair, and she nods, snuggling closer. A grin tugs at the corner of my lips. "I can fix that, you know."

Before I can move, she crawls over my chest straddling me. She leans over; resting her elbows in the pillows over my shoulders and kisses me briefly. I gaze up at her as she smiles softly down at me. A brief flash of emotion that I cannot label shines in her eyes before she dips down to kiss me again. I trace endless designs on the bare skin of her back as our tongues dance in one of those lazy early morning kisses that I have found myself to be so fond of.

When we part, she trails open-mouthed kisses down my jaw and nibbles tenderly at my ear. I run my fingers up into her hair as she continues her sweet affections lower and onto my neck, her hot, honeyed breath washing across my skin sending delightful tingles throughout my entire being. "Rebecca," I whisper quietly, as her hands entwine in my hair. She lifts her head to look at me, smiling that soft sweetened smile that she saves just for me. Cupping her cheek, as she stares into my eyes, with that unknowable emotion flickering in their depths, I press my lips to hers in a chaste, gentle kiss. "What are you thinking, right now?" I ask, letting the words brush across her cheek before I settle back down in the pillows.

She sucks on her bottom lip in a moment of thoughtful hesitation, but then she lets it slide from between her teeth and she kisses my jaw, nuzzling against me for a moment. "Your eyes," she breathes into my ear before gazing back down at me. "I can get so lost in them. Sometimes, I feel I could just hide there in their fathomless depths, spend my eternity watching the beautiful pictures they paint that coincide with your abundance of emotions." Stroking my cheek with the gentlest of caress, she sighs contentedly. "The gentle rain clouds of confusion; the calm waters of peace; the sparkling glints of mischief, like a speck of gold in a dark, endless mine; the thunderstorms of rage; and that holistic sky that looks so much like heaven when you are surrounded by your friends. I wish, sometimes, that I could stay there forever."

Her cheeks almost flush red and I love that she isn't afraid to be honest with me; to be shy when she feels shy, irked when she is annoyed, angry when things are not going right, and happy when she smiles. I smile softly, cupping her face in my hands so she can't look away. "Now, what exactly does one say to a confession such as that?"

"Nothing," she answers quietly, her eyes no longer holding my gaze. "You shouldn't say anything."

Sitting up, I capture her lips in a soft, lingering kiss. "Maybe, I should just kiss you in all of those places that make you moan."

She grinds her hips against me and I feel her smirk as I groan. Fisting her hand in my hair, she whispers, "Maybe, we should just fuck?"

I grin widely, rolling over and pinning her under me. "Maybe, we should call it 'making love' as I found the conversation slightly romantic?" She drags her nails down my spine, making me shiver and I know she is about to disagree with me. I burry my nose in her neck in an attempt to keep her from seeing the pain that will surely flash through my eyes.

"Maybe, we should," she replies and I smile, nipping at her neck. _Maybe we should…_

O

"Sirius!" Andy exclaims as she pulls open her door. She stops suddenly as she starts to pull me into a hug. "Don't want to get you all dirty," she laughs, standing on her toes and kissing my cheek. She covered head-to-toe in flour, her bouncing aquamarine curls dusted powdery white. "I cannot believe you left the school grounds," she scolds slapping my arm. "You are–" her voice cuts off as she spots Cole and Hunter. "Lovely," she says softly, smiling at Cole. "Ted! You have to come see Sirius' girlfriend! I swear she is gorgeous!" she yells over her shoulder and my cheeks flame up.

"Uh, Andy," I start and she smacks herself in the forehead.

"Oh Merlin, I'm such an idiot," Andy cuts me off, waving us in. "Come in, Dora's upstairs changing. She was trying to wear her tutu. Merlin, you're a cutie," she tells Hunter pinching his cheek like a grandmother.

Hunter grins. "You're cute too."

Andy coos, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Ted hurry up! They've got a little boy, who is just adorable!"

"Andy," I laugh, "stop already."

She blushes a brilliant pink. "I am doing that whole, 'embarrassing mother' thing, aren't I?" Dropping her face into her hands she mumbles, "Oh, hell…"

I wrap my arm around Cole's shoulders, brushing my lips across her temple. "Sorry, I should have warned you," I whisper quietly. She just smiles and shakes her head, slipping her hand into my back pocket. Chuckling, I introduce them. "Andy, this Rebecca Cole and her nephew Hunter."

Before anyone has time to speak Ted stumbles up behind Andy, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Damn love, you are right, she is gorgeous," he says, kissing Andy's neck. "Not that you aren't," he murmurs, nuzzling against her.

"Theodore," she scolds, "I was just getting her name."

"SIRIUS!" Little Nymph screams, flying across the room and latching unto my leg.

"Hey," I laugh, scooping her up and kissing her cheek. "Look at you! You're getting so big!" I exclaim and she smiles brightly.

She hugs me tightly. "Who's your friend?" she whispers, her hair flashing red.

Placing her back on her feet, I say, "This is Rebecca, she's a friend of mine from school." Little Nymph wrinkles her nose at Cole, frowning.

Cole smiles softly and kneels down to Nymph's level. "I am so glad to finally meet you, Nymphadora, Sirius talks about you all the time. Honestly, if I didn't know you were related, I'd be jealous." Seemingly comforted by that, Nymph smiles, and kisses Cole's cheek. "This is my nephew Hunter, by the way," Cole adds, shoving Hunter forward.

He smiles shyly at Nymphadora, before holding out his hand. Nymph stares at it confusedly and Ted whispers, "You're supposed to shake it, Dora."

Quirking a blue eyebrow, she says, "Why?" Hunter gazes up at Ted, as well, waiting for his answer.

"Uh," Ted stalls, "Andromeda, you wanna take this one?"

Andy rolls her eyes. "Because, it's polite," she answers quickly and Nymph shrugs shaking Hunter's hand.

"D'you like Quidditch?" she asks. At Hunter's nod, she grins widely. "Good!"

O

Cole's head falls onto my shoulder and I wrap my arm tighter around her as we watch Hunter and Nymphadora chase each other around on brooms in Andy's backyard. "Getting sleepy?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"Well, are you two just too damn cute?" Andy says, grinning widely, tucked away under Ted's arm as they stroll up to us, returning home from their night out.

I grin up at her. "Hell, yes, we are," I exclaim, nudging Cole over a bit, so they can join us on the bench. "Back already? I was sure you'd abuse your free baby sitter and stay out all night."

Laughing, Ted says, "Yeah right. We can't even stay awake past ten anymore. Damn kids." He yawns hugely before laying his head on Andy's chest. She chuckles and strokes his hair.

"Poor baby," she coos. He whines pitifully and she rolls her eyes before turning to me. "So, how was the match then?"

"Well, they enjoyed it," I answer with a shrug, nodding out to Hunter and Nymphadora. "Magpies lost. 290 to 50."

Ted cringes. "Ick, that's bad. Damn good thing Dora and I support the Arrows. I'd hate her favorite team to have done so poorly."

"Maybe they just had a bad day!" Andy yells, shoving him off her. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is not to insult the Magpies in front of Andy. The only reason Ted still has his head right now, is he is her husband.

After a moment of watching them argue, I grab Cole's hand and pull her up. "Rebecca has to pee. I'm going to show her to the loo." Andy and Ted turn to us, blinking as if they forgot we were even there and Andy nods slowly before I drag Cole away.

"I don't have to pee," she complains lightly as she jogs along side me.

"So," I say, tugging her into the house, shoving her against the door, and devouring her.

"Sirius," she chuckles reproachfully as I kiss her neck.

"Mm, I like it when you call me that," I murmur, nibbling at her ear.

She places her hands on my shoulders and gently tries to shove me away. "We're in your cousin's house. We are not going to have sex here."

"Please," I whine, fumbling with the large round buttons at the front of her dress. "Nobody will know."

Shaking her head, she tries to shove me away again. I finally manage to undo the first few buttons and find her braless. I drag my mouth across the pale skin of her breasts-- licking, kissing, nipping, and sucking, whatever I please. Soon she stops trying to push me away, placing her hands in my hair, and guiding my mouth to where she wants it. "Can we at least not do it in the doorway?" she asks breathlessly before releasing a soft little moan.

I grin at the sound and slip my arms around her, picking her up and carrying her off to the closest room. She trails a path of hot, wet kisses down my neck, her legs tightly wrapped around me, as I close the door, glancing around the room for the best spot to ravish her.

Stumbling toward a small sofa as Cole continues her fiery affections, I carefully place her on it. I rid her of her dress as she nimbly undoes my pants, tugging them off my hips. Her delicate little hands run up under my shirt, caressing my chest, and I dip my head down so she can remove it.

"Black, we don't have time, please, just now," she pants.

"You are so impatient," I mumble, dragging my lips across her skin. "I like a little anticipation."

"Yes, well," she gasps and arches up against me as I nibbled at just the right spot. "Fucker," she curses me before shoving me off the couch and tumbling down atop me. She teases me endlessly with tortuous fingers and their artful designs, and impassioned kisses, searing hot, and dreadfully addicting, until I am the one begging.

Smirking at me, she gently brushes my hair out of my face, whispering, "Now, who is impatient?"

I growl, flipping her over, and pinning her beneath me. "You're wicked," I inform her and she grins.

"Yes, but, now I get what I want," she responds slyly.

I frown, wrinkling my nose. "Stupid Slytherins," I mutter before sliding inside her. Her clever retort is exchanged for a whisper of a moan.

O

Still waving goodbye to Andy, Ted and Nymphadora, I wrap arm tightly around Cole's shoulders, as she grips Hunter to her and we disappear with a tiny _pop_. My entire body feels like it is being squeezed through a tube before we suddenly appear in front of Honeyduke's. The glass of the window shatters as we appear and Hunter screams. Pushing Cole and Hunter to the ground, I pin them beneath me as a curse flies over us, destroying the display in the window. Little shards of glass dig into the palms of my hands and I pray Cole's cloak is thick enough to prevent them from slicing her back.

"What the fuck is going on?" Cole whispers shakily, her dark eyes gazing up at me, wide with fear. I glance around, finding dozens of Death Eaters attacking the shops and villagers. I shake my head, grasping her arms and Apparating again.

We land on the hard ground outside the Shrieking Shack. "Death Eaters, the whole fucking place is swarming with them," I pant, helping her up from the ground.

She starts to speak, clutching Hunter tightly to her chest, and suddenly her face contorts in pain and she stumbles forward. "Rebecca…" I say slowly, confusion marring my face as I grip her arms steadying her. Glancing over her shoulder, I spot a Death Eater pointing his wand at her.

As I move to grab my wand, Cole falls against my chest and I abandon my attempt at retrieving wand to hold her and Hunter up. When I start to steady her, the familiar feeling of pressure that accompanies Apparation washes over me.

"Oh, Becky, love…" is the last thing I hear before we reappear somewhere new.

I blink a few times trying to orientate myself with my surroundings. We are standing on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. "What are–" I start to ask, but Cole cuts me off, shoving a crying Hunter into my arms.

"No time for talk," she says simply, ripping off her cloak and wrapping it around Hunter before taking him from me. "I put us outside because they'll expect us to Apparate in as far as possible. The bastard recognized me, so they'll be coming. Just follow me, we can't go straight through," she tells me quickly before taking off into the trees.

Shit this can't be a good idea.

O

Heavy pounding footsteps sound in front of me as I chase after her. "Cole, come on, stop." The dark trees of the forest reach out a grab me, tearing at my cloak and clothes ripping away little pieces of flesh, but I don't stop running. "Cole!" I yell.

"Stop fucking talking, he'll hear you," she says harshly, barely loud enough for me to hear. One of the Death Eater caught up to us about ten minutes ago, we have been running since. "Shush, baby, it is gunna be fine," her panting voice whispers over and over again to the child clutched to her chest as she runs.

"Becca, you're hurting me," Hunter cries as she presses his head down.

"Just keep you head down, kiddo, that's all I can do right now. We have to keep going." We keep running and I am not sure if we are headed deeper in or out of the forest, but I just follow her. She has to know where we are going.

Over the sound of the trees ripping past and our hurried footsteps, I hear his taunting voice and it sounds so fucking familiar. "Becky, come on, honey, stop running. You can't get away. Just give me what I want and you and your little fuck-toy can go."

"Becca," Hunter wails.

"Please, baby you have to stop crying," Cole whispers desperately. Suddenly, she goes crashing to the ground and Hunter screams. She is back on her feet before I time to help her up, running wildly through the trees.

Panting heavily, I reach out and grab her arm. "Cole we aren't going to get away like this. It's two against one, let's just fight."

"Fuck no! It is not just him out here. We have to keep moving." She yanks her arm out of my grasp, glaring before continuing onward, his taunting voice nearing us all the while.

It isn't long for our pace slows dramatically. Even adrenaline cannot sustain her through this brutal marathon. I am beginning to think we are done for. Neither of us has the energy to fight nor is there any way we are going to get out of this forest before someone catches us. I think I was wrong in trusting her sense of direction; we should have made it to somewhere familiar before now.

Abruptly, she stops. "Quiet," she pants, backing up against a tree and jerking me back beside her. Hunter's little sniffling cries are barely heard. A twig cracks a few feet away and I stop breathing.

Out from behind the tree, steps a tall elderly man. As I stare up at his abnormal height, Cole releases a relieved sigh. "Zane," she breathes.

"What is the dark one doing here? I have told you to keep him away from our kind." He isn't a man. He is a Centaur. Oh, fuck, why the hell would she be relieved to see one of them? High and mighty shitheads that they are. Honestly, I am amazed he hasn't killed us yet. Every run in I ever had with one of these guys has ended badly. I am sure Moony still has a hoof-print in his side to prove it. However, he is rather fond of that palomino when he is Remus.

Pushing herself off the tree trunk, Cole bows her head. "Please, Zane, he is just a child. They will kill him. I need to get him out of here. Just to Hagrid's. Please."

"How can you ask this of me? You risk my herd by even being here and you ask for my help. I have told you–" the mocking voice of the Death Eater breaks through his words, and Hunter whimpers.

"Becky! Come on, Becky. Just hand the kid over, and you can go."

"Please," Cole begs, her eyes shining with tears. The Centaur's golden eyes dart left and he nods. "Thank you," Cole breathes out handing the child to him.

"B-B-Becca, I," Hunter cries. She shushes him and kisses his head. "Don't worry, kid, I will see you soon. I swear I will come for you."

Standing on her toes, she kisses the Centaur's cheek, whispering, "Please, don't let him hear me scream." He nods ever so softly. Turning to me, she says, "Give me your cloak and follow them. Do not be seen nor heard. I am going to call them to me."

"Rebecca…"

"Just do it," she whispers harshly, ripping my cloak from my shoulders and bundling it up in her arms for a decoy. Silently, she leaves disappearing through the trees.

Coughing to clear his throat, the Centaur looks down at me. "We must go," he says softly before cantering off. I follow after him.

Ten minutes into silently trailing him I stop. "I can't. I have to go back for her."

"Then go," he says simply, wisely.

I expected him to tell me no. Nodding, I turn around and run back after her morphing into a jet-black dog as I leap over a fallen tree.

I pick up her scent quickly, the spicy distinguished smell that it is. It is not long before I see her running, whispering calming words to the cloak in her arms; scratches cover all of her exposed skin. I have almost reached her when a ray of red light shoots across the air and stuns her.

With long lengthy steps, Professor Obeli steps out from behind the trees his robes swishing this way and that, little thorns and twigs sticking out along the bottom. I should have known it was he. "I told you, Becky. Where did all the running get you? Dead. That's where, Becky. You could have lived, but no, you wanted to play the hero. Well, you failed again. Just like before. You always fail, Becky. You couldn't save Casey. You couldn't save Michael. And now, you can't save the little monster. Hell, you can't even safe yourself." He slowly and deliberately walks around her still form sliding his fingers down her dress, teasingly, and removing her wand from its hiding place. Slowly, tauntingly, he trails his hands down her legs, letting his fingers linger high on her thighs, and pulls her dagger from her left boot.

Standing up, he stuffs her wand into his pocket and places the silver tip of the dagger to her temple. I clench my jaw, trying to convince myself to wait for the right moment before I make my move. He draws a small curved line down the side of her face. Little, red drops of blood drip down to her chest and soak into the fabric of my cloak. "Why so quiet, little one?" he says softly, patting the top of my cloak, where he assumes Hunter head lies. His eyes narrow and he rips the cloak out of her hands. "Where is he, Becky?" he yells.

I doubt she would have moved if she could. Changing back to my human form, I step out of my hiding place. "Let her be." Pain washes over me and my body goes tense before it locks itself into place. What? He didn't even have his wand pointed at me.

Cold laughter sounds from behind me. "Who would have thought, taking _you_ out would have been that easy." Severus Snape's silky voice floats through my ears and he rests his elbow on my shoulder, leaning against me like I am a wall. Bloody hell, of all the people.

Obeli glances at him and shrugs carelessly, turning back to Cole. With a flick of his wand, the stunner is lifted and she stumbles forward, breathing heavily. He grabs her around the throat and lifts her off the ground, not allowing her to catch her breath. "Where is he, Becky?"

"Fuck off," she chokes out.

"Tsk, tsk," he lightly reprimands her as if she is a child, "you shouldn't be using such language, Becky, love. Now, I will ask you again, where is he?"

She tries to kick him, but he releases her and she collides with the ground in a heap, coughing and sputtering. Shoving herself back on to her feet, she yanks a jagged stick out of her arm. Sickness crashes over me like a wave as I watch the blood stained stick tear out of her, little pieces of her pale skin clinging to it. "I apologize, Becky. I didn't mean to hurt you," he coos. He tries to see the wound but she pulls away from him swaying slightly on her feet. "Now, now, let me see." She attempts to back away again, but he grabs her, and holds her in place. "Hmm, it's not all that bad." He drags his thumb across her upper arm before shoving it into the wound. She gasps out in pain and tries to wrench herself free. "Where is he, Becky?" he asks again, letting her fall to the ground.

"You might as well kill me, Darren. You'll have more luck prying the words from my dead lips." Moments after the words leave her mouth; his foot collides with the side of her face. Spitting up blood, she looks lazily up at him. "That all you got?" Does she have to do that?

With a hiss of a curse and a flash of light, she falls unto her back screaming in agony. Her body shakes and convulses as he points his wand at her, grinning.

"Cruciatus, it's rather wicked, isn't it?" Snape asks at my side. My eyes are focused only on her and I am unable to react. I can't speak, I can't move, I can't even stop breathing. I just have to stand here and watch. This has to be the worst torture ever conceived.

Obeli's wand flicks upward and the curse is lifted. Cole rolls to her side and retches; it is mostly blood. Yanking her back to her feet, he says cruelly, "Did that teach you some manners or should we try again?" She spits on him. "Bitch!" he yells, hitting her with the curse again. She struggles to stay standing, whimpers escaping though her lip is tightly wedged between her teeth, little droplets of blood dribbling down her chin. When he lifts the curse, she falls to her knees.

He runs his fingers through her sweat soaked hair tenderly, as he presses her head against his thigh. "Back where you belong, eh, Becky? On your knees in front of me."

When he releases her head, she jerks away bowing her head, and she wraps her arms around herself. "I will not tell you where he is," her voice is not nearly as weak as it should be.

His boney fingers wrap around her chin and he pulls her up off the ground. "What if instead of having fun with you…" he pauses, grinning wickedly at me. "We have fun with your little fuck toy?"

"Go ahead," she says coolly. "I don't give a shit about him. Like you said, he is just a fuck-toy, but please, don't mess with his dick, I am rather fond of it."

Sneering, he shoves her sideways and she struggles not to fall. He points his wand at me and she calls out, "Remember who he is though, Darren."

"What do you mean? He is nothing more than a blood-traitor." He shoots her a look over his shoulder, automatically appearing nervous at whatever thought flashed through his mind at her words.

"One of the worst. He's from a long line of pure-bloods. The Blacks. You know them, don't you, Darren? I mean, everyone knows _of_ them, but you know Orion personally, don't you?" she says lowering herself to the ground, arms wrapped protectively around her middle. She is not able to stay standing any longer. "He wouldn't take kindly to you damaging his eldest son, would he?"

"Shut up," he growls.

Shrugging her shoulders, she continues, "Walburga, she wouldn't mind. Probably, clap you on the back. Orion though," she stops and brushes her hair out of her face. "He wouldn't take too kindly to it. You would be taking the life of a Black. You don't just do that without the whole lot of them coming down on you. Even if he is a traitor." With a heavily sigh she picks at the laces on her boots, pretending to be casual about the whole situation. She's amazing. "I know I wouldn't want to have Bellatrix after me, especially since I know what kind of damage she can do."

He turns back to her, lowering his wand. "You're right. I suppose, I shouldn't play with him. But, do you think he is willing to keep his mouth shut while I toy with you?" he asks. Fuck, why did she do that? I could have handled it.

"No idea," she says, carelessly.

Raising an eyebrow, he steps toward her. "Why don't we see?"

Snape steals my wand before magically binding me and removing his previous hex. My muscles ache as they are allowed to relax and I stumble a bit. Cole glances up at me and smiles; her eyes darker than the night. "So, Mr. Black," Obeli starts out. "Where is the boy?"

"I don't know," I answer, telling myself it is the truth.

He fists a handful of Cole's hair in his hand and yanks her head back, slipping the dagger under her chin. Jabbing the tip of it in her neck just enough to cut the skin, he turns to me. "Do you know, now?" Cole stares at me, begging me to stay silent.

I shake my head. "I don't know," I whisper, closing my eyes. I hear her gasp and I open my eyes to find her shoved on the ground, the dagger driven through both of her hands, pinning them to the packed soil. He is on top of her, his knee digging into her stomach, making her breaths short, painful and struggling as he whispers coolly in her ear. Shit, I don't know what to do. Maybe Hunter is already at Hagrid's. Maybe he is already safe. Maybe I should just tell him.

"Are you sure you don't know, Mr. Black?" he asks, before lapping up the blood on the side of her face. She tries to cringe away he grabs her chin and holds her head still. "No, no, no, Becky. You stay put." He drags his tongue back up the side of her face again and looks back at me. I stay silent. She wants me to stay silent.

Ripping her dress open, he drags his tongue across her abdomen, digging his nails into her sides before sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. A sharp gasp of pain leaves her lips as he draws blood. "What Becky? It can't hurt. You let the little one do it all the time."

"Stop!" I yell hoarsely and his head whips to face me, his lips stained with her blood. Cole starts to say something and he forcefully jams his elbow into her cheek. She coughs, blood spattering up on to his face, tears slipping down her cheeks as she winces in pain.

A wide grin stretches across his blood stained lips as he says, "Ah, so your little play thing is going to spill," stroking her bruised cheek. Turning to me, the grin still patched on his face, he asks, "Where is he, Black?"

I don't answer. I just stand there. "Just tell him, Black," Snape mumbles. "She'll keep going until he kills her, just tell him."

"Claming up so soon?" Obeli rolls his eyes and shrugs. "Ah, well, more fun for me then."

His hand slides down under the waistband of her knickers and I see her tremble. "Becca," I murmur and she turns her head to me. Her eyes are shining with tears and she is paler than the moon, deep red blood dripping from her mouth. "Please," those perfect little lips whimper, "Don't speak."

I feel icy hot tears on my cheeks as I nod, and I want to close my eyes, but I don't. I just stay there staring into her eyes, silently telling her I am sorry.

Her body jerks and writhes rams himself into her, again and again. I try to stay focused solely on her eyes, almost as if I stare into them long enough I will be able to hide within their dark, endless depths or maybe just seep into her mind and soothe her somehow, take away her pain.

Slowly, her eyes fall closed and I cannot keep myself from screaming out her name.

She is dying. He is killing her.

It seems like the whole world stops spinning until her eyes open again she turns her head away from me, stabbing dagger into the back of Obeli's neck, tearing through sinew and flesh as she tugs it forward, practically beheading him. Blood gushes from the fatal wound covering her as he falls, lifeless, on top of her.

Frantically, she scurries out from under him and Snape just stares blankly. I am sure he is thinking the same thing I am; _how the hell did she do it_? Her hands were firmly pinned to the ground by that thing. It is at least eight inches long and he drove it in to the hilt.

She is panting heavily and there are tears streaming down her dirty face as she trains her wand on Snape. "Just go. Just drop his wand and go. I won't tell a soul you were here, if you just leave." Snape just stares at her. "Please," her chin quivers and her eyes try to fall closed, "just go."

My wand falls with a dull thud on the ground and he disappears into the depths of the woods.

Wiping some of the blood and dirt from her face, she slowly gets to her feet, wincing in pain the entire time. She sways uncontrollably and I do not think she is going to make it the six meters to me. "Rebecca, just stop, just sit down," I tell her softly.

"I," she breathes out the word, blood spattering out of her mouth. "Can't," a painful wince causes her to stumble her next step, and I have no idea how she manages to stay on her feet. "Pass out." A soft sort of gurgling sound issues from her mouth and she spits up blood before continuing toward me. "I," she sways, again, and I hate myself. I am not supposed to be helpless. "Won't," she chokes and sobs try to overtake her voice. "Wake up," she sputters as she collapses in front of me.

"God, Rebecca, please," I say, not really knowing what I am asking of her.

Her eyes fog over as she crawls up me to get to her knees. Carefully, she cuts away the binding around my hands, and as soon as they fall away, I drop to my knees, clinging to her desperately, kissing every bit of her dirty, blood soaked face I can.

Her head falls limply against me as she cries, "You didn't tell him. Thank God, you didn't tell him."

I fumble around for my wand and rid myself of the rid of the ropes covering me, before gently scooping her up. Her eyes try to fall closed and I softly whisper, "Not yet."

Slowly, her eyes open again and I realize I don't know the way out. Maneuvering, her carefully, I adjust her so I am able to hold my wand flat in the palm of the hand under her knees. "Point me," I say softly. My wand spins for a moment before stopping. Left it is then. She mumbles something about watching for them. I don't know what she means. More Death Eaters? Or just the creatures of the forest?

I trudge my way through the forest, talking to her, quietly, not really knowing what to say, but forcing myself to speak, if only to keep her awake. "Hey, hey," I murmur as her eyes flutter. "No sleeping."

She opens her mouth to say something and I shake my head. "Don't talk either. It's a waste of energy."

It feels like an eternity before we make it out of the dense forest. The castle is a little to the right, so I cut across the grounds. My body aches with every new step, and the night air has grown rather cold. Cole is trembling in my arms, but it is not only because of the chilly wind. As we reach, the front steps the doors to the castle fling open and a dozen witches and wizards pour out.

"Holy cricket, here they are, Albus," a cheery little witch says.

"Where is Hunter?" Dumbledore asks, ignoring the fact that Cole is inches away from death in my arms.

I sway a little and gaze up at him. "Hagrid's. A Centaur took him to Hagrid."

He gives a brisk nod and starts down the stairs, without one more word to me. The witches and wizards gathered around the door just stare idly at me and I am tempted to scream at them before a stocky redheaded man steps forward. "Here, let me take her. You're barely standing as it is."

He carefully lifts her from my arms and his double grips my arm, helping me up the stairs.

* * *

_This chapter has only been roughly edited by me. I do apologize for that. I also apologize for leaving you on a bit of a cliff. Hopefully, the next chapter will be up within the week; I only have a minor bit of tweaking and editing to do before it is postable. I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading. --Summer _

_By the way, I forgot to tell you all last time, I wrote a Lily and James centric one-shot, Stupid Evans. (I actually managed to stick with them for over 500 words!) _


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

By the time we arrive in the Hospital Wing, Cole has gone completely limp and I am wavering in and out of darkness. "You'll be alright, mate," the man beside me mutters, guiding me toward a bed. "No one's better than Poppy Pomfrey. Marlene was in the Healer program with her for a bit, always says, she's the best." I gaze into his deep blue eyes and he smiles. "Trust me, you and your girl are going to be just fine."

"Yeah, Poppy is the best." I agree, wincing.

"Cole, she doesn't want to sleep. Won't wake for Hunter if she does," I mutter, between gasps. Why the hell am I so fucking sore? I shouldn't be. They didn't even do anything to me, except for that fucking stunner.

"Hey," the man calls over his shoulder. "He don't look to good!"

His image starts to blur out of focus and I see Poppy shove him out of the way. "No, Becca," I murmur, pushing her away.

"Mr. Black," she says sternly, "shut the fuck up and let me do my job."

I blink and close my mouth.

She continues to fiddle around me for a little while, and I continue to get weaker. My limbs feel heavy and it hurts to breathe. Slowly, the world just falls into darkness and I just stop feeling, thinking, everything. It is just quiet and dark, like sleep.

O

The very faint smell of licorice drifts into my senses and pulls me from my slumber. Groaning slightly, I crack open my eyes to find Lucy's dark blonde hair spread out across my face. She is sniffling in her sleep as if she has a cold, her tiny fingers buried deep in the thin cotton fabric of my shirt as she clings to me. Turning my head, I spot Remus uncomfortably perched in the hard chair beside my bed, one arm tightly wrapped around Lucy's waist, claiming her whilst his head nestles in the small slope of her back. Lily and James are to my left; James sprawled out across a squishy armchair with Lily curled up in his lap. They were smart enough to transfigure the chair into something, at least moderately, comfortable. Peter is sitting in the floor, his head lying against the arm of James' chair, snoring almost silently.

A small chuckle rumbles in my throat as I ask, "What is this? A sleep over or something?"

Lucy's head pops up first and she immediately begins covering my cheeks in kisses before exchanging them for sharp jabs in the ribs. "Fuck, Sirius! Are you trying to scare me to death?" she wails, pounding her small fist against my chest.

"Lu, baby, you're bruising him," Remus says sleepily, tugging her away as she continues to hit me repeatedly.

"You fucking idiot! Do you have any idea how scared I was?" she cries as her screams turn to gulping sobs. Nodding to Remus to tell him to let her be, I hug her closely as James, Lily, and Peter rouse. Remus appears to have aged years over night, heavy bags and dark circles edge his knowledgeable eyes, his boyish thin hair seems streaked with gray in the early morning light. It unnerves me beyond reason.

"Lucy, sweetheart, I'm fine. A couple of Death Eaters can't stop me," I say soothingly, stroking her hair as she buries her face in my neck. Turning my gaze from Remus' saddened expression, I look to James, who is nervously running his hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "What's going on?" I ask carefully, holding Lucy tighter as she whimpers.

James shrugs, glancing out the window. "You've been out for a while, mate," is his solemn response.

"This would be day fourteen," Lily says softly, when it becomes obvious that James is not going to continue. "It seems whatever hex they used to stun you had a bit of a lasting effect. When your adrenaline stopped, so did you. Madam Pomfrey says you're fine though," she explains, not looking at me. Her vivid green eyes are focused solely on her thumb as it traces slow, smooth circles on James' palm.

"And Cole?" I whisper hesitantly.

"She's…" James starts before biting his lip. "She's fine. She has not awakened yet. Poppy says she probably won't for a least a few more days." Then why is everyone so morose?

"Hunter?" I choke and Lucy whimpers loudly once more. Remus carefully removes her from my arms, shushing her faintly as I gaze into James' sorrowful hazel eyes; there is no childlike sparkle in them this morning.

Running his hand through is messy raven hair he swallows, hard. "He never made it to Hagrid's. A group of Death Eaters stopped them on their way. He's… he's… um…"

"They killed him," Lucy cries, looking at me with tear-filled eyes, from within Remus' tight embrace. "They killed him. He's dead." I just stare blankly at her, the way the crystal like tears cling to her red cheeks, the way her chin quivers, the way Remus' strong arms hold her tightly, never letting her go.

_They killed him. They killed him. He's dead. _It rings in my ears eternally as hot tears prick at my eyes before spilling down my cheeks. _He's dead. He's dead._

O

"Mr. Black?" an age-roughened voice croaks from beside me and I look into the concerned eyes of an old man.

"Yes, sir?" I ask, gazing at him confusedly.

He smiles softly. "The Patronus Charm. I asked you to cast it as part of your Defense practical."

"Oh," I answer, nodding slowly. I glance around the Great Hall where several students are casting various charms for their examiners, all attempting, yet failing, to hide their anxiety. "Right, N.E.W.Ts, I completely forgot," I murmur.

I have been doing this all week: spacing out, forgetting where I am at, what I am doing. It started as just my thoughts drifting to Cole and the way she lies there in her bed so brokenly, or that tiny little headstone in the cemetery just north of Hogsmeade, but now my mind just goes blank. As if thinking anything at all hurts too much, so my mind just avoids thought completely.

The old man chuckles slightly and pats me on the back. "Luckily for you, Mr. Black, this is your last one," he says. I nod again, readying myself to cast the charm.

Closing my eyes, I picture a majestic stag transforming into messy haired James as he exclaims, "A deer! I am a ruddy deer!" in annoyance. Then I remember Lucy and Remus dancing tiredly across a floor in my mind, Lucy flashing me a sleepy contented smile while Remus throws me a wink over her head. Next, I think of Lily vainly attempting to be patient as she explains a Charms theory to Peter, followed by her prodding him in the stomach and accusing him of faking idiocy for attention. He doesn't deny her claim. Right before I cast the charm, I picture Cole, her cheeks red with fever as she twirls a bit of Hunter's dark hair around her finger, she is smiling faintly at me. Hunter is gazing at me intently, eyes wide with wonder as I read Peter Pan aloud, trying to coax him into sleep.

"Expecto patronum," I say quietly and silver light erupts from the end of my wand. I expect to see the mist morph into a large playful dog, as it has for so many years, but instead a small ocelot takes form, leaping agilely onto the table in front of me. It perches gracefully at the edge of the table, tilting its head and flicking its tail coyly.

"A margay," the old man beside me muses aloud. "Odd, you don't seem the type."

Nodding slowly, I say, "Yeah, it's never been that before."

The old man smirks, a small gurgle of laughter in his throat. "Ah, yes, sometimes that happens too." He pats me on the back and smiles faintly. "Well done, then, Mr. Black. Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Yeah, you too," I mumble, watching the cat disappear before striding out of the Great Hall.

O

"Hey," Peter whispers quietly, shaking my arm. "Padfoot, wake up."

I mumble incoherently before rolling over to face him. His pudgy cheeks are illuminated by the faint glow of his wand; his blue eyes are fogged over with concern. "What?" I ask, blinking the dark world into focus.

"Cole's out on the balcony of the North Tower. I don't know what she is doing, but it doesn't look good," he says, showing me the map. Turning my gaze to where the feeble light of Peter's wand is pointing, I scan the page for the North Tower. A little black dot labeled _Rebecca Cole_ is sitting stationary, so close to the edge of the balcony that it seems it is slightly hanging off.

"She keeps going out to the edge and standing there for a moment, then rushing back inside. It's happened about six times," Peter informs me, he watery blue eyes begging forgiveness. "It's like she's trying to jump, but loses her nerve each time."

Nodding slowly, I push my blankets back. "I'll go get her. Don't wake anyone else," I say quietly, placing my hand on his shoulder as I stand, giving it a firm squeeze. "Thanks, Wormtail."

"Padfoot?" he calls as I stumble to the door. I pause, turning to him. "I am, really, so sorry." His eyes close, and he folds up the map, handing it to me, his face tilted toward the floor.

"Nah, man." I smile faintly, tugging the door open. "You've don't have anything to apologize for." He bobs his head, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pajamas.

"I'm probably going to bring her back up here," I say, glancing around the room. Most of our things are stacked into neat piles, ready to be packed away for the last time. Lily has been up here off and on all week, helping Remus prepare us for leaving, because Peter and I have been of no assistance.

"Alright," Peter replies. "I'll make sure there are Silencing Charms around Moony's bed, then."

Quietly, I make my way across the castle to the North Tower, pretending to be on the lookout for Peeves, Flich, or Pringle. However, my eyes are solely focused on the tiny, little, black dot as it titters at the edge of the balcony.

Rain hammers down. It is icy, and cold, and so unlike summer rain should be. Shivers crawl up my spine as I step out into it, staring intensely at the motionless, pale, figure, standing unaffectedly out in the pounding rain, balanced atop the stone ledge. Gulping, I move closer to her, useful every ounce of will power in my soul to keep from calling out to her.

It takes an eternity for me to reach her. Her legs quiver uncontrollably as the freezing water clings to their pale surface, sliding down to puddle on the stone at her feet. Slowly, so slowly that my hands shake, I reach up, preparing to grab her. With one last quiet, shuddering breath, I lock my arms around her hips and pull her down.

She releases a deafening scream, and her body jerks and trembles as she frantically tries to escape my hold. "Shush," I whisper into her hair, gripping her so tightly to me, I am sure to leave bruises. "Rebecca, it's okay, just shush, it's okay."

After a few more moments of struggle, my words seep into her mind and she falls limply against me. I choke back a sob and she relaxes, still holding her, so tightly, I doubt she can breathe. "Shush," I murmur, "shush, it's okay."

With a barely audible whimper, she twists in my grasp, winding her arms around my neck. "I'm sorry. I couldn't do it," she cries. "I'm so sorry. I tried and I tried. So sorry. I couldn't do it."

"Shush," I tell her, kissing her drenched hair. "Shush, I know. That's okay. That's just fine."

"I want to," she whispers. "Oh God, I want to."

"I know," I say softly, guiding her inside. "I know." My heart breaks as I slowly walk through the dark corridors of the castle, holding her close to my chest, feeling her every sob and tremble, and hearing all of her pleas for death, and forgiveness.

Trudging up the boy's staircase with a heavy heart, I whisper meaningless nothings into her hair. The door is pulled open before I even think to open it. "Hey," Peter says quietly, holding the door open and allowing me to step inside. "I, er, filled the bath," he mumbles. "My mum always…" his voice trails away and he shrugs.

"Thank, Pete." I smile dimly, and carry her to the bathroom.

She stands motionless, not shaking, not trembling, her eyes blank as an endless black hole as I push the door closed. Her lips are blue, and her skin pale with cold, but she stands unmoving, unblinking. As if she is lifeless, soulless, empty.

"Rebecca," I say, and her blank eyes do not flick to me. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and bite my lip.

With a wretched, drawn out sort of agony, realization dawns on me. There is nothing I can do. I just have to keep living, keep loving, until she comes back. So, I open my eyes, and cup her face in my hands, kissing her cold forehead. "Come on, Rebecca; let's get you in the bath. The water is warm," I say tonelessly, carefully slipping her gown from her shoulders.

She listens to me, unquestioningly, as I slowly wash her, my hands, my body, my mind, easily remembering every inch of her. Tears slowly roll down her cheeks, and I continually blink back my own.

Forcing myself to focus my attention my task, rather than my thoughts, I amazingly manage to get her dressed and into my bed without breaking down.

"Sirius?" Peter calls softly from his four-poster.

I sit down on the edge of my bed, gently stroking Cole's hair as she sleeps so peacefully beside me. "Hmm?" I murmur, glancing up at him.

"Do you think…" his voice fades off and he chews on the inside of his cheek. "Do you think we should have let her jump?" he asks.

I shrug, my eyes flicking between him and her. "I don't know, Pete. I don't know."

O

I awake abruptly the next morning, my heart aching, with intensity, I have never felt before. Gasping for air, I struggle to sit up and frantically search the room for whatever has brought on this onset of heartrending emotions. I feel as if a piece of me has been physically wretched away from my soul.

With a crashing shock, as if a speeding train hit me, I realize Cole is gone. Hysterically, I search under the blankets, and the throughout the bathroom, but she is not there. I did not expect her to be.

Not bothering to dress, I scurry downstairs and out the portrait hole, running through the winding corridors and leaping down the endless staircases to the fifth floor. I am panting heavily, when I reach Cole's rooms, the door is slightly ajar. Choking back a premature sob, I close my eyes and step inside.

It is the same.

Everything is exactly the way it should be. Hunter's coloring book is still sitting on the coffee table, the crayons spilling across its surface and into the plush carpet below it. Just as they were when we left that Sunday.

Swallowing, I stride across the sitting room, and crack open Hunter's bedroom door. I slowly make my way across the room, gazing down at his tiny bed. It looks as if it has been slept in; his little teddy bear is damp with tears. I carefully, pick it up, stroking its head and I remember him, dirty, and crying moments after Dumbledore brought him to safety. _Tay… tay took my teddy. I can't sleep wit-out my teddy._

Tears slip down my cheeks and I close my eyes tightly as I leave the room silently, afraid to touch anything. I take the bear with me. I don't know why.

Next, I check her room. It is as untouched as his is, with the exception of a thin, white box, sitting atop the dark green covers of her bed. I slowly, as if I am too frightened to move at a normal pace, walk across the room, and finger the edge of the box.

Sitting contentedly, on top of the white box, is a non-descript envelope, with my name written across its surface. I sigh, placing the bear on the bed, and picking up the letter.

With shaking fingers, I open the envelope and remove the parchment from within its depths.

'_Sirius, _

_Forgive me. I do not know where exactly to begin, so please forgive me. _

_This, what is in this box, is for you. I bought it a long time ago, for your birthday. Afterwards, I realized, I didn't know when that was. Odd, isn't it? The things we didn't know about each other. I don't regret it, though. I always liked the mysteries wrapped up in you. _

_Don't hate me for this; I truly doubt I could bare you hating me, even just a tiny bit. _

_There is another letter, within this one, for Luke. Please, give it to him. You are welcome to read it, if you wish. However, it is nothing more than a farewell of good friends, not lovers. _

_I am so sorry, but this is my only answer. I beg you to understand. _

_You made things worthwhile, you know. _

_Rebecca'_

I flip the page over, looking for more, so extremely angry with her. _You made things worthwhile_! What the fuck is that supposed to mean? She is gone. She is dead. And all she fucking says is I made things worthwhile! What the fuck? What am I supposed to do with that?

Ripping apart the other envelope, I read it quickly. Stopping abruptly, my ire fading so suddenly my breath catches in my chest, I read it again.

'_Luke,_

_You once said that I wasn't allowed to do something stupid, I wasn't allowed to go off and get myself killed, because I had never experienced life. _

_Do you remember telling me that? It was after that Christmas. I was still up in the Hospital Wing and I told you that I was going to kill as many of them as I could before they killed me. You said, I wasn't allowed to die until I knew what it was to live. And that living, was loving, like you loved Lizzie. Do you remember?_

_I did, Luke. I truly did. No, I truly do. _

_Beck_

_P.S. Tell Lizzie it is better this way. She gets the house.'_

"Black?" a voice calls from the doorway and I nearly have a heart attack. "She's gone, isn't she?" Luke Howards says quietly, his pale, green eyes glistening with tears.

"Yeah," I whisper shakily, tearfully, holding out the letter to him.

He takes it, with closed eyes, and I turn my attention to the box on the bed. As I slip off the top, Howards chuckles almost despondently. "Little chit," he sniffs and I flick my eyes to him. "I never meant that she could go over and kill herself if she did." I give him a faint smile, and turn to the contents of box.

Perched atop a leather motorcycle jacket, is a small business card. _**Devil's Wheels**_ is written in flaming letters, above a number and an address. I flip it over to find Cole's flowing writing. '_Ask for Joe. Tell him Drew sent you._'

I glance over at Howards and he grins. "She always said you were a cyclist at heart," he says with a shrug.

O

Author's Note: And that's the end. The epilogue will be up in a couple of hours. I would like to thank you all so much for sticking with me through this long tale, and over the past couple of un-edited chapters. You have no idea how much you thoughts, reviews, and support means to me. Thank you, again. --Summer


	31. Epilogue

Epilogue

Remus Lupin was not yet forty years old, but his graying hair and wizen eyes made him appear to be much older. He had seen much too much in his short life-time. Though, he didn't like calling it short, as it seemed to be decades longer than any of his childhood friends. He remembered the day of their deaths vividly and the memories came back at the most awful of times.

Tonight was one of those awful times. His lifelong friend, mentor, and teacher had passed away that very night. The truth be told, he was murdered that night. Betrayed. Murdered. He was gone. Just like so many before him. And the many that would follow him.

Kicking off his boots, Remus grabbed a bottle of tequila out of the kitchen and proceeded upstairs. Tequila had been Lucy's drink, but he had grown to like it. He loved it in fact. He would spend every moment of his life, that wasn't spent trying to destroy her murderer, drowning in the stuff just because it remind him of her. It made him forget that she was really gone. The taste of it, the smell of it, the way it burned his throat, it reminded him of her. He could picture her smile as she pulled a wedge of lime from between her teeth, or dancing around a tall fire the bottle in her hand.

He entered Sirius' room in hopes that he would felt less lonely there. He hadn't been in there in almost a year. Not since he… fell through the veil. Taking a swig of the alcohol, Remus dropped to a chair in front of a battered old desk. Sitting on top of it was a dusty old envelope with "Harry" written on it in faded black ink.

It was Sirius' handwriting, they had written too many notes back and forth in school for Remus not to recognize it. Underneath it was a large stack of papers. Flipping through the manuscript and finding each one covered with Sirius' untidy scrawl Remus blinked, sitting the tequila bottle on the desk. "What exactly were you up to, Padfoot? Writing a novel?"

Opening the envelope he read:

_**Dear Harry,**_

_**The tale that follows is a love story, don't worry it is a good one, filled with more than just the mushy stuff. It has sword fights, snotty Slytherins, action, adventure, sexy women, and a very real evil villain. I know you still aren't interested, but you will be. This is the tale of your parents. I won't lie and say everything happened exactly the way I am going to tell you it did, mainly because Moony will disagree with me, but also because I never remember anything exactly the way it happens. Okay, I admit it, I like to embellish, but I will attempt to keep it at a minimum, and if anything gets too unbelievable you can ask Remus, he will correct me, he always does. **_

_**I hope this gives you some idea of the people your parents were. I know it won't fill the gap… but maybe it will help you understand the reasons behind the choices they made. **_

_**---Sirius Black**_

Smirking slightly, he placed the letter to the side and looked down at the first page. "The Seventh Year, Retold by Sirius Black."

"_**We were all there, except your dad, of course, he was always late. I swear your mum could have ripped his head off at times…"**_

O

It had taken him ages to finally fall asleep. She understood why and it didn't bother her in the slightest. She was rather intrigued by the tale herself and stood invisibly behind him for hours reading over his shoulder until she became tired with standing and she crawled into his lap.

He didn't notice. He read straight through her head. That was odd, but she supposed she should be used to it by now.

But, he had fallen asleep, though, and now it was time. Time to wake him, time to make him hurt again, time to die a little more herself (if you could really die any more after death), time to warn him.

Last time she had came to comfort him, this time it was to protect him. She wished she could call herself a guardian angel that would have made her presence so easy to understand, but she wasn't. Lucy didn't believe in angels.

She clicked into view and wandered over to his bedside. He was sleeping peacefully, one arm tucked behind his head the other thrown carelessly across his chest. Breathing slowly, rhythmically, his chest rising and falling in that same pattern that was so familiar to her, smelling faintly of tequila. Part of her hated to wake him, part of her wanted to watch him sleep forever, part of her wanted to crawl in beside him and stay there until the earth died and faded away.

However, it was not fated to be that way, she had been taken from him long ago and she knew that, but it didn't do anything to numb that part of her that longed for him. Well, all of her longed for him, but she could pretend that it was only part, sometimes.

Climbing over the top of him, staring down into that peaceful face, that face that felt so much like home she struggled to keep tears from filling her eyes. She wouldn't let that happen though, she might not get this opportunity again; she definitely wouldn't get this opportunity again. Pressing her lips to his, she murmured his name, gently calling him from his slumber.

He blinked up to those eyes. Those eyes that had haunted from for ages. It seemed that everyone had those eyes when they died. They were copper, Sirius had always said they were like shiny new pennies, but that wasn't true. No, her eyes were the color of the sea when the sun set, a soft glowing copper, like his own personal heaven. "Lucy?" he whispered hoarsely, afraid that speaking would cause whatever hallucination this was to flee, and he desperately didn't want that to happen.

Her lips quirked up into that smile, gods that smile that killed him. "You've gone grey, Moons," she whispered running her tiny fingers through his hair, sitting back on his thighs, coaxing him forward.

"Gods, Lucy, I've missed you," he said hoarsely, sitting up in the bed, fighting the urge to hug her until she couldn't breathe and never let her go.

Teasing him, she breathed against his lips. "Really, I thought you were doing quite a good job erasing me from your memories." She was exactly the same as he remembered her, still young, still breath taking, still wearing her hair in that choppy cut she gave herself after the fire.

Long slender fingers buried themselves in her hair and the palm of his hand caressed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took a sharp intake of breath. Gods, it had been so long. He kissed her breathless, his hands knotting her hair, her body pressing up against him in desire and need as their tongues battled ceaselessly. A tiny smile tugged at his lips as he breathed, "I could never forget you, babe," against her lips before pulling away.

A large round tear rolled down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb. "You should, Remus, you should." She pressed her lips together praying he wouldn't hear the pain in her voice.

Trailing wet kisses from her lips to her ear, he whispered, "No, Lucy, no, I shouldn't, not ever."

She sniffed shaking her head, putting an end to the path their conversation was heading down. They had had it before and it make her ache so much more than she already did. "I am here for a reason, you know. I don't have long."

He nodded, leaning back. "I know, I know. You're never just here anymore," he answered regretfully, sorely.

She kissed him hard, delving her tongue into his mouth, tasting, memorizing, touching, every bit of him she could. She didn't want to go without knowing him just one more time. Pushing him back down on to the bed, she attempted to undo the buttons of his shirt as quickly as she could. Knowing he would stop her; because he had to, not because he wanted to. He knew it and she knew it. Finally, settling for ripping it apart she ran her hands up and down his chest, and gods he felt the same.

Matching her every move, he had her top off and thrown somewhere near the door before he caught himself. He couldn't do this, they didn't have the time, they never had the time. "Lucy," he breathed. She whimpered and pulled back. "I'm sorry."

Her blonde hair fell into her eyes as she looked away. "No, I shouldn't have… fuck, Moony, I miss you so." Her eyes were filled with tears again when she finally brought her gaze back to his.

"I know, love. I know." He brushed her hair out of her eyes and waited in silence until she was able to start.

"Hunter says hello." He grinned at her opening line. She always started with something along those lines. Someone said hello that was gone long before her, so there was no way he could forget that she was gone as well. He sat up placing his hands on her bare thighs. Her eyes closed and she shivered at his touch, her head slightly thrown back, her lips parted. "Please, Moony, not there," she practically begged. He knew it would do that to her, things hadn't changed, and he had each and everyone one of her reactions to him burned in his brain. He smirked, she wouldn't look at him, he knew that.

Taking his hands in hers she moved them to her hips, never looking at him. Running his hand up her back, remembering her skin, he kissed her until she was breathless once more. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I should have remembered that." He pretended to be sincere in his apology.

She laughed. "You did remember that. You just like to tease me."

Smirking, he stared down at the tattered quilt on the bed. "Well, you can't blame me for that."

"No, I suppose not." She kissed him briefly.

He toyed with her hair and waited for her to say what she had been sent here to stay.

"Sirius," she whispered. He nodded, sadly, they had been through this before. "He's jaded." It broke her heart to say that. Part of him was glad she had left before their friend. It would have killed her to see him after James and Lily's death. To see him arrested, to see him mad, to see him broken.

"Yes," he agreed.

"I think he can be happy again." She smiled, he didn't answer. He wasn't sure if he could. "Lily says to take care of Harry."

"She always does," he responded softly.

Running her fingers through his hair again she smiled softly. "The new girl, with the pink hair. I like her."

He stared at her heartbrokenly. "Lucy, I had you. I don't need anyone else." She was always doing this, always trying to make him move on.

She looked to the left, chewing her bottom lip. "She's cute though," she said with a shrug.

"You're cute," he answered, kissing her nose.

Rolling her eyes she whispered, "I'm dead," against his lips, sealing the statement with a kiss.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled back. "Must you keep reminding me that I am the only bloody one left."

"Sorry," she answered innocently, starring down at her hands as if scolded. It hit him then, not that she was really gone, he knew that, but how young she was, still was. He had aged, that was for sure, grey hair, glasses, even a little grumpy every now and then. But her, she was still twenty-three and smiling. She was still a child.

"Are you going to say what you are here to say or are we going to play games all night?" he huffed. He wasn't mad at her, he couldn't be. He was just so tired of losing everyone.

Crawling out of his lap, and standing on the cold floor, she nodded. "Yeah, I am going to tell you." She wrapped her arms around herself, her back to him. "I just miss our games," she said weakly. It was horrible that she could still hurt so much just by his words when she was dead.

Shouldn't the afterlife be peaceful, in some way? It shouldn't hurt so much that they had to be apart. She shouldn't feel like she was dying if she was already dead.

"Gods, Luce, I'm sorry." He tried to touch her, but she pulled away.

She wanted him so much. "I can't. Not if I can feel you. Please, just wait." Nodding, he waited.

She always needed this, when she needed to say something she didn't want to say. The moments dragged by before she murmured, "Professor Dumbledore, he arrived today. He was smiling."

"He's really gone, then?" He had known he was gone, but a part of him hung on to the childish belief that he was going to pop out of a hat soon.

"Yes." She still wasn't looking at him, but he was staring at her.

He looked down at the floor. "I knew that, deep down."

"I know, love." Now, she wanted him to hold her, he knew it and so he did.

Standing up, wrapping his arms around her and smoothing down her hair he whispered, "He was smiling, huh?"

"Yes." A smile tugged at her lips for a moment before it fell away. "He is afraid, you are all going to make a mistake."

"And, you can't tell me what the mistake is, can you?" Tilting her head so she could look up at him she told him she couldn't. "If I guess right will you nod?" he asked playfully.

Laughing, she kissed his chin. "You know I can't do that."

"Can I have a hint?"

"Not everything is as it seems," she whispered. Sadness was washing over her now. She was going to leave soon. She had to leave soon.

He closed his eyes and kissed her head. "I know that, love."

She stood up on her toes and whispered into his ear. "Cole says, sometimes we do things that seem evil, but they are really just merciful." That was her hint and he understood it perfectly. Not that it helped any really, the others would never believe him. After all, look at how he had found out. His was told by his wife, who had been dead for nearly seventeen years while having a hallucination.

"Lucy, don't go," he begged.

She kissed him hard, once more, and he tumbled back onto the bed. It wasn't long before they both received what they so desperately wanted for so long.

He lay there beside her drawing shapes on her bare back and tears fell down both their cheeks, because this was it. She would be leaving now. Turning to her side she propped her head up on her hand. "Moons, it's going to be a long time, you know. And I, I don't mind, Remus. She's a sweet girl. I like her hair."

"Lucy…" he moaned.

"Remus, you deserve some happiness. You deserve some sex. You deserve some fun. Just because I am dead doesn't mean you can't have a life. Stop drinking yourself to me and love her."

"I want you, Lucy."

Caressing his cheek, she said quietly, "You can't have me anymore, babe. I'm gone. She loves you." Smiling, she kissed him briefly. "How could she not? Look at you, you're perfection even though you're all old and gray."

"Lucy," he cried softly and she laid back down beside him.

"Please, Remus, don't be a bastard."

"I am not being a bastard. I am doing her a favor. She doesn't want me, she only thinks she does. She's still in her twenties, Lucy," he said, as a desperate attempt to get her to stop.

"Oh, I get it." She grinned widely. "It's okay to sleep with your dead twenty-something wife, but not with a girl exactly the same age who is _alive_."

"How can you even think of letting another women take your place?" he asked, moodily.

"You never smile anymore," she whispered.

Sighing heavily, he pulled her closer. "How am I suppose to smile when you aren't here?"

"She could make you smile."

He kissed the top of her head. "Fine," he huffed. "What do you want me to do? Take her to a movie?"

Shaking her head, Lucy said, "No, take her to our place on the beach. Teach her to surf."

"But–"

"You need a surf buddy," she interrupted him, smiling brightly.

"Okay," he whispered, "I'll take her surfing."

"Good," Lucy said, smiling softly and kissing his cheek one last time before she was gone with a tiny little _click_.

* * *

_Thank you all so much for reading. I do hope you enjoyed, and please review. I do love to hear from you. --Summer_


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